However, on this mountain - all these factors were pretty much normal.
When the toad vomited up several humans (or two humans and five near-humans) was a little less normal.
"That was icky and disgusting and I don't ever want to have to go through that again," said one of the women.
"Well, it shouldn't have to happen again," said Jiraiya. "There's another way to get from Mount Myoboku to the Land of Fire."
"So we got to start over again?" asked Naruto.
"No," answered Jiraiya. "We're going to go in a different direction this time. If the people chasing after you are able to trace us through all THAT - then there's no escaping them."
"So, what do you..."
PAMF!
"Just call me Minaka," said Jiraiya, now under a henge of the CEO. "The Sekirei don't need a henge or a cover identity, obviously. Naruto - you on the other hand we're going to use a disguise until we're well away."
"You mean like my sexy jutsu?" asked Naruto, frowning.
"No, that's still too close to your normal appearance," said Jiraiya.
"Can we get a shower first?" asked Ikki.
"That sounds like a good idea, and we'll go over details of the cover background," said Jiraiya. "There's an inn with a hot springs about half a day from the Toad Mountain access point."
"AGHHH!" yelled Naruto, sinking down to his nose briefly in the water. "Blub blurg blob!"
"Try speaking with your mouth above the waterline," suggested Jiraiya, leaning back in the hot springs and apparently completely at ease.
Naruto stared for a moment, then rose up until his head was above water but turned to face the wall. "What are you doing?!"
"The sign said 'mixed bathing'," pointed out Kazehana as she settled into the water. "Ah. Sake?"
Jiraiya reached into the water, pulled a bottle out, then poured some into a wooden square cup before handing it off to the wind sekirei.
"Ashikabi-sama? Is there something wrong?" asked Ikki as she and the others approached.
"You're naked! I'm naked! We're all... naked!" pointed out Naruto.
"We're supposed to bathe with clothing on?" asked Ikki.
"Our Ashikabi is gay after all?" asked Nina, beginning to sulk. After all, his apparent lack of interest was really beginning to get to her.
"That's not it!" declared Naruto. "It's improper. And then there's Sakura!"
"Sakura?" asked Katsuragi. "You mean #82?"
"No, #82 was Hari. #83 was Sakura," corrected Nina.
"Are you sure? I thought that was Yukiko," mused Ikki.
"You're all wrong," said Jiraiya. "Sakura is Sakura Haruno, a ninja of Konohagakure - where we're from. She's apprenticed as a medical ninja to Tsunade, one of my old team. It's an old and sad story."
"We're not old," said Naruto.
"An old and sad story?" asked Kazehana, holding out her cup for a refill. "Do tell."
Jiraiya refilled Kazehana's cup and then his own, silent and considering for a few moments before he spoke again. "Gaki. You repeat ANY of this and I will get even in a painful and humiliating manner that will scar you for life."
"Eh WHAT?!" asked Naruto, turning around to glare at his sensei. A slight splashing noise let him know that his Sekirei were now standing nearby and therefore covered only so far by the water of the bath. "Erk."
"It's happened several times now, and has been a problem in at least three generations of ninja with the same pattern repeating," said Jiraiya, sounding wistful. Which was not at all what Naruto expected considering the presence of well-built naked female forms in the same tub.
If he'd known that Jiraiya was saving the energy and enthusiasm for what he was pretty sure was coming later - he might have been a little less weirded out by the seeming out-of-character moment.
This was also Jiraiya's "mission face" - which precluded some aspects of his usual slapstick role.
"In Konoha, we go with three man teams of genin - young ninja," explained Jiraiya, glancing up as Akitsu sat nearby but not in the water, wearing a towel that really didn't cover the situation all that well. He leered at her for a moment before turning his attention back to Kazehana. "Due in large part to the fact that two-thirds of all Academy students are male, the teams are almost always one female ninja and two male ninja. There are other factors, and there have been all male teams and even a couple of teams where the balance was different but mostly that's how it goes."
"Two guys for every girl," said Kazehana. "Sounds interesting."
"In the case of my team and Naruto's team, and in at least one other case I'm familiar with, it also has a problem," said Jiraiya. "Boy A is not too good with schoolwork, has low grades but talent. Boy B is acclaimed as a genius. The girl is fairly skilled - especially as an academic. Boy A has a thing for the girl who has a thing for Boy B. Boy B isn't really interested in the girl, who finds this lack of interest to be cool or something and intriguing. The girl also doesn't care at all for Boy A - deeming him a failure, uncool, unhip, and so on."
Naruto twitched a couple of times but didn't speak.
"In the case of my team, I was Boy A. I did poorly in class but had reams of natural talent and creativity," said Jiraiya. "Tsunade was the girl, Orochimaru the genius everyone threw accolades at. In Naruto's case - he is Boy A, Sakura is the Girl, and Sasuke Uchiha is Boy B. In both cases, Boy B betrays the village and becomes an outright villain while Boy A tries to redeem them or bring them back. I failed. Naruto is still trying."
"What, you and Granny?" asked a somewhat discomfited Naruto.
"Tsunade was never interested in me," said Jiraiya. "She started out interested in Orochimaru, and then she had Dan, and after Dan - well, I don't think she's interested in anyone at all. Maybe not even capable of that at this point - too many scars on the heart. Getting back to that - Naruto has managed to get the interest of a particular girl from his village but completely snubbed her and there's a chance she'll be out to kill him for that when he returns."
Naruto hung his head. "How was I supposed to know?"
"Ah, that's one of your problems there, gaki," said Jiraiya. "You're expecting logic, fairness, or reason to apply. The subject is women. That's not going to work at all."
"I object," said Nina.
"You disputing the accuracy?" asked Jiraiya.
"Well, not completely, it just doesn't sound right put that way," allowed Nina.
"Well, you're still an ero-sennin," complained Naruto.
"Oh, yes," said Akitsu, sounding quite pleased despite maintaining a composed and calm expression.
"Hmmm, I'll have to investigate that myself," said Kazehana.
"Wait till I demonstrate my jutsu," promised Jiraiya.
"You have pervy jutsu?!" asked Naruto, twitching a bit.
"Naruto, we're ninja. Ninja have been developing and adapting ninjutsu for hundreds of years," stated Jiraiya. "There are dish-washing jutsu, campfire-lighting jutsu, bug-repellant jutsu - though those aren't too effective against kikai insects and the like, jutsu adapted for cleaning windows, and jutsu for fixing potholes in the road and patching walls. Didn't your jonin-sensei teach you any of those?"
Naruto stiffened for a moment, then said something fairly impolite.
"Sounds like a 'no'," said Jiraiya to Kazehana as he refilled her sake cup.
"People learn jutsu to do D-Rank missions?" asked Naruto.
"Yeah, after you've done 'em for awhile and built up your stamina and chakra capacity, then you learn basic control stuff like tree-climbing and water-walking, and then you learn the simple jutsu that continue to work on the capacity and control issues," said Jiraiya. "You've got the Uzumaki stamina, and anyone who can throw out as many clones as you has got chakra capacity to burn."
"Right," said Naruto, feeling a bit better.
"Now," said Jiraiya, standing up. "If you two young ladies will accompany me."
"ACK ICK!" said Naruto, who'd turned around and saw Jiraiya sans towel.
"I'll leave you to get acquainted with your three," said Jiraiya. "I'm counting on you three to keep an eye on your Ashikabi here. Remember the cover stories?"
"Childhood friend," said Katsuragi. "I've been on a training journey in taijutsu styles in a foreign land since I was five."
"Right," said Jiraiya, turning to the next in line.
"Recently acquired friend who is a scholar studying medical techniques," said Nina.
"Good," said Jiraiya, nodding and indicating the last girl.
"I am supposed to be a friend training in kenjutsu with a wandering master, who is you," said Ikki. "You're really a swordmaster?"
"Depends on who you compare me to," admitted Jiraiya. "There are people who are a lot better with the sword, but if anyone challenges me I've got a few surprises to unleash."
"Right," said Ikki, a little uncertainly.
"Naruto?" asked Jiraiya.
Naruto sighed. "I'm to be a student studying fuuinjutsu."
"Good," said Jiraiya. "Don't wait up now."
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(Posted Sun, 07 Apr 2013 22:00)
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