While Ranma was undergoing both a gender-identity crisis thanks to the Japanese Legislature, as well as his standard crisis of wondering WTF he did to Akane and the school girls to be mad at him for—last he checked, he didn’t get a vote in the Diet, but knowing his Pops, he possibly could and was simply never told about it—another event was going on.
7:00 am...
Nodoka Saotome sat at her home, by herself, and prepared to read the newspaper, while eating breakfast.
7:02 am...
“WHAT THE FUCKING HELL!?”
Needless to say, her response was much more measured than Soun’s.
Nodoka read through the paper again... she then read through the main article and front page headliner a third time. When the newspaper decided to be a right unmanly bastard and not show the woman what she wanted, she forced to face the fact.
The Japanese government was now declaring her child be a daughter instead of a son. They would want him to have a child!
...
......
...Granted while that WOULD make for a grandbaby the Saotome Matriarch would be sure she could help raise into a perfect grandchild... the fact was such would mean her manly son would be on his back for nine months, unable to make more children...
There... THERE WOULD BE A NET LOSS OF GRANDBABIES!
Paper shaking in furry, Nodoka slowly lowered it, eyes filled with the fires of Hell—and not the nice levels of Hell, either, such as New Hild. No, these were the fires of the bad side of Hell, where the lawyers and other associated ills of society hung out at.
How dare they? How DARE they usurp her decision!? Had she not declared her son a manly man!? Had she not waited dutifully with her contract, waiting for that time!?
Had she not done her duty, and not deserved to have her dreams of multiple grandbabies—legally, mind you due to the first part of the law—only to have it yanked from her in the final part!?
No! This would not stand! This would not stand at all
“PIIII~EEEEEEEERRRREEEEE!!!” was the roar from the kitchen that reverberated throughout the entire household, causing the window panes to tremble.
Within moments, n older white-haired, black handlebar-mustached Frenchman in black suit and bowtie slowly walked into the area where the Mistress of the House had been taking her breakfast; tray with the lady’s medications and a glass of water atop held in his grasp. “You hollered, Madame Saotome?”
Nodding her head firmly, Nodoka turned towards her manservant. “It would seem I need to go on a Rampage.”
The butler nodded. “Shall I prepare the hunting kimono or would you prefer military fatigues?”
Tossing the paper behind her, Nodoka considered her options. Munching on her meal—a Rampage required lots of calories and victims to burn—she considered her options.
Hitmen? Effective, but it would not get them to undo what they had done. Perhaps after her manly son was sanctioned once again by the Japanese Government, just to... nail her point.
Explosives? Same problems and benefits as the first option, but with the thrill she got from blowing shit up.
Subtle threats, harassment, and mental engagements with those far her inferiors in all things?
She sulked for a moment. Damn it, I never get to use the ‘Blow-Shit-Up’ option! Her friends were right: you could never recapture your college days once they were gone.
Noticing the familiar expression on the face of the Kamiya Fortune’s Heir, the French Butler politely told her, “Madame, if you want, we can purchase some M80’s and Panda Teddy Bears on the way to the firing range and you can blow them up when we arrive.”
Considering that for a moment, Nodoka sighed. No... no... it just wasn't the same without the screams of terror and the sounds of carnage. “Thank you, Pierre but no thank you... we need not go that far.”
“Very well, Madame,” the gentleman’s gentleman replied. “Now, about your medica—”
He was interrupted as the woman continued. “Just get my formal kimono ready, sharpen the family sword, get the treated silk to wrap it with, and bring me... the phone...” she growled.
That made the man raise an eyebrow. “Shall I prepare your prank call slippers?” he inquired of the lady. Hopefully, he wouldn’t find five-hundred pizzas in front of his door...
Again...
Nodoka shook her head in response to that. “No, no... I shall use my incredible mind to solve this problem before me!” she said with a confident tone.
The good butler nodded his head in response. “Then shall I make it your drinking slippers?”
The woman started to nod her head, only to firmly shake it suddenly. “No; for this, I shall be entirely sober.”
He winced. Man, someone was about to get their shit fucked! “Very well, Madame...” Pierre said slowly. “I shall sharpen the family sword, get the treated silk to wrap it with, and retrieve the phone for you post-haste.”
“...And bring me a cookie...” Nodoka’s eyes narrowed dangerously. “Oatmeal.”
The Frenchman dropped the tray, causing the glass of water to break and the woman’s pills to go rolling. She... she HATED oatmeal!
Well, hopefully he wouldn’t be needed to hide any bodies... again. He rather liked that about his current employer.
7:15 am...
“Kiki, does your son still work as a security guard at the National Diet Building in Nagatachō, Chiyoda, Tokyo?” Nodoka asked into the phone.
“...”
“No, the gay one.”
“...”
“And have you read the paper this morning?”
“...”
“And now, do you know how many Jusenkyo cursed males there are in Japan that change into girls?”
“...”
“No, the other one left for Las Vegas as a female impersonator.”
“...”
“No, your son was dating the banker.”
“...”
“Kiki, can we get to why I called. I can’t say I much care about what your pet butterfly did today.”
“...”
“Oh for the love of—FINE! Your son did look nice in that pink button-up shirt he wore in the family Christmas Photo you sent out last year. Now do you mind getting me in touch with him?”
“...”
“No! Not like that! I know he's playing for out team and wouldn't enjoy it! I may be a MiLF but I have my priorities!”
“...”
“...Was that a challenge?” Nodoka lowered the phone and looked over her shoulder. Her hand covering the mouthpiece with her hand, the heir of Kamiya fortune screamed, “PIERRE! ANOTHER OATMEAL COOKIE!”
8:45 am...
“And now, Ichi,” Nodoka started, standing beside the security checkpoint. “As your mother here just stated, please let me pass without a scan, as I have important business of a political nature.”
The tall guard merely gulped, looking between the odd redhead with a bundle that looked very suspicious and his mother, who was glaring at him with a newspaper in his hands.
Just his luck! The other guard who was supposed to be working the entrance with him had called in sick that morning. So now the question was, if he let her in, would it stop his mother from the rant he just knew she was preparing, or if he didn’t allow her in, would it derail that rant for another?
Damn it! Why couldn’t his family leave him alone like most families did when you came ‘Out’ to them!?
“...Ichi-chan...” the brunette with a rolled up newspaper said in a very serious tone.
Taking a deep breath and mentally bracing himself for the Pink Slip he was certain to see later this day—not the one his boyfriend got him, the one that meant you were fired—Ichi lowered his head in defeat and stepped aside, motioning them forward with his arm. “Welcome to the National Diet Building. I hope you enjoy your time here and find it a fulfilling and rewarding experience.”
Leaving the guard to be questioned by his mother if he knew any lesbian couples wishing to have children via him, Nodoka made her way inside. As it was almost nine in the morning, inside a government building, she knew where she was headed.
For the dirt on politicians, ask their secretaries. Those fine ladies who were almost always underpaid, overworked, and sexually harassed on a daily basis by men who had guts weighing more than them.
To find anyone working in a government building at this time, simply head to the break rooms, and pick the one with the best smelling coffee coming from it.
9:15 am...
“Are you sure you only need some dirt on these specific members?” asked one vengeful helpful secretary.
“Just the ones that proposed the ‘Baby Boom Bill’ and supported it, plus any who added riders and amendments,” Nodoka responded, looking over the mounds of data that had been sent wirelessly to her iPad—for the blackmailer on the go!
“But what about if the others do something equally evil?” said secretary offered.
“...Cloud it for me,” Nodoka growled. Oh yes, best to be prepared. Never knew when they might make other stupid moves! Why... they might dare set... a grandbaby limit!
If those bastards tried to limit her to five per mother, she would see blood spill! BLOOD WOULD SPILL FOR THE BLOOD GOD!
The secretary nodded her head. “I can understand why you’re upset. Why, there’s even talk of them keeping it to straight ethnicity laws—where only those of the same provinces can get together...”
Nodoka’s eyes flashed. Only pure Japanese babies and none from any other? Yes, Japanese babies were best but there were Kitsune and Nekotama and... foreign women! Her many son would only be allowed Japanese!? By the Kami, even she got tired of having Japanese every day! It was why she didn't begrudge him that violet-tressed Chinese girl!
“Give me everything you’ve got...”
10:00am...
After enjoying some coffee, catching up on gossip, and going over her itinerary for which politicians to mentally scar first, she simply decided to go by who voted first.
Thus, her first stop: Midachi Tsukino.
“I understand your concern,” Midachi replied, pouring the sulking Nodoka some tea—denying the younger woman her Rampage. “I mainly supported it for several reasons. While I will get some major support on the Bills necessary to help the children and all, as well as some work in my district, I did it because the recent scares have kept my granddaughter from the man she’s...” the older woman paused. “...Um, I guess ‘stalking’ is the right word,” she finally admitted.
Watching Nodoka drink her tea, the Dietwoman continued, “What’s more, I am beginning to wonder if my grandson is even interested in women! He has a part-time job with his father, and the boy talks more about color schemes, lighting and proper attire than girls! What teenage boy does that!?”
Sighing as she drank her tea and ate a small sandwich, Nodoka mentally took the name off her list: how could she be mad for someone wanting great-grandbabies?
Midachi sighed as she set her own tea cup down. “I will admit this though... I helped set forth the last aspects of the Bill because it was brought up on the floor by one of my fellow Dietmen... the way they described it, they made it sound like were NUMEROUS Jusenkyo-cursed individuals in Japan; at least five in the Nerima Prefecture alone.”
“Oh, there are,” Nodoka admitted. "But only ONE turns into a womanly woman... and that is my manly man son."
Well, technically, ‘were’ was more appropriate. She wasn’t sure where the Amazons had moved to after that encounter with the Occupy Nerima movement for peace. Damn hippies! Weren’t they supposed to believe in NO firearms!?
“Really?” Midachi asked.
Nodoka nodded her head firmly. “My son is the only gender-cursed one in all of Japan.”
Midachi raised an eyebrow. “But what about—”
“He’s in Vegas now,” the Saotome Matriarch was quick to answer.
“...Huh... well I’ll be damned,” Midachi mumbled. She’d have to check her Facebook page for actual messages and updates more often.
11:00 am...
After Midachi, it was the offices of one Tai Hakumada.
And once again, her Rampage was halted.
“And once there, ask for the Red Queen’s Special,” Nodoka continued. “After a few weeks, you’ll be a proper sub.”
It was no fun when they enjoyed the pain.
Noon...
Nodoka bounced around in her seat, enjoying the beat, as she, along with the other secretaries were enjoying lunch.
The delivery man was up on a table, gyrating to the beat, as the women screamed in joy.
It was nice to see some delivery drivers knew how to earn the really large tips.
1:00 pm...
“I’m telling you, Saotome-san, my hands are tied,” the Dietman told her. “We would have to hold a special vote, and to do that we need the signatures and the agreement of over half the Diet... and that’s not even mentioning getting them to agree to a date to hold a new vote.”
“But... my manly son is being legally called a woman!” Nodoka wailed. “No greater crime has there ever been before or ever shall be, Keishin Tenoh!”
The Dietman snorted. “You want to talk about great crimes? My daughter—who I swear SHOULD have been born my son—can finally legally marry her girlfriend... only now she’s practically breathing down my neck to get rid of the aspect where to do such she’d have to have a baby! If I can’t help her, do you really think I can go out of my way to help your son!”
Staring at the nameplate on the Dietman’s desk—trying to regain her cool. Yes, no need to slaughter this fool. He had already failed as a parent when his child refused to provide grandbabies! At least her manly son had a legitimate excuse, such as school, age of consent, and the fact that he had yet to determine a way to satisfy all the urges of the females pursuing him, without them getting angry about the others.
Of course, he didn’t say such out loud, but a mother knows...
The Dietman looked at the redheaded woman. “It’s a shame that my daughter only wants to be with other girls...” he said slowly. “If only there were some way for her to be with a feminine body that could get her pregnant...” he said in an whimsical tone. “To find out I'd be a grandfather, I’d go far out of my way, above and beyond the call of duty to make sure this girl... or even man legally defined as a girl... had life go much smoother for him...”
She narrowed her eyes—not at the apparent blackmail attempt, but just to keep up the illusion that he had any power. After all, she had the sword, and enough skill to make any death look like an accident.
Even her son and husband didn’t know how skilled she was. After all, every wife needed an easy out that a Court of Law would buy.
Right now, it just meant she couldn’t give him a card about her manly son’s qualifications. And surely her manly son’s curse would help him seduce lesbians.
Sitting back up, the Dietman replied, “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have another appointment I need to get to. Those, “Japanese Flags for Orphans of the Plague” Campaign isn’t going to get itself signed.”
“...So you'll get them flags but not the proper guardianship? What’s going to lift their spirits in this world we leave them?” Nodoka demanded to know.
“...Flags...” Dietman Tenoh said as if that explained anything.
Nodoka slowly nodded. “Wow,” she muttered. “You really suck at this, huh?”
Dietman Tenoh just blinked his eyes at that response.
“I mean, you started off strong, but then you tend to sink the deal with your exit plan to try and make me agree quickly and without thinking. I mean, if I supported orphans from the Plague, then you would have set me more onto the path to destroying you, and ensuring your manly man daughter never continues your family line.”
Picking up her sword, she checked the lines of the silk on it, before continuing, knowing that Tenoh was watching her. “Had you also considered who I am and the resources at my disposal, you would have also realized that I would be able to easily afford a challenger for your position, and leave you so destroyed during the campaign, you would be lucky to have a job, that requires you to ask if your customer wishes to super-size their meal.”
Turning back to the now-pale bad-parent, Nodoka just smiled. “Now, do sit; so that we may discuss our... issues, and see how best to resolve them.”
She prayed he ran. She needed to vent her Rampage!
Yes, “Rampage” was an emotion...
...
......
Shut up!
But as such might be detrimental to her cause, mentally scarring this poor noob and getting her son lesbian pussy would have to do.
The Dietman stared at the woman. “Honey, I’ve seen my daughter’s ‘friends’... two of which are descendants of fellow members of the Japanese Diet. After what I’ve seen them do—ESPECIALLY Tsukino’s granddaughter—death isn’t that scary a threat anymore.”
Nodoka waved him off. “And unless any seemingly magically acquire the water I have had on backorder, or your daughter rubs them the right way and gets the Iron Man of Sperm, you would still need my help! After all, I have the last Jusenkyo-cursed-Drowned-Girl manly man in Japan.”
Tenoh blinked his eyes once, twice. “What about—”
“Don’t any of you check Facebook!?” Nodoka growled.
The member of the Diet shrugged. “Sorry, MySpace man, myself.”
“...And you wonder why your child hates you...”
2:00 pm...
“Ma’am, I can understand your frustration, really I do...” the Dietman said as he reached for a bottle of Midol on the corner of his desk. “Hell, my own daughter called this afternoon to chew my ass out—I spent my entire lunch break trying to calm her down. I wasted all the time not eating as I had to let her know that, yes, daddy will pay for her medical bills should anything arise so she can hold off having children as long as possible.”
His eyes narrowed. “That’s just how it is, Saotome-san. And I know you’re of similar financial standing. If you want to protect your son that bad, do what I’m doing with Rei. Send him to a private college and pay medical out of your own pocket and to HELL with everyone else! Fuck, with the way the law is going, you could get him into a Private ALL-GIRL’S College legally! Imagine if you will, one boy, amidst a sea of impressionable horny women!”
Eyes narrowed, Nodoka said, “Dietman Hino, I’ll give you this... you’re the shrewdest politician I’ve talked to today... but DO NOT try and tempt me!”
The man nodded. “Yes, I imagine it is quite the temptation. Why, I hear, many of those girls are sent there for fear of their fathers, that they will fall to said temptation of male genitalia. To place the proverbial wolf-in-Prada-wool there...” he smirked.
Schooling her features, Nodoka nodded, fighting the urge to agree with him. After all, she could still send her son to such a place, even if he was declared manly. Most schools only checked to see if the ‘girl’ had proper plumbing, not what a birth certificate stated.
Instead, she went on the offensive. “Yes, would Mochi agree?” she asked.
He paled for a moment, but Nodoka didn’t give him time to recover and strike back. “Well, he has been on about wanting to meet your daughter. Perhaps we can have him ask her a... great... many things,” she cooed.
The Dietman twitched. “How the hell did you even meet Mochi?”
“Lunch at the Break Room,” Nodoka cooed. “I must say, it’s nice of the Diet to spring for pizza delivery for the employees... and nothing goes better with pizza than a nice beer... and you know what they say, ‘there’s truth in wine’...”
Hino twitched. Just his own luck that he refused to dine with the man. He didn’t want to appear suspicious, but now... “Oh?”
“He had a great many things to say when asked,” Nodoka continued, forgetting to mention—on purpose—that Mochi had been at the moment half-wasted on tequila, and heavily tipping the nice studly pizza boy. “Why, he says he hasn’t yet met your daughter! Now why would you hide such a nice man from her?” she asked, feigning innocence so badly, even a blind man could see through it.
The man twitched. Just his luck, she knew! What more, he hadn’t even told his father yet! How would such a lecher take it that his son preferred outties to innies!? It took him damn near three months to get his wife pregnant: he was NOT having that cover blown so easily!
But to do that...
His shoulders slumping in defeat, the man sighed. “Look... I can try and speed things along to help your daugh—SON’S situation... but the fact of the matter is, you need to get half the Diet’s—that’s twenty two or twenty-three people’s—signatures along with a minimum twenty-THOUSAND Japanese civilian signatures on a petition to even go about changing an aspect of the law, let alone the law entire.”
The heir of the Kamiya Clan smiled. “Well then, it’s a good thing I only need to change that one aspect, isn’t it?” True, that was being rude to the Tendo girls... but first things first! Her manly son needed to get his manly title of being a MAN back!! Let those little hussies of Soun sort their own problems!
“...Quite...” Dietman Hino said slowly. “I take it you’ve been gathering these signatures already?”
Nodoka blinked her eyes once, twice, thrice.
“FUCK!” was the rather unwomanly cry that came from the redheaded matriarch’s mouth. “I knew I forgot to do something while walking around this place!”
Looking over her shoulder, the woman cried, “PEIRRE!”
2:07 pm...
“Please sign this petition and get a free shot!” Pierre called out within the lobby, before the stand he was attending was suddenly surrounded by throngs of people.
3:00 pm...
“Now, I have been very patient,” Nodoka spoke, walking around the office. “I have done my duty to my country, by trying to follow the bureaucratic ways of new Japan.”
She paused, looking around the office, before staring at the knife in her hand. “And in the end, when asked to choose between family—at least, my manly son—and my country.. I am left to ask myself: what should a proud mother do?”
She looked at the tied-up member of the Diet—by her hand, not a Dom’s hand or his own, and flicked her sword about, checking its reflection in the sunlight from his window. “So, I ask, what should a mother, such as myself, demand from the one who would demand her manly son be a womanly woman?”
“And then it hits me: I can try out my new version of seppuku on them, penile seppuku!”
Dietman Jinjiro Hakaai let out a muffled cry from behind the ball-gag. This... this was horrible! The man swore: this was even worse than that one Mano girl who assured him she was on the pill, and then called him a month later with complaints about not going demon hunting or something!
As she brought a tanto closer to his nethers, the Diet member struggled feverishly against his bonds. His wee-wee was in DANGER!
“So, do tell me,” Nodoka stated, as she wondered if the proper seppuku for this moment was to cut across the base of the penis, or the ball sack, before decapitating the ‘lower’ head. “Are you the end of my search, or a did a ‘concerned’ citizen help influence this choice? And remember, I will know if you are lying,” she finished, the tip of her family sword not against his skin.
It was then her mind decided: why not do both!?
The man let out muffled cries and complaints around the ball-gag, unable to give the woman the words she needed to hear. It was just as well anyway, as he wasn’t sure how to answer her and what he was doing was begging for her not to cut off his male bits.
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(Posted Wed, 21 Mar 2012 19:09)
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