"Yeah, he showed up," scoffed Kiba.
"Team 7 is usually composed of the Rookie Of The Year, the Top Kunoichi, and the person whose scores are lowest," said Iruka.
"What? I have to be on a team with NARUTO?" demanded Sakura.
"No, you're on Team 8. Jonin is Kurenai Yuhi. Sakura Haruno, Hinata Hyuga, and Ino Yamanaka." Iruka raised his eyebrow at that as he read it off. "Hmm. Haven't seen an all-kunoichi team fielded for awhile."
"I made a mistake?" asked Naruto.
"Yes, the B-Rank mission you just completed gave you a top score, but the category you put it down in," said Iruka, shaking his head. "Well, too late to change it."
"What?" asked Naruto.
"He's 'top kunoichi'?" asked Shikamaru.
Iruka nodded.
Naruto looked like he wanted to sink into the floor, while practically everyone else laughed at him. A major exception being someone in the back row who pictured something involving Naruto's centerfold jutsu and a pajama party and nearly passed out.
"In any case, Team 7. Jonin is Kakashi Hatake. Sasuke Uchiha as Rookie of the Year. Naruto Uzumaki as Top Kunoichi."
Kiba snorted again, trying to keep from laughing. Especially as Iruka-sensei had an especially dusty-looking eraser in one hand. Ino wasn't so restrained, resulting in her open mouth suddenly having an eraser in it and five minutes of snorting out chalk dust.
"Kiba Inuzuka as last place on academic scores," finished Iruka.
"I got to be on a team with two girly men?" asked Kiba.
"If Ino wasn't still snorting chalk dust, I think she'd belt you for that," noted Naruto.
"Meh, no biggy," said Kiba. "She's not half as scary as my mom."
"Kiba, there are darn few kunoichi as scary as your mom," said Choji.
"Damn straight," said Kiba with a little laugh.
Kakashi looked over the three of them. "Really. Top Kunoichi of your class? You were reading the files upside down, weren't you?"
"Uhm, yeah," admitted Naruto.
"Okay, well, you're going to have to wear a skirt or something," said Kakashi. "All kunoichi are to wear specific types of clothing. Regulations."
"WHAT?!" shrieked Naruto.
Kakashi nodded. Of course, there were no such regulations. Really though, how could one NOT yank the chain that was dangling right there? Especially after that eraser prank.
"Tough luck dude," said Kiba.
"No kidding," said Naruto.
"No, I meant me and Sasuke got to put up with the ugliest kunoichi in Konoha. Maybe Hana's got something she outgrew in your size, that might work," said Kiba. "Man. This is gonna suck. I know most teams have their kunoichi do the front-work because they're just better at it."
Sasuke looked over, curious. "'Front-work'?"
"Yeah," said Kiba. "You know, meeting with bereaved clients and putting that 'best face forward' and stuff. Have to be sympathetic at the right times. Have to do touchy-feely stuff. I ain't no good at that. Naruto though? Can you picture what the clients are gonna say if he's stomping around in a skirt or tights like Sakura and Ino wear?"
Sasuke pictured Naruto wearing Sakura's clothing, then Ino's clothing. "Ugh."
"You said it man," said Kiba.
"Well, it might not be a big consideration," said Kakashi. "After all, I have a little test for you to pass tomorrow. If you fail, you go back to the Academy. And maybe you can get a real girl to be the kunoichi next time."
"I asked Iruka-sensei, who sent me to this guy Amagi, who sent me to some gal named Yamamoto, who sent me here. Is there a way to keep a henge going even when you get hit or something?"
"Yes."
Naruto blinked. Blinked again. "Seriously?"
The guy, Matsudera, sneered at him. "I don't joke."
"How do I do it?" asked Naruto.
"You don't," said Matsudera. "It requires fuuinjutsu, has a constant drain on chakra, and a very advanced affinity for the henge. What's the best you got?"
"Oiroke No Jutsu!" performed Naruto, posing. "Well?"
"Too much smoke, I can't see the details," said Matsudera.
"It didn't work?" asked Naruto, staring as the technique dropped.
"Try it again, this time without the smoke," said Matsudera.
"Uhm, okay. Oiroke No Jutsu!" tried Naruto, with a different pose.
"Still too much smoke," said Matsudera. "Looks like a fairly advanced henge but... oh hell we'll just have you try it and I'll show you why it won't work. Take off your clothes and do it again."
"But the Oiroke..."
"Kid," said Matsudera. "I'm fifty five. I'm a jutsu researcher. If I say 'take off your clothes' it's cause I know a bit more than a kid like you. You're what? Ten? Eleven?"
"Twelve!" snapped Naruto.
"Scrawny and short for your age," said Matsudera. "Okay, take off your clothes then try your 'oiroke' henge again, but put these on just before you do it."
Naruto held up the bracers, noting that the side that would be facing the skin was covered in odd symbols. "What's that?"
"Fuuinjutsu," answered Matsudera. "By the way. Can I see your ninja ID card again? Okay 'Naruto Uzumaki' - get on it. No. Strap them like this."
Naruto felt really uncomfortable as the old guy fiddled with the bracers, and then stepped away.
"Now, try it again and you'll see why this won't work."
"Oiroke no jutsu!" tried Naruto. Again the puff of smoke, again the different point of view as the oiroke form was taller, again the feeling of being sexy and a natural flirt.
Except he wasn't changing back. "WHAT?"
"WHAT?!" asked Matsudera. "It's working?! How are you maintaining that?"
Naruto bent down, grabbed his clothing, and smiled. "Thanks!"
"Huh. Hang on. Maybe..." Matsudera went to a chalkboard, wiped it down, and started scribbling things out. "Maybe. No. But if..."
Naruto ran off. This would work, and he wouldn't get into WORSE trouble for being out of uniform. He just needed to find some kunoichi clothing now!
"Maybe if it's That, but then," said Matsudera to himself, still writing out symbols.
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(Posted Sat, 29 Nov 2014 17:39)
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