"Professor Jiraiya?"
"Oh, I'm sorry, was that your bad side?" asked Jiraiya. "Though it seemed quite fine to me."
"Flattery will get you nowhere, Jiraiya," said Professor McGonagall drily.
"Wouldn't dream of it," said Jiraiya. "These are photos I'm sending back with an 'arrived safely' letter. Figured the office would appreciate a few shots of the people I'll be working with and the environment here in Hogwarts."
"Well, at least the weather is cooperating today," said the transfigurations professor. "If you don't mind though, as head of Gryffindor House - I've quite a bit more to do in preparation."
"Really? I'd rather have thought you the sort to have everything arranged and done and planned out in advance," noted Jiraiya aloud.
"Well," hesitated Minerva McGonagall before nodding. "Certainly that's true to a large extent, but there are always last minute details."
"Well, don't let me keep you," said Jiraiya, giving a light bow suitable for one's social equal.
"Uhm, yes, quite," said Minerva, finding herself slightly pleased, just a bit, at the exotic gesture. She covered it by using her Animagus transformation - which was also quite handy for getting across the often uncooperative stairwells.
"Interesting," said Jiraiya, getting a quick picture of the cat moving away.
"You're a spy, aren't you?"
Jiraiya paused and then regarded the figure which had spoken. At which point he completely by accident got two photos of the individual in question. "Who are you?"
"Nearly Headless Nick," stated the transparent figure floating in midair.
"And 'what' are you? Is that a spell I'm not familiar with?" asked Jiraiya.
"What? You've never seen a ghost?" asked Nick, thinking that was even stranger than being a spy investigating a school.
"Not like you at least," said Jiraiya as he examined the spirit carefully. "I've run into zombies before, bodies animated by a kinjutsu. Also a goryo once."
"A... goryo?" asked Nick, looking puzzled until he placed it and then slightly alarmed. "A ghost of vengeance, someone so wronged as they died that they came back to enact that revenge in bloodiest way possible?"
"Yeah," said Jiraiya. "Nasty sucker. If they have them here I may have to address that in my lesson plan."
"I would imagine so," said Nick. "I should point out that neither I nor any of the ghosts here at Hogwarts fall into that sort of company. Well, possibly Peeves, but he's mostly harmless. Other than him though - not at all."
"Of course," said Jiraiya. "We're having a civilized conversation here on a moving staircase in an old castle. I would already have dissipated your essence or stored you in a bottle were you a goryo."
"Oh," said the ghost, having heard a rumor or two. "I see. Ah, I have been remiss. I am Sir Nicholas de Mimsy-Porpington, alias 'Nearly Headless Nick' - the official ghost of Gryffindor House."
"Jiraiya, known by many as 'Jiraiya the Gallant'," said Jiraiya, giving a polite light bow.
"I see, yes," said Nearly Headless Nick. "Not a spy after all."
"Ah, but you see, I'm an author. Some people do get the two professions confused," said Jiraiya, not mentioning he was both since one was a cover for the other.
"Oh? Researching a novel?" asked Nick.
"Well, if things go well..." admitted Jiraiya. A writer must seek inspiration where one could find it after all.
"There's something this way," declared Gamakichi, opening a door and looking in. "No. Not quite. None of you are named Trevor, are you?"
Three individuals stared at the large toad for a moment.
Naruto stuck his head into the compartment. "Don't you have a better way of tracking a toad?"
"If I knew him at all, maybe," admitted Gamakichi.
"Is that... an animagus transformation?" asked one of the kids in the compartment.
"Sorry, looking for a toad some Neville guy lost," said Naruto. "Ya ain't seen one wandering around, have ya?"
"You're a bit of an idiot if your toad is better behaved than you," noted one kid.
Gamakichi puffed up slightly, having taken a near-instant dislike for all three on entering the compartment and then having this unwarranted insult thrown out was even less impressed. "My bad. I guess there's no toad here, just a couple of toadies."
"How dare you speak of Draco Malfoy like that!" demanded one.
"He was referring to you two I think," said the one who seemed to radiate 'rich spoiled kid' to Gamakichi. "Since the wizard is some uncouth mongrel, I hardly expect the familiar to be any better."
"Man, if Kiba was here, I think you guys'd be dog chow by now," said Naruto.
"Oh?" said the two thicker-set boys, getting up and moving forward. "I think you need to learn some manners, shortstuff."
Naruto blinked once as the two taller and heavier boys tried to look intimidating.
Jiraiya stopped at one of the moving portraits, looking around himself in confusion.
"Lost?" asked the figure in the painting.
"Yes, actually," admitted Jiraiya.
"The nearest bathroom is one floor down, take the Northernmost corridor and the third door on your right," advised the gentleman's image.
"Not what I was looking for, but I guess you get that question a lot," said Jiraiya easily.
"Well, the castle was built before a lot of modern innovations such as central heating and indoor plumbing, and wizards being generally slow to adapt Muggle innovations..." said the portrait.
"Right," said Jiraiya. "Whereas you've seen quite a lot yourself, haven't you?"
"Oh, I'm not that old," said the portrait. "Norvel Twonk, Order Of Merlin - First Class."
"Impressive," said Jiraiya, who had no idea what that meant but as it was clearly meant to sound impressive was quite ready to humor the moving picture.
"Quite quite," said Norvel. "Still, one talks to the other portraits and learns a few things here and there."
Jiraiya nodded. As he understood it, the moving photographs were basically a set of photographs that kept showing the same sequence of events over and over. The portraits on the other hand were a more advanced fuuinjutsu that had an impression of the personality of the person they depicted. That they were capable of learning things on their own was actually a little concerning to him. Were these spirits bound to the canvas? How did a fuuinjutsu LEARN and adapt? More things to research.
Just how handy would such a thing be to a ninja? Send a portrait to a rival Kage and have a spy hanging on their wall in plain sight? Be able to consult with past Kage office-holders as new problems and situations developed? Oh yes, he could see all SORTS of possibilities for that.
"You got quite a thoughtful expression there for a moment," said Norvel.
"There are a few things you've got here which I don't have in my homeland," admitted Jiraiya. "I expect that while I might be a teacher here - there will be much for me to learn as well."
Norvel nodded. "I find that is true of the best teachers. Good luck, young man. Now, where exactly was it that you were looking to go to?"
"Ah, that would be the classroom that I'll be teaching in. Defense Against the Dark Arts," said Jiraiya.
"Oh, you have gotten turned around haven't you?" said Norvel. "Just follow me, I'll show you to the right corridor."
Jiraiya watched the portrait's subject move to another portrait, excusing himself as he went by the couple depicted there. Yes, he could definitely see some uses for that.
He'd been taking his medicine. He'd noticed some things seemed to just sort of click together in his head.
Such as when one of the larger boys reached forward to shove him, how he'd seen Neji deal with an attack like that. You brought your hand up like so, deflecting their movement to the side while stepping in and then move like this.
The other was still trying to move forward, but Naruto simply lashed out with a backhand. Once these preliminaries were out of the way, he could see what these guys actually had.
Except that the one reaching for him was heading for the ground with a yelp and the other was bouncing off the wall and heading towards-
Naruto stared in confusion as the two kids who'd started towards him were now sprawled at his feet and groaning like they'd been in a tough fight.
"What the?!" said the rich kid. "Did both of you just trip?"
"Meh, let's go, Gamakichi. Guess that Trevor ain't here," said Naruto, feeling a great deal of disappointment at the fight that wasn't.
"You'll never guess who I saw," said Hermione, sounding slightly smug.
"Trevor?" asked Neville Longbottom hopefully.
"No," said Hermione, opening her mouth to follow that up.
"Tsunade?" asked Naruto.
"No," said Hermione, slightly puzzled for a second. "It was-"
"Sasuke Uchiha?"
"No. I'll tell you who it was," tried Hermione, taking a breath to blurt it all out.
"It wasn't Pervy-sensei, was it?"
Hermione directed a flat look towards her new associate. "No. It was Harry Potter."
"Who's that?" asked Naruto.
Both Neville and Hermione stared at Naruto as if they couldn't believe he'd asked that question.
"What?" asked Naruto. "I don't know the guy. Is he famous or something?"
"Or something," said Hermione, shaking her head. "He's the 'Boy Who Lived' after all."
"Oh, he lived through some really difficult fight?" asked Naruto.
"When he was just a baby, the Dark Lord Who Must Not Be Named tried to kill him," explained Hermione as if a barely-patient teacher to a slow student. "He survived but got a scar on his forehead."
"You saw the scar? I'm so jealous," said Neville.
"He got a scar in a fight when he was born?" asked Naruto. "Could have been worse."
"Well, yes," said Hermione, still sounding a bit put off. "Since the alternative would have been him dying like everyone else attacked by He Who Must Not Be Named - that really was the least of the two options."
"So this 'Must Not Be Named' guy is like Orochimaru?" asked Naruto. When the two looked at him with obvious cluelessness, he elaborated a bit. "Big bad guy, kills kids and just about anyone else he can't use, runs a sinister hidden organization, steals bodies, does lotsa weird stuff with snakes?"
"No of course..." Hermione stopped, considered, pondered a bit. "Actually, yes. It does sound a bit like your Oh-Roachie-Mah-Ru. I take it that wherever you come from is where this fellow is?"
"Yeah, fought him once, but he was WAY too strong for me to take on," said Naruto. "He gave a hickey to a member of my team, kidnapped him, and is after his body from what I understand."
"Oh dear," said Hermione, turning several shades of red and then pale and then even more red as she interpreted that.
"He's also got this weird jutsu, err 'spell', that makes his tongue stretch out to like three times his height, does weird stuff with it," said Naruto, thinking of things like picking up kunai and spitting out swords.
Hermione stumbled slightly, falling on her seat and staring. "That's disgusting!"
"Believe me, it's a LOT more disgusting to see it," confided Naruto. "We were taking a test in a forest when he snuck in and did all that. Nearly killed me and Sakura when he was giving Sasuke that hickey-mark."
Hermione made a face, looking especially pale. "That's HORRIBLE."
"Oh yeah, but Pervy-sensei is gonna train me and we'll get Sasuke back! Dattebayo!" Naruto clenched his fist and took the Dramatic Declaration Pose (page 493 of the Konoha Ninja Handbook dealing with interaction with potential clients) as he spoke.
"So, I take it you never saw Trevor either?" asked Neville.
"Nope," admitted Naruto. "Sorry, this mission was a total bust."
"'Mission'?" asked Hermione. "You make it sound as if you're a soldier of some kind."
"Ninja," corrected Naruto.
"You're not wearing black," pointed out Hermione.
"No, orange is much more awesome," said Naruto.
Hermione opened her mouth, considered, then decided the wisest course was just to drop the subject.
"What's a 'ninja'?" asked Neville.
"There are no ninja," stated Hermione. "They were quite thoroughly debunked on 'Mythbusters' you know."
There was brief silence after that as Naruto and Hermione took their seats.
Neville broke the silence. "What's a 'mythbusters'?"
Read the comments on this episode
(Posted Tue, 13 Aug 2013 20:06)
Questions? Problems? Suggestions?
Send a mail to addventure@bast-enterprises.de
or use the contact form.
らんま1/2 © Rumiko Takahashi
All other series and their characters are © by their respective creators or owners. No claims of ownership of these characters are implied by the authors of this Addventure, or should be inferred.
The Anime Addventure is a non-profit site.