Kakashi Hatake had been on more missions than he would care to remember. Some of which still disturbed him greatly when memories would bubble up into consciousness. He couldn't remember any mission which had gone so weird so fast. Deadly, yes. Dangerous, of course. Missions which had gone wrong so fast and so completely that they were beyond salvage? Sure.
An S-Class missing-nin challenging him to a dance off? Nope. Never happened before. He was hoping it never happened again. He was also hoping that a certain someone back in Konohagakure NEVER heard of this lest it prove inspirational in some horrible fashion.
Zabuza Momochi was considering his counter-proposal. "Poker? Interesting. Is this a form of dueling using fireplace equipment?"
"Not familiar with the game?" asked Kakashi.
"No," said Zabuza. "How about weiqi instead?"
"Go? Not that familiar with it," said Kakashi, remembering a game of it that Asuma had challenged him on. He'd lost track of the game and its strategies early on.
"I think you play shogi in the Leaf, but it never caught on in my country," mused Zabuza.
"Uhm, what exactly is going on?" asked Naruto, sounding terribly confused.
"Since the bloodthirsty missing-nin with a reputation for sudden overwhelming violence is bored, we're trying to find an avenue for conflict resolution that doesn't involve the usual methods," said Kakashi. "I get enough challenges from Gai that I've a little experience with such things."
"Who is 'Gai'?" asked Zabuza.
"Maito Gai," said Kakashi. "My self-proclaimed rival. Another jonin of Konohagakure."
"Ah, the Leaf's 'Mighty Green Beast' is your rival?" Zabuza chuckled. "I'd imagine that's quite annoying."
"Mah, quite often, yes," admitted Kakashi. "How about a cook-off?"
"A cook-off?" asked Naruto.
"Hmmm," hmmmed Zabuza. "That I can do."
"A cook-off?" asked an incredulous Sasuke. "What kind of ninja cooks?!"
He got pitying gazes from both Kakashi and Zabuza.
"Having some skill in the kitchen, Sasuke, is important for anyone who might do an infiltration mission," said Kakashi.
"True, and rations get very tiring very quickly," said Zabuza. "Being able to set up a smokeless fire, cooking foods scavenged or hunted down during long missions. We are ninja. Tools of death that live and die in the shadows. Doesn't mean we can't eat well once in awhile. Or have hobbies."
"So, a cook-off it is," said Kakashi. "The problem is finding an impartial judge."
"I could be the judge," suggested Tazuna.
"Since your life is one of the prizes involved, how would you actually be 'impartial'?" asked Zabuza, making a perfectly reasonable point.
"Hmmm," hmmmed the various ninja and bridge-builder.
"I know," said Kakashi abruptly.
"Why does this concern me?" asked Cherry.
"It doesn't," pointed out Kakashi. "You're the closest thing to a neutral party involved."
A tall woman in a white and red outfit with really long black hair looked up from her sweeping. "This is fate."
"Now now, Sakura, that's my line," chided Cherry. "In fact, I'd say it was because of an ominous temper, another with an ominous face, and possibly ominous tidings on a third."
Sasuke scowled at the little monk.
"Now what?" asked Naruto.
"Now, myself and Zabuza compete in a cook-off," said Kakashi. "As we are ninja, the use of secret ingredients and hidden cooking techniques are pretty much mandatory."
"Of course," agreed Zabuza. "Haku?"
"I have gathered herbs and ingredients, Zabuza-sama," said the girl in the formal-looking kimono.
"Right! Sakura?" asked Kakashi.
"Yes?" "Yes?"
"Not you, Sakura, my Sakura," said Kakashi. "Use your dryad abilities, find me the ingredients on this list."
Kakashi stood near the plate and whipped the cloth off the top. "Here we go. Herb-rubbed roast duck with wild potatoes."
Zabuza laughed evilly. "Haku."
Haku lifted the cover off Zabuza's dish.
"Grilled Trout with wild peas and carrot medley," gloated Zabuza.
"Interesting," said Kakashi.
Sasuke went over to a quiet corner to sulk and mutter something about proper ninja battles.
"Oh, by the way, Kakashi," said Zabuza. "Don't think I didn't notice your attempt to sabotage my efforts."
"Oh, I noticed your own attempt too," said Kakashi.
"'Sabotage'?" asked Naruto.
"Ninja," stated Kakashi.
"I have the feeling this is not going to go well," said Cherry, looking at the two innocent-seeming dishes. He brought a pair of chopsticks and poked at Zabuza's offering.
SNAP!
"Really, Kakashi," said Zabuza, sounding almost disappointed. "The old mousetrap gag?"
"Consider it an offering to keep gods of mischief from showing up," suggested Kakashi.
Cherry probed at a duck with the same chopsticks immediately after taking the mousetrap off the end.
SPOING!
"Ah," said Kakashi, "the old spring-loaded senbon trick. That brings back memories."
"Can't blame a ninja for trying," grumped Zabuza.
"So both of you tried to sabotage the other's work, using clones and distractions and traps?" asked Sakura.
Zabuza and Kakashi looked at each, nodded, and said in unison. "Ninja."
"Is this actually safe to eat?" asked Cherry.
"Of course," said Zabuza. "There would be no point in finding a neutral judge if you weren't expected to live."
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(Posted Thu, 21 Feb 2013 15:59)
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