"Do you realize how many grammatical errors you just made?"
BLAM!
Captor Raptor lowered his devo-gun after zapping their teacher. "Grammar nazi."
"Uhm. No, Mister Raptor sir," corrected one of the children. "Grammar Nazi is a supervillain down in Texas."
"Oh. That's right," said Captor Raptor. The gun-toting dinosaur nodded. "Forgot about him. Ahem. Now! Foolish spawnlings! I have turned your teacher into a monkey! What do you have to say NOW!"
"Ape. Monkeys have tails."
"Does this mean we don't have a test on Tuesday?"
"How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie-Pop?"
"Why does CNN call you a reptile when dinosaurs were a different genus?"
"Why are you taking an elementary school hostage?"
Captor Raptor looked over the little kids, made a whiffling sound, and considered. "I'm a supervil, not an ape expert. Maybe. 42. They're monkeys throwing poo, what do I care about them? And because my airbike broke down in the getaway."
"Ohhhhh," said the kids.
"Can you call for a tow?" asked one kid.
BLAM!
Captor Raptor lowered his gun. "Huh. An eight hundred pound gorilla in the room. Didn't expect that."
The kid-turned-gorilla grinned, went to the formerly largest kid in class and picked him up in one hand. The gorilla glanced at the supervillain.
"Bullied?" asked the raptor.
The gorilla nodded.
"Shoving him in his own locker?" asked the raptor.
The gorilla nodded again.
"Far be it for me to interfere in someone else's revenge," said Captor Raptor. "Revenge is important. Go ahead."
The gorilla grinned and moved out into the hallway with his captive.
"Now, any other interruptions?" asked Captor Raptor.
"When there's trouble you know who to call,
"Team Ninja!
"From their tower they can see it all!
"Team Ninja!"
"Where's that music coming from? Did someone leave their cell phone on?" asked Captor Raptor.
"When there's evil on the attack,
"They'll come stab it right in the back!
"Cause when the world needs heroes on patrol,
"Team Ninja!"
"I never head of 'Team Ninja'," said Captor Raptor before falling forward.
"Wow, the theme music diversion worked," said Sakura, having snuck up behind the lizard.
"Told ya!" said Naruto.
"Hang on," said Sakura, clicking the gun to reverse and shooting the teacher.
"Oh thank goodness," said the teacher upon being restored. "By the way. Shouldn't you be in class?"
"Gotta go! Superheroes, ya know," said Naruto, disappearing.
"Wait," said the teacher. "Oh, they're gone."
"Grunk?" asked an eight hundred pound gorilla as he re-entered the room.
"They took the gun, how are we going to turn you back?" asked the teacher.
[It's Okay.] wrote the gorilla on the blackboard. [I like this better. No asthma.]
"Well, I'll just write a complaint to the superhero board or something," said the teacher.
Three weeks later:
"Wait till you see it. This is gonna be sooooo cool!"
"Naruto. Why are you excited about a flying car? You can fly faster than that yourself!" Sakura rolled her eyes, not believing how much of a kid Naruto still was.
"But you can't Sakura-chan," said Naruto as he opened the door. "You'll see. This way we can get to things faster than ever and-"
Hinata blinked. "We're back in the Academy."
"Iruka-sensei?" asked Naruto. "Wait. Where's our quinjet? Our tower? Our nifty headquarters? The instant ramen dispenser?"
"Looks like we're back," said Sakura. "Thank goodness."
"Where have you been the past three hours?" asked Iruka. "You didn't go home to change did you?"
"Three hours?" asked Naruto. "We were gone for three WEEKS."
"Six weeks," corrected Sakura.
A swirl of leaves solidified into an ANBU. "Team 7. You are to report to the Hokage's office immediately. Hinata Hyuga. You are to report to your clan compound immediately. Iruka Umino..."
"Yes?" asked the teacher.
"Get this room fixed as soon as possible. You may requisition two D-Rank missions for this purpose," said the ANBU before disappearing again.
"That's quite a story," said the Hokage. Though admittedly having Naruto hovering, Sakura turn into a steel statue, and Sasuke sheathing one arm in fire DID add a bit of validity to at least SOMETHING happening.
"So did our sensei eventually show up?" asked Naruto finally.
"Well, as to that," said Sarutobi Hiruzen, reflecting that by turning up late yet again - this was all Kakashi's fault. "There's a little test you still have to pass. Hawk? Get Kakashi."
"Wait. We have to pass a test? To do what?" asked Naruto.
"To actually become genin," said the Hokage.
"But... we've faced evil GODS and supervillains and..." Sakura ran out of objections.
"The test is entirely up to the jonin's discretion," said Hiruzen Sarutobi.
Hawk reappeared. "Pardon sir. Kakashi said he is following me immediately."
Everyone waited. They continued to wait. They fidgeted.
"Okay," said Hiruzen Sarutobi at the five minute mark. "New rule. Until the test you are not to mention or demonstrate any new or special abilities. You simply got tired of waiting and went out to get something to eat. You have no idea what happened to the classroom."
"Uhm, why?" asked Sakura.
"We're pranking him for being late?" asked Naruto.
"Yes, Naruto," said the Professor. "That's exactly what you're doing."
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(Posted Tue, 31 Mar 2015 17:10)
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