Being a god of mischief was a lot more fun than being a god of simple chaos. For one thing, you could cheat. Coming up with a set of tools for shifting things around in a universe.
Subject one: Naruto Uzumaki.
Subject two: Ben Grimm
This particular concept had come about by noticing that Naruto tended to play the same part as a "brick" in a superhero world or a "tank" in other settings. He took a lot of hits and dominated attention on the battlefield. In another setting he would do something like that and his companions would then settle into place and bring down serious amounts of damage while Naruto kept the target's attention.
The other factor was Naruto's tendency to wear orange.
Blending complete. Any other subjects?
There was a brief temptation to change Sasuke into a Human Torch, fitting his affinity to fire element into that. Likewise, Sakura could become Mrs Incredible or Fantastic or something with super-stretching powers. Or maybe invisibility and a force field.
Then the moment passed.
Naruto crashed onto the bridge's surface, then stood. He was recognizably Naruto. If Naruto had been at least a foot taller, had over fifty pounds more muscle applied, and was entirely composed of slightly shiny/slick orange stone. Even his spiky hair seemed composed of the same material.
He stood there for a moment, trying to come to terms with his being alive and changed before someone got his attention by throwing a bunch of senbon at him. Which, despite the force being applied, might as well have been raindrops for all the effect it had on him.
Naruto looked over, saw the collapsed Sasuke in a dome of ice and then over at where Kakashi-sensei and Zabuza were engaged in a match where a kunai was being used to block a really big sword.
"Shadow Clone Jutsu!"
Now he could go in both directions. Odd though, he didn't seem to be able to make quite as many.
Zabuza leapt back, swinging his sword wide and aiming for the large orange creature coming towards him.
Kakashi tried to substitute and get in the way.
Naruto found his hands moving fast enough that he could grab the sword in his bare hands. Then he used that to whip Zabuza around and then slam him into the bridge hard enough that steel-reinforced concrete cratered.
"...okay. Wasn't expecting that," croaked out Zabuza. Really, it was completely unfair that something that massive-looking moved that fast.
"Well, he is Konoha's number one unpredictable ninja," admitted Kakashi.
"Zabuza-sama!" declared the masked ninja, speeding towards his master.
The second Naruto managed to clip that ninja's head with a backhand that flipped him over and over until he came down on a crate of building materials.
"Well, just as useless as I thought you'd be," said someone, stepping out onto the unfinished bridge at the head of a mercenary company. "I'll just have to kill all of you."
"Kakashi-sensei?" asked one of the two Naruto, going over to an I-beam and hefting it up like an oversized bo staff.
Kakashi considered, then nodded. "Okay. Try to leave the fat one so we can interrogate someone."
"Got ya!" said Naruto as the other Naruto came to stand next to him.
"What are you waiting for?" demanded Gato, pointing at the ninjas. "Kill them!"
Naruto rotated the I-beam over his head in a noisy blur, still treating it as a clumsy oversized bo staff. He found himself liking the way the various mercenaries had gone from "eager for a quick kill" to "what the hell is that and how do I get away from it" as this was a LOT better than being made fun of or ignored.
Then someone tried to shoot him in the eye with an arrow and Naruto decided he'd better start moving.
Zabuza managed to lift his head, as his head and neck were among the least damaged parts. Mercenaries were screaming as they were flung into the air, flattened, or otherwise severely damaged.
"I'd kill you now, but I have a feeling our conflict is over with," said Kakashi from nearby.
"Well, yeah, no reason for us to continue any sort of battle at this point." Zabuza tried to shrug and the lance of pain that answered that gesture was sufficient to make him stop.
"So what do we do now?" asked Kakashi aloud as if pondering. "I could take your head for the bounty."
"Except that Konoha ninja rarely do that without reason," pointed out Zabuza.
"It'd keep you from being a problem in the future," pointed out Kakashi.
"Yes, but then Konoha couldn't hire me in the future either," pointed out Zabuza.
Kakashi poised as he saw a mercenary spun around at the end of that metal beam and then launched. "Looks like that one might come down in Kiri."
"You know, I might hire Konoha myself in the future, I know this place that really needs a regime change," offered Zabuza.
"Oh?" asked Kakashi.
"I wouldn't normally consider such a thing," admitted Zabuza. "But it occurs to me that your genin there might be a VERY useful battering ram for sealed doors and locked fortresses and the like."
Kakashi considered the way the ground kept shaking and the few remaining mercenaries all seemed to be screaming and trying to get away. "I see your point."
"Kakashi-sensei! Sasuke's dead!"
"He's not dead," said the voice of the fake hunter-nin from where he was lying sprawled across a broken crate of building supplies. "Paralyzed."
"Ah, that's something to consider then," said Kakashi. "Can you restore him faster than I would simply pulling his needles out?"
"I may need help moving," said the hunter-nin.
"I don't get it. Why are we letting them live?" asked Sasuke.
"They're captured enemies. Hokage can decide what to do with them," said Kakashi. "Doing better, Sasuke?"
"Hn."
"How about you, Sakura?" asked Kakashi.
Sakura frowned and glared at Naruto.
"I'm made of something really really tough," complained Naruto. "You shouldn't blame me for breaking your foot trying to kick me!"
"I'll manage," grumped Sakura.
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(Posted Sat, 03 Aug 2013 16:36)
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らんま1/2 © Rumiko Takahashi
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