“GIIIIIIINAAA~AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!” the werecheetah roared as she went spinning down what could only be describe as a funneling tornado... if tornadoes were made of solid black inkiness that blocked out all light and hope of escape. “I’M GONNA KICK YOUR ASS!!!”
“IT’S NOT MY FAULT!!” the blonde scientist screamed as, for the second time in approximately twenty-four hours, she had no control of the movements of her body. “HE SAID HE WAS GOING TO HELP US! AND HE’S A GOD!”
“YEAH! A PRIMORDIAL CHAOS GOD!” Brianna screamed back. “JUST WAIT UNTIL I FIND YOU GINA! IF BRIT DOESN’T KICK YOUR ASS, I’LL THROTTLE YOU!”
Only silence followed.
“...Marco?” the blonde lycnathropoid tried, wanting to strike terror into her sister’s heart.
“What did you say?” Gina called out, spitting out a bit of hair, and tossing a black witch’s hat over her shoulder. “I ran into some ugly green woman on a broom!”
Brit blinked her eyes, momentarily forgetting her anger. “Anyone else hear a grinding—”
*WHAM*!
“MOTHER-FUCKER!” the female werecheetah bellowed, after she was struck by a passing, spinning blue police box... which continued on its way, making her the first victim of temporal hit-n-run.
“Britanny!” Gina screamed. “Are you all right!?”
“DO I SOUND LIKE I’M ALL RIGHT!?” the feline lycanthrope screamed in utmost rage. “DO I SOUND LIKE I’M GODDAMN ALL RIGHT!?”
Silence reigned for a moment. “...No...” Gina slowly replied, blinking as she was finally beginning to catch sight of her sisters as the downward funnel took on a looping effect with lights. She winced as she saw—and heard—the werecheetah forcefully popping her arm back into the socket. “Ouch... that had to hurt...”
The werecheetah glared at the blonde. “No shit, Sherlock,” Britanny growled as she let her lycanthrope regenerative abilities go to work. “I can’t believe that bastard flushed us! FLUSHED US! Like we were pieces of crap!”
“I can,” Brianna grumbled as she slowly started to descend to catch up with her sisters. “Chaos God. How many times did he say it?”
Rolling her eyes, the feline lycanthrope huffed, wincing as she rotated her arm in an experimental fashion. “Any idea where we are now?” Her eyes narrowed. “I swear, if we hear a voiceover from Rod Sterling, Gina’s ass is grass.”
“There is a Fifth Dimension, beyond that which is known to man,” started the debonair voice of said writer and television series producer. “A dimension as vast as space, and as timeless as infinity. It is the middle ground between light and shadow, between science and superstition that lies at the pit of man’s fears and the summit of his knowledge. It is a dimension of sight. A dimension of sound. A dimension of mind. That sign-post up ahead! You are now entering—”
“GAWK!” Gina cried as she was suddenly strangled by an irate younger sister...
“The Red Light Zone...”
“...The what?” Brianna inquired in her confusion.
“My own take,” the voice replied, changing back to that of a certain chaotic deity. “Now, for starters, I must introduce you to the world you are entering, and like all good introductions—at least in manga—it must be filled with 95% BS, 4% repetition of known knowledge, 0.9999 % of crap you will never actually need to know for anything in the future, and the rest is the kernel of truth that shall explain everything!”
“...Can we skip to the kernel?” asked Brianna hopefully, as she tried to pull Britanny’s hands free and allow her human sister to breath.
“No!” the voice huffed. “Now, as I was saying, in the beginning, there was nothing... mostly, well, maybe some crap swept out of one universe into the Great Void because, really, most pan-dimensional deities are horrible at cleaning anything properly...”
“And then... there was a Big Bang!”
The girls blinked as along their free fall, the saw a vision. It was of an older Gina Diggers... a MUCH older Gina Diggers. The woman the scientist recognized as her Ancient self was snorting and hacking with growing intensity before finally spitting into a small brass spittoon by the entrance of a bar. She then then downed the rest of her beer and slapped a five on the counter before stumbling out...
Making her way out of Toltirr’s Tavern and flying out into the void, the woman came to an abrupt stop, her stomach rumbling in a violent fashion. She chortled a little before she reached into her pocket and pulled out a lighter. She clicked it a few times to get a steady flame. The ancient woman then bent over and reached it behind herself before releasing a mighty...
*FRRRAA~AAAAAAAAAAAAP-P-P-P-P~SPLUCH*!
Gina just gawked, the need for air temporarily overcome by another need: to process just whatever the hell it was that just played out for her.
Britanny just blinked, before letting go and looking over her adopted sister with scrutiny. “Did you really divide by zero, or that?” she asked honestly.
“Please tell me that never really happened?” Gina begged the invisible source of the voice. Sure, she wanted to be bright and powerful enough to create a universe, but hopefully by smashing brane fields together, not...
“Moving on,” the voice continued. “Then came the cooling of the universe.”
The trio watched sadly as the Elder Gina burped, sniffed the air, and then waved her hand, making a silent gagging noise.
Not sure where to look, the lycanthropoid just turned her attention towards what she felt was ‘up’. “...Seriously?” Brianna asked.
“Yes, seriously...” the voice of Toltirr was quick to reply. “I was there. And five was NOT enough to pay off the drinks she had, the cheapskate! But where was I? Oh yes...”
The images on the sides of the cascading funnel changed, showing a neighborhood that would not have been out of place amongst everyone’s favorite modern Stone Age Family. Pterodactyls flew high into sight, blocking the panoramic view for a moment.
“As the universe cooled, and micro-organisms began to split and multiply, single-celled organisms soon evolved into multi-celled ones... first as fish, but soon, they grew more and more advanced, limbs allowing them to step on land... and soon becoming... DINOSAURS!”
“Not the mama! Not the mama! NOT THE MAMA~AAAAAA!” a pink-toned dinosaur child in yellow shirt and oversized diaper complained as he smacked the head of the larger green one in a flannel shirt on the head with a frying pan as he rode its shoulders.
“...I feel like I am watching one of those creationalist documentaries they show on the supposed science channels,” Gina stated, looking sad as science was perverted.
“Well, when you are escorting three goofs into another universe to insert them into a life to save a branch timeline that in the grand scheme of the multiverse, is extremely useless and will have no real lasting impact aside from the countless beings that inhabit this po-dunk said universe, you can show the past however you like.”
“They look like bad puppets,” Britanny offered, remembering a few shows her daughter had liked to watch.
Scratching the side of her head, the youngest of the sisters looked perplexed. “I was thinking more along the lines of an odd comedy show that will have more people complaining about the violence, even though no one said a single word about children watching the Stooges,” Brianna offered.
Burying her face in her hands, the archaeologist groaned. “My poor, sacred science,” Gina whimpered pathetically.
“However, the Dinosaurs would not have a chance to remain rulers of their planet for long. As they evolved further and became masters of their domain, it was as if the heavens themselves decided these magnificent creatures had lived long enough... after all, anything can remain popular as long as its finished too soon, and the powers that be decided it was best to quit while they were ahead and start over. Thus, one day, a massive load dropped from the sky and crashed into the earth.”
The view changed to show Ancient Gina once more; this time the woman inside a porta-potty, her granny-panties pulled around her ankles. The woman was reading over a copy of the book, “So You Really Need to Get Laid?” as she sat that there... until all of a sudden, she dropped the literature, grimaced and lifted her left leg up a bit. “HNNNNN!!!”
*FRAP*!
*Ker~plop*!
“Aaaahhhhh... so shouldn’t have had those four cans of chilé and beans alongside my morning burrito...” the old woman moaned as said load came firing out of the bottom of the porta-potty, the huge mass of brown and corn niblets brightly aflame from a potent tabasco and chipotle mix as it hurtled through the universe, homing in on the small blue planet before impacting with a violent, earth-shattering...
*KA-BOOM*!!
“...Wow, Gina,” Brianna offered. “We never really saw this side of your future-self, huh?”
“This isn’t what happened!” Gina replied back with an irritated growl.
Reaching out to her older sister, the werecheetah poked the bespectacled blonde on the shoulder. “Then what about that whole multiverse anything-can-happen idea you were always muttering about when we were kids?” Britanny asked. “You know, when you swore there was a universe out there where Pretty Pink Princess Penelope existed?”
Managing to turn about, the super-scientist just STARED at her feline sister. “...You think that is in the same league as me killing off the dinosaurs with a giant burrito bomb?” she demanded.
“...Pretty much, yeah,” Britanny replied with a shrug.
“THAT’S IT!” Gina bellowed. “Enough of this! Enough dramatic reenactments that wouldn’t even be believed by a conspiracy nut! Just get on with it!”
“...Fine, fine...” Toltirr huffed. “The dinosaurs that managed to survive the huge-ass meteorite of El Grandé—with extra sour cream—proportions soon found the world to become a rather inhospitable place. The temperatures began to drop drastically and it began to snow, sending the planet into a Yellow Ice Age...”
The image changed showing the inside of a vacant airplane bathroom. The door then folded open, the ancient one herself standing there. “Need to pee, need to pee, NEEDTOPEE!” she cried out as she slammed the door shut and locked it, causing the sign on the door to flash, [OCCUPIED]. She bent over, once more those oversized and unsexy granny panties pooling around the ancient one’s varicose-vein-covered ankles as she plopped her ass down on the seat.
*Tinkle~tinkle~tinkle~tinkle~tinkle...*
“Oooooooooh...” the elder Gina moaned in sweet relief. “Damn stewardesses... they should know I can never turn down free ice tea... although maybe I shouldn’t have had more than a dozen cups...” she mumbled to herself as she continued to relieve her bladder.
The view changed to the posterior-anterior segment of the plane, the line for waste dispersal plugged for a moment. It wasn’t able to release the large block of ice in one chunk and so instead, was coming out shaved. Massive yellow flakes merely continued to flutter out the exit port, covering the planet below.
“...She’s not going to age well, is she?” Brianna asked.
Sighing, Britanny just shook her head. “We already have proof her mind is going, what with the destruction of our reality.”
Nodding her head in understanding, the lycanthropoid was quick to point out, “Don’t forget breaking the rule when talking to Gods.”
“I’m right here, you know,” Gina growled out. “And you!” she yelled, looking up.
“...What?” Toltirr replied.
Crossing her arms over her chest as she remain in a free-fall state, the blonde demanded to know, “Do I really deserve these pot-shots at my expense!?”
“...Says the lady who just erased a universe?” was the rather snappy retort.
Throwing her arms up in defeat, the archaeologist cried aloud, “Fine! Whatever! Just skip this stuff and show us Naruto already!”
“...Fine...” the disembodied voice of the Elder God of Chaos replied with an irritable tone. “If you really want to get to the history surrounding Naruto, then we’ll skip ahead some 2.58 billion years... where the age of modern man came to a close of its own... except this time, it wasn’t by a Burrito the size of Texas... but a demon... with TEN TAILS!”
The image of the girls’ view changed, focused on a massive red eye. “ROO~OOOOOAAARRR!” the cyclopean being of inky blackness with ten massive tails waving behind it roared as image slowly panned out to show off the massive, MASSIVE creature. It then flicked its tails, causing a massive EMP that travelled the world over, bathing it in complete darkness as everything came crashing down for good.
“The situation would remain such for years and years after, the beast traveling across the globe and flattening all cities before it, although for some odd reason, things that one could consider Ninja-related were left pretty much intact...”
The screen showed the large beast slowly making its way off of Manhattan Island... going through the waters and climbing onto Staten Island and the Statue of Liberty... which it then began humping.
Yet even as the great ebony beast violated the symbol of American Freedom, the image panned away once more, showing the ruins of New York: rubble, death, and destruction. However, for one reason or another, a small Anime Specialty shop was still standing, numerous DVD copies of the movies, “Ninja Scroll”, “Wrath of the Ninja”, “Ninja Resurrection”, and “Blood Reign: Curse of the Youma” clearly visible behind the—somehow unbroken—front display window.
“...You can’t be serious,” drawled Gina, for what she felt was once too often for a history lesson to be asked.
“Do YOU have any explanation for how a ninja-themed world has computer systems and what-not technology, mixed in with rural lifestyles?”
“Artist prerogative,” Gina responded.
Tapping her sister on the shoulder, the werecheetah greeted her with a curious stare. “How do you know that?” Britanny asked.
To that question, Brianna smirked. “Now, now, you know better Brit. Gina spends her free time trying to figure out vexing problems by flaming people on the Net about the series.”
“That... that’s kinda sad,” Britanny stated. “Gina, you do know about sex, right? You do know you could have gone to any straight male—and a few lesbians—and gotten your rocks off?”
“This isn’t a virgin thing!” the genius blonde responded back harshly. “I support canon!”
“...This is that evil-or-confused Dumbledore thing, all over again,” Brianna stated sadly.
“Don’t forget the Gunman,” Britanny offered.
“GUNDAM!”
“Excuse me, history lesson here... don’t you want to be prepared to be inserted up this reality’s rectum??”
“Calling this history is like calling shopping a sport,” Gina replied with a snort.
“...First you kill my family, now you’re dissing my sports,” Britanny growled. “Bitch, you aiming for a hurtin’!”
Flapping her arms and kicking her legs, Gina did her best to make some distance between her and the angered werecheetah. “N-no! Not really, Britanny...” she chuckled nervously as she continued, “Please, Toltirr, DO continue!” the blonde scientist called out firmly, hoping to avoid the beating she felt coming her way.
“Very well!!” the disembodied voice crowed. “The vile Juubi would continue to make his way across the planet, his miasma of evil causing mankind to turn on each other for the resources that were left in what would be known as “The Endless War”...”
The image on the screen changed yet again, showing man versus man, woman versus woman, plucky young child versus plucky young child... smacking each other with volumes of manga and hitting one another with cosplay repertoire: Bleach swords very prevalent amongst the masses that wore the orange outfits of Dragon Ball Z fighters and armor bits that looked like they belonged to cardboard Gundam outfits.
“It would continue on like this for centuries until HE stepped forward!” the image showed a man with long hair in a pigtail and violet eyes, dressed in simple white robes and wearing a necklace with six red magatama beads. “He was the Sage of the Six Paths. He would become a legendary god-like figure. He defeated the Ten-Tails in battle and sealed the beast within his own body, thus becoming the very first jinchuuriki. With this power, he would found the arts of ninjutsu and create the ninja world!”
The image showed the man atop a mountaon, surrounding by pillars in a formation reminiscent to Stonehenge. His legs crossed, he sat in the lotus position in mid-air... yes, mid-air. In ways that seemed more Jedi than Ninja, he was surrounded by a sheer amount of Chakra...
“Hey...” Brianna chirruped. “He kinda looks like Ranma.”
Turning to her younger sister, the spotted blonde quipped, “Who?”
“You know, Ranma Saotome,” the blonde lycanthropoid quipped. “Main character of the manga, “Ranma ˝” by Rumiko Takahashi.”
Blinking her eyes once, twice, Gina couldn’t help but mumble. “Hey! He kind of does...”
“No he doesn’t!”
Brianna raised her right eyebrow. “But—”
“No he doesn’t!” Toltirr’s voice repeated. “Pay no attention to that pigtailed youth behind the curtain!”
Neither Brianna nor Gina looked convinced.
“...Anyway, the Sage knew he was not immortal, despite taking the Juubi within him. Thus, the Sage used his special technique of the Rinnegan: The Creation of All Things. With it, he divided the Ten-Tails’ chakra into nine individual constructs that would become known as the tailed beasts!”
“BIJUU BABIES! We make our dreams come true!” nine ‘little’ animals sang as they danced around the pillars that made up the Sage’s training ground. “BIJUU BABIES! We’d do anything for yo~ooou!”
A Two-Tailed flaming feline stuck her head forward. “When you’ve blown up your sleeping place, and you wish that you weren’t the~eere!”
“Just close your eyes and blow up some trees! For you can go everywhere!” an octopus tentacle-laden minotaur called out.
A nine-tailed fox jumped atop a rocky ledge. “I like adventure!”
“I like to romance!” cooed a Dolphin-Colt.
“I tell bad jokes!” a seven-tailed Beatle Grub chimed.
“SHUKAKU DANCE!!!”
The ladies just stared... twitching.
“We’re not going to another reality, are we?” Brianna asked. “Somehow, we ended up in hell or on our way there, and any moment, a gothy emo clad in fetish leather with pins in his head will come out and want to play.”
“This isn’t, “One Piece”.”
Britanny blinked her eyes, completely confused. “What do pirates have to do with hell?”
“You’ll find out if you claim to be one in this ninja world. Ninjas and pirates hate each other... like how you hate paying bills, Brianna hates commitment, and Gina hates non-canon pairings.”
“Death to Ranma/Nabiki Shippers!” Gina yelled, before blinking her eyes. “Er... sorry... spaced out there for a moment.”
Looking over at her older sister, the feline lycan sighed. “...Seriously, sis,” Britanny spoke calmly. “Sex, it is good for calming you down before you snap.”
“HEY!” Brianna snapped. “I’m not afraid of commitment!”
There was only silence for a moment. “All right,” Toltirr’s voice finally responded. “Then why didn’t you marry your Baby-Daddy? Roquette was still technically a bastard up to when everything went kablooey thanks to your sisters. Was living in sin that much fun?”
Sweat trickling down her brow, Brianna twitched. “We... er... just never found the time!”
“Sure, Brianna... SURE... anyway,” the voice chuckled. “Anyway, even living as Badass Nin-Supreme and the Caretaker of Nine Little Miracles, the Sage’s ultimate wish was to establish peace across the troubled world... but it was a goal that would never be achieved in a single lifetime. Knowing this, he chose to entrust his strength, dream and legacy to his two sons.”
The girls’ visage was filled with two men. One a strapping, young, blue-eyed buck with wild blond hair, and the other a very shifty, gangly fellow with red and black-eyed male and a haircut that looked like a duck’s tail feathers.
“The older son, who inherited the Sage’s “eyes”—his powerful chakra and spiritual energy—believed that power was the true key to peace. The younger son, who inherited the Sage’s “body”—his powerful will and physical energy—believed that love was the true key to peace. It was no surprise that on his deathbed, the Sage chose his younger son to be his successor; the one to care for the Bijuu and make his dreams a reality.”
The blond held the old man’s head as he lay on a cot, breathing out his last. Manly tears streamed forth for the male’s eyes and mucous his nose, making him sniffle and snort in a most embarrassing fashion... with all nine Bijuu looking on in similar states of despair.
“HOWEVER... overcome by bitterness and envy, the older son attacked the younger, beginning a war between them!” the vision shifted to show the two on the battle field, the black-haired male performing numerous hand-seals and throwing fire, lightning and making earth shake and roar, while the blond merely punched THROUGH everything that was thrown at him. “Needless to say, it was a stalemate: the older son unable to destroy his younger sibling and the younger boy unwilling to kill his brother. With the fight unresolved, their feud would continue on through their descendants: the Senju clan and the Uchiha clan...”
“That... that is actually half-plausible,” Gina offered.
“Well,” Brianna postulated. “If we expected him to always be over the top and just make stuff up, the least likely thing to expect would be for him to give us an honest account.”
“At least he isn’t singing a ninja version of the theme to The Big Bang Theory,” Britanny offered.
It was then Toltirr’s voice interjected, “I would; but there are too many people on that world that believe the only two things in existence somehow, were the Sage and the Juubi, and that all of reality is as old as they were, instead of the universe being billions of years older, holding races older than their planet.” He paused for a moment. “Granted, such was true in one reality, but that was due to a banished Ranma Saotome and a meal from the Tendo girl.”
“Akane’s food was never that bad!” Gina yelled, defending canon.
“It was Nabiki’s. ”
“...As I can think of no instance where she made her own food, you may carry on,” Gina replied.
“Right,” the disembodied voice of the feline Chaos God replied. “However, history then took a slightly different turn thanks to having to more or less insert you girls as you demanded as organically as possible. Ninjitsu would become the name of the game the world over, but a mere century after the feud between the Sage’s sons that a human decided he wasn’t too keen on dealing with the numerous ninja clans that sprung up, fighting with each other. One man discovered a branch of jutsu that would come to have a lasting effect on the world over all: mahoujutsu.”
Gina blinked her eyes once, twice, thrice. “...Magic Techniques?” she murmured, having taken a moment to mentally translate that.
“YEP!” Toltirr blurted out. “While it wouldn’t become as popular a skill-set with the majority of the ninja populace as unlike with your world, it didn’t have much in the ways of attacks or defense like ninjutsu, it did have its uses. Mahoujutsu would become well known as techniques of enchantment, comparable to fuuinjutsu in a way. However, while the original was based on written seals that could hold and manipulate objects, chakra, and living beings, this new art was more alchemically-based. Potions and enhancement of the body and gear—clothing, armor, weapons, etcetera—were the basis of mahoujutsu. Not only that, but as skill in this art was not completely dependent on the person themselves but their repertoire of ingredients and the limits of their imagination, masters of this art could be found in more than just the ninja caste. Chakra Restoration potions became particularly popular and helped many a fledgling civilians make a profit outside of farming.”
While their vision into the world of Naruto showed various people at work—such as an older man continually dunking a kunai into a pot filled with a greenish fluid—the werecheetah of the group looked around. “But what does that have to do with us being inserted into this ninja world that my sister created with her burrito bombs?”
Twitching irritably, the glasses-wearing blonde grumbled, “Can we please not talk about that anymore?”
“I’m getting there, I’m getting there...” their naughty feline narrator said to placate the Diggers women. “Anyway, with the introduction of mahoujutsu and its use amongst more than the ninjas, one enchanter became famous... or rather, infamous. A mahoujutsu artisan by the name if Iceron gained power and infamy for his skill in twisting normal animals into supernatural creatures. Initially, he experimented with chimeras, creating a twisted menagerie of new creatures. However, his power and overall attitude problem gained him enemies in almost every neighboring country. Realizing his chimeras would not be enough to defend him, he therefore used his slaves to create the first of the werefolk; what people would come to consider the first man-made kekkei genkai. Werewolves would serve to protect his keep and help him carve out his own country while wererats would be sent out to assassinate his enemies, ‘Insta-Ninja’ he liked to call them.”
As the screen showed a samurai in his tent going over battle-plans only to have a rat suddenly turn into a hybrid of man and human with kunai in hand, Gina twitched a bit. “...So... we’ll dealing with the creator of Britanny’s people now atop of Naruto and crazy-ass ninjas who want the Bijuu in his gut?”
“Perhaps, perhaps not,” the Elder God of Mischief replied. “Iceron would be a pain in the ass for many ninja clans for some time to come, but his downfall would be his own doing. One particular wererat, Sherisha, was Iceron’s favored and confidant. She alone had an understanding of the man and his methods and over time, she had fallen in love with her master. She began to repeatedly plead for the werefolk to be granted their freedom so that they could live—and love—as they chose. However, being the selfish asshat that was he was, Iceron would have her repeatedly punished for speaking such ‘nonsense’ to him.”
“This repeated rejection would be what pushed Sherisha to do what had to be done. Iceron may have been a genius with mahoujutsu but his fuuinjutsu left a lot to be desired. Over time, their loyalty seals began to lose their hold due to the werecreatures’ naturally-occurring toxic immunity. When the seals that compelled her loyalty finally broke, Sherisha killed him, despite knowing he’d have safeguards in place to revive him.”
The image on their ‘screen’ showed the blonde man sitting in his throne, two lovely werewolves at either side of him, acting as his guards... only for a hand to reach out from around the backrest and slash him across the throat. The sandy-furred wererat came into view as the corpse fell forward out of its seat, the woman smirking as the two werewolves gawked in sheer horror.
“Despite what should have been certain death, Iceron DID survive. Almost immediately upon his revival, the enchanter sought REVENGE! Determined to exterminate the wererat completely for Sherisha’s treachery, he created the werecats! After much experimentation, he considered four of the breeds successful: the werelions, werejaguars, werepanthers, and weretigers. Through his studies of mahoujutsu, he granted each race a special ability to further enhance their blood-gift and then set them loose on the ninja world to exterminate the wererats.”
The imagery changed the front of a fortress; a set of double doors opening wide as many naked feline people came rushing out en masse, eyes blank and appearing overall savage as they sought to meat of the wererats to appease an unnatural hunger.
“However, when Iceron went down to his dungeon to expel those werecats he considered rejects, he got a rather nice surprise. While most of the slaves had been starving to death, the werecheetahs remained strong, having supplemented their meager rations with the mice and rats that entered their cells. None of the other rejects were doing such, which meant the werecheetahs were catching them all before the others could! Iceron realized that he had been overlooking the perfect rat-catchers and immediately set them to work after bestowing them with the dreaded ‘Doom Gaze’ ability. Part of the werecheetah enchantment is a passive ‘terror’ effect that only afflicted wererats. Any wererat who looked into the eyes of a werecheetah would either be frozen in stark terror, or panicked into fleeing blindly. If they didn’t retreat, a wererat could then be cowed into total obedience to do whatever the werecheetah commanded, or compelled to surrender to the werecheetah’s mercy.”
The visage changed to show a werecheetah with a spiral armored headband, marking her as one of Uzushiogakure’s ninja. She was otherwise wearing a completely leather outfit, cackling evilly as she cracked a whip, two male wererats licking her black leather high-heeled boots.
Both Brianna and Gina slowly turned on their sister as one, staring at the spotted blonde with a horrified gaze.
“...What!?” Britanny snapped. “It’s not like I ever did anything like that!” Granted, she didn’t even KNOW she had such a power. Although if she did, she would certainly have made those mallrat bastards suffer for restraining her with that humiliating bell collar.
“Anyway, to continue,” Toltirr cooed. “After the fall of Iceron, it would be quite some time before anything even remotely resembling a collaboration of force would happen. The start of which would be three-hundred and seventy years later, during what would be known as, “The Era of the Warring States”. That was when a young Hashirama Senju met an equally young Madara Uchiha at a river where the Uchiha was skipping stones. Telling his newfound acquaintance that he needed to put more feeling into his attempts, Hashirama introduced himself to the young man, claiming him as his rival in skipping stones, and noted that at this point in time, he was leading. Though their clans had been in a bloody feud for ages, hired by opposing factions to counterbalance the other, both Hashirama and Madara knew the only way for either to survive, was to become friends rather than enemies.”
“I’m going to be Hokage!” the young Senju child cried out jubilantly.
Lowering his stone, the black-haired youth just STARED at the exuberant brunette. “...What the fuck is a ‘Hokage’?”
“Later, Hashirama would discuss the concept of a Ninja Village with Madara when he met him on the riverbank after the death of his brother Itama. Despite the seriousness of the age, Hashirama shared his dream to create a new village in the very spot where they stood which would serve as a safe place for people to live and children to grow up to become strong shinobi. A place where shinobi would be assigned missions based on their skill set and not simply out of necessity for forces on a battlefield. Despite his usual wariness, Madara couldn’t help but be excited.”
“I’m going to be Hokage!” the young Uchiha Heir cried out with excitement.
Hashirama just GLARED at his friend. “The fuck you say!? I’m gonna be Hokage!”
The black-haired youth shook his head. “No, I’m gonna be Hokage!”
“Well... fuck you then!” the Senju boy huffed.
Madara glared. “No, fuck you!”
“Fuck you!”
“Fuck you!”
“FUCK YOU!”
“NO, FUCK YOU!”
“Oh, fuck me...” the white-haired youth, one Tobirama Senju groaned from his hiding spot as he pinched the bridge of his nose to avert an oncoming headache.
“For some reason, I can easily see this being canon,” Gina chirped.
“Their attitudes, or the fact we’ve passed ‘canon’ about three musical numbers ago?” asked Brianna.
“At the point, little bit of A, some of B, and a lot of V.”
The werecheetah gave her sister an incredulous stare. “V?” Britanny chirped.
Nodding her head, the sensual genius pulled out a flask from her back pocket. She then took a full pull from the silver container as she tilted it back. “V as in Vodka, which I have been downing since we got flushed.”
“Are you... drinking in class??” surprisingly, Toltirr managed to sound appropriately horrified.
“I just wiped out countless life forms, so why shouldn’t I get wasted?” Gina demanded.
“What if you miss an important lesson here?” the disembodied voice of the Chaod God queried.
The blonde human’s left eye twitched. “...Yes, because I’m sure to prove I belong by stating in the future, my farts started all life, and the Bijuu all sung songs in a child-like key.” She then took another long swig of her booze, trying to kill the headache she felt coming on.
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(Posted Fri, 19 Jul 2013 23:04)
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