The picture opens on a snow covered village. From a snow covered house on a snow covered hill, emerges a man wearing a safari outfit, a monocle, and a robotic right arm and leg. The man stops and snaps a salute as his name appears behind him
*Sir Hammerlock. Hunter, Scholar, Gentlemen.*
“What ho, fellow addventurers, and welcome to Pandora! I, Sir Hammerlock, am here to inform of the state of the Borderlands and it’s peoples. If you’re looking for an adventure into the Borderlands, you’ll find that things have….. Changed since Handsome Jack’s defeat.”
*The picture switches to a variety of pictures of the new Pandora, while Sir Hammerlock narrates*
“After the last group of Vault Hunters Killed Handsome Jack and the Warrior, Hyperion pulled out quickly, leaving a lot of materials and equipment behind. But before the bandits, Crimson raiders, or even the animals could move back in, the Mysterious Umbra Corporation, led by the equally mysterious Madame Leblanc, appeared almost out of no ware and replaced them, claiming most of their facilities and forcing the now leaderless raiders into almost complete extinction. With the vault hunters gone off searching the galaxy for new vaults, there is nothing stopping Umbra from making preparations and searching for the newly discovered vault on Pandora, the third vault.”
“Fortunately the discovery of vault also brought to Pandora a new group of Vault hunters, and if these Badasses are anything to go by, the Vault is as good as found.”
*The scene changes to showing off the four vault hunters, one after another.*
“Firstly, theirs Brittany, the WERECHEETAH. This Bodacious beauty uses her strength, speed, and ether vents to inflict horrible elemental damage on her enemies. Her most infamous skill is over clock, which causes her Ether Charge to move at an even faster speed while causing an elemental explosion at her impact zone. So not only are you getting Brittany’s full impact, you’re getting the full force of the elements with it! Hahaha……. Charming.”
“If you prefer a more balanced blend of asskickery, then may I suggest Ranma, the GUN-FU MASTER, for your reading pleasure? This handsome hero not only can decimate foes with his Zen bullet ability, but his skill at close range and long means there’s no distance that your enemies can hide. Ranma ‘s sheer badassery grows even greater when he gains his unique Mastery skills. These four skills add incredible bonus effects to Ranma’s regular attacks with each individual weapon type (excluding grenades). For example, pistol mastery turns every headshot (or critical hit for those foes without discernable heads) into an insta-kill, with the exception of bosses and badasses, who just take 10x normal damage. This skill turns an old western gun fight into an amusing shooting gallery, and even the nastiest Umbra goon will crumble after a small period of time.”
“If your bloodlust is matched only by your fury, then Revy Two-Hands, the GUNSIREN, is your vault hunter of choice. This hard smoking, hard fighting, hard drinking badass loves explosions, sex, and violence, though not in that particular order. Her skill, two hands, is a passive that allows her to dual wield any two weapons in the game, and it can be activated briefly for a massive movement speed bonus. Perhaps her most fearsome ability is called ‘Kill em all baby!’, a skill which gives Revy a massive damage multiplier which increases every time she kills something within a certain amount of time. The bonus doesn’t last long, but this skill ensures that even the largest crowd of bandits will be cut down in short order.”
“speaking of cutting down, if shadowy swordplay and bouncing bazongas are your preference, then Moisha, the WERERAT ASSASIN, is your bouncy compainion. This voluptuous vermin is armed with a lethal katana capable of cutting through almost anything, even robots! She’s no slouch with ranged combat either; in fact one of her abilities, Kill-Switch, increases her damage with one aspect (melee or ranged) when she kills someone with the other. Her basic ability, assassinate, briefly turns her invisible, until time runs out or she melee attacks an enemy. If she attacks from the front or sides, the melee damage is double, but if Moisha managed to get behind her foe before she strikes then BAMO! 5x damage on her melee attack.”
“Each of these plucky young adventurers are well prepared, both for themselves and each other, and they’ll need it. Umbra has posted an army easily 10x the size of Handsome jacks old force, and has positioned a fleet of warships surrounding the planet as well as claiming Hyperions old space station and loader armies for themselves as salvage. They’ve razed whole cities to the ground, destroyed the old opposition of the crimson raiders, scattered the few remaining minds capable of impeding them into the far corners of Pandora’s dangerous wilderness, or imprisoned them in their floating prison ship. Mad Moxie, Mordecai, Brick, those are just a few of the famous faces locked up in the space-born prison called the PENITENCE. With the previous vault hunters light years away hunting treasure, and the disappearance of Lilith, only these four brave intrepid heroes have a chance of stopping the enigmatic Umbra Corperation from tearing Pandora apart. “
“The time has come brave heroes, pick a direction, pick a hero, pick all the heroes it doesn’t matter! Just get out there and melt some faces! This is Sir Hammerlock, signing off.”
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(Posted Fri, 11 Jan 2013 06:51)
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