B-domf!
Iruka facepalmed, by this time a purely automatic gesture. "You should let me finish stating the assignment."
"Oh, touche," said a duplicate of Iruka that happened to have a huge sword strapped to his back.
"Besides, I don't own a sword like that," pointed out Iruka, aware of what Naruto was TRYING to get him to say and determined not to give the straight line opening.
"Ah, you should," said the duplicate. "Nothing says 'You better be quiet you little brats' better than a big-honking-sword."
"Fail," said Mizuki.
"What?" asked Naruto and Iruka.
"The task was to copy you," pointed out Mizuki. "I see at least three major differences."
"Oh?" asked Iruka, checking out the copy of him. "Other than the sword, which was apparently intentional, what are the differences?"
"Your facial scar is from right-to-left, where Naruto has it as left-to-right," said Mizuki. "Then there's the whole hand-gestures-thing. Naruto uses hand-gestures when he talks. You don't. Finally, look at the number of pockets on your chunin vest."
"Hmmm, okay, it's a pretty good henge, but I'll have to go with Mizuki on this one," said Iruka.
"Gee, thanks," said Mizuki, voice dripping with sarcasm.
"Eh?" asked Iruka, not having heard that.
"Just clearing my throat," said Mizuki.
"Oh. Well, let's see your substitution," said Iruka.
Fwip!
"A single hand seal, and no smoke, VERY good," said Iruka, looking past a startled Hinata at where Naruto was at her spot in the line.
"A fluke," grumbled Mizuki.
Fwip! Fwip! Fwip! Fwip!
"Naruto, stop doing that," said Iruka as Naruto used the Replacement technique to play a form of musical chairs.
"Oh okay," said Naruto, going back to his original position.
"That passes," said Iruka.
"I'll let this pass, though you WERE supposed to replace yourself with a log," said Mizuki.
"That leaves bunshin," said Iruka.
POFF! went a Naruto-clone.
"Why do you insist on doing a female version of yourself, with fox ears and a fox tail?" asked Sakura from her place in the line. "Can't you take anything seriously?"
"No, he can't," answered half the class.
"Geez, you guys know me that well?" asked Naruto.
"Troublesome," said Shikamaru.
"Annoying," said Ino.
Choji just shrugged and munched on some chips.
"Heh," said Kiba.
"Rowr roff ruff," said Akamaru.
"I do NOT," said Naruto to Akamaru.
"Rowr rowl," replied Akamaru.
"That was just ONCE," argued Naruto.
"Fail," said Mizuki.
"I have to agree," said Iruka. "You're not gender dysphoric, are you Naruto?"
"I can't even spell that," protested Naruto.
"Naruto, there's a way you can still graduate!"
"Cool! What is it?" asked Naruto, wondering why this guy (who was usually sneaking glares at him) was actually being helpful.
"There's a scroll in the Hokage's Tower," said Mizuki. "If you can learn one technique from it, you'll be able to graduate."
"You mean the kinjutsu scroll on the second floor, the one they keep in the safe, behind the autographed first edition run of the Icha Icha series?" asked Naruto.
"Ah," managed Mizuki. "Ah, yes. That's the one."
"Okay," said Naruto. "Any technique?"
"Ye-yes," said Mizuki. "Any technique. I've marked the place you're to meet me at, and I'll take the scroll back after you demonstrate the technique."
"No sweat, piece of cake, ummmm - cake," said Naruto, momentarily distracted by the fox's craving for sweets. "Okay!"
"Right," said Mizuki. Finally he just shrugged. If some kid that seemed as scatterbrained as Naruto did in class could actually accomplish this, then he'd just eliminate the monster at the end of things.
"Naruto, I found you!" said Iruka. "What did you mean stealing the scroll!"
"Oh, this? I didn't think anyone would mind," said Naruto, putting the scroll aside to clear a spot on the picnic blanket he'd spread on the roof of some woodcutter's cottage. "Want some cake?"
Iruka facepalmed. "Why?"
"Because it's good," said Naruto, reaching for the improbably large picnic basket. "All light and fluffy and swirled with vanilla and hazelnut-"
"No," said Iruka, still facepalming. "Not the cake. Never mind the cake."
"But it's good cake," said Naruto.
"So, Iruka, you found him!" said Mizuki, stepping out onto a branch.
"Hang on, Mizuki. Naruto, why did you steal the scroll?" asked Iruka.
"I didn't steal it, I just borrowed it," protested Naruto. "Mizuki-sensei said that if I learned a technique from it, I could graduate. I learned THREE! So can you pass me straight through to chunin?"
"No," said Iruka, still facepalming. "Mizuki? Why?"
"Because I'm betraying the village and going to kill that eyesore and take the scroll," said Mizuki.
"'Eyesore'?" asked Naruto, pouting.
"You got rid of the orange jumpsuit," admitted Mizuki. "That would get you a couple of points. But your current outfit?"
"What's wrong with it?" asked Naruto. "I mean, orange is awesome and all, but I think I look pretty spiffy in blue."
"What kind of ninja wears a Hawaiian shirt with red parrots?" asked Mizuki.
"I like it," grumped Naruto. "Hinata said it brought out the color of my eyes."
"Cargo shorts and flip-flops? What are you supposed to be - a ninja with a monster inside him or a beach bum?!"
Iruka found himself forced to go to the double-facepalm. "Mizuki. That's forbidden."
"So what?" asked Mizuki. "I'll tell him the secret of why he's still hated by nearly a quarter of the village! You, Naruto, are the demon fox that destroyed the village!"
Crickets began chirping in the silence following that proclamation.
"Yeah, so?" asked Naruto.
Iruka broke off the facepalm to stare at Naruto. Mizuki also stared at Naruto.
"What, you thought I didn't know that my father used the shinigami pact jutsu in order to split the Kyubi into Yin and Yang halves and sealed half into me?" asked Naruto. "What, you think I'm a complete idiot?"
"Yes," admitted Mizuki.
Naruto paused, then shook his head. "Walked into that one, didn't I?"
"Well, now I'll just kill you and take the scroll," said Mizuki.
"Nah, here ya go," said Naruto, hefting the scroll and tossing it to Mizuki. "In exchange, let Iruka-sensei go."
"Uhm," said Mizuki as he caught the scroll.
"Naruto, you mustn't give him the scroll!" said Iruka.
"I just did," said Naruto, then opened the picnic basket. "You sure you don't want any cake before you go running to Cloud with the stolen scroll, Mizuki-sensei? It's a long trip."
"What makes you think I'll let any of you go?" asked Mizuki, hefting up a fuma shuriken.
"Oh well, I guess we're outta time then," said Naruto, who then looked up at Iruka. "You'll want to stick around, Iruka-sensei. There will be cake!"
"Cake? The cake is a lie!" said Mizuki, figuring Naruto was going for a weapon in that basket. It's what HE would have done after all. He threw the large shuriken.
Pitang!
The large shuriken hit the ground well short of the target.
"It's not a lie, I made it myself," protested Naruto.
"How did you..." Mizuki's voice trailed off as the door of the cottage opened.
"Sad," said the Hokage, as he looked up from the door of the cotage.
"Indeed," said Ibiki as he stepped out from behind a tree.
"Can I play with him?" asked Anko Mitarashi before she licked a long knife in a suggestive manner. Though admittedly the suggestion there was Mizuki wouldn't like the game.
"Mizuki, you idiot," said Tsubaki as she walked out of the forest alongside four ANBU.
"Oh. Hell." Mizuki felt his stomach dropping down to below ground level.
"Soon," said Ibiki pleasantly. "I promise."
"Great!" said Naruto pleasantly. "So who wants cake?"
"How..." Mizuki stared at the boy.
"I'm a ninja champion of justice," proclaimed Naruto. "Trickery and misdirection are just ways to get there."
"He didn't even notice that what you tossed him was a giant scroll containing the secret recipes of Happy Ninja Fried Chicken," noted the Hokage.
"WHAT?!" shrieked Mizuki, who checked and found that indeed that WAS what he had in his hands.
"Substitution jutsu while you were tossing it to Mizuki?" asked Iruka who thought about it and could now figure out when it had been done, but it had been such a smooth execution at the time it hadn't registered.
Naruto just shrugged as he started pulling out little paper plates and plastic forks.
Meanwhile, Naruto had learned:
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(Posted Sun, 26 Jun 2011 16:36)
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らんま1/2 © Rumiko Takahashi
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