Crescens watched as Lady Gia continued to work with the Dungeon Heart. It disheartened the gaoblin but at the same time, it made her... curious, to say the least. The werecheetah had managed to create some of that moss that the disembodied ghost told her about and had managed summon three more of those imps, allowing the miniscule work-force to start digging into the earth and bedrock. Every so often a few more ‘coins’ of gold would be added to the slowly but steadily growing pile... along with small piles of coal and nuggets of iron ore.
It really was amazing to see Britanny do all this and admittedly, the gaoblin herself would have been interested in learning herself... if it wasn’t for the fact that the power just screamed pure and utter EVIL to her sensitive magical senses.
Plus, there were more important matters at the moment. One didn’t need to be a genius to see the Horned Reaper wasn’t enjoying sitting around... as the hours passed the look of annoyance was growing on his already horrendous features.
Of course, it had been a few hours as well, since her Mistress had created an abomination that the Horned Reaper had killed on sight. So he wasn’t smiling.
Thus, she was torn, because the demon’s smile made her feel even more creeped out.
Britanny, however, was not totally clueless about what was going on with her new power—despite what those anti-cat bitches in high school insisted about blondes of any type, feline persuasion as well. True, she could feel the influence on her thoughts, trying to make her more... well... evil... but she felt she could handle it! After all, those damned G.I. Joe cartoons had always insisted that knowing was half the battle. So to her, it was already halfway done! Now, she just needed to free her and Crescens, return home after looting this place for anything valuable, and conquer the Earth!
Oddly enough, that last bit was in no way related to the Dungeon Heart, more the fact she had always wanted to do that. You don’t bill the ruler of the planet!
So deep in thought was the feline lycanthrope about conquering the world to forevermore be free of creditors, she almost missed when an excited cheer came from down from the expanse of tunnel the imps were working on, the cry getting everyone’s attention. The group turned to see one of the little bug-eyed frail-formed Dungeon Heart constructs running back into the one finished room of the dungeon, crying out, “Schnapple! Schnapple!”
“What’s that, Schnapple?” Britanny asked with a smirk. “Timmy fell down a well?”
The imp was now flailing its miniscule arms. “Schnapple! Schnapple!” it tried, too excited to form real words besides its own name as if it were a goddamned PokéMon.
Smiling, the neophyte Dungeon Keeper bent over, getting a good look at the little bugger. “What? You're saying there’s trouble at the old mill?”
Although his features tended to be blurred and distored due to just how old his spectral presence was, there was no mistaking the smirk on The Mentor’s face... and not just because the way the werecheetah was bent over gave him an excellent view of her shapely spotted ass. “Actually, Keeper,” The Mentor spoke up. “I’m fluent in the tongue of all inhuman minions. What he’s trying to tell you that he found a gem vein. More importantly and unclaimed gem vein!”
Blinking her eyes once, twice, the werecheetah stood up and slowly turned towards the ghostly adviser. “...Say what?”
The Mentor chuckled. “That means for as long as you mine it, you have unlimited cash.”
Britanny blinked her eyes once, twice, thrice. “...SAY WHAT!?”
“You know: gold. Moola. Money. Capitol. In virtually endless amounts,” The Mentor told her. “While a very rare occurrence within the earth, it is something that most Dungeon Keepers and even topside Kingdoms have gone to war over. Due to the magical nature of gem veins and how they react to the traditional alchemical processes, as long as you mine it, you will never run out of gold,” the spirit’s chuckle took a more devious note. “Truly, such an incredibly lucky find for a beginning Dungeon Keeper...”
Horny blinked his eyes, looking at the werecheetah. “Are you... crying!?”
“I’m... I’m just so happy!” Britanny wailed. “I... I always dreamed of having infinite money... but I’d never thought I’d be so lucky!”
Raising one Void Claw lessened into an ether hand to her face, Crescens rubbed the bridge of her nose. While this was truly embarrassing... it was at the same time, very relieving to realize that Lady Gia was still very much herself and hadn’t been corrupted yet.
“Well then,” The Mentor drawled. “Don’t you think you should claim it first?”
“...MYNE!” *ZIP*!
*THUMP*!
“...You can have the imps claim it in your name, at least, until they widen the tunnel,” The Mentor added, admiring the view of the spotted, squirming ass that was jammed into the small tunnel entrance.
Shaking his head, Horny got up from the base of the altar where he’d been sitting and walked over to where his Mistress was currently stuck. Grabbing her by the tail, he yanked firmly.
“GAAAAAAUUUUHHHH!!” the woman screamed as the Horned Reaper held her up by her spotted tail. “DAMN IT HORNY, THAT HURTS! LET GO!”
*THUD*!
“...You didn’t have to drop me...” the werecheetah grumbled from her place on the stone floor.
Smiling that wide, sharp-toothed grin of his, the Horned Reaper told her, “Why Keeper, I merely did as you requested! As your minion, I live to serve! It’s not my fault if you don’t give thorough instructions to your subordinates...” he chuckled as she glared at him.
However, it was a short-lived glare. Getting back to her feet, the werecheetah brushed herself off with her hands. “Oh well! Water under the bridge and all that! I can’t stay mad at you, not when I got imps claiming me infinite cash!” she let out a delighted squeal. “OOOOOOH! I can’t wait to do some shopping!”
Although he liked the jiggle that seemed to travel over the woman’s body as she bounced up and down on her heels in excitement, The Mentor felt it was his duty to remind her, “And where will you shop? Until we find civilization, there’s not much more you can do with gold but room construction and spell conversion.”
Britanny froze, body locked in her last pose of celebration, before she paled, falling to the floor.
“…Lady Gia?” asked Crescens, approaching her.
Blinking her eyes once, twice, the werecheetah firmly shook her head. “Oh, Crescens!” Britanny spoke, as if waking up. “I had the weirdest dream! You were there... and some ghost, and that character from that weird movie about a unicorn dad loves! And I had infinite cash, but no place to spend it! It was horrible!”
“I’m afraid it is true, Mistress,” the Gaoblin offered, as she struggled to hold up her Mistress—who had just fainted again.
“...This is going to take awhile, isn’t it?” Horny asked as he reached a hand over, goosing the werecheetah’s left breast.
Crescens leveled a very mean glare at him.
“...What?” the Horned Reaper asked curiously. “I’m checking for a pulse... and as long as she’s not awake to tell me ‘no’ or punish me with the Dungeon Hand, that’s my story and I’m sticking to it!”
The gaoblin High Priestess continued to glare.
The big red demonic entity snorted. “It’s not like I have the bits down there to go further, so don’t take THIS away from me!”
The Mentor for his part, helped scowl at the Reaper. If he wasn’t going to get a chance to feel up the first real beauty to appear in the underworld outside of a Mistress, than nobody was!
“So...” Britanny said slowly, finally having recovered from shock... and having been out so long that the imps had made considerably progress into the surrounding earth. “I can still spend... but not on anything ‘big’ yet?”
“Correct,” The Mentor replied, having had to change his tactics of coaching a Keeper in room creation: as long as it felt like she was merely buying and not using mana to covert gold and other minerals into stone and much needed items, he could keep her conscious. “You still need gold to purchase a lovely room and other furnishings. Why, I believe you also need to make Horny and yourselves places to rest... as well as a Hatchery to get food.”
“And for the dark beast to slaughter,” Crescens spat.
The big red being perked up considerably. “Too true,” Horny replied. “All work and no needless bloodshed makes Horny... something-something...”
“Well … that too,” The Mentor spoke. “But, as a rule, you need to be developed to a certain level before you can get the big-ticket items.”
Perking up considering, the werehceetah nodded. “I think I get it,” Britanny spoke. “You have to wade through all the crap at the front of the store before you can find the good stuff!”
“...Okay, sure. We’ll go with that,” The Mentor replied. Whatever helped her get it...
Nodding her head in understanding, Britanny cracked her knuckles. “Okay! So how about a Hatchery first?” the werecheetah asked curiously. “I admit, it’s been a long, LONG while since Crescens and I last ate, and I know Horny needs something to kill so he’s more manageable...”
“Very wise decision, oh venerable Dungeon Keeper,” the ghostly adviser agreed. “Now, tap into the Dungeon Heart. Look over your claimed territory and choose where you wish to place said room. Then will it forth into existence!”
Doing as the Keeper told her, Britanny mentally linked up with the Dungeon Heart once more; a deep flare of black and red prevalent within her ether vents. It was an interesting experiencing, looking through the ‘Dungeon Eye’. She suddenly saw and knew everything. She could see where her imps had broken up into pairs; two mining that vein while Schnapple and another broke off and began tunneling in another direction, creating small cavernous areas as they would find mineral deposits and went to work to mine them out. “Hmmm... I think that spot would do.”
“Excellent,” The Mentor replied, pleased to see the dark power flowing throughout the neophyte Keeper. “Now ready your mana and gold and repeat after me: ‘Hatchius Slaughtericus’.”
Raising an eyebrow at the choice of words, it took a moment for the werecheetah to accept that: the Dungeon Heart letting her know such was the appropriate words of power. Deciding she was going to get nowhere until she did as commanded, she took a breath and spoke, “Hatchius Sla—”
“Wait!” Crescens shouted, breaking the werecheetah’s concentration.
As the dark and corruptive influence was severed from the werecheetah for a moment, the ghost frowned. “...What NOW!?" The Mentor shouted, feeling very irked that the corruption of the newbie was being stalled. “Do’'t you WANT to eat? Don’t you WANT Horny to kill something other than you? The longer he goes without killing, the more uppity he gets!”
Snorting in annoyance at the choice of words, the Horned Reaper with a small bloodied derby turned to the gaoblin and replied, “Yes. I may be a cultured Horned Reaper...” he held out his left hand, pinky out for emphasis. “But I still love to k-k-k-KILL!” he snarled. “Do not deny me my want for bloodshed!”
Undeterred, the gaoblin gave both infernal beings an annoyed glare before focusing her attention on her Mistress. “I was merely going to warn my Mistress to be careful. Not only could continued use of this power lead to a level of corruption she might not come back from...”
“It will,” the red demon and ancient ghost responded as one.
“But I was going to warn her to severely focus on concentration, lest we have a major mishap, as compared to what occurred during her attempts to summon an imp,” Crescens added.
Britanny opened her mouth to respond, before snapping it shut and turning towards The Mentor. “She does have a point: how badly effed up can this go?”
Silence answered her for a moment. “...Not too badly...” The Mentor finally replied after some consideration. “At best, you get the room but there’s nothing living there, nothing to eat. At worst, the room fails to come into existence but we have chickens running around, pooping everywhere and poking the eyes out of your imps.”
Pouting, the werecheetah replied, “Well that’s not very nice...” she was kind of attached to those ugly little buggers. Ugly as they were, they were hers!
“Perhaps, Lady Gia, if I may?” the gaoblin spoke up. As the woman whom Crescens had pledged her life to serving turned to give the gaoblin her undivided attention, the high priestess offered, “Perhaps you should try and use some of your own mana first? While I’m sure the Dungeon Heart will give you what you need you DO have your own version of that capability: three in fact. Try retrieving free-floating ether, making it your own mana as you cast the spell. Perhaps you won’t need to use as much of the Dungeon Heart’s and as you’d be using power you’re more familiar with, the chance of success will be far greater.”
Britanny perked up considerably at that plan. “That... that’s a GREAT IDEA!” she squealed as she clapped her hands. The werecheetah turned about towards the Dungeon Heart, once more concentrating on it as she activated her ether vents, the gaoblin artifaccs once again began to glow with a slight cascade of blue coloration that warred with black from the Dungeon Heart.
Raising a blurred eyebrow as he felt a sudden spike in magical might, The Mentor warned, “Keeper Cheetah! The two conflicting powers are great but not entirely compatible. I suggest you stop now before—”
Her eyes flowing with a flaring corona of light, the werecheetah cast, “Hatchius Slaughtericus!”
The very earth shook as a pulse of magic shot through the underground from the Dungeon Heart, the crystalline artifact flaring erratically. The shockwave of the spell was enough to not only knock Britanny and Crescens off their feet and cause Horny to fight for balance but make The Mentor’s presence shift and fade.
It took a solid minute for the Dungeon Heart and to stabilize once more. The Mentor frowned as he looked about. That was considerably more power than needed to create a Hatchery... and furthermore, he noticed more than half of the woman's pile of gold disappeared. “Well, I hope you’re happy Keeper. Now that you see no good can come from you trying to use your own magic through the Dungeon Heart, you might as well give into pure and undalterated evil and—”
“Moooo.”
“...‘Moo’?” was The Mentor’s dignified response. “Did something just ‘moo’?”
Sitting up. Britanny reached behind her, rubbing the back of her neck. “Yeah. I think I heard it too... along with never ending church bells,” she said as the incessant ringing in her ears refused to let up.
Getting to her feet, the gaoblin used her Void Claws to gently pick the werecheetah up and set her on her feet. “Thuh-thanks, Crescens...” the feline lycanthrope replied, reaching out to place a hand on the green-skinned woman’s shoulder to settle herself and keep her balance.
Smiling lightly, the high priestess told answered, “It is no problem Lady Gia.”
“Mooooooo...” came the sound from deep within the tunnel once more.
Turning about to face the entrance that the imps had made, the apparition of advisement did what he did best... give advice. “Keeper... I think it would be best for you to check out your results. Now.”
Needless to say, as soon as Britanny could stand on her own once more, she did as told. Rather than use her Dungeon Eye as the artifact was still settling from the spell, the werecheetah lead the group, the trio following behind her as she made her way through the dirt tunnel—with Horny having to duck to fit through—letting the sounds guide her.
What greeted them was beyond words. The room wasn’t so much furnished as... rustic. Instead of chicken coops, there were wooden fences stuck into the earth; tall grass growing from the floor with the occasional pile of hay. Off to the left was a small pond and towards the back was a large barn with connected stables. Towards the corners of the ceiling were crystalline torches that gave off magical light that mimicked sunlight...
But the important thing was the source. Once more hearing the noise from an animal that gave her nightmarish flashbacks to her time with Charlie—the manager of the fast food place she and her sister had been forced to work when they were broke, Britanny made a small turn.
And blinked. “Um... is that even native to this world?”
The Mentor would have blinked too, had he had anything that passed for visible eye-lids. “Not that I am aware of, but you know how alchemists are nowadays, always trying to make chimeras to rule the world and whatnot, but then getting gored by their own projects.”
“...Horny?” Britanny inquired.
“...I have a sudden urge to find a vat of boiling oil and dunk it,” the Horned Reaper replied, licking his lips.
Britanny blinked her eyes once, twice as she tried to accept what was before her. She had to take a REAL good look at her magic-made abominations to get her mind to process what she saw. While they LOOKED like cows for the most part, it was upon closer inspection one saw the truth. The animals had a mostly bovine head, body and udders... but their back legs were fleshy and pink like a pig, and there were white feathered wings coming out of their backs behind their shoulder, above the scapula. She was guessing they were chicken wings as these bovines also had the fleshy red head crest of chickens mounting their skulls right between their horns.
And finally, wagging behind them, these creations had fish tails. The appendage was the entire body of a silvery albacore tuna, minus the head.
Dropping to her knees, Britanny could only look upon her Hatchery in shock and awe. “I... I created the ‘Every-Meat’...”
“Um... yes, Keeper, the... Every-Meat...” The Mentor shook his head, relatively certain that people back in his day didn’t mess with tried and true Dungeon designs like that.
*PLOP*!
“...I believe one of them just laid an egg,” Crescens stated.
Shrugging his massive shoulders, Horny walked up to and—despite what the others thought he would do—gently picked up the egg, and tapped it with his weapon, cracking it.
Opening it up, a scent of Heaven wafted towards the group.
“Is that...” Britanny gasped, walking up closer and looking inside the giant egg.
Horny nodded.
Crescens raised an eyebrow. “Mistress?”
“It laid... scrambled eggs, bacon, sausage, a mini-breakfast steak and,” she paused, looking in the other half of the shell. “Milk: two-percent if I’m not mistaken,” Britanny said slowly as she turned to her hand-maiden. “Crescens? Do you realize what this means?”
“...That you have sinned against God and nature, thus karma will come by to bitch-smack you most righteously?” the gaoblin offered in a warning tone. While she was glad that none of the dark magic of the Dungeon Heart had pervaded the werecheetah upon creating the Hatchery... Ranch? Whatever! She was glad there was no backlash within Lady Gia but this was certainly NOT something that could or even should occur in nature.
Shaking her head, the werecheetah replied. “No: what this means is these Meatalo lay eggs that are part of a compmeat breakfast!”
Turning about towards the Dungeon Keeper, The Mentor quietly inquired, “Meatalo?”
“I created this blasphemy, I get to name it!”
Horny turned to her, even as he began to scarf the insides of the egg—this of course made him to agree to give the Every-Meat/Meatalo/whatever it was called, a sporting chance to survive. “Didn’t you call it the—”
“I can change it whenever I want!” Britanny responded. “If I wanted to, we’ll call them Bobs! So, I hereby declare them to be forever known as ‘Meatalo: the Mystery Meat’!” And when she returned home with some samples for Gina and Brianna clone the hell out of them, she would have a booming business!
She then turned to her friend. “Besides, Crescens: if God wanted people to live good, long lives, he wouldn’t have made bacon taste so good but be so bad for you!”
A curious expression crossed her features. “Actually,” Crescens began. “You had me studying earth culture with Jon before we returned so there would be no ‘misunderstandings’,” the gaoblin told her ladyship. “And I specifically remember it being stated in the Hebrew Torah that pigs were declared unclean animals and so God’s chosen were never to partake of their meat... and they also said you should never mix meat and dairy, which those eggs most certainly did.”
“LALALA! I can’t HEAR you!” Britanny shouted in protest, singing loudly as she had her hands over her ears. “LALALA! MEATALO ARE THE BEST! LALALA!”
Horny perked up considerably at Crescens’s words. If this... abomination contained animal parts from something a Light God had forbidden, then he would do his best not to slaughter these things in any sort of rage. In fact, he might make one a pet, just to bring it along and soil the temples of the slaughtered fools who stood before him. Why, he hadn’t desecrated a foreign temple in... why, longer than he’d been sealed up here!
Horny had to smile, remembering his carefree days as a newborn Reaper, slaughtering the innocent, the guilty, the annoying, and the trees.
Few people knew how conceited trees were, and he greatly enjoyed reducing those balsawood bastards to splinters.
Shaking his head, The Mentor didn't know whether to be proud the woman could create such abominations or be annoyed that she could screw up one of the first and simplest starting spells of a Dungeon Heart... so he decided it was just best to get this farce moving. “Anyway, Keeper Cheetah...”
“LALALA!” Britanny continued, hands still firmly pressed over her ears.
“...Keeper Cheetah...” The Mentor tried again.
“LALALA!”
“...Keeper...”
“LALALA!”
“...KEEPER!!!” The Mentor roared.
Cringing at the shout, Britanny slowly opened her eyes, focusing on the specter. “Yes?”
“Now that I have your attention,” the ghost drawled. “I would like to point out just what your little... mistake, has cost you...”
He started to float away, but slow enough to make sure the others followed. Upon reading the Dungeon Heart Chamber once more, he waved to the diminished pile of gold. “What do you see here, Keeper Cheetah? I see far less gold than when you started with. Far less.”
“...Well, you have to spend money to make money,” Britanny waved off.
The spirit continued to float there silently for a long while. “...And how, exactly, will these Meatalo make you any money?” he finally asked, not entirely sure he wanted to hear the answer.
“...Well, I have long-term projections to support that,” Britanny replied nervously. “But I have those plans secured in a lock box.”
The Mentor just tilted his head.
“The lock-box is inside someplace very safe...” she smiled and replied, “My heart.”
“...I don’t think a Dungeon Heart is to be used like that, Keeper,” The Mentor said admonishingly.
Blinking her eyes once, twice, Britanny wondered what was with this guy. She’d meant a place in HER heart, not the actual relic. Ah well, whatever got things moving along so she and Crescens could get home. “Well, my Heart, my rules. Besides,” the werecheetah grinned widely. “Gem vein: infinite cash! Lots of gold for me! So what next, oh Mentor? I can afford it right now. Hell, I can afford ANYTHING!”
The Mentor sighed. Damn it, if only this Keeper didn’t have such a nice rack, he’d sell her out to the nearest rival immediately... too bad she was quite literally the ONLY Keeper within this area: most Keepers wisely stayed far, far away from Skybird Trill’s territory due to all the forces of light topside. “Well Keeper, I believe since you have the cash, you should finish out the tunnels with proper stone support structuring... and it wouldn’t hurt to get started on turning the Dungeon Heart Room into your Inner Sanctum.”
Britanny grinned; her trio of ether vents glowing brightly.
“WITHOUT THE BOOST! WITHOUT THE BOOST!” The Mentor screamed, right before another shockwave of a Dungeon Heart over-charged with not-completely compatible mana ripped through the underground once more.
Britanny looked upon her new home in awe. Gone were the dark stone walls, floor and ceiling that had circled all about the Dungeon Heart Altar. Oh no. Instead the Dungeon Heart was now suspended from the ceiling like a chandelier on supports of gold and sparkling crystal; beneath it, a white marble fountain was situated, with clear running water running from the vase a statue of a naked Stryyp was holding. The floor itself covered with alternating white and black polished marble tiles.
Throughout the room, there were also loads of dark ebony wood furniture cluttering about; a table toped with very fine porcelain china, loads of recliners, upright chairs and couches. The walls were gold-leafed white marble, allowing for a very sparkly and well-lighted effect thanks to the bright crystal torches at each ceiling corner; a full suit of decorative obsidian armor placed beneath each torch. Centering each wall, was a banner of the werecheetah; giving her a flag that was more akin to a cheetah-skin rug than anything else.
The back half of the room though was raised up a bit of height; a lavishly ornate throne of gold adorned with jewels and cranberry crushed leather for the woman to sit on. And behind that was wide and lavishly carvbed staircase, a gold nude statue of Britanny’s husband at the end of either staircase’ guardrails. This obviously lead up to the woman’s private quarters but as to what that was like, the werecheetah could not see from where she currently stood. Otherwise...
“I GOT MY OWN CASTLE!!” Britanny squealed with delight.
The Mentor could only growl in agitation, even as Horny moved up to one of the statues, sipping something out of a brown Meatalo egg, and chuckling about, ‘tiny penis, hello’. “Keeper! Can you just keep to the basics!?” he bellowed. “All of your acquired funds are gone!”
Smirking, Britanny pointed behind her to a long hallway, where four imps were returning, arms laden with treasure. “Infinite wealth, remember?”
Despite the blurred features, one could obviously tell The Mentor was twitching in irritation.
“Now if you’ll excuse me...” Britanny giggled as she walked up to staircase—only pausing for a moment to stare at the the statues—and continued to the top. She squealed in delight at the luxurious, lavishly furnished room that greeted her. It was a bedroom of such refinery that it would have made the Victorian-Era French call the Palace of Versailles a, ‘summer home’. Everything, despite being magical in origin, was of finest quality—especially the oversized mirrored bureau and quartet of stand-up dressers. The bed was large enough for a dozen people, was a canopy style with soft and semi-translucent satin curtains with beautiful flowered embroidery along the edges. Pillows, mattress, sheets and comforter... everything looked like it was made for supreme comfort.
And then there was the connected bathroom. Solid white marble all around, floor with drains, ceiling, walls... in here, there was one large torch hanging from the very center of the room’s top: the furthest back wall designed to be part of a huge raised tub... a bubbling tub... it... good God... did she make a Magic HOT TUB!?
Taking a moment to ensure that, yes, hot water actually came out of the tap, and enough to actually fill the tub, she immediately changed a few plans. There was no way in Hell she was leaving this all behind. When she returned home, she was taking her entire Dungeon with her: gold, Meatalo, servants, and all.
Why not? Brianna had her Peebos, Gina had her Hurtbots. Well, now Britanny had imps, minions untold, gold, and a place that was going to be so exclusive, even Robin Leach wouldn’t be allowed in!
Maybe, just maybe, she’d allow MTV Cribs in, but it depended on the camera crew: no fatties!
“...Lady Gia?” Crescens asked quietly as she watched the werecheetah tremble. “Is everything all right?”
A smile widening on her face, the werecheetah turned to look over her shoulder at the gaoblin who had been her teacher and friend. “Crescens... I’m happy. This may not be home but I’m truly, oh-so-epically happy!” she cried out as she threw her arms up in delight...
...Only to gawk as a now NUDE Horned Reaper dropped his armor onto the floor and walked past her before settling himself down in the hot-tub.
“Aaa~AAaaaaaaahhh...” Horniculus moaned in delight as the jettisoning bubbles really knew how to hit the spot. He may not have been the sort of demon that did well with water, but heat was a whole different story! “Keeper... if you fit my lair with such a bathing facility, I will never ever move against you. EVER. In the history of forever!”
Realizing the cat woman was still staring at him, the big red demon asked, “What? I needed a bath! A Reaper can only stay coated in blood for so long before it gets uncomfortable! It dries out and gets all crackly and smells.” After all, cleanliness was next to dark godliness; with clean skin he would feel the next splash of blood against his skin oh-so-thoroughly.
While it was nice to have a Minion who had good hygiene, the werecheetah’s attention was drawn to something more important. “You... you don’t have a penis.” she had gotten that impression from the Dungeon Heart but to actually SEE it...
“...I’m sorry, Keeper; but I don’t provide those types of services,” Horny stated, tossing the empty brown shell into a nearby trash can. Man, he felt more alert than he’d ever been before, for some odd reason.
“...I DIDN’T MEAN THAT!” Britanny yelled. “I meant... that, well...”
The gaoblin stepped forward to aid her embarrassed ladyship. “What my Mistress is enquiring about is how your demonic species reproduces, and via what organs are used in the process,” Crescens helpfully added.
“Oh!” Horny spoke in understanding now. “Well, first we—”
“As interesting as the sordid details about Horned Reaper reproduction might be,” The Mentor interrupted. “Might we return to the point I was trying to make!?”
Huffing, the werecheetah turned about to look towards ghostly presence that insisted on annoying her. “And I thought I told you that I had this taken care of? I got two imps digging and two more continuing to mine the gem vein? I have infinite cash!”
As if to prove her point, there was a sound of coins dropping. The imps had started moving the cash to her bedroom now that Britanny had accessed it; a decently-sized pile of gold now in the corner besides her mirrored bureau.
“Wasn’t she supposed to make something to put that in?” Horny asked, eyes fluttering as a jet found a very nice target.
If he had eyes, they’d be very wide now in fear. “WAIT!” the specter called out, looking towards the Keeper. Dark Pits below, only they’d know what she might come up with next!
Hell, she already had stairs in her domain! STAIRS! No Keeper ever went into the Z-axis, unless they were called for in the design specs!!!
“... ‘Wait’-what?” Britanny asked as she looked over The Mentor. “He makes a good point! The Dungeon Heart... hell, my Inner Lair can only hold ten-thousand gold pieces at a time,” at least that was what the Dungeon Heart surmised. “If I want more, I have to build a treasury...”
“Yes, you would,” the ghostly advisor agreed. “A treasury would be the place your excess gold goes to, freed up for not only your uses but that of your Minions’ when there’s a payday or a gambling jackpot.”
The werecheetah nodded her head. “Right. So why not let me build one?” the feline lycanthrope inquired. “Seems easy enough...”
“...Seriously?” The Mentor asked. “You are seriously asking me why you shouldn’t build one now, as in right now?”
“Well, yeah,” Britanny replied. “I mean, look at how awesome a job I’m doing right now! Has any other Keeper ever done what I have?” she asked, pride in her voice.
“None that I know of,” Horny purred. Hell, he was about to ask her to create a Temple for him to live in... with a hot tub. Dark Gods knew what she’d create, but he couldn’t wait to see!
Oh! He had also better ask for a room for those Meatalo to be in. Couldn’t have a dark temple without some creatures that spat in the face of a Light God!
NOW the ghost was trembling in irritation. “Well, I’ll give you a reason!” The Mentor snapped. “We are under Skybird Trill! The Kingdom of Kingdoms of Alecrest, the continent above us! And your over-charged spell-casting of raw ether and Dungeon Heart mana has been giving off pulses of power that are extremely difficult to miss! I wouldn’t be surprised if the ‘goodly forces’ are already rounding up all the dwarves they can to start digging down here! You need to take your workforce OFF gem duty and get them back to tunneling! We need them to find a Portal so we can get you in touch with PROPER Underworld Society immediately before it’s too late!”
“...Why is it important?” Britanny asked curiously. “You told me before there are Keepers that will start to rival me. Shouldn’t I build up power NOW before they know I exist?”
Giving off the sensation that he was gritting his teeth, the apparition of advisement declared, “Yes, they will. And that means you’re going to need minions to protect your Dungeon Heart! Yes, you have Horny but there’s only so much he can do by himself! You need more meat shields than imps!”
“Excuse me,” Crescens spoke. “But you stated earlier that the humans on the surface hated all non-humans; why would they work with dwarves?” she asked, drawing The Mentor’s attention from Britanny, who neither noticed was tapping her chin, deep in thought.
Giving the armless woman his attention, the spirit explained, “Oh, they tolerate the occasional Light-Creature... until it tries to marry into their families, live in their cities, or work their jobs. Many of the humans consider them a necessary evil, a needed migrant workforce that can be fetched when needed. But make no mistake, should they feel that all like us were dust in the wind, to never return to this plane, they would exterminate the miniature vermin in a heartbeat!”
*POP*!
“IMP!”
Blinking, the duo turned back, spotting that while distracted, Britanny had created a fifth imp to help things move forward. After all, why remove those first imps when she could just create more?
Of course, like everything else, even the Imp was not what it should be. Where should have stood a tiny grayish-brown creature, much like Area 51’s Greys, was not.
For starters, it was taller than Horny, bulkier in muscles too, and looked more like a calm and bald and black-eyed version of the Incredible Hulk. It’s sack hanging on a rope around its neck like a necklace and a large pickaxe in either hand.
Floating around the hulking mass of gray, The Mentor did his best to study the creature. “By the Dark Gods... Keeper Cheetah, what have you DONE!?” the spirit demanded to know. He personally prided himself on knowing all the in’s and out’s of Dungeon Keeping and this uppity big-breasted bitch sought to keep stumping him over and over again.
“I just created an imp,” Britanny replied honestly. “I just merely used my ether vents to give him a boost.”
One could almost see and feel The Mentor trying to find words to describe what he was feeling, and failing miserably.
The werecheetah took a couple of steps closer to her latest minion. “Hey, Big Guy!” Britanny called out towards the megalithic imp.
“...Imp?” it responded.
“...Okay, as smart as usual, at least,” The Mentor muttered.
Reaching a hand out and pointing, Britanny commanded, “Go dig tunnels, see if you can find a portal or something, and let me know.”
“Imp!” it cried out, running out of the bathroom, exiting the bedroom, running down the staircase, across the Inner Sanctum, and finally into the main tunnel the other imps were working... and plowing right through the earth as if it wasn’t there. One could almost hear the rock giving way as it tunneled through it, the occasional smaller imp being tossed out behind it as they tried to keep up.
“Well... at least it digs faster,” The Mentor muttered. Damn this new generation, no respect for the way things should be done.
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(Posted Mon, 10 Dec 2012 19:38)
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