Zarnod looked at the altered order slip then back at Jadeite. He shook his head, lips cracked into a slight smile. “You’re going to get fired one of these days, you know. What is it this time, a group of obnoxious tourists from Golgafrinchin?”
Jadeite sneered. “No, it’s even better. My enemies from the past just arrived here. I mean, can you believe the luck? Well, time to get cracking!” He departed, the cackle following him out of the kitchen. The chef and several assistants just rolled their eyes and went back to work.
For the next twenty minutes, Jadeite was sure to be extra busy, running here and there doing important jobs, such as refilling the saltpeter shakers and folding napkins. Just at the point where he gauged the senshi were going to complain, he came over to their table with breadsticks (the oldest he could find, of course) and water. “So sorry, this place gets really busy at this hour.” He waved vaguely in the direction of the rest of the café, ignoring the empty tables and smiling falsely.
Usagi saw the breadsticks and made a face of longing. “Oooh, I’m so huuungry!” She grabbed one and devoured it quickly. “Urk!” Her face took on a greenish cast, matching the tinge of the breadsticks. “Are these supposed to be this color?”
Jadeite nodded. “Oh, absolutely. They’re, um, pistachio breadsticks. Well, eat up and I’ll be back in a bit with your food!”
Ami picked up her glass and took a sip. “Hey, there’s no ice here. Jeez. The service in this place really is crummy.”
Setsuna gave the disappearing former Dark General a thoughtful look.
Back in the kitchen, Jadeite was laughing with the other waiters. “Pistachio breadsticks! I’ve got to remember that one!” said a short woman from Ursa Minor Beta. “I hope you made sure to spill at least one soda?”
“Nah, I didn’t even ask for drinks. I just brought them water.” A sneaky smile came to his face. “Tap, with no ice.” More laughter.
“So are we giving them the ‘special treatment’?” asked an assistant. That was usually reserved for repeat customers who they knew and did not like and had no problems with putting in “additives,” so to speak. After a pause, Jadeite shook his head. “No, though I can’t say I’m not tempted. I just want to annoy them. Nothing they can’t figure out.”
The chef rang a bell. “Jadeite! The dish of the day is ready! Go bring it out!” The General cum waiter grinned. “Oh good, more fun.”
At the table, everyone was waiting, their glasses drained of water, watching Usagi make little squeaky noises and complain about her tummy. “Well, you shouldn’t have had all of those pistachio breadsticks, especially one after another. No wonder you feel ill.” Rei said. At the approach of their waiter with hopefully more water, they were surprised to see him bring a cow(!) on a leash. Luckily he also had some water and refilled their glasses.
The cow looked at them with big, beautiful brown eyes, complacently chewing on its cud and mooed “Hellooooo. I’m your dish of the day.” It nodded its head to Usagi and Makoto. I’d like to recommend steaks from the rump area. I’ve been eating a lot of corn and it has been getting quite fatty.” The dish of the day turned its head, a horn prodding the area.
The girls looked in shock at the animal. “Excuse us, but did you just ask us to eat you?” Makoto asked. At the animal’s nod, she blinked. “Um, why?”
“Because I have been bred to be food. Why not breed an animal that wants to be eaten rather than one that doesn’t? You know, you sound similar to the diners a relative of mine became a meal for. Perhaps you could continue this discussion over, say, a nice steak?”
Mutely, Makoto nodded. Pleased, the cow got up and waddled away. Jadeite smiled secretly. Two down, four to go. “I’ll return in a few minutes with your meals.” He said sweetly, then went off to deal with another customer. A few minutes later, he heard some screeching. Ah, is that number three?
“All I want is some freaking ice in my freaking water! Is that too much to freaking ask?? By kami! Argh!” Hurrying over, Jadeite pasted a concerned look on his face. “What’s the matter? Ice? Sure, I can get you some, but uh, couldn’t you deal with that yourself?” At the senshi’s glare, he backed away and said “No problem, here. Ice all around.” He plunked down a pitcher of ice with some water in it. “Remember, just wave if you need anything.”
Heading back to the kitchen, he had to hold the evil laughter in until the swinging door closed. He looked up to see Zarnod the chef grinning. “You’re having too much fun. Here. Their orders are ready. Wait until you can compose yourself, though. It wouldn’t do to ruin it all now, would it?”
Jadeite smiled and picked up the heavy tray of plates. “This has been a great evening. I’ll be in a good mood for a month, I think.” He opened the door with his hip and brought the tray to the table of hungry senshis.
“Oooh, food’s coming at last!”
“Good, I can’t deal with any more of those awful breadsticks.”
“You ate them?”
“Half of one. I guess I don’t like pistachio.”
Jadeite arrived and with a flourish he placed the large tray down just far enough away so they couldn’t see what was on it and made a show of finding and consulting his order slip. “Let’s see now. A number 11. That goes…”
“Here!” Makoto nearly yelled. She grabbed the plate from him, but paused in freeze-frame as she saw a nice tasty steak. “Urk…” “Princess, you also had one.” He snapped another plate down in front of Usagi. She came out of her stupor and said “Oh, food? Yum!”
“A number 7 goes to you, Pluto.” Setsuna smiled and began to eat her spaghetti with meatballs. “I have another one of these for the Princess, of course.” Usagi just waved, indicating where it should be put, her mouth stuffed full of steak. Then he turned to Minako. “Now for your order. Here you go.” She blinked as two more plated of spaghetti were put down in front of her. “What? I ordered the chicken! I don’t wa-” It looked like a vein in her forehead was going to pop.
Jadeite smiled thinly. “Yes, I’m sorry, but we ran out. You asked for a 14. Here are two sevens. That’s a 14.” She blinked disbelievingly. He turned to the next person at the table. “Ah, yes. Do you have enough ice now?”
Ami looked at Jadeite sullenly and mumbled something. He smiled happily. “Wonderful! Well now, here is your order. A 16, yes? Well, you get an 11,” and here he slid a steak in front of her, “and a 5,” putting a grilled fish next to it. “Ah, I see you like fish a lot, your imitation is excellent.”
Rei’s eyes narrowed as Jadeite turned toward her. “Let me guess. I get…” she paused and looked at the table. “I get the spaghetti and the steak.” Jadeite laughed merrily, two plates in his hands. “Wonderful. You are correct. You get a 7 and an 11.” He looked back at the order slip. “Now, am I all done? 11, 7, 14, 16, 18. Oh yes. The princess had ordered a 23.” He snapped the last plate down by her, grilled fish.
Setsuna, who personally had no argument, as she was eating what she ordered, said “There is no 23. The menu stops at 21.” She pointed to the one on the table.
“Ah, but her Royal Highness ordered an 11, a 7 and a 5. That makes a 23. Enjoy your meal, ladies. I’ll return in a bit with dessert and coffee.” He bowed and grinned, nearly waltzing away in his happiness. He was up to four. A better number than he thought. Still, pissing off all six....
Ami was still mumbling, but kept eating. Occasional words came through, such as “blast, baka, destruction, pain and tip. Setsuna looked at her and then all of the senshi carefully. “Look, first of all, we can’t have a battle here. I’m a respected customer here. I can’t just blow this place up. This is where I go to relax. If it no longer exists I won’t have a sanctuary.”
“Nothing stopping us from beating him up in the car park, though.” Said an unnamed voice. “I’ll ignore that for the moment.” Setsuna continued. “Second, because we’re a party of 6 or more, he gets an automatic gratuity. Sorry. He’s got us on that and he knows it.” She sighed.
"What are you doing down there?"
"Parking cars, what else?"
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(Posted Sat, 17 May 2003 22:57)
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