A wide-eyed Naruto looked up... and up some more. Strolling into the room with a balanced, long-legged gait, was a woman even taller than the hoofed Draenei priestess Jiraiya had befriended earlier, though she was just as blue.
Dressed in high-quality leather, with a colourful tunic overtop that featured a creepy eyeball pattern., she stood on two large, two-toed bare feet, likely because no one Naruto knew made shoes that big. Her hands were likewise alien, having two broad fingers and a thumb to each hand, the knuckles wrapped in cords of rope. Her face had a fierce, intimidating look to it that reminded Naruto not a little of Kiba's mom (particularly when she was snapping at her lazy son) which was in no way softened by the two sharp-looking tusks about the size of a little finger (well, a human's little finger anyway) jutting up from her lower jaw. Only her dark red hair, which fell over her shoulders and down her back, in addition to being drawn up into a high ponytail, seemed to set Naruto at ease.
He wasn't sure exactly why, but he found that a really attractive colour for hair to be.
The rest of her scared the crap out of him though. “AAAH! Monster!”
Jiraiya slapped him upside the head. “Not this nonsense again! I thought you'd gotten that reaction beaten out of you by now!”
The troll woman scowled (which solidified her similarity to Kiba's mom all the more in his mind) “What a rotten t'ing to be sayin' to yer pretty wife! Got haf a min' to string ye up like a sandbag an' practice me strikes!”
Naruto flinched back and resolved to keep his mouth firmly shut for a while... or at least until he could wiggle out of these ropes.
Jiraiya and the dwarf looked up in surprise. “You speak Common now? You couldn't before.” the latter asked.
“Ya mon.” The she-troll nodded, patting her tabard. “I took meself down to ol' Silas at the Darkmoon Faire. Told him all about our li'l situation we got here. Asked him if I could be joinin' da Faire informal-like. He said it be fine if I wear da tabard around to advertize the Faire. Darkmoon Faire be one o' da neutral factions, so I can be chatting wit' anyone, be dey Horde or be dey Alliance. I figured dis marriage ain't gonna last very long if we can't even say 'hello' in da mornin'.”
“Sensible.” Jiraiya nodded. “Though I don't know how long this marriage can realistically last even if you can communicate. I brought the boy here to this world for training (unintentionally, I'll admit) but our trip was only meant to last a few years at most, after which we'll have to return to our own world... which, again, I'm not entirely sure how we'll accomplish, but with all these different time-space jutsus around here, I'm sure we can find a way eventually.”
She nodded. The 'from another world' part had been explained to her before, through a 3rd party translator. “No doubt. Opening portals between worlds been a done t'ing around here for decades, if not even longer... though I don' know exactly how dey gonna find YOUR world outta all the infinite ones out der... but give dem mages enough time, and I'm sure they'll figure it out. I'm not worried about me man leavin' me for home, though. I be plannin' to come along wit' you two. I even has a spell of me own that can send me to the Kun-Lai Summit monastery up in Pandaria, and then send be back to wherever I came from, even if it be on your world. Gonna come in handy if we want to be coming back to Azeroth for supplies and such. Probably can make a decent living trading goods back and forth if there's no other work for me o'er there..”
The dwarf priest shook his head. “First ya leave the Horde for this lad, now yer gonna leave your whole world behind? Damn! How good could the kid possibly have been in bed?”
She smirked. “When enraged, aaand in heat, the female troll can mate over eighty times in a single night! He be... prepared.” She waggled her hairless brows.
Jiraiya's eyes crossed as he tried to picture that... then abruptly decided he might be better off not doing so.
“...I honestly cannae imagine tha'... and I'm a tiny bit glad.” The dwarf chuckled.
“Oooh YES!” The she-troll chuckled. “When da season hits da troll tribes, half the bruddas run an' hide in the jungle for a month. The ones that don'? Well, dere be a reason my people evolved our Regeneration ability! A she-troll finds a brudda that can not only keep up, but wear her OUT? He be the kind o' keeper worth following across worlds, even if he be human!”
Jiraiya cocked his head. “Regeneration?”
“Aye...” The dwarf nodded, “trolls heal from jus' about any wound or injury a bit faster than anyone else. Ah'm told they can even grow back lost body parts that usually don't for most other folks.”
“Mostly true.” Naruto's wife grinned. “I don' t'ink I've ever seen one o' me kin with an eyepatch, though I do know of one old troll who lost his arm and never grew it back. Special circumstances, I t'ink.”
“Actually Naruto does have something similar.” Jiraiya admitted. “A family trait, you might say, though it may not be as strong now that the fox is out of him.”
“Good to know.” She grinned. “I be lookin' forward to learning all I can about me new hubby, now that we can actually talk to each other.” She turned to smile at the boy tied to the chair. “You been pretty quiet, love. What's on y'mind?”
Naruto, his expression still a bit wary, but mostly confused, voiced his thoughts. “How exactly are we supposed to kiss without stabbing me in the face?”
Jiraiya groaned and palmed his face.
She smirked at him. “It ain't that hard really; ya sure didn't have no problems two days back!” She frowned. “Ya really don' remember any of it, love? I be tryin' not to blame ya, but I can't say it don' hurt me feelings a bit.”
“Lady, I don't even know your NAME!” Naruto blurted, then winced when he saw her flinch.
The genuinely hurt look on her face hardened into a frown. With a quick sweep of her broad foot, she spun the chair he was tied to around, the back now facing her. Another nimble bit of footwork had her other foot scything through the air in what Jiraiya would have called a 'crescent kick', except for the dark, ominous glow that trailed after her deadly kick. Whatever that technique was, it was decidedly different from anything Konoha taught its taijutsu students.
He was briefly alarmed, and would have jumped forward to protect his foolish protege if the strike had not been so fast, but he relaxed a bit when he saw the dangerous-looking attack had only cut through the ropes binding Naruto to the chair. Another quick sweep and the boy's chair had been spun back around to face her again. She gripped him by the shoulders and pulled the dizzy boy to his feet, leaning down to bring them eye to eye.
“My name,” she began firmly, though whatever heat had flared her temper seemed to have gone out of her tone already, “be Taz'Brazza, Love. Though you were callin' me 'Taz-chan' for most o' that wonderful night. Me love... I can forgive ya for forgettin', since der was a lotta booze and ye got thumped in the head more than a few times, both when ye were gettin' kidnapped and when yer mentor o'er there didn't have the patience to drag yer drunk ass back here while ye was flailin' around tryin' to come back to ME... but don' be turning me away an' pretendin' I didn' exist. You forgot? Fine. I remember for the both of us, an' I'll be MORE than happy to be remindin' ya how much fun we had, every night o' the rest of yer life if ye can keep it up that much!”
Jiraya whistled, impressed. “Can't say any lady's offered me THAT before, Naruto. You might want to consider saying 'yes'... or just taking it on faith that you already did say yes. I can confirm you had a brief wedding ceremony of some kind before I recovered you. I observed most of it while infiltrating the area, until I saw an opportunity to pull you out during the after-party.”
“Na' wait a moment.” The dwarf priest tugged his beard, looking confused. “When did the lad have time to 'wear out a she-troll' if ye pulled 'im out right after 'is wedding?”
“Oh he be doing that the night prior.” Taz'Brazza chuckled with a leer. “That be WHY I be marryin' him! Like I was sayin'. He's a keeper!” She cooed as she snuggled Naruto's head into her chest, leaving him to sputter and flail his arms. The troll lady might not have been quite as blessed as, say Tsunade for example, but she certainly left Sakura in the proverbial dust.
“I still cannae believe a half-grown human lad can... uh... 'impress' a troll girl like tha'” The dwarf mumbled. “How ol' did ye say he was? 13?”
“He comes from a long line of fighters famous for their stamina and resilience.” Jiraiya offered. “It's the size question that puzzles me. I mean he's –what? Half as tall as an adult male troll?”
“If that.” The priest nodded. “He's a little short for his age, ain't he?”
“Yes. Leaves one to seriously question how his boy-parts could meet her standards. I've only seen him flaccid when we shared a bath in hot springs and the like, but from what little I could tell, he seemed unremarkable.” Jiraiya puzzled.
”Oh me Love's got at least enough to get the business done, and he's got more growin' left to do, true enough. It's his stamina that won me over, admittedly, not the man-tackle.” Taz'Brazza giggled.
“Can we NOT all talk about my penis, maybe!” Naruto dragged his head out of his wife's chest to complain, red-faced.
She pulled him right back in, of course, but turned to Naruto's guardian and cocked her head. “Me Love has a point. You be kinda strangely fixated on our bedroom business. What's yer interest, old man?”
“Professional.” Jiraiya answered, holding up a note-pad none of them had noticed before (perks of being a ninja spy). “I'm a writer, and my most successful books have all been sexy tales of adventure and eroticism. They've made me a rather famous man back in our homelands, and reasonably wealthy too.”
Taz'Brazza blinked twice, then turned to the dwarf priest. “Humans be a bit of a strange people, I t'ink.”
“Aye, there'll be no argument from me on tha' score.” The dwarf chuckled.
An annoyed Naruto unburied his head from warm and friendly bosoms once again (it was surprisingly soothing in there when he stopped fighting it). “Ero-senin! Two questions!” He demanded, holding up fingers. Taz'Brazza, seeing her new hubby had something else on his mind, let go of him without complaint (for now).
The toad sage decided to let that one go for now, and just folded his arms. “Shoot.”
The boy glared at him. “First... if you're wealthy, why the hell did you take my froggy wallet 'for safekeeping' and then spend all MY money on booze and whores?”
“Aw now! Tha' ain't right a'tall! Yer in a position o' trust!” The priest scolded. Taz'Brazza too frowned at the man.
Jiraiya looked unapologetic. “Like I said then; you can't expect to be taught an A-ranked technique by a busy teacher without compensating him for the instruction. Also, those ladies were bar hostesses, not whores per say (that would have cost extra) and I was there gathering information. That's the real reason I travel, you know; as a spy for our village. The careless wandering author with a weakness for the ladies is my cover.”
“You sure play it to the hilt then, don't you?” Naruto scowled. “Next question: you're planning to write another book all about this crazy mess I'm mixed up in now, aren't you?”
“Damned straight. This is the most interesting and entertaining scenario I've heard of in a long time; I couldn't have made this up if I'd tried!” Jiraiya declared, laughing.
“And you ain't gonna help me out of this mess, because the more crazy it gets, the better your book turns out?” Naruto growled.
“..............Maybe.” Jiraiya averted his gaze, scratching his cheek.
“Grrrrrrr!” Naruto just fumed.
“Well lad, to be fair, this 'mess' ye be complainin' about is yer own fool fault, not yer teacher's.” The dwarf priest pointed out apologetically. “An' besides, savage ceremony or nae, blackout drunk or nae, ye still married this... um... this strapping troll lassie here. Ye ought to do right by her, or a' least nae be talking like she ain't here, nor like she's all problem and no girl!”
“Listen to the wise and holy priest, Love.” Taz'Brazza grinned around her tusks. With one long arm, and broad-fingered hand, she drew him against her; with the other, she tenderly touched his face. Naruto, for his part, blushed at the open affection (something very new to his experience) and just stared at the floor, pouting a bit. “We be married, but we be new to each other too. Give your Taz-chan a chance to show you (again) that havin' me by yer side makes the world a bit of a brighter, warmer place. I promise you won' regret it... an if you give me a fair chance and still find ye can' care for me at all... then –and only then-- we can be unfastin' our hands and goin' our separate ways. I don' think you'll be pushin' me away for too long though. You sure did seem happy enough to be wit' me before your guardian konked you on the head.” She paused to shoot the older man a dark look.
Naruto looked at the floor again, one hand coming up to self-consciously scratch behind his ear. “Did we really... to that thing... for a whole night?”
Smirking, Taz'Brazza snaked out with one of her long, limber legs to hook the chair Naruto had been sitting on before, spinning it into place behind him before pressing firmly down on his shoulders to seat him.
“What are you... OW! Geez... why am I so sore down...” Naruto paused, blinked, and then turned very red. “Oh.”
Leaning with an elbow across his shoulder, Taz'Brazza grinned wickedly down at the blushing boy. “Oooh yes we did, all night an' part of da day before it, to be exact. You be one fun first date, for a human!” She chuckled as Naruto blushed even harder, then ruffled his hair. “Don' worry, me Love. We won' be doing it like that for a long while. Take some days off to rest and heal dat soreness (though if ya be in a hurry, I'm sure Mr. Priesty here can speed that recovery up a bit.) Then I'll be happy to give you a little taste of The Night That You Forgot.”
While Naruto practically dissolved into embarrassment, Jiraiya cocked his head in confusion. “You say you won't be having a night like that again soon? That you'll give him a 'little taste'? Do troll ladies not always mate for 12 hours at a time then?”
“Oh no!” Taz'Brazza assured him, laughing. “We wouldn't get much else done if it were like dat! Dat's only when a female troll is in heat; needin' to mate. Couples in love still make da love for fun and intimacy reasons, of course. Den it be more like what I t'ink humans do; once or twice for the fun of it, and then we be going to sleep. I still be fine wit' t'ree or four times if he's up for it, of course; I Regenerate too.” She grinned down at her young husband. “Yeah, I t'ink he be up for it.”
“Interesting...” Jiraiya muzed, rubbing his chin in thought. “For most animals... er... beings... that have a seasonal 'heat', it's in the spring; a better time to become pregnant, since food is much easier to gather during the warmer months. What season are we in now?” He asked, turning to the dwarf.
“Well now... Dun Morogh here is pretty cold year-round, an' we don't always lose the snow, but I think in the jungly parts of the world where the lass's troll kin hail from... aye, it should be spring now... early spring, in fact.” “Early spring? Hmm...” Jiraiya turned back to the troll lady. “So, not meaning to pry too much into private matters...”
“Since when has that stopped you?” Naruto muttered under his breath. His sensei ignored him.
“if I'm understanding correctly, your 'heat', Mrs. Uzumaki, is past now? Your time being 'in season' finishes this early?”
She grinned at her new title, and even blushed a bit herself, her blue cheeks turning a darker blue, as she sat herself down in Naruto's lap, playing with his hair. The couple were comically mis-sized for the pose. “Oh, the usual season be lasting a week or two longer yet for most of the girlies back in my home village. My heat be finished early though; it already accomplished its job.”
“Huh?” Naruto interjected. “What's that mean?”
“Ack!” The dwarf priest smacked his palm loudly into his face, groaning. “Ye fool brat! She's sayin' yer gonna be a father! Tha's gonna be one weird-lookin' kid!”
Naruto's eyes crossed, then rolled up into the back of his head as he fainted, still propped up in the chair his blue-skinned bride's sizeable behind was pinning him to.
Jiraiya scribbled notes rapidly, struggling to see the page through the tears as he laughed and laughed.
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(Posted Sat, 07 Jun 2014 18:04)
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