“… Community Chest. Draw from that pile there.” indicated Toltiir.
Onatar drew the topmost card of the pile and stared as the first card read: Three effects for the price of one. Draw three more cards. “What does that mean, Toltiir?” he asked.
“It means that you should draw three more cards and apply their effects at the same time.” responded Toltiir, “And I just realized something. We haven’t decided on who can survive the Ritual of Purification and who can’t. I say that anyone who undergoes the Ritual of Purification before the human age of 21 can survive it. I also say that anyone who DOES undergo the Ritual of Purification and survives becomes 21 biologically, but still be their regular age chronologically.” At seeing the confused looks on the gods’ faces Toltiir quickly explained, “Biological age is how old you are by using your physical body as a measure of length. Chronological age is how old someone is using time as a measure of length.”
“I see.” remarked Onatar, drawing the first three cards off of the Community Chest pile. The first read: Three heroes of Greyhawk awaken; the second one read: Two heroes of Eberron awaken; and the third one read: Ninja clan in uproar about member undergoing and surviving Ritual of Purification, resolve as soon as possible.
“So the first thing we need to do is take care of the third card event,” said Heironeous, “Who would be an ideal candidate for purification?”
“How about Hinata?” asked Toltiir. When he saw their perplexed looks, he explained, “She is a young kunoichi (or female ninja) that is severely infatuated with Naruto, has severe confidence issues because she is regularly told by her father that she is garbage, and low blood pressure, so she faints when her embarrassment reaches a certain level. She also has special eyes that are functionally similar to a true seeing spell and a ring of x-ray vision that can be activated at will. Purifying her would certainly cause a ruckus amongst her clan, heh heh heh.” he snickered.
“I’m more concerned about her father,” remarked Kord, “If he isn’t a bad father I don’t know what would qualify. I think MY champion would be ideal to teach him the error of his ways.”
“Who would that be?” asked Heironeous.
“His name is William Wallace, and he is an exalted highland barbarian that didn’t convert to my faith until he was about level 10. He wields the Sword of Mighty Thews only against dragons, and he crushes other foes with his bare hands, using all the powers of the Reaping Mauler prestige class and the Belt of the Champion to their fullest. He also managed to find a complete set of the Armor of the Watching Master and uses their full effects against the forces of evil.” remarked Kord.
“A exalted barbarian?” wondered Dol Arrah.
“It’s not at all the oxymoron that some might think,” quickly explained Toltiir, sounding like he was quoting from something, “The exalted barbarian is Chaotic Good by necessity. He stands opposed to the evils in decadent urban society, the tyranny of evil rulers, and the machinations of devils. The greatest challenge of an exalted barbarian is that, in the heat of his rage, he doesn’t commit an evil act by mistake.”
“I’ve got that problem taken care of, already.” remarked Kord, “When he converted to my faith, he learned the secret of the Righteous Wrath. Now he can render a foe shaken with an attack, and he also shows clarity of mind uncommon to most barbarians. He is perfectly capable of dealing nonlethal damage, stopping his attacks to show mercy, and distinguishing friend from foe even in the heat of his rage.”
“So you intend him to beat Hinata’s father to within an inch of his life, metaphorically speaking, without killing him.” remarked Onatar, matter-of-factly, “I believe MY champions can do a bit better in the Fourth Age.”
“Before I name them, I better explain about the warforged and how Dragonmarks work in Eberron.” remarked Onatar. Soon, he was off, describing the warforged, how they were created for the Last War in Khorvaire, how the treaty that ended the war outlawed the creation of new warforged, how they now struggle to find a place in peacetimes, and how they were different from both constructs and living mortals. He also explained about the Draconic Prophecy, how certain marks on certain races belonging to certain merchant families would grant certain spell-like abilities based on the theme of the family. When he finished, some of the deities of Oerth had spinning heads from the information.
“So who do you have in mind?” asked Toltiir
“I believe Ironheart and Sharla d’Cannith would be ideal.” replied Onatar. He then explained each one, “Ironheart resulted from an experiment by Baron Merrix d’Cannith to introduce sexual dimorphism in warforged.”
“Sexual dimorphism is merely the difference between male and female genders of a certain species,” interjected Toltiir, seeing the perplexed looks on the gods faces, “and most warforged are typically genderless, but they do have either male or female personalities.”
“Yes,” remarked Onatar, “and while Ironheart has both a female body shape and a female personality, she is still officially genderless, and sexually clueless.”
“Why do you say that?” inquired Hextor.
“Because her body shape would have many prepubescent boys running to the bathroom if they saw it, and many males try to tease her with dirty jokes, but most of them go right over her head and leave her confused, and her responses often ruin the joke.” answered Onatar. “Anyway, Ironheart was built a little too late to take part in the Last War, so she wandered the wilderness until she found an ancient hobgoblin monastery in Darguun that taught the Iron Heart martial art style. When she asked to be taught by them, the hobgoblin masters laughed at her but took up the challenge just for the fun of it. But to their surprise Ironheart was able to master the discipline easily. She was crafted with a layer of Mithral so as to have better protection without hindering her speed and gracefulness, and she improved her body until it no longer hindered her balance. As a reward for proving them wrong, the swordmasters gave her the bastard sword Kamate. After she left the monastery, she continued to advance her understanding of the Iron Heart discipline until she met the Bloodstorm Guild, which allowed her to push her body and spirit to the max.” When he saw how lost the other gods were, Toltiir quickly explained the Nine Paths of the Subtle way, what they were, who were able to wield what techniques, what weapons were associated with each path, and the official sword of each discipline, and so on. After he was finished, he indicated Onatar to continue.
“Sharla d’Cannith is a master artificer, an alternate spellcaster who specializes in creating and utilizing magic items, both permanent and temporary. She is also an alchemist savant, who specializes in crafting potions and other alchemical items. When the least Dragonmark of Making (which relates to the crafting and repair of inanimate objects, magical or otherwise) appeared on her flesh, she began to learn how to control her mark more efficiently. She eventually gained the lesser, and then later the Greater Marks of Making. Her relationship with Ironheart is a bit like a combination between a ‘really good friends’ relationship and ‘artificer and project’ relationship.”
“So you plan is to make Sharla d’Cannith rich by having her enhance and/or enchant the weapons of various high-level ninjas, and also create magic items out of scratch?” queried Boccob incredulously, “I believe My Champions are more than capable of dealing with Hinata’s father in a nonlethal way, AND fitting into the Fourth Age.”
“So what do you have in mind?” asked Dol Dorn.
“I plan on sending master wizard Lord Khadgar Lautrec, his raven familiar Nico, and his lovely apprentice Miss Sophie Cumberton.” Boccob said, proudly.
“Can we have a description of each person?” asked Toltiir.
“Lord Khadgar is a sharakim who spent several years at the College of the Arcane Order, when he reached level 22 as a wizard before he discovered Arcane Geometry, which he quickly mastered.”
“I can understand the power level of the wizard,” commented Aureon, “But what on mortal earth IS a sharakim?”
“The sharakim (meaning ‘those with taint’ in an old human dialect) were created at a time when all humanity lived in the settlement of Desh, which means ‘shelter’. The process began when a human hunter named Sharak killed a sacred stag.”
“I remember that.” interjected Obad-hai, “When I saw my favorite stag dead and butchered like a common cow, I called down a mighty curse. All those who ate the meat of my stag would be tainted by the violence of its death.”
“Anyway,” continued Boccob, “all those who ate the flesh of the stag became ill. Many died, but others were transformed, twisted into hideous caricatures of humanity by the evil they had committed. The humans that escaped the curse scattered, leaving Desh to be lost forever. Those creatures that were once human gathered together and fled as well, making their own way in the world, but forever after hated by humans because they stood as a reminder of that sin. These became the sharakim.”
“But what do they look like?” asked Pelor.
“Sharakim stand between five and six feet tall and weigh 140 to 275 pounds.” Toltiir started explaining, once again sounding like he was quoting something, “Their skin ranges from light gray to coal black; their hair is thick but not coarse, and such a deep black it seems almost blue, with occasional silver or white streaks. Their eyes are usually jet-black or slate-gray, but sometimes they are dark blue or dark green. Small, curved horns protrude from their temples, and their lower canines are sharp tusks that jut past their lower lips. Their noses are usually short and snubbed, with wide nostrils. They dress as well as their circumstances allow, doing this to distinguish themselves from orcs, whom they despise because they see them as what they could have been. They prefer finely made shirts and pants, with soft leather boots and gloves. They keep their thick fingernails trimmed, and their tusks and horns polished. They are naturally strong, but their size makes them clumsy. Their monstrous appearance works against them in social settings, but their culture forces them to be well educated. They often do all they can to distinguish themselves from orcs, and spend their waking hours fighting the impression people assume on their appearance.
“Thank you, Toltiir.” acknowledged Boccob, “Anyway, the only thing that I gave Lord Khadgar that was sacred to my church was the Rod of Reversal. He crafted his own unique magic items himself. One of the things he created was a Vest of the Archmagi. He also created for himself a staff that combined the features of a Staff of the Magi, and a Staff of Mastery. He uses one of my Blessed Books to record his spells, and because of his mastery of Arcane Geometry, his book has 1000 spells within it, formally organized according to spell level. However, due to an accident in the crafting of the book, the book became intelligent. It refers to itself as the Loquacious Spellbook, and often serves as a magical advisor, and sometimes a tutor for young Sophie.”
“And who is she?” asked Aureon.
“Sophie Cumberton was born into a noble family that specialized in making wine. When she was a young girl, her mother left for the Free City of Greyhawk. By the time she returned, her husband had fallen ill and died. Mrs. Cumberton blamed herself and started making wine. Young Sophie, now a young lady, had some very harsh words for her. She said she was going to the College of the Arcane Order to study magic, and she hadn’t spoken to her since. She met Lord Khadgar when he was called to the college to give a lecture on Arcane Geometry, and he asked Sophie to read over his lecture notes on the day before the lecture. She knew she was in for an all-nighter because most people couldn’t understand what Lord Khadgar is talking about, and his handwriting is often a tangled mess. During the night, when she moved the lamp closer to the notes, they suddenly caught fire. By the time she brought someone to deal with the blaze, the notes were already burned to ashes. She spent the entire night crying because she was afraid of what Lord Khadgar would do. She was so upset that she didn’t know Lord Khadgar had come up behind her in the morning and asked her what she was crying about. Through a waterfall of tears, she told him how she had burned Lord Khadgar’s lecture notes to ashes. His response to that was, ‘No matter. I have them all in my head.’ He went on to deliver his lecture without stumbling even once. He even received a standing ovation when he was finished. After the lesson, he pulled Sophie back and asked her if she wanted to be his apprentice. Surprised, she said yes before she realized what he was asking. She later was glad that she had accepted the offer because she now had access to magical lore that wasn’t normally available to the college she was studying from.”
“Now that we have the champions selected,” began Toltiir, “How do we introduce them to our trio of celestial ninjas?”
“How about they come across the petrified forms after destroying another group of bandits that had access to a Sacrificial Knife of Tharizdun, which burned the hand of their, er, sensei? Is that what the word is?” inquired Heironeous.
“That will do,” answered Toltiir, “Then the fun will begin when they meet the Hokage.
Read the comments on this episode
See other episodes by makutamon
(Posted Thu, 18 Jul 2013 16:18)
Questions? Problems? Suggestions?
Send a mail to addventure@bast-enterprises.de
or use the contact form.
らんま1/2 © Rumiko Takahashi
All other series and their characters are © by their respective creators or owners. No claims of ownership of these characters are implied by the authors of this Addventure, or should be inferred.
The Anime Addventure is a non-profit site.