Replacements: Somehow it has to start [Episode 56736]

by AWarringer

Ranma leaped over the bonbori as it came down to her head.

“Shampoo kill.”

Ranma sighed as she ducked the next swing of the Amazon girl. Ever since that fight two weeks ago, that damn girl tried to kill her. But Ranma took it as a training exercise. It slowly became routine. A bit too fast, thought Ranma as she stumbled over a stone and lost her balance. She could dodge the next swing, but that drove her directly towards the cliff next to her and her pandafied father’s camp. She couldn’t completely dodge the last swing.

“Crap,” she swore as she fell down the cliff.

Nearby a middle-aged man smirked from his hiding spot in some bushes. He snapped his fingers and disappeared in a flash of white light. Ranma disappeared at the same time.

Ranma herself waited for the impact down at the bottom of the cliff with closed eyes. She was a bit surprised as she felt herself falling in something soft. She opened her eyes and looked directly into the eyes of a bald man in some kind of jumpsuit. He tapped a badge on his uniform.

“Picard to Security, Intruder alert.”

------------------------------------

“CHIEF!”

Chief Miles O’Brien worked furiously on his console in the transporter room. Geordi La Forge stood right next to him. A solar flare on Alpha Centauri B had just interrupted a transport from the USS Anderson to the Enterprise. The Enterprise had met with the Anderson to exchange a visitor and bring him to Earth. This Visitor was Ranma Saotome, a really interesting case. They knew that he was from another universe and appeared in Captain Picard’s ready room two weeks ago. And he had this condition that caused him to change gender with water of different temperature. And now he was stuck in a transport.

“We have a degradation of the signal. Compensating.”

The normal whine of the transporter was heard an not only one shape materialized, but two. Both were wearing the same clothes, but that was all. Instead of only one Ranma Saotome, two Ranma Saotome stood on the transporter platform, one male and one female.

“What’s going on?” they asked at the exactly same time.

They were startled and stared at each other.

“WHAT THE FUCK!!??”

---------------------

“I assure you Captain, this is Ensign Saotome.”

Captain Janeway couldn’t help but stare at the very irritated five feet long golden dragon on the bio-bed. Than she looked at the Doc.

“Are you really sure?”

The Doc nodded and showed Janeway two DNA-strings on the screen.

“I am sure. But I have no explanation for it.”

“Incoming emergency transport.”

The whine of the transporter filled the room and a shape materialized on a second bio-bed. It was the shape of a four feet nine long silver dragon.

“Doc, I…”

The silver dragon stopped and stared at the golden dragon. The golden dragon held up one paw and waved.

“I see it got you too, sis.”

Clapping let the four look around. A middle-aged man in Starfleet uniform sat on one of the bio-bed.

“Q,” hissed the golden dragon.

“Temper, temper, Ranma. You could blow that vein.”

Both dragons snarled at the omnipotent being.

“I just wanted to stop by and let you know what happened,” he said grining.

“So it was you,” Janeway stated.

Q shook his head.

“Nope, It was a very small being.”

Q snapped his fingers and the screen on the doctors console changed.

“Barcley’s Protomorphosis Syndrome?” the Doc said blinking.

“Exactly. Ranma here,” Q patted the golden dragon, who snapped at his hand,” had contact to a surface on the Enterprise that still had one or two of the virus sticking on it. It activated some genes and than was destroyed by his awakening overactive dragon immune system, before it could do further changes.”

Everyone in the room blinked.

“You see, one of Ranma’s ancestors had been a dragon, so some of his genes had been draconic genes. After the activation of these genes, he had become a full-blooded dragon.”

“I’m here, you know?” Ranma the golden dragon said.

“Since he didn’t know it,” Q ignored Ranma,” He never even thought about the fact that he would be able to change shape. And since Ryoko is he, she is a dragon too.”

“And why are we transforming just now?” Ranma’s sliver dragon transporter clone Ryoko asked.

“Well,” Q said,” You are in your first sloughing. You enter something like a hibernation and grow. But I think I better let you know everything you need about being a dragon.”

He snapped his fingers and the two dragons winced. Than they stared at him. Before he could snap his fingers again to disappear, a gust of cold air froze him into an ice block, followed by a stream of fire, melting the ice.

“That…didn’t…hurt…”

Q couched up a bit smoke, fell backwards and disappeared.

“Doc, do you have some Aspirin?”

-------------------

Ranma awoke with a start.

‘Wait a minute,’ he thought,’ Many trees – check, campfire – check, the old panda – check.”

Ranma frowned and tapped his communicator.

“Captain to Arthemis,” he said,” Very funny. I hope you like to scrub the plasma-inductors. Computer, end simulation.”

This wouldn’t be the first time Lieutenant Arthemis played a practical joke with him and/or his sister. Ranma waited, while nothing happened. Ranma blinked.

“Computer, security code Saotome-Alpha-Zero-Six-Nine-Omega. End program.”

Nothing happened.

“Waiting for something,” a voice said behind him.

“Q,” he said before he turned around.

“Shut up, Ranma,” Ryoko said sleepily, before her glace was glued on Q.

“Hi kids,” the omnipotent being said smiling.

“What do you want?”

“Oh, that is easy,” Q said,” I want you to take over a job.”

“Take over a job,” both Saotomes said unison.

Q seemed to somber from one moment to the other.

“Well, last time I was in you home-universe, I screwed up big. Some kind of utopia kingdom was spread about the whole solar system. And they had this mayor fight. The queen of this magical kingdom was trying to send her main fighter to the future where they would reincarnate, but I had to try out something.”

He made a dramatic pause.

“And screwed up. The fighters where ultimately killed except for one. And I had to do something to compensate. That was when I found Ranma. I decided to bring him to my home-universe and put him into Starfleet, to get someone who could defend this world as good as the old fighters. I never imagined that you would split in a transporter incident of become dragons. But it is positive for the job. So I brought you back to the day before you disappeared and changed memories a bit.”

“In what way?”

“Ranma is a ‘Star Trek’ otaku. In Jusenkyo he fell into ‘Spring of drowned girl’ first, followed by ‘Spring of drowned twins’, which split you in male and female, and last but not least, ‘Spring of drowned dragon’. The last spring has an interesting side-effect, as it turns every descendant of a dragon into a full-blooded dragon for good.”

Before Q could say more, Ranma and Ryoko charged at him.

---------------------

Martek sat in the cockpit of his space ship and listened to the white noise of the hydrogen line. He liked to listen to it, because sometimes he was able to hear faint artificial signals from races that had yet to get a FTL-drive. His own species had gotten their FTL-drive because they began to work for HER.

Get the FTL-drive and some high technologies and work for HER, that had been the deal. They never regretted it.

He looked into the black sky of the planet, where he had to do his reports, because SHE said so. It was a dual planet that orbited as the ninth planet around a yellow dwarf, a star that wasn’t unique. The third planet was the home of a humanoid race and the only concern for HER. Every of HER plans affected this planet. He didn’t really know why.

He wasn’t able to think more about it, as the cockpit was filled with a much stronger white noise than before and a vague humanoid shape materialized in front of him.

“Have you done it?” the shape asked in a disembodied female sounding voice.

“Yes, mistress. We have destabilized the Oni Empire, like you said. We have leaked some information about the Oni-occupation of Bajor to the Galaxy Police. Jurai is currently blockading every single Oni system. It’s only a matter of time, before the Oni Empire falls.”

“Good,” the voice said without any single emotion,” I have a new job for you.”

“What is it, mistress?”

Two pictures appeared on a screen in front of him. One showed Ranma and Ryoko Saotome, the other a boy flocked by some girls. Martek paled a bit as he identified the princesses Ayeka and Sasami of Jurai.

“I want you to prevent the meeting of the new crown prince of Jurai with these two humans. But I want them to be alive.”

Martek bowed.

“Yes, mistress. It will be done.”

“Good.”

As suddenly as it had appeared the white noise and the shape disappeared. Martek leaned back into his chair.

“She gets spookier with every time.”

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(Posted Tue, 22 Jul 2003 20:08)


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