[Episode 256276] [Episode 256276]Sitting in a chair next to a table with a few open pizza boxes, Gina was a bit... angry? No, no, not angry... appalled? No, still too firm. Miffed?
Yeah, miffed. She could agree that she was just a tad miffed at the moment. This was her condo, and Ranma was to be her roommate... so what gave his mother the right to invite a dozen or so contractors and movers up to start construction on HER place, even after she already did so much for her son? God! This woman was an absolute control freak!
As desperate as she was to have a guy all to herself, Gina was half tempted to just throw the man-candy out and tell him to look elsewhere if it hadn’t been for three things.
First, was that these men tearing apart the floors, walls, and moving in all kinds of furniture and fixtures were Juuban Contractors. If it wasn't for their history of ‘repairs in twelve hours or less’ that had to be developed thanks to monster attacks, she would’ve been at the shit-hemorrhage stage right there and there when the first group of Korean and Chinese day-laborers came storming in.
Second, no money out of her pocket. In wanting all of this done, at least the Saotome Matriarch was kind enough to not make Gina pay for all of it... and seeing everything that was going in, it would’ve cost her a pretty penny too.
And third... they were turning her balcony into a bar with Jacuzzi.
Plus, looking over at the recently legal beefcake, she had to sigh. He did look so lost, so unsure of himself, so tasty in his boxers as a professional tailor—hired by his mother—was measuring him for outfits from scratch.
“Would you please raise your leg slightly, Madame?”
...Okay, she was getting some new clothes too, but in her defense, it was also free, this tailor was too exclusive and expensive, even for Fifth Avenue, and there was another Treasure Hunter’s Ball coming soon! And damn it, she wanted her puppies not only to shine, but reduce the competition to blind monkeys... and not magically this time.
She’d rather not have to shave her hair off again to feel clean.
Pierre shook his head as he watched the blonde woman sitting in her underwear getting measured. There was just something so... wrong, watching an esteemed educator drinking red wine with... pizza! PIZZA!! Such blasphemy! To think, THIS is what Tokyo University was hiring. It made him shudder to think of the kind of education the Young Sir was in for.
Turning towards the Madame and seeing the woman in swimsuit sitting in the hot-tub, despite the pipes not having yet been installed, the man sighed. Well, the blonde couldn’t do a worse job educating the Young Sir than the Madame herself had gotten back during her own college days.
He knew, deep down in his heart-of-hearts, .001% of all the porn on the internet was of the Saotome Matriarch from her time in college.
How did he know this? What? Did you think he just took the mail directly to her? Fuck no! He had to sort it, decide what bills to send to the financial manager to ensure they got paid, which free samples she might enjoy or try to burn, and what scams to keep her from supporting. As such, he knew the names of each and every ‘adult’ company Madame owned or at least received cash deposits from.
Shaking his head, he turned to the highly embarrassed Young Sir, hoping that when it came time to be forced to serve the young lad to keep his passport safe, that he would be easier to deal with than the Madame.
The doctors had warned him that he might be one of the first butlers outside of a mafia crime family, to suffer from PTSD.
However, even as he considered things that could come to haunt his nightmare’s ten years down the road, Pierre’s reverie was broken as the glasses-wearing blonde spoke up, “Say, Ranma! You going to eat your pizza or what? It’s getting cold waiting for you!”
Turning to look over his shoulders, the pigtailed teen replied, “Believe me! I’d love to! But this guy won’t let go of my boxers!”
The Tailor shook his head. “Because we are not done yet! You may eat AFTER I get a fitting of each abdominal contour to give you the truest ‘fitted’ look!” After all the money he was being paid, he needed to make this look good! With the economy busted as it was, he needed as much work as he could afford to pay the alimony of three ex-wives and his Malibu Beach-House Mansion!
“But...” Ranma whimpered. “Pizza...”
“Ranma, do not upset the tailor,” Nodoka stated, glaring at the construction worker trying to figure out which of the pipes might offer hot water and which offered cold. “He simply wants to—NO CUPPING—make sure you receive a well-defined outfit.”
“The Tailor,” the male grumbled, almost wishing the lady hadn’t paid for the ‘no accidental pokes with the needle’ package. He soo~ooo wanted to poke the guy a few times, maybe keep him still so he could finish.
“But... food...” the boy whimpered. He had priorities and these people weren’t letting him see them through! How could they be so cruel? First no milkshakes and now no pizza? That was Disney Evil!!
The Saotome Matriarch chuckled. “Oh, Ranma, Ranma, RANMA... you should be enjoying the chance to get new clothes for a fresh start! You’re a college boy now. You’re past the worst of the schooling that usually makes every two out of five people in your age group suicidal and take their lives honorably in ritual seppuku. You don’t need to keep your academics up at this point. Just make sure you pass with a respectable C-minus and Japan will be your oyster! This IS a Todai Diploma you’ll be working towards! So as long as you get it, it matters not what the final tally was!”
The older woman’s speech made the blonde educator twitch irritably. “I beg to differ...” Gina grumbled. She was putting her own reputation on the line for this, getting him that GED and writing his name into an unclaimed scholarship. “If Ranma wants to go to college on the school’s own dime, he’s going to need a minimum of a B-plus average!”
Looking back and forth between the two women, Ranma could only wonder what was worse... that his mom was denying him his pizza... or that his roommate expected him to get B-pluses! He could barely get C’s at Furinkan! FURINKAN! And while it was unaccredited, Furinkan wasn’t even the worst school in Japan!
Okay, granted, that was only because of one other school... and it had monsters... daily slaughters... and run by a sadistic priest...
But their baseball team sucked, so Furinkan wasn’t the worst!
But Todai!? How was he supposed to pass a school like that!? It wasn’t like they fought over the one ‘A’ for the class, or allowed brawls in the hallways, or had crazy teachers and what-not!
He knew, Nabiki showed him the video and catalog. There wasn’t even a ‘Pre-’ course listed! It was all sink or swim! And after getting his Jusenkyo curse, he HATED water-associated descriptive terms!!!
Seeing her man-candy starting to sweat, Gina shook her head. She moved her leg, knocking her foot free of the Tailor’s assistant before getting up. She reached into one of the open cardboard boxes and pulled free a slice of triangular carbohydrates topped with a mashed up paste comprised of various solanum lycopersicum produce and further topped with lactose and then dehydrated seasoned circular slices of porcine protein. She walked around the Butler who was making his exit and then only stopped when she was beside the boy being fondled by an older gentleman with measuring tape.
“Here, Ranma,” Gina said as she brought the slide to his lips. “Pepperoni.”
Staring at the little slice of heaven, Ranma fought not to drool, as he didn’t want to blind the guy below him and end up with only one ball in play.
He also didn’t say anything, lest it might come out sappy. He’d seen enough of that on television to know how it usually went.
And this place was real high in the sky; he didn’t want to see how far he’d go.
So, he opened his mouth, and allowed her to insert heaven into it, even ignoring the moan she made for him as he bit into the greasy bit, savoring the flavor...
Yes. This was heaven. No fiancées—unless Gina was one, which wouldn’t be a surprise—no rivals, no worries about his education like his mother wanted, promises to get him in touch with awesome teachers of the martial arts. Yep. This “adult living” thing as something he should have looked into sooner.
Nodoka huffed. While she was glad that the woman was so into her son to feed him by hand—as any good wife candidate should—she wished the blonde wasn’t doing it right now. This clothier was high-scale and high-pay! She couldn’t afford to have the woman throw off not even one of the Tailor’s measurements.
Deciding it would be best to not think about it, as this woman WAS getting her son into Tokyo University on the college’s own yen, the Saotome Matriarch instead turned her attention to the plumbers. “Well? What’s taking so long! I demand my hot-tubing experience before the hour! How else will I know if this model is fine for my manly son!?”
“Well, ma’am,” the man muttered, pulling up his pants—since the lady had taken to habitually flicking toothpicks into his plumber’s crack—he turned to glare at her. “It would be easier if you allowed us to move it to where the plumbing was set up for it.”
“...And miss this view? Are you mad!?” Nodoka gasped. She hadn’t unpacked this thing for them to insist on moving it!
Well, technically, Pierre unpacked it. But it was by her orders, so it was still by her hand.
“Ma’am, the pipe outlets for plumbing extensions are literally the other side of the balcony,” the laborer tried to calmly explain.
The auburn-haired woman huffed in defiance. “But then we’d have to move the flat panel TV and I’m just not willing to make that sacrifice!”
“Maybe not...” the plumber admitted. “But I am.” With that said, he motioned to a couple of his assistants. The two men came towards them and each grabbed onto a side of the hot-tub along with the plumber himself.
“Wuh-WHAT!?” Nodoka cried out as she and her hot-tub were hefted high. “Put me and the tub down this instant! Manly son! Help! These ruffians are going to ruin the feng shui! And feng shui is about the only Chinese thing I am willing to tolerate in my life! Don’t let the bad men make mama completely racist!”
Ranma, for his part, ignored this as the lovely teacher continued to feed him pizza. Oh yes... cheese... pepperoni... hot peppers..
...
...Olives? Ugh. Who puts olives on their pizza?
Ah well! It was hot, it was free, it was tasty, and it was being fed to him instead of the ‘Rice-A-Roni Chow Mein’ he heard Akane promise yesterday that she’d be making for tonight. So overall, it was still a win-win situation.
“...Manly son?” Nodoka asked, as the men moved the hot-tub and her. Damn it, he was just like his father! Ignored the world when fed greasy food that was proof the Gods did not want you to live a long life, because only bad food tasted good!
“Man, this is ‘eavy, grunted one of the men moving the tub.
Her glare now focused on him. “Did you just call me fat?” she asked. “PIERRE!”
Said butler was on the roof, trying to set up the satellite-dish. “How very odd,” he muttered, thinking he had felt a call that he was glad he missed.
Shrugging his shoulders, the only Frenchman in Japan went back to trying to read the directions for installation... published in Spanish.
“Manly son! They called Mommy fat! Kill ‘em like the rest!” the woman commanded. These ruffians besmirched her honor and honor called for blood!
“Mmm... fa~aaaat...” Ranma burbled happily with a bit of drool. Yes. Foods tasted so much better with REAL ingredients like grease, lard, lipids...
Hey! ‘Lipids’! He actually used a word outside his normal vocabulary... and correctly! Boy, he hadn’t even moved in with Gina yet and she was already making him smarter!
Huffing, the Tailor growled, “Sir, turn to the side and—”
He stopped talking as Ranma planted his foot firmly on his face, instead intent to enjoy yummy pizza... even if it did have olives.
Ah well, at least it didn't have any pineapple on it; THAT was sacrilege.
Hey! ‘Sacrilege’! Another big word used correctly! This woman feeding him pizza was making him smarter all the time: best fiancée EVER!
Was she a fiancée, he wondered? She gave him food... she wanted him to live with her... and she had a look in her eyes that warned him to never drop the soap...
He had no idea what that meant, but Hiroshi just shuddered and told him not to go to some movie about guys in a shower.
Either way, she there was a high probability she was a fiancée...
Hey! ‘Probability’! He used another big word! Totally awesome! College life was really helping him a lot so far! And he hadn’t even stepped foot on campus yet! Boy, if things kept up like this, then college was going to be easy!
“Son! Help! Feng shui! Feng shui needs assistance! They’re moving the TV over there and its all wrong! You’ll want to look at the television rather than the sunset!” the Saotome Matriarch wailed as she was being ignored by men who seemed to not give a flying fudge about her social or financial standing, rather they were more interested in, “doing the job right”. Really! What kind of way of thinking was that!? Didn’t they know she had the money so she made the rules?
Nodding his head as he took another bite of pizza, Ranma realized that yes, adult living was the life for him. Why, he was now finding he could ignore his mother like he could his old man... that... that never happened before.
“OW!” Ranma yelped as he looked down.
“I didn’t prick you!” The Tailor said from around the pigtailed teenager’s foot.
Nodding his head, Ranma replied, “I know... but... damn, it’s like something crashed inside of there... like something fell and hit hard.” As he considered the pain, he had to wonder...
...
Did...
Did his balls just drop?
“Aaaaaaahhhhhhh...” Gina cooed as she slowly let herself slide into the bubbling hot-tub. “This... this is the life...” the woman cooed happily. A new hot-tub and mini-bar, a new plasma screen TV with satellite-dish hook-up, luxurious furniture, a trio of new outfits for Explorers’ Society Functions, man-candy... and she didn’t have to pay a single dime for any of it!
Should have come to Japan years ago... the blonde woman thought happily as she let the bubble-jets work her skin. She was thankful she’d brought a swimsuit with her. Granted, she’d have preferred to take a dip in the nude, but you couldn’t rush man-candy. You had to ease them into relationships, especially when you have a decade on them. It was why she didn’t just jump him right away, oh no. She was going to take her time with this one. She’d get to know him, let him get to know her, just first breed familiarity before the act of breeding.
Opening her eyes, the woman smiled. Ah yes, this hot-tube was heaven; and she got to be the first to christen it! Nodoka had wanted to but then Pierre had injected her with yet another syringe of ‘medication’ before she could impale the plumber with his own plunger... and she didn’t get back up.
Only one thing could make this better. Turning to look over her shoulder, the blonde scientist called out, “Say, Ranma. Are you going to join me in here? The water is perfect!”
“In a moment,” he called out over his shoulder, looking at the swimsuits his mother had for him. Is this for a pirate? he asked himself, holding up what many would state to be a thong. He just didn’t see how it could be anything else. The front didn’t look like it’d be either comfortable or cover him, and the back looked like a simple piece of string.
And he knew that wouldn’t be comfortable at all, remembering the wedgies from some of the swimsuits he wore as a girl.
Maybe it swells up in water, or inflates, or something, he hoped as he put on the black thong with a skull and crossbones over the front patch of clothing. It was all he had and while only a little better—if only minisculy so—than going in naked, it was STILL better than simply walking in naked!
“All right, here I am,” the pigtailed martial artist said as he walked onto the balcony. He winced as the woman just gawked at him. “Yeah, I know, I know... not really the best but it’s the only thing I could find that was meant for me and water...” he paused a moment and looked at the bubbling water suspiciously. “That IS hot water, right? You didn’t just fill a hot-tub with soda to give it that bubbling-effect, did you?”
He remembered the one time he dropped into the furo, only to find out Nabiki had been using it to making bootleg Crystal Pepsi. Not only was he stuck as a she and then stuck with sticky stuff in places she’d rather not have thought about, but the damned Tendo Mercenary had the gall to then bill him for the lost home-brew soda!
“Uh... yeah,” Gina waved off, fighting temptation to both just jump him, touch herself, or slide off her bottoms.
Barely.
“Oh, good,” Ranma replied, as he tried to ease himself over the edge of the tub, without either losing his tiny suit, or getting porcelain-burn on his bare backside. He fought back an urge to whimper in joy as he first touched the water, enjoying the soothing heat.
It was truly heaven... without at least offering him a slice of pizza while he was soaking.
Well, he felt so... until he sat down, and a bubble-jet hit the right angle to rip off his banana-pouch.
*THWING*!
*Flop*!
Gina and Ranma could only watch as the mankini hung splayed out against the glass window before slowly sliding down along the surface, leaving streaks in its passing.
Lowering his head, the pigtailed martial artist groaned, “I hate my life...”
That made the woman pause; her hand mere centimeters away from his sausage under the water's surface. She may have been ready to toss all her plans out the window more successfully than the thong had done but there was something about the tone of his voice... a pain that reminded her of something once long ago... tickling a memory of...
First time in the women’s prison showers... Gina thought with a shudder before withdrawing her hand away. Oh yeah, leave it to THAT to kill a lady-boner. “I take it stuff like this happens often?” she inquired, trying to change the subject.
“You have no idea,” Ranma sighed, as he watched his temp-covering finally hit the ground... and get taken away by a bird. “Really, you have no idea...”
Gina could guess, as she watched the bird take off... and fall like a rock, the wet cloth too much to hold.
Then she heard the car crash, the screams of agony, the sounds of fire flickering followed by a rising plume of smoke visible from the balcony, and decided it would be better to focus on the male across from her. “Wanna talk a bit about it?”
Ignoring the screams below, as well as the minor explosion, he took in a deep breath, and figured, ‘what the fuck’. Teachers were supposed to help, right?
Sure. Ms. Hinako Nonomiya never did... nor did any of the other educators he had... but then again, they were teachers of Furinkan High! They could go fuck themselves, just as they had his education.
“Okay, you want to know my problems? Fine!” Ranma huffed. He took a deep breath, letting loose a flood of emotions as he finally got this off his chest to someone. “I spent most of my life on training trips with my father, you know, that whole wandering martial artist bit, learning the ways of the art and honor. Pretty good stuff, minus the old fart engaging me left and right to families for food and other goods, teaching me to steal, starving me so he could fill his own fat gut, and using insane methods of training that, while seriously effective at times, I doubt where things a six-year old should have been attempting, let alone considering! But the worse of these trips was the last one, with the old man leading us to Jusenkyo, a valley within the Bayankala Mountain Range of China. It was a land of cursed springs, where each one turns you into whatever DIED there: my old man, even after getting tossed into the Spring of Drowned Panda and being turned into one, still didn’t figure out what was going on and knocked me into the Spring of Drowned Girl! Since then, I change into a redheaded and buxom girl with splash with cold water—hell, ANY cold liquid! When splashed with hot water, I change back into my true form, but that’s only until the next time I get hit with cold water!”
Lowering his head, the pigtailed teen chuckled pathetically. “And remember what I had said about my old man making engagements to other people behind my back? Well, thanks to an agreement between the old man and his old training partner, Soun Tendo, I’m engaged to Soun’s daughter Akane. And... oh Kami-sama, from there it was a downward spiral of people trying to jump me! Due to my old man or just plain bad luck, I have several girls interested in me, most notably the Chinese Amazon Shampoo who originally simply wanted to KILL me, okonomiyaki chef and childhood friend Ukyo Kuonji, and Kodachi Kuno, the younger sister of one of my creepy and pathetic rivals, Tatewaki Kuno!”
“It...” Ranma continued, despite the look of shock on the blonde’s face. “It doesn’t simply end there! There are still more ladies coming out of the woodwork now and then, and of course, the guys who like them, who blame me for the old man’s stunts! I have so many guys who try to kill me every day merely for existing and... it really doesn’t help the situation.” He sighed. “I know I’m not good at a lot but it’s endangered the only thing I’m GOOD at! Martial Arts is my life. I’m a bit of a braggart about it and whenever my pride as one is damaged, you can bet your ass I’ll go to great lengths to rectify whatever or whoever wronged me! But outside of that?” He shrugged his shoulders. “Yeah, I know I’m not easy to get along with. I can be insensitive and arrogant, and I’m accused of acting out of selfishness like my old man... but I try to be a good guy, really I do. It’s the Martial Artist’s Code; it’s all I got to live by.”
He sighed as he leaned his head back against the rim of the hot-tub, just letting it all out. “And you know what? Even what I’m great at, I’m still flawed. For all my pride as a martial artist, I’m not as invincible as I’d like to believe. I’ve got an extreme fear of cats resulting from when Pops had me go through training at the age of six to master the ‘Neko-Ken’ technique. It’s humiliating but it becomes dangerous when I’m around a cat for too long or when I’m surrounded by too many of ‘em.” He looked ashamed. “When I can’t cope with the fear any longer, I go INTO the Neko-Ken and begin behaving like a cat myself, truly powerful as all the techniques are unlocked. So far, only two things have proven to calm me down, Akane’s presence, or the shock of transforming between genders... so yeah, keep something ready.”
“I... see,” Gina blinked. Wow. Just... wo~ooowwww. And some of her friends thought her life growing up and what it was now were pretty f’ed up.
This man took the cake—though she did wonder a bit what her dad would have done if there had been some single werecheetah males out there...
And then she remembered her sister Britanny’s wedding, and cringed, wondering if that was a ‘dad’ thing, a ‘guilt’ thing, or both men lacked Common Sense.
Come to think of it, such was a super-power now, officially. Common Sense Man was stationed in DC... and Congress put a bounty on his head.
“Well, I think I can promise that this place will be a bit easier on your nerves,” she offered, trying not to sound lame or patronizing.
Ranma chuckled in response. “I hope so...” he said, feeling oddly at... peace? Yeah, he did feel somewhat peaceful. He had no one he could talk to about this sort of stuff before now, and to have her just allow him to do that and not freak out or nothing...
...
“You’re not going to kick me out now, are you?” the martial artist asked hopefully. He’d rather NOT have to go back to the Tendo Dojo. The teenager was sure that once he’d gotten back, Akane would attack him for missing out on a dinner she made and accuse him of spending time with one of his ‘hussies’.
And Gina weren’t no hussy!
Considering the raven-haired male's nervous inquiry, Gina shook her head. “No. You don’t have to worry, Ranma. You can stay here at my condo.” He may have been more of a ‘fixer-upper’ than something she could build from the ground up, but hey! The blonde was never one to turn down a challenge! Besides, it just meant that she could make him fit her properly—both in a clean and dirty minded view of that phrase. He was young and impressionable enough that she could turn him into a decent human being, tough enough to survive the crap that befell her life, and safe from falling for either of her sisters.
...Okay, the last one was probably the most important, but she’d still help him over the cat-fear; maybe deep regressive hypnosis, followed by a room full of newborn kittens...
Sighing in relief, Ranma leaned back, relaxing, and slowing slipping into a peaceful state of mind.
Of course, anyone who’s been in one can tell you, that being totally relaxed inside of an active hot-tub can only end one way: he stated to float.
Going red in the face as she saw the man ‘saluting’ her, the blonde could only curse the most obnscene phrase that came mind. “Great googaly moogaly!” He... oh dear God! He may not have been a werecat—or Stryyp, as Britanny would often attest to—but he was hung! Well hung! Ranma was—no pun intended—horse hung!
Blinking his eyes once, twice, and realizing he was floating on the water, Ranma turned to look at the woman who was to be his teacher... and then back down at his exposed body. “Awwww, crap. Can’t ever go twenty-four hours with meeting a girl before she sees me naked...”
Most women would assume any male who said such a phrase was one of two things: a pervert who loved to flash people or a male-slut—not to be confused with a male werecat, but sometimes close.
After hearing his story—which she would later confirm thanks to a search engine that she had created that made Google look like Forrest Gump—she knew he just tended to have a streak of bad luck.
Come to think of it, I may want Dad to look into that for him, she thought, hoping there was something to do about his luck, but hopefully without ending up with a cursed sister with odd personality swings.
In an old mansion, a mirror sneezed.
Smiling, Gina reached out and tentatively pat Ranma’s head... yes, the one on his shoulders, no matter how much muscle-memory was insisting she go south. “It’s okay, Ranma...” the woman cooed. “I promise you, besides giving you safe harbor and education... I’ll see about looking into things for you. I may not seem like it, but I’m a very influential woman with connections. Now, I might not be able to solve all of your problems, but I can certainly clear a lot of them so you can get ahold of your life.”
That made Ranma blink his eyes once, twice. “You... you mean it?” If she could fix up everything and turned out to still be a fiancée herself, this might be an arrangement he might consider picking up! “You’ve done so much to get me into college and away... but hell, if you can at least get rid of the fear of cats... I don’t know what I could do to repay you.”
A small, rather devious grin appeared on the blonde woman's face. “Oh, I can think of a number of things...” a few of which included more tricks performed with him wearing ‘mankinis’. If there was one thing that Gina learned with her first boyfriend, Kahn, it’s that Asians really did have what it took to make her happy! And with one she could mold into her ideal man... who was she to not give this her all as well!?
Besides, like Kahn, he was well muscled and toned without being bulky, a martial artist, and the right size—height-wise—to give and receive at the same time!
“For now,” she continued, barely keeping restraint over her hormones—which even now, were reminding her she had a working neutralizer in her room so he wouldn’t recall anything tomorrow. “Just enjoy the soak, and we can chat all you want.”
“Really?” he asked, speaking a bit louder over the roar of sirens down below them.
She nodded her head. “Just let the hot water take your cares and worries away...”
*THWING*!
*Flop*!
Blinking, the duo turned, watching as Gina’s own bottom was now slowly sliding down the window.
“...Maybe we should also turn down the jets... just a bit,” she corrected, face flushed with embarrassment.
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(Posted Sat, 15 Sep 2012 23:21)
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