PokéGirls - Rescue Team: Message in a Cube [Episode 262973]

by Red Priest of the 17th Order

“...WOW!” Britanny cried out as the fourth set of BuzzBreasts pushed another dolly cart away carrying cylindrical containers, out of the room and off to somewhere for storage. “How many six gallon drum barrels was that? Ten? Twelve?”

“Sixteen,” the Queen buzzed with excitement. Oh yes, they’d have enough sacramental cheese to last for generations at this rate!

Walking over to the downed Tigress, Sheila couldn’t help but whisper, “How do you feel?”

“THEY HURT!!” Ranma wailed as she lay on her side, arms wrapped around her breasts protectively. “OH KAMI-SAMA, THEY HU~UUUUUUURT!

“Don’t worry, oh Great One,” Luscious responded. “Just continue to drink your water so you don’t get dehydrated—it may alter the taste of the milk if it becomes too concentrated.” The Bug/Poison-type smiled. “But worry not! For we shall continue to drain your Holy Udders until the pain subsides!”

“I’m pretty sure the draining is what is causing the pain,” Sheila stated. “You’ve been at it for an hour and a half.”

Luscious just stared at her. “Which one of us is familiar with milking pokégirls?” she asked.

“But—”

“Seriously, other than foreplay on dry wells, how many tits have you milked?” the BuzzQueen asked. “Because if it is less than mine, what makes you think your uninformed opinion on true facts has any bearing upon reality?”

“Well, I am a woman,” Sheila stated.

“And I am a woman who milks pokégirls,” Luscious countered. “Once again, my known facts trump your uninformed opinion.”

“NO MORE!” Ranma cried out over her shoulder. “YOU HAVE ENOUGH!!”

The BuzzQueen pouted. Quite the backbone. Didn’t the holy scriptures state that Ranu Ma was a pushover when it came to what women needed? “Now, now, oh Holy Hoochie. We only have sixteen drums. We need at least eight more to make it a solid two dozen. Only then will I be sure that we’ll have more sacred cheese than the lost ruins of Fortune Farms could have ever produced!”

Slowly standing up, the Tigress was beginning to glow with energy as her chi began to gather; glowing red from the mixed emotions of anger and hurt. “YOU. HAVE. ENOUGH.”

Looking down at the Tigress, Queen Luscious raised an eyebrow. “You do know Fighting-type techniques are only half effective against Bug-types, right? We believe it was the whole, ‘Try to catch the fly in your hand’ challenge that made the Creator genetically design us this way...”

Ranma glared much more angrily at the BuzzQueen... and was becoming VERY annoyed when the Bee woman didn’t have the common decency to drop dead. “NO. MORE.”

“Yeah! Leave Ranma’s milk alone,” Britanny replied as she stood behind the Tigress, cupping those tits with her hands. “Besides, you need to leave some of that for the rest of us, you know?”

Turning her head to the right and looking over her shoulder, the twitching pigtailed Tigress quietly asked, “Who’s side are you on anyway?”

Grinning, the Cheetit replied, “Whichever gets me tasty Tigress milk! So my own!”

“...I hate you all,” Ranma growled.

“Yes, but you love our pussies, so it all works out,” Britanny waved off.

Sighing, Sheila turned towards the BuzzQueen. “Any chance you could wait for a bit, in case her breasts really are tender from you milkin’ her like a Milktit?”

“Oh, very well,” Luscious dramatically sighed.

“Oh thank Kami-sama!” Ranma sagged in relief.

“Besides, after the two dozen barrels, we still must gather her milk for the commemorative cheeses, as well as for the celebration for when the Holy Hoochie returns as the Holy Gigilo!”

“Oh dear Kami-sama!” Ranma shrieked in terror.

“Personally, as the leader of the Hive, I am hoping to get fucked in a tub filled with her milk,” Luscious continued with a nod. “Which is why four of the third round of one dozen barrels will go into a poképack where they will remain fresh until summoned. Then the Holy Gigolo and I can fuck in a tub of cool, refreshing, Tigress milk...” her red eyes seemed to shimmer in awe at the thought of such a day.

“...Just... just give me the damn keys already...” Ranma grumbled as she held her arms over her breasts defensively—yet careful enough not to aggravate them further. “And someone bring me my clothes already!”

Looking over at the Tigress, the Queen apologetically replied, “I’m sorry but that is impossible. While we still had the clothing of your friends, your pants and shirt were torn up to make holy vestments for the most faithful of your followers...” she smiled. “But on the plus side, I saved your boxers!”

“Great!” Ranma replied. “Let me have them! As long as I have SOMETHING...”

Now the BuzzQueen began to pout. “But I was saving them for myself... RHIP and all that...”

Ranma took in a deep breath, repeating her mantra—and coincidentally, the only thing keeping any of these Ho’s alive.

This is better than Nerima. This is better than Nerima. This is better than Nerima.

Besides, at least here, she was enjoying being literally fucked, instead of being figuratively fucked.


“How does that thing stay on?” Britanny asked as they walked towards where the keys were kept. “Do your moist gates keep it tight?”

“...Shut up before I have them get you one,” Ranma replied, walking tenderly because she still had nothing to cover her breasts. She was also annoyed and confused with how a ‘C-string thong’ was being kept on her.

But at least it wasn’t pinching her tail.

Finally, the group came to a stop at a pair of steel doors. As the entrance before them opened, all three Cat-types had to squint their eyes; the light that shone forth from the room was blindingly bright for that moment; pressurized air being released. It took a few seconds more but once things were calmed, all three opend their eyes wide.

It was a large room to be sure, pure white from floor to ceiling; the entire ceiling and back wall being lit as they seemed to contain if not made from tube bulbs. It was also a very bare room, with only a small white podium in the direct center.

Turning to the BuzzQueen, Ranma glared up at her. “Is this some kind of joke?” Mentally, she added, like this C-string?

“No joke, oh Holy Hoochie,” the Queen/High Priestess of the Cult of Nodo Ka replied. “The scriptures were very poignant about this room. Only we four may enter. The High Priestess, the Holy Hoochie, and any of the Hoochie’s Harem. To make this clear, we are the first to enter in over a century.”

Even as she said this, the quartet made their way into the white room. Her eyes on the small podium, the pigtailed Tigress made her way right to it. “The keys better be here...”

As the others joined the podium, they considered what exactly could be considered the keys to the future, to returning the male side of their species to this world. Besides the desired keys to the container and the vehicle, would it be more vials of blood? Tissue samples? Males turned into Pokéboys, locked inside PokéBalls, just waiting to be released, traded, and made to fight in oil-filled arenas for their amusement?

“...My fist is bigger than that,” Ranma stated, looking at the small cube-like device on the podium.

“...I’ve had things bigger than that inside of me,” Sheila countered.

Britanny opened her mouth to say something, but promptly shut it. Anything she could say would only make her look bad.

“So...” Ranma spoke up, confusion evident in her voice. “What do we do with this thing?” she frowned as she gently poked it with a finger.

Shrugging her shoulders, the BuzzQueen replied, “I do not know, oh Holy Hoochie. The scriptures stated that only you would know.”

Considering that for a moment, the pigtailed Tigress nodded her head. She grasped her hand around the cube... and began to shake it violently. “DO SOMETHING! DO SOMETHING ALREADY!” she roared, venting her earlier frustrations on the tiny device. “I NEED MY COCK BACK!”

She then cried out as the small cube sparked in her hand, jolting her fingers and causing the martial artist-turned Tigress pokégirl to drop it. The little machine bounced around for a few minutes like dice before coming to a stop. Once it had, a small hole opened atop the surface and it shot forth a cascading beam of light. This beam took on the image of a figure all four knew all too well. No matter the title: Urban Legend, Goddess, Watcher, Mother, Crazy Sexum, Nodo Ka...

This was a hologram of Nodoka Sexum.

“Help me, Manly Son Saotome, you’re my only hope! Help me, Manly Son Saotome, you’re my only hope! Help me, Manly Son Saotome, you’re my only hope!”

Blinking her eyes once, twice, thrice, Britanny gave the cube a gentle nudge with her foot. “You better not have broken it,” the Cheetit replied. “For you see, I have a dream! A dream of having a cock when needed! When those with and when those without can hold hands across this great land and just do it!”

“...Um...” Ranma really had no clue how to reply to that.

“You had better not have ruined my dream!” Britanny growled in warning.

Her left eye twitching, Sheila bent down and grabbed the cube before standing up and setting it back on the podium once more. The only change the image showed was moving from a mini-Crazy Sexum to a full-sized one... in an odd bikini and her red hair done in a strange fashion, reminding her of cinnamon rolls.

“My manly son, if you are hearing this, then the empire is in grave danger,” the figure stated solemnly.

The Tigress blinked her eyes in confusion. “...Empire?” Ranma asked.

“This means my odds of grandbabies or getting my holes tapped is in further danger,” Nodoka continued.

Sighing, the Tigress lowered her head. Of course...

“This cube,” the hologram continued, “The Holographics FX Simulator, is but part of the whole key needed to unlock the case that holds the preserved samples of your male DNA...”

“...Wait... part!? PART!?” the Tigress roared. “I GOT MY TITS MILKED FOR ONLY PART OF A KEY!?”

“I’m sorry, my Manly Son, but your hope to restore your cock is in another castle...” the recording of the woman continued most sadly.

“AAAAUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGHHHHH!!” Ranma cried out as she reared her head back.

“I do hope you forgive me. The DNA is just too precious and I could not only leave but a mere few steps between pokégirls and the return of cock,” the hologram replied. “For if the DNA fell into the wrong hands... cock could be forever lost to the world...” she sighed. “But with this device, you shall find the location to the next part of the key, which will get you to the second of three pieces needed...”

AAAAUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGHHHHH!!” Ranma cried out again with the realization that even if they went to the next location, there was still more bullshit to go through.

“Wait a minute,” Sheila stated, ignoring the martial artist-turned-feline pokégirl’s screams of rage. “How did she know we’d be looking for a way to return cock? We could simply have come here with Ranma already sporting... what did they call it?”

“Wood,” offered Luscious.

“Right. Wood.”

To answer that, Luscious simply pointed to a plaque on the pedestal.

Leaning over—carefully in case Crazy Sexum had lain a booby-trap, the Shaguar read it. “In case of cock already present, flip to Side B.”

“DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA THE SHIT I WENT THROUGH!?!? AND FOR ONLY PART OF A KEY!!!”

“Should we listen to the other side?” Britanny asked curiously. “You know, be thorough and everything.”

“I think we should finish this message first, Tits; before we see what the other one was,” Sheila offered. Besides, given the statues outside, it probably was a dirty message for her ‘son’.

Speaking of which, the current message continued, even as the Tigress was having an aneurysm. “Oh my poor Manly Son... either trapped in your girl form or stuck as a sexy, fuckable pokégirl...” the hologram of Crazy Sexum cooed. “I know this quest can’t be easy for you. After all, you are supposed to be a Manly Man impregnating all kinds of pokéwomen to give me grandbabies, not be the oven to cook all the grandbaby buns!”

The image seemed to perk up. “Fortunately for you, I do have something to make your journey easier,” the recording of the redheaded woman said in a more upbeat voice. “For you see, I had originally wanted you—as a male—to take my Hummer Grandé for maximum speed and precision strikes, to go from town-to-town quickly and procreate... however, since it is likely you need to regain your manhood first since you’re listening to this side of the message, the least I can do is have you cruise in style.”

“...Cruise in style?” Britanny queried, liking where this line of conversation was going. After all, the more free swag she could score, the better things would be for her.

“I have left a special vehicle with which you can conquer the wilds of a world after the Great Disaster. For you see, I left one of my two Class-A Mother Trucker Recreational Vehicle with the BuzzBreasts of this Hive,” Nodoka began. “I want you to take it as your own.”

Queen Luscious paled; much of the yellow of her form becoming a shade of sickly white. She was willing to give them anything, but not that! Not the hot-tub! NOT THE HOT-TUB!!

“SCORE!!!” both the Cheetit and Shaguar cried out in sync.

“After all,” the redheaded she-beast continued. “I made it part of my scriptures! They will gladly do whatever is needed to support My Manly Son in returning cock to our world... for it is a most holy quest.”

Now the BuzzQueen looked absolutely sickened and ready to vomit. Fortunately, being the BuzzQueen, such would result in more honey. After all, what was honey technically but, ‘bee barf’?

“Yes; they shall give you what supplies you need, support, intelligence, devices of mass and completely unnecessary destruction, and needed sex toys to keep you and your future harem entertained until you can plow them with your impressive manhood and sire many new grandbabies of the human and pokégirl variety!”

“Well... that’ll make things much easier,” Sheila said as she nodded her head in affirmation.

The BuzzQueen paled even more. Why, oh why did they get to take her hot-tub!?!?

Smiling, the recording of Nodoka couldn’t help but quip, “I’m sure my precious Cutiepies and their evolutions have provided them with more than enough intelligence to make this trip as easy as a Tendo.”

All three Cat-types turned to the BuzzQueen.

“...What!? They’re Cutiepies! Those things are just about as intelligent as a Bimbo! They were traitors! When the Great Nodo Ka vacated the land, we were given her holy scriptures and left to take control of the forest and everything, to keep this plan for the return of cock afloat!”

“And if the BuzzBreasts, have, for some reason, killed my precious sweethearts, let the BuzzQueen speak now or forever hold her piece... and not get any cock,” the image of Nodoka admonished.

Luscious twitched. “...Fine. The Viridick Forest was dealing with a great drought for a long while. It nearly wiped out ALL the Bug-types here. My people had discovered it had been caused by those filthy Cutiepie... and so they were purged as per the Queen of the time’s instructions... only...” she chuckled nervously. “Turned out one of my predecessors—said aforementioned Queen—caused said drought and kept it from the rest of the Hive.”

“...” all three feline pokégirls stared at her.

“...What?” the BuzzQueen replied. “We had to keep the Honey Pit moist and fresh somehow!”

“And you’re still attacking and sacrificing them... why?” Ranma asked, even though she was pretty sure she wasn’t going to like the answer.

“Well, after a while, it became tradition, and the Hive sort of expected a bloody show,” Luscious stated nervously. “And besides, they aren’t very intelligent anyway... in any evolution.”

As if to debunk the Queen’s claim, the recording continued. “But I’m sure the BuzzBreasts have already deduced how I have trained the Cutiepies to blend in to the background, allowing them to remain unobserved and thus the perfect spies.”

“...Maybe too well,” Britanny muttered.

“They have, after all, lived in peace during my time here... except for a few skirmishes that nearly led to a bloody war,” Nodoka continued.

Ranma just palmed her face. “They’re probably ready to nuke this place right now.” She hated her luck: it was figuratively and literally fucking her.

“Ah well... at least I can rest, knowing I have done my part so that they shall get along just fine without me,” the hologram of Ranma’s mother chirruped. “Although I do have to wonder why both sets of Bug pokégirl species seem to be erecting statues to me... oh well, can’t be helped that they think so highly of me, I suppose. But hey, it’s not like they’re going to form opposing religious factions. I mean, sure, the BuzzBreasts lost the first half and the Cutiepies lost the second half due to the tomes being submerged in the mud because I dropped the pair of books I printed off for them in my rush to leave... but I’m certain the core values of my teachings will seep through to both species and they’ll work together!”

Sheila turned to the BuzzQueen with a serious gaze. “...There's a Holy War going on in Viridick Forest, isn’t there?”

“...War is such a strong term...” Queen Luscious stated slowly. “It’s more of... er... a Holy Conflict...”

“...For want of fifteen minutes to an hour to print up new books, my mother created a war...” the Tigress groaned. The worst part was that she wasn’t all that surprised to learn this.

Pouting, the leader of the Hive insisted, “Conflict! Merely a Holy Conflict is all!”

That was the moment the sound of an explosion could be heard in the distance; the Hive shaking. Almost immediately, red lights started flashing as an alarm started to go off; blaring loudly.

“...More of a Jenny-Action, really,” Luscious nervously added.

“...All in favor of grabbing what we can and fleeing?” asked Britanny.

“Aye!” went Ranma and Sheila.

“Opposed?”

Again, another explosion could be heard; this time far closer. The room shook more violently, the ceiling panels shifting a little and allowing dirt to trickle down from above at numerous areas.

All personnel!” a voice spoke up over the intercom system. “We are under attack! Please report to your battle stations and designated bunker! I repeat, all personnel! Please report to your battle stations and designated bunker!

“Motion passed,” Sheila stated firmly. “Now let’s get that key and get the hell out of here!”

Fortunately, it was this point that the hologram recording came to a close. “But I do know the Cutiepie will have another piece of the key, to help you along your way,” Nodoka stated. “May the Nookie be with you!” She then smiled lustfully. “And when you have your cock back, please flip this to Side B and listen, alone, and Mama shall make this a Taming across time!”

“...FUCK YOU, LIFE! FUCK YOU, LADY TOMBOY LUCK!

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(Posted Thu, 26 Jun 2014 23:18)


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