"What?"
"I said you're pregnant, Ranma." said Doctor Toufuu. "All three of you."
"What?!"
"Pregnant. Err, you know... 'with child'... 'expecting'... um-"
"'Knocked up'," Nabiki interjected. "'Fertilized', 'Got a bun in the oven'."
"What?! I'm What?! What?!"
Doctor Toufuu sighed.
"This may take a while," said Nabiki.
"What?!"
"'Touchan, I've got good news and bad news and mixed news for you."
Tendou Souun looked at Nabiki's 'sales' face and immediately knew that he'd better sit down for this.
Seeing her father seated, Nabiki started her speech. "Okay here goes: The mixed news is that I'm pregnant. No no, sit down. There's more. The good news is that it may be Ranma's. Err... The bad news is that it's only about a 50% chance it's his. But the other good news is that there's another 50% chance that the child Ranma is carrying is mine."
"That's a 100% chance of a Tendou-Saotome heir," Ranma interjected, desperately trying to put a positive spin on things.
Nabiki sighed. "No, Ranma, it's a combined chance of 75%."
Ranma frowned, starting to count on her fingers. "But..."
"I'll explain later, honey." Nabiki turned to her father, switching on her most winning smile. "Well, 'Touchan, what do you say? ... 'Touchan?"
"Wow," said Ranma. "I didn't know that it's possible to faint with your eyes open like that."
Nabiki cautiously tapped her father's shoulder. Slowly he keeled over sideways, landing on the floor with a Thud!, still in the same sitting position. "I guess that means he didn't take it so well."
Ranma felt for Souun's pulse. "Or perhaps you killed him and this is rigor mortis."
Nabiki sighed again.
"Are you sitting tight, Mihoshi?" Kiyone asked. "Okay. The good news is that I'm pregnant. Yes, yes, that's wonderful. Sit down, there's more. The bad news..." - here Kiyone fought hard to suppress a mad smile - "...is that I've applied for maternity leave, so you'll have to work with a different partner for the duration. ... Err, Mihoshi? Why are you smiling like that?"
Mihoshi giggled happily. "Surprise! You see, Akane-kun had these packets of instant spring water..."
"Oh no..."
"And now I'm pregnant, too! I'll be on maternity leave with you!"
"Oh no!"
"We'll do everything together! We'll have Lamaze classes, and go shopping for maternity dresses, and have ultrasounds, and perhaps we'll even give birth together!"
"No! No!! Nooooooooo!!!"
"I always said you were a pervert, and now you've proven it," said Akane, as she sat with Ranma and Nabiki at the living room table, alternately eating her ice cream and munching on a big pickle. And I thought those tales about strange cravings were a myth...
Ranma, who was munching salted peanuts with her sakura-mochi, merely shrugged. "Takes one to know one, I guess. well, at least you know which woman is the father of your child."
Nabiki just ate her Ramen and concentrated on not giving in to her urge to eat raw celery along with it. She was not going to join the club of pregnant teens with strange eating habits, thank you very much. To distract herself, she concentrated on something else, namely...
(Posted Thu, 21 Nov 2002 11:21)
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