Ranma wasn’t quite certain what to make of this unexpected visitor. “So, uh, am I supposed to know who you are?”
His mother paled in response. “Ranma! A little respect, please…”
The lanky man, however, brushed this off. “It’s all right, my dear—I’ve only just gotten off the plane, so I’m still unwashed and somewhat slightly dazed at the moment. Jet lag has a way of stripping away pretensions. In any case, to answer your question, Mr. Saotome, I am David Bowie, and I’m going to assume from your reaction that you don’t listen to much rock music.”
“You’re a musician?” Upon receiving an nod, Ranma turned his attention over to his mother. “Don’t tell me you’re trying to impress me because you know some foreign celebrity.”
“Er, no. You see, Ranma, in addition to his career as a musician, Mr. Bowie is also… ah, rather highly placed in a certain section of society.”
“Huh?”
“You can just tell him, love,” Bowie remarked. “It’s not a particularly well-kept secret anymore.”
“Oh. Well, in that case, Mr. Bowie is the Sovereign.”
“The Sovereign? You mean that weird floaty head on a screen in the DVD?”
“It’s a computer generated hologram,” the rock star explained. “And as the highest-ranked member of the Guild of Calamitous Intent, I wanted to personally thank you for choosing our services. As I’m sure your mother has told you, we can provide you with all the super creeps needed to supplement your scary monsters.”
“Is this something you normally do?”
“Oh, I assure you, there are many protagonists who use our services to hone their skills to prepare for greater threats.”
“Actually, I meant sending the guy in charge to meet up with a new superhero.”
“Not usually, but I would be remiss not to in this case.”
“I’m really that important?”
“Well, that’s part of it, but it’s also a personal favor for your mum.”
“Why?”
Nodoka elected to field this particular question. “Well, Mr. Bowie arched me for a brief time about twenty years ago, while my primary nemesis was on maternity leave. We had a fairly good relationship when he wasn’t on the clock, though, and we’ve kept in touch ever since.”
This seemed a little strange to Ranma, but then again, he was on fairly good terms with Ryoga, so maybe there was something to it. “I, uh, think I get it.”
“So, do you have any questions for me?” It wasn’t often that the Sovereign played the role of reference librarian, but as he’d stated before, the Taiyohime was a bit of a special case.
“Actually, yeah. Uh, you know how one of the things you do is keep ordinary lowlifes off my case?”
“Of course.”
“Yeah, well, I, uh, sometimes get into fights with other martial artists as part of my training—this isn’t going to get in the way of that, is it?”
“Certainly not. The Guild is well aware of the importance of rivalry in martial artist subcultures, and we wouldn’t dream of interfering. I assure you, we would not be the preeminent name in antagonism if we couldn’t tell the difference between genuine opponents and all the madmen that would otherwise bother you.”
“Cool. So, when’s everyone gonna start showing up?”
“Well, normally, they’d be already be lining up, however, given that there has apparently been some… difficulties in the transition of power from your mother to you, we have advised the hopeful candidates that arriving before sunrise tomorrow could sour their chances to gain your favor.”
“Thanks. Well, it’s been nice talking to you, Mr. Boeing, but I’ve got to meet up with my sidekick, so I’ll have to ask you to talk with my manager if you have any more business.”
“Of course. I’ll need a name and contact information.”
“Her name’s Nabiki Tendo, and you can contact her by walking into the family room.”
Bowie’s eyes widened when he heard this. “Nabiki Tendo?! I must say, that explains quite a bit…”
“Huh?”
“Never mind. Thank you for your time, Mr. Saotome.”
“No problem.”
It was relatively late when Ranma returned from the Nekohanten, but Akane was still in the living room, apparently waiting for him. “So… you’re back.”
“Yup,” Ranma replied, even as he wondered why Akane was bothering to make small talk.
“How’s Shampoo?”
“Well, she’s really excited about tomorrow.”
“I see. So… did she decide on a costume, then?”
“Oh, yeah. Looks nice—she decided to go with a skintight bodysuit that kinda matches mine—only hers is purple, with a little bit of that dark bluish-purple in certain places…”
“Indigo?” Akane proffered.
“Yeah, that’s it. Also, instead of stopping at the shoulder, her sleeves go all the way to her wrist, and she doesn’t wear gloves. She’s got some nice boots, though. Oh, and she decided to do that circle thing on her chest like mine—shows about as much cleavage, too.”
“Oh,” Akane said, sounding mildly disappointed.
“Are you okay?”
“Well, you see… it’s… it’s nothing. Never mind.”
“Oh, for crying out loud!” Ranma and Akane turned their heads to see a rather irritated Nabiki glaring in their general direction from across the room.
“Is something wrong?” Akane asked her sister.
Nabiki rolled her eyes. “Yeah, you’ve forgotten that you’re talking to Ranma, which means he is never going to pick up on any of those ultra-subtle hints you’re trying to drop.”
“What hints?” Ranma asked.
“See what I mean? You’ll never get a straightforward answer from him unless you ask a straightforward question. Now stop trying to be so understated and just spit it out already.”
Akane shifted her weight nervously. “Well, I… um, please don’t laugh, but I was sort of hoping that… maybe I could… help, you know?”
“Help? What do you mean?”
“I think she wants to be another sidekick, like Shampoo,” Nabiki said.
“Akane? Is that true?”
Ranma’s fiancée nodded sheepishly.
“Well, why didn’t you say so? Of course you can be my sidekick. The more the merrier, I say.”
“Really? The Amazons aren’t going to have a problem?”
“Nah—they’re pretty laid back when you actually get to know them. Besides, I’m pretty sure this will hold back some of the loons that try to kidnap you all the time. I’m just a little surprised that you’re interested.”
“Why?”
“Well, you seemed so hostile when you were talking about costumes with Shampoo, so I thought you wouldn’t want to wear something like that—and if you go through with this, you are going to have to wear a bodysuit.”
Akane sighed. “Yeah, I know. And I suppose it’s going to have a cleavage window, too?”
“That’s looking like it’s the theme. But I’d better call Shampoo—she’ll have to pull an all-nighter to design and stitch together a costume for tomorrow morning.”
“Tomorrow morning?”
“The villain tryouts, of course. If you’re going to be my sidekick, I want you there, and in full uniform. In fact, you should probably spend the night at the Nekohanten to make sure the costume fits properly.”
“You’re sure Shampoo won’t have a problem with this?”
“Even if she does, I’m the Taiyohime, so I can pull rank on her. But she won’t—she loves doing this sort of thing.”
“So, that’s it? You say I’m your sidekick, and that’s that?”
“Not quite, sis,” Nabiki said as she produced a bulky stack of paper. “You’ve still got several contracts to sign.”
“How’d you get them ready so fast?”
“I took Shampoo’s contract and replaced her name with yours. It’s not too difficult with modern word processing software.”
“That’s not what I meant.”
“Oh, I see. Well, it was obvious to me that you wanted in, and anyone who knows Ranma could tell that he was going to say ‘yes’ if you ever got up the nerve to ask him, so I printed this all up ahead of time.”
Akane sighed. “Sometimes I forget how good you are at this. Let me get my hanko.”
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(Posted Thu, 17 Nov 2011 06:41)
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