"What does that mean?" asked Naruto.
"A weapon that is sentient, able to respond to questions and provide you information."
"Really? So it can teach me better than Kakashi-sensei?" asked an enthusiastic Naruto.
"Hey now," protested Kakashi.
"Yes."
"That's AWESOME!" reacted Naruto.
"By the way, you two. I already know you woke up despite the admittedly minor sleep charm I threw on you earlier. You might as well stop faking it."
"Actually I thought this was just another dream and was trying to dispel it," said Sakura as she sat up.
"Hmph," agreed Sasuke.
"Not that I believe you're what you say you are," noted Sakura. "I read about how gods don't actually exist, they're just a primitive concept developed for ignorant masses mainly as a control measure. So this is some sort of prank by a ninja, probably not Naruto though as this is a bit too detailed."
"Okay. Here."
"Wha-" began Sakura, her voice giving out as the scenery around them changed and rather drastically at that.
Kakashi looked around them. "Okay. This is hell, isn't it?"
"Sakura! Why did you send us to hell?!" asked Naruto.
"KAI!" tried Sakura.
"So this dome is some kind of protective field?" asked Kakashi.
"Stabilized pocket of space-time. It's possible to do this as a jutsu, though you'd need to work on your chakra reserves to manage it. Why? Would you like the technique?"
"Yes, that would be nice," admitted Kakashi.
Pop! went a little puff of smoke that dropped a scroll into Kakashi's hand.
"And no. This is simply your world, but roughly four billion years previously. The Hadean Era as I've heard it called."
"Just some genjutsu, watch," said Sasuke, walking outside the bubble.
FWOOM!
"AHHH!" Naruto reacted. "Sasuke burst into fire and died!"
"Would everyone step together towards him so that the bubble moves?"
Kakashi, Sakura, and Naruto did - then stood around looking at the heap of burned and glowing bones.
"And - raise dead."
Poof!
"AHHHH!" screamed the naked Sasuke.
"There we go. Good as new."
"That hurt!" indicated Sasuke.
"It took less than a second for your body to reach a temperature of two thousand four hundred degrees. Your body is not constructed for those temperatures, the air outside this bubble is poisonous to you, and frankly this area is going to get hit with another hunk of rock in another eight minutes."
"It's kind pretty with all the molten rock and the meteors streaking through the sky and all," noted Naruto.
"Yes, it does have a certain aesthetic to it, doesn't it? Just look at it in another billion and a half years."
Blur
"Archaen Era. Middle of it."
"Kinda dark, except for all the lightning," noted Naruto.
"Okay, how about... now."
Blur
"ROARRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!" indicated some large carnivore.
Sakura stared at the naked Sasuke. Sasuke frowned.
Naruto noted that Sasuke was still naked, and Sakura was still staring and very red. "Uhm."
"Oh. A tyrannosaurus rex. We're lucky. This is a particularly robust specimen."
"It can't get us here, can it?" asked Naruto.
"Clothes," indicated Sasuke.
"Oh no. If someone stepped outside the bubble, that would be a different story."
"Clothes."
"Now. Let's see-"
"Clothes."
Poof!
"WHAT THE HELL?!"
Everyone looked at Sasuke.
"It's a clown suit," noted Naruto.
"This isn't right," complained Sasuke.
"Picky isn't he?"
Poof!
"I mean regular clothes for me! Not a mini-Kakashi outfit!"
"Okay, well, back to this 'Intelligent Weapon' concept," said Kakashi, wondering what Gai would do if he saw this.
"Ah, right. I was considering something like this."
Blur.
The temple reappeared around them.
Pop!
A spear appeared in front of them.
"Forged at the heights of the Elven Courts to be a symbol of their power and wisdom. The enchantments woven throughout so complex that the whole became sentient. With a touch it drinks in chakra and disrupts the most subtle of sorceries."
"What's the catch?" asked Kakashi.
"Well, it was never actually used that much by the Elven Courts because the sentience is rather fond of smacking people upside the head for being rude. A very courtly mannered spear, you see."
"Maybe not," allowed Kakashi.
"What could something like that teach him anyway?" asked Sakura as she tried not to stare at Sasuke who ignored her and just continued changing clothes.
"Elvish language, Elven weapons techniques, some elven magic or elf-jutsu."
"Or maybe just elf court protocol?" asked Kakashi. "Not sounding that useful."
"Can I at least put it in the 'maybe' pile before you reject it out of hand?"
"Perhaps," said Kakashi.
"Goody. Okay, how about THIS one?"
"Greetings," said the girl who'd abruptly appeared.
"She's a weapon?" asked Naruto.
"Yes," said the girl.
"Ninja?" asked Kakashi, familiar with the ninja-as-weapon concept if disagreeing with it.
"Artificial Life Form," said the girl.
"How exactly are you a weapon then?" asked Kakashi.
She demonstrated, seeming to turn into white light before flashing over to Naruto, who was then holding a shortbow.
"Oh, so this is a bow that fires arrows that home in on a target," said Naruto, holding the bow and nocking an arrow that formed in place. "Like this?"
"Bow-style weapons are something a samurai uses," noted Kakashi. "It's not really appropriate for ninja."
"You don't seem to have that problem with katana."
"Well, an actual katana is also more samurai but it does have a certain practical quality," allowed Kakashi.
"Fine," grumped the god.
"Awwwww," said Naruto as his bow faded out.
"Maybe."
"Too bad you can't just add a brain," mumbled Sasuke, having gotten dressed.
"I suppose I could turn Sasuke Uchiha into a Slayer. That hasn't been done too often."
"Oh?" asked Sasuke, intrigued.
"What's a 'Slei-ya'?" asked Kakashi.
"The Slayer is a title. Got the description here somewhere. Ah."
"Into every generation, there is a chosen one. One girl in all the world. She alone will wield the strength and skill to stand against the vampires, the demons, and the forces of darkness; To stop the spread of their evil and the swell of their numbers. She is the Slayer."
The various ninja all considered that as the voice faded out.
"So - stronger?" asked Sasuke.
"'She'?" asked Sakura. "'Girl'?"
"So I could be one of these 'Slayer' types?" asked Naruto.
"Troublesome," summed up Kakashi.
"How much stronger are we talking about?" asked Sasuke.
"If you don't like the weapon concept, I can always try something else. Maybe... this one."
WHAM went something landing on the floor of the shrine.
"COOL!" indicated Naruto.
"What IS that?" asked Kakashi.
"Summons are okay, right?"
"Well, yes," admitted Kakashi.
"A set of six summons, with the usual in-genre unlock and such conditions, would also be okay, right?"
"You were saying 'intelligent weapon' and this is that how?" asked Kakashi.
"My word, are you normally this rude?" asked the feathered reptile. "Which of you mammals is this 'prophesy child' in need of some instruction?"
Sakura and Sasuke pointed to Naruto rather than draw the attention of the huge predator to themselves.
"I say, you are a bit of a scrawny one, aren't you?" asked the reptile/bird/thing. "In any case, I rather fancy myself quite the expert on glyphs, runes, and magical writings and can probably show you a thing or two."
"It's called 'fuuinjutsu' in this world, Chauncey."
"Hmmm, well, it operates by the same principles though?" asked Chancey, cocking his head in such a way to better examine his potential student.
"I repeat my question, what exactly are you?" asked Kakashi.
"Oh, quite, quite. I, dear fellow, am a Professor of Magical Writings at the Keshtaa University in Lower K'krakis."
"On an Earth where the asteroid impact never wiped the dinosaurs out, one branch of Troodon eventually developed intelligence and magical aptitude. Chauncey here is from that world."
"Oh, and where oh where are my manners," chuckled Chauncey. "Here I am meeting entirely new species and I'm afraid my enthusiasm for this project just entirely overwhelmed me. My name is Chauntreu Vethka Sashiru Naga. Of the Varu Nai Naga to be sure. And you are, my potential student?"
"Naruto Uzumaki, pleased to meetcha! Dattebayo!"
"There are MORE of these?" asked Kakashi, indicating the three meter and change creature with feathers and claws and a vest with little brass chains leading into pockets.
"I said six didn't I? Each from entirely different universes, each with a different thing they can teach him."
"I say, elder-god-thing?" asked Chauncey. "These 'others' - they're also from entirely different universes from my own. Might one suppose that they are also as fascinatingly different from my young student as I myself am?"
"Yes. However he would have to get a lot better at both pulling forth required amounts of chakra/mana/magipoints and maintaining such things to be able to summon more of you at once."
"Ooooh. That IS something to look forward to then," said Chauncey.
"I haven't agreed to this, and as Naruto's sensei and superior officer, I'd have to," said Kakashi.
"Oh," said Chauncey, sounding quite disappointed. "Do you mind if I look around the yard whilst you negotiate or whatever mammals and multiplanar entities do while finalizing such agreements?"
"Go ahead. That way at least someone is enjoying this experience."
Kakashi paused as he detected a fair amount of annoyance showing up in the voice of something that could apparently rewrite reality on a whim. That was not a particularly promising development.
"Very well, Kakashi Hatake. Maybe THIS will meet your approval."
Poof!
"Cuuuuuuuuuuuuute!" declared Sakura, who might be the top-rated kunoichi of her class, ardent pursuer of Sasuke Uchiha, and trying to be a serious ninja most of the time - but she was also a girl about to turn thirteen who was confronted with something cute and fluffy.
"Urf!" indicated the dog.
"Intelligent?" asked Kakashi.
"URF!" indicated the dog.
"The Inuzuka clan already has dogs and I'm sure they wouldn't appreciate competition," indicated Kakashi, though he thought dogs were actually kind of nice to have around.
FWOOOM!
Kakashi was a jonin. As soon as the cone of flames had started emerging, he was elsewhere.
"Now now, Arcanine. I'm sure that mean old Kakashi wasn't ready to dismiss you entirely out of hand."
"Actually, yes I was."
"Yipe!" indicated the Arcanine as it vanished.
"Awwwww," complained Naruto. "Why?"
"Would a Ponyta be more acceptable?"
"No, Konohagakure has enough trouble being taken seriously as a ninja village without anything that cute being associated with it," said Kakashi.
"There's a rule in your secret ninja handbook about that?"
"Good guess," said Kakashi.
"We have a secret ninja handbook?!" asked Sakura. "Why haven't I heard about it?"
Kakashi, Naruto, AND Sasuke all responded in the same flat tone. "Because it's a ninja secret."
"Obviously," followed up Naruto.
"Well, you ninja DO like secrets. Ah. I've got it. Perfect. There's no way you can say no to this."
Kakashi opened his mouth, fully prepared to say 'no' just because that sort of comment practically demanded such a response.
An elaborate kunai formed in the air, marked with sigils. Wood shot up from the floor, forming a shaft that enclosed the end of the kunai. Chains formed, further linking kunai to shaft and forming a spiral that went a third of the way down that shaft. A metal ring formed at the end of the chain, and then put curved spikes out. Finally leather grips and a copper cap formed in the appropriate places.
"No," finished Kakashi.
"Oh come on. Try it out."
"What's this one do?" asked Naruto, reaching for it until Kakashi forcibly stopped him.
"Each section has to be unlocked, but each section allows you to summon a different teacher. The first one, the spear tip, allows you to summon the Fourth Hokage."
Kakashi abruptly went stiff as the implications of that went through him.
"The Fourth Hokage? But he's dead, isn't he?" asked Sakura.
"He was sealed in the stomach of the Shinigami. This would just summon his astral image, a ghost if you prefer, who could then advise Naruto on a number of subjects."
"That's pretty cool too!" exclaimed Naruto.
"I really don't think this is a good idea," began Kakashi.
"After your control is a lot better, the chains would allow you to summon Kushina Uzumaki to advise you on clan techniques and fuuinjutsu."
"I really don't think this is a good idea," said Kakashi. "Maybe one of those earlier ones wasn't so bad."
"The ring allows for the summoning of the spirit of the last master of the Uzumaki clan from Uzushiogakure. The wooden shaft - the First Hokage, who was married to an Uzumaki by the way. And the cap at the far end, well, let's let that be a secret for now."
"So that would let me summon TWO Hokage to advise me on how to be an awesome Hokage?!" asked Naruto.
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(Posted Tue, 07 Jan 2014 09:24)
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