"Hi, Nabiki."
Nabiki stared.
Akane blinked. "Um, Nabiki?"
Ranma laughed. "I wondered what it would take ta shock her."
Nabiki shook herself out of it and glared at Ranma. "You want me to call your debts in?" she snapped.
"I'm broke and you know it," he shot back. "'Sides, you're smart enough to know that's done." He flicked his pigtail. "After this, anything you bring down on me hits Akane, too. And you don't put family at risk."
Nabiki scowled but nodded a moment later. "You're right, I don't." She sighed and looked back at her little sister, who was towering over her as a half-feline woman. Kuno would pay her a fortune for a picture. Not just overpay, Nabiki was fairly certain that a five photo spread would pay their bills for a year.
Nabiki looked Ranma over. “So what, only half a dose for you?”
“Huh?” Ranma asked.
Nabiki waved at his hair. “New style, but you're not fuzzy.”
“Oh. Nah, we got hit the same.”
“What?” Nabiki asked.
Britanny put herself square in the middle of Nabiki's line of sight. Nabiki flinched back from the towering catgirl. “Watch,” Britnny instructed. A few moments later she was human, looking up at Nabiki. “Satisfied?”
Nabiki blinked rapidly for several seconds before her brain rebooted properly. She sat down heavily. “I think I need to hear the whole story.”
“It's a hell of a one,” Ranma said. “Even by my standards.”
“You weren't kidding,” Nabiki grumbled. “Dammit Saotome, do you have any idea what it will take to fix this?”
“That's why we called you in,” Ranma said.
Nabiki ran her hand through her hair. “And you don't even know how they're different from other weres?” she asked Theo.
“Not...completely,” he admitted.
“Ugh,” Nabiki sighed. “Spin doctoring is ten times harder when you don't have all the facts.” Which wasn't to say it was impossible. Nabiki allowed herself a groan and felt her head hit the table. She was not herself a betting woman – the gambling she arranged was always hedged solidly to make her money no matter what. But with something this big, this obvious, and this paradigmatically relevant, she was pretty sure she was playing the wrong side of the odds.
“Spin what?” Akane asked.
“American phrase,” Nabiki said. “Basically, it means we need to take what happened and phrase it in a way that won't cause all-out war between the fiancees.”
“The who?” Gina asked.
“Later,” Akane said. “New problem first. Old problems later.”
“Good idea,” Nabiki agreed. “The problem here is that we don't even know exactly what we're really phrasing. It's like trying to fit something into a box, but we have to pick out a box before we know how big the thing is.”
“So we go with the biggest box we've got,” Ranma said with conviction. “Um...what does that mean?”
“That means being as vague as we can,” Nabiki said. “That only works for a smokescreen. Vagueness invites questions. We don't want anyone thinking too hard about this.”
“That...doesn't sound likely,” Gina says. “This is...kinda...big. And obvious. And weird.”
“I turn into a girl,” Ranma reminded her.
“You're both right,” Nabiki interrupted. She sat up, a few ideas falling into place making her think this might not be a fool's errand. “If this had happened to anyone else, there would be no hope. But it happened to Ranma Saotome. He attracts weirdness as a matter of course. Give it a day or two and the only people that will care are the Kunos.”
“Who?”
“Don't ask,” Ranma groaned.
“Right,” Nabiki said, getting attention back to what she was saying. “The real problem is that Akane had the same thing happen to her. Everyone will take note of something that happens to both of you at once.”
“Yeah, we figured that out,” Akane grumbled. “Ranma demonstrated with Ryoga.”
“So we say it happened because of Akane,” Nabiki finished, a small smile appearing.
“So we...wait, what?” Akane yelped.
“Simple, little sister. If something happened to Ranma, and also happened to you, people will assume it happened when you were together.”
“Right, we know that, that's the problem,” Ranma grumbled. “Get to the point.”
“Simple. If something happened to Akane and also happened to Ranma, what is the assumption?”
Ranma thought about that for a minute.
Ryoga was just completely lost.
Kasumi put her hand to her mouth. “Oh my. I suppose it would mean Akane was kidnapped and Ranma went off to rescue her.”
“And Kasumi wins the prize,” Nabiki said with satisfaction. “If we say that Akane got into trouble on the training trip, everything will fit into that expectation. Any consequences will be shrugged off by people just happy they aren't part of Ranma's life like Akane is.”
“And the fiancees?” Ranma asked.
“Will try and use this to prove that they're less trouble than Akane is,” Nabiki mused. “They're already pushing that they're better martial artists, cooks, whatever, so not much change there.”
“We still have to deal with the Kunos,” Akane pointed out.
“Why?” Nabiki challenged. “I've dealt with Kuno-chan longer than either of you. As far as you two are concerned, he'll blame Ranma no matter what. At best, he'll try to rescue you and cure the spell Ranma put on you. At worst...the usual.”
“I think I'd rather deal with the usual than his attempts at a cure,” Akane said, shuddering briefly.
Ranma nodded in agreement. “Kodachi'll be the same, right?”
“She'll focus on your girl side as the culprit, but yes,” Nabiki said. “But she's crazy enough that anything is possible.”
“Great. How do we get this started?”
“We, Ranma, meaning you and Akane and me, don't. I get started as soon as I get back to Nerima, preferably a few days before you do. I'll be spreading rumors that Akane ran into some kind of magic cat and you tried to rescue her. Don't do any of this shifting stuff in public until we know more; we have to take this slow. Um, anything else I should be aware of?”
“Silver,” Gina, Britanny, and Theo said simultaneously.
“What's wrong with silver?” Nabiki asked.
“Short version, it'll mess you up bad,” Britanny said with a grimace. “Just touching the stuff is asking for trouble.”
“What kind of trouble?” Akane asked warily.
“The quickly lethal kind,” Theo said seriously. “Silver is a very magically important metal. For weres, mere contact burns you down to the soul. Skin contact hurts but isn't outright dangerous. Get it in below the skin, though, like on a knife or so help you a bullet, and without quick, trained, and specific attention you will die in short order.”
Ranma, Akane, and Ryoga all blanched at that.
“So Akane is not inheriting Mother's jewelry,” Kasumi mused. “I'll need to put away a few heirlooms.”
“And I have to figure out if it will be more or less dangerous to keep that a secret,” Nabiki groaned. “Probably should get that out in the open, but what if Kuno comes at you with a silver katana? Or Mousse?”
Ranma turned to Britanny. “Just touching silver would hurt?”
“Worse than fire,” Britanny confirmed.
“Okay, yeah, that would be a problem,” Ranma agreed.
“And then there's Cologne,” Nabiki said.
“Wait, let me guess. In the past three thousand years of Amazon lore, they know exactly how to fight were-cheetahs,” Akane grumbled.
“Wouldn't surprise me at all,” Ranma agreed.
Gina blinked. “You guys know Amazons?”
Nabiki smiled slightly. “Remember last month's journal?”
Gina frowned a moment in concentration. “Strangers in the Mountains of China? Yes, I was going to swing by the 'Musk' and ask if they knew anything about werecreatures.”
“The Amazons live near 'em,” Ranma added. “An' you don't want to go to the Musk. They'd probably kidnap you to make you a bride or something.”
“They'd what?” Gina asked, surprised.
“Nabiki didn't really see that much of the trio that came out here, but yeah. They're girl-happy,” Ranma said with a shudder. “Especially given your, ahm, er...”
“Breasts,” Ryoga supplied, blushing heavily.
Akane malleted him idly. “Pervert.” She looked at Ranma and tried to decide if he was being perverted, too.
“Yeah, what they said,” Ranma agreed.
Akane decided to err on the side of caution. So she malleted Ranma, too.
“Cross the Musk off the list,” Gina recommended.
“Yeah I'm just going to burn the list,” Britanny muttered.
“What about silver compounds?” Nabiki asked suddenly.
“Huh?” Britanny asked.
“Well silver is an element,” Nabiki pointed out. “If silver alloys are so dangerous, what about silver compounds?”
“Mostly safe,” Gina said. “The reactive properties are unambiguously tied to electron cloud distribution. Molecules including silver atoms should be neutrally reactive, with a theoretical tipping point in the upper-ninetieth percentile of silver by atomic mass. Any sufficiently pure compound would decompose into silver and impurities almost instantly so that's a moot point.”
“Okay,” Nabiki mused. “Can I get a lift back to Nerima? I need to prep the field.”
“Not a problem,” Theo said. He lifted his hand and flattened his palm against the air, pushing open a return portal to Nabiki's bedroom.
Nabiki nodded. “Thank you. Sis, Ranma, stay out of the cities for at least a week. And try and call before you show up, just to be safe.”
“What about Ryoga?” Ranma asked.
Nabiki looked at the were-pig. “I don't care,” she said emotionlessly. Ryoga flinched. Nabiki turned her back and left before her cruel smirk forced itself into her expression. After all Ryoga had put her little sister through, the realization of his own insignificance was just the start of Nabiki's revenge.
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(Posted Sun, 19 Feb 2012 05:48)
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