It was no surprise that Kodachi didn’t like being left out, although her shift in topic caught some by surprise. “Ranma-sama, could you perhaps use your divine favor to rid yourself of that redhaired harridan’s presence?”
Ukyou looked surprised at realizing what she meant. “Could that have cured your curse instead using it for this?”
Ranma waved it away. “I prefer dealing with my problems myself. I only called it in on this one because that genie was more their jurisdiction.” Letting that sink in for a moment, the young man advanced on Kodachi. “...and like we’ve explained, that’s just my female form. The first time we met was when you were attacking the Furinkan team and I asked you to stop. You ambushing the regular team like that was why I ended up getting roped into being your opponent.”
Kodachi backed up slightly, feeling a bit intimidated by having him lecture her. “That’s just the redhaired harridan’s influence on...”
The annoyed young man cut her off before she could get worked up to full steam. “You don’t even have a name for her that isn’t mine. Besides, that nickname is getting annoying, the red hair comes from my mother, so it feels like you’re insulting my mother every time you say that. Not to mention you make it sound like I do perverted stuff with my girl form.”
As Kodachi was for once momentarily speechless from her Ranma-sama’s venting, Akane rolled her eyes and broke the tension. “Just give up, she’s a delusional idiot just like her brother.”
Ranma relaxed a bit, having at least gotten a chance to vent, which was somewhat rare for him as it wasn’t particularly manly. Turning around, he glanced at Cologne. “Well Granny, that fix things, or do you have a new plan for forcing me into marriage?”
Shanpu pouted at him as things seemed to be going somewhat downhill now. “Please don’t be so upset with honored elder grandmother. It was merely the simplest solution to our situation.”
The young man rolled his eyes at the violet-haired girl’s attempt to pacify him. “Yeah, funny how me marrying someone is always the solution. Who gets married in high school? ...and a big freaky group marriage where Kodachi gets to molest everyone? That might have actually been worse than getting married to that freak Picolet.”
Seeing as Ranma was actually talking so Kodachi at least could hear, Ukyou spoke up in concern as well. “Are you okay Sugar?”
Getting a wave of concern over the link helped calm the young man down enough to collect himself. “Yeah, sorry. Kinda got some stress built up from having so many voices shoved into my head. I think I’ll go get some peace and quiet now.”
Shanpu attempted to say something, but suddenly having her mindlink end meant she’d have to translate it into her clumsy Japanese. Ranma slipping out of the shop didn’t give her time to figure it out, leaving the four girls somewhat awkwardly standing around the room without their central pillar for support.
After watching Ranma leave, Ukyou turned to Akane. “You know anything about that Picolet deal?”
Akane frowned in thought as it was one of those times where she didn’t quite understand Ranma, yet they hadn’t really argued either. “Picolet Chardin, our fathers ended up in debt to his family on their training trip, so he had his pick of us daughters to marry. He also beat Ranma in an eating contest at school. Ranma turned into a girl and went for the bridal training in our place to learn his secrets.”
The setup out of the way, she grinned ever so slightly as she got to the freaky part. “Besides some very freaky bridal training involving a steel corset, their secret was expanding their mouths and tongues so they could swallow any food whole without being seen, which Ranma wasn’t interested in learning. He developed his speed training instead, figured out a technique and beat Picolet in a rematch. If Ranma had lost, they would have been married, but Ranma won the right to refuse and the mess went away.”
Ukyou had been vaguely aware of this, at least the parts that happened at school, but Shanpu had never heard of the whole mess. “Airen almost marry strange man?”
Akane nodded in sympathetic disgust for Ranma. She’d understood easily enough that while Ranma wanted to beat Picolet, it was at least partially about protecting her sisters, not that they had a clue what Ranma had gone through during the bridal training. “Yeah, he’s the kind of freak that kisses a girl by swallowing her head.”
Seeing as they were all in one place, Ukyou decided to broach an obvious topic. “...maybe we should talk about what to do with Ranchan now?” Gaining their attention, she spoke up again as no one else took the chance. “It’s kind of obvious Ranchan isn’t really happy with this situation.”
Akane shrugged. “He got the mindlink fixed, so we’re not being forced into a group marriage anymore.”
The chef felt a bit exasperated at her classmate missing the obvious issue. “Not that. He’s got cute girls that like him and he doesn’t enjoy that? Even I will admit Shampoo isn’t that bad, so why doesn’t he enjoy dating her? or me?”
The tomboy rolled her eyes at how clueless the hussies were about the topic. “Because you’d use anything to force him into marriage.”
Kodachi put a hand over her mouth as she laughed at their misfortunes. “At least I have never been so crude in showing my affections for my dear shy Ranma-sama.”
Akane rolled her eyes in annoyance at having to deal with a Kuno for this long in one go. No wonder Ranma needed a break. “You means besides poisoning, blackmailing, kidnapping and extorting him into spending time with you? You’re the worst one here by a longshot.”
Their argument was cut short as Ukyou butted in to clarify something. “Speaking of which, what all sorts of stuff has happened to Ranchan that would make him shy about being with us?”
The youngest Tendo glanced at her in curiosity. “What sort of stuff?”
Ukyou gestured vaguely. “You know, people forcing him into marriage and stuff. You’ve only known him a year, so it can’t be that much.”
Akane paused, then started glancing around and twitching her fingers as if counting. After a moment of that, she got her schoolbag and pulled out paper and pencil. As she continued filling in the page, it became obvious that not only were there well over a dozen offenders, but most of them were repeat offenders. Some took Ukyou by complete surprise. “Why the hell is Ryouga on that list?”
Even Akane looked vaguely uncomfortable recalling that, which was surprising as she was normally so supportive of the guy that Ukyou tried to hook them up when she could. “I dunno why he wanted Ranma, but from what I heard about it later, he used something called the Koi Rod to make Ranma fall in love with him. Ranma was pretty upset about it afterwards, but he spent a few days in love with Ryouga.”
Making a mental note to beat the answers out of Ryouga next time she saw him, Ukyou hesitated before asking about another odd one. “What’s Tea Ceremony supposed to mean?”
Akane hummed as she tried to recall that one, as it was rather more amusing, even if she’d only caught the end. “Ranma got bride napped by some tea ceremony heir to have a match with his arranged fiancee and stop the engagement. Turns out the other girl had sent a trained monkey in her place, but when she finally showed up in person he agreed immediately. Ranma wasn’t too bothered since he’d apparently learned some interesting techniques, although I don’t see how.”
More than a little stunned, Ukyou looked over the growing list, some of the people not even having names to go with their offenses. “That many?”
Akane shrugged, a little surprised herself once she’d started trying to sort them all in her head. “Just the ones I know about, it’s not like he talks to me.”
Even Kodachi was impressed by the severity of the situation, as their contribution was rather small even if Akane wasn’t listing herself, plus the realization that her brother was on that list. While she would disagree that her own attentions were unwanted, it was a bit of a shock to realize how small a proportion her attentions were compared to everything on that list. The presence of her brother on the list and no red-head brought her to a question she partially dreaded. “How many of those are men that... desire Ranma-sama’s female form?”
Akane started circling names, starting with Tatewaki Kuno. “That pervert, that one, that one, that one, that one, that one, that one annnd that one. Except Ryouga, he doesn’t seem to care if Ranma is a guy or a girl... sooo, yeah, that happened.”
Shanpu was really beginning to regret her lack of linguistic ability. “Airen have too many troubles.”
Getting over her shock, Ukyou realized the problem was outside of her scope to deal with it. She’d have to try and focus on something that could be tackled. “Well, I spent a day with Ranchan’s thoughts in my head, so I know he’s not thinking about anyone that way... which is a problem.”
Akane rolled her eyes at the thought. “How is him not being perverted a bad thing?”
Ukyou levelled a cool look at her in return. “I know you get bothered by the idea of him getting friendly with another girl, but how about him becoming a celibate monk? If the luckiest guy in school with multiple girlfriends turns out like that, what does that say about you?”
Even Kodachi was now displeased with the idea, on many levels. “That would be entirely unacceptable.”
Shanpu pouted, partially because she couldn’t contribute intellectually to this conversation very well. “How we make better?”
The brunette chef pondered it for a moment, having already puzzled part of the issue out. “We can’t turn Ranchan off, we gotta make it be something nice. I think that means we stop fighting each other.”
Akane huffed and annoyance at the thought. “You wanna encourage that jerk to date other girls?”
“I do actually like him, so yes, I want him to have love and joy instead of misery and annoyment. Besides, that would mean I get more dates too.” Ukyou glared at the slightly shorter girl. Normally she didn’t mind Akane, but the little princess didn’t realize what a privileged position she had most of the time. “As I recall, the fathers pester Ranma to be with you and ignore us. Are you happy with them treating you like you’re that terrible?”
The Tendo girl was shocked for a moment as that barb struck her in new unexpected way. “What do you mean by that!”
Ukyou smirked, knowing she’d just realized something interesting. “You claim you’re not interested in Ranchan, but you let your father badger him into being yours. Why don’t you just do it on your own, whether you want him or not?”
Akane calmed down a bit as it became clear Ukyou wasn’t being mean, merely crossing her arms in annoyance. “Hmph, like I want them bothering me or Ranma?”
Ukyou humphed herself, although with some amusement as she realized she might actually make some progress. “Then say so! I’ve haven’t been over that much, but I know they don’t respect Ranchan, but if you tell your father he’s disrespecting you as a woman and that it should be your choice, he should listen. You are from a martial artist family after all.”
Akane paused for a second before thinking of a counter-point. “Well, what are you going to do if he actually gets perverted with Shanpu?”
Having been on the sidelines with Kodachi as the two girls most familiar with Ranma argued, the violet-haired girl looked expectantly at the brunette chef to see how she responded. After a moment of thought, Ukyou made her decision. “So be it, as long as she isn’t taking advantage of him or doing something underhanded. Guys are supposed to be experienced so they can be good lovers. After seeing what runs through Ranchan’s mind, I don’t think we could get something going even if I did get him into my bed.”
Kodachi raised an eyebrow, somewhat amused by the direction this had taken. “Yes, I do believe Ranma-sama needs remedial sex education. It’s unseemly for a man to refuse an invitation from an lovely lady.”
Seeing that Akane was about to object, Ukyou grinned at her as she prepared the finishing touch. “What, you want him to approach love like his father? Clumsily do enough to make one kid, then bugger off for fourteen years to leave his wife alone and still do a terrible job raising Ranchan? I’m sure if you two ever do figure out how to make a kid, you’ll really love missing out on your only child’s life.”
The picture she’d painted had perhaps been too vivid, as Akane actually looked a little ill at the thought. Realizing she’d made her point more than well enough, Ukyou set about outlining the positives. “We spent the afternoon worrying about having a big group marriage, and the worst part of that was having that pervert,” the chef gave Kodachi a cool glare, “in the group.” The brunette shrugged. “Shanpu is nicer than I thought. I wouldn’t be that bothered if Ranchan was making love to her some nights. If she used a love potion or blackmailed him or something, I’d royally kick her ass, but otherwise I don’t see why he shouldn’t enjoy having us love him. The whole marriage thing is a mess, but we can have love before marriage. Hell, we should have love before marriage, I don’t want some empty marriage where he just wanders off to do whatever.”
There was a bit of silence after Ukyou finished her rather passionate little rant, allowing Shanpu to speak up in agreement. “Shanpu agree to fair love, Airen should be happy to have much love.”
Ukyou smiled slightly at the Chinese girl, pleased to have someone agree with her, even if she wasn’t too sure what she was saying. “No offense Sugar, but how about we talk about it when Ranchan is around to mindlink us again so I can understand you properly?”
Shanpu nodded pleasantly in turn, bouncing slightly in place as she tried to contain her energy. “Mhmm, Shanpu agree, much good to have good understanding.”
Unwilling to admit that Ukyou might have a point, at least yet, Akane took this as her chance to leave. “Well, I’ve got homework.”
Kodachi followed her shortly after. “Mhmm, yes, without Ranma-sama here this is no longer quite so amusing, so I shall take my leave as well.”
With the room clearing out, Ukyou nodded pleasantly at Shanpu. “Alright, we’ll talk about it some time when we have Ranchan to help. I’ve got a shop to open after all.”
With the crowd clearing out, Cologne broke the silence as they had their own restaurant to run. “Well, that was interesting. Muku-dono never fails to amuse an old lady.”
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(Posted Tue, 21 Oct 2014 04:11)
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