And with that the youngest Tendo daughter picked up her luggage and walked out of his life forever.
Ranma's hair was still standing on end in shock as Shampoo deepened the hug and claimed a kiss.
She had his full attention when she backed off. "Ooh, you just saying Shampoo pretty, right? Tell wife again she looks good and she make you very happy."
"Uhh, Shampoo..." the martial artist croaked out.
The door slid open again. It was Soun Tendo and Genma. "Son, we've just been having a long chat, and your father and I have decided to move to San Francisco, where we'll get married and take part in a Gay Pride parade every week somewhere in the US. I've left everything to you, and you'll find the paperwork on my desk in my room. Your father, bless his furry butt, has also left some scrolls for you as well, plus your mother's address, and her divorce papers are already signed and filed. Use them well. We plan to be dead by AIDS within the year, but what a way to go, eh? Venereal diseases - Collect Them All! Eh, Saotome?" Soun asked the vigorously nodding panda.
[This is the last you'll see of us, son.] read the panda sign, before it flipped. [It was our best choice, and the only way we could be sure to escape the Master for what's left of our lives.]
The door closed, and Shampoo had his shirt off and was nuzzling his chest before the cursed boy got his wits back again. "Hey, Shampoo..."
Once again the door slid open, it was Ryoga. "Hah! At last I've found you! Listen Ranma, I think your womanizing days should be over. They end today, do you understand me!"
The fanged boy produced a bouquet of flowers, and Ranma realized, in shock, that the Eternal Lost Boy was in a tux just as his old rival fluffed glamour sparkles from his hair. "It's time you became interesting in men! Without your father around I'm going to be lonely. So bend over and TAKE IT LIKE A MAN!!!"
POW!!
Shampoo used her bonbori to smash Ryoga down as the Lost Boy tore away his suit to reveal a leather corset and S&M apparel, finally smacking his unconscious form out of the window to disappear into the distance (where he would land in a puddle in the yard of a local slaughterhouse on the day they were doing pigs).
Realizing that his surprise had rooted him to the spot, and what fate could have befallen him if Ryoga had reached him unopposed in that helpless state, Ranma gave his amazon bride a huge and VERY enthusiastic hug, which she enjoyed...
Until the door opened.
"Hold it right there, Sugar." Ukyo stood there, fully armed and ready for combat. "I have a few words I'd like to say to the Amazon." Taking hold of Shampoo by the back of her neck, she pulled the purple haired princess out of the room and off to a quiet corner, where the pretty okonomiyaki chef dropped to her knees and began pleading.
"PLEASE! You've gotta help me! The building inspectors today noticed that I'm still a High School student and they're going to shut me down since I don't have a work permit, and there's no way that I can get one from Principal Kuno! He's gone out of town for two weeks and I only have a three day grace period to get the paperwork! But you and your great grandmother have diplomatic immunity! My own clan's already tossed me out for failing to deliver Ranchan. Can you please make me an Amazon and cover me in the blanket of your tribe's special status? I'll be out on the streets, otherwise!"
The purple haired amazon smugly bent over to kiss Ukyo on the lips. "You tribe sister now. First Duty: Get Husband to make Wife and Wife very happy. Shampoo very generous so she share, even though no have to. You be friends, yes?"
"Oh! THANK YOU!!" Ranma's childhood buddy glomped the other amazon in a grateful hug.
As they were doing so they got passed by a blur on its way up the house steps, into the room where Ranma was waiting.
That martial artist looked around as he heard the door slide open, expecting to see either Ukyo or Shampoo, probably wearing bruises.
Instead, Akari came running in the door to engulf the martial artist in her arms. "Oh, Ranma! I thought Ryoga was so BUTCH! Now he's gone and left me for another man!" The pig girl sobbed, a tear stained note in one hand. "All along I was searching for a manly husband and he was just a pooftah! But the wedding's already arranged. My whole clan is coming, and I have to get back with a groom by this time tomorrow!"
Once again that door slid open.
"Ranma," Kasumi stood in the doorway, holding an opened letter. "Father just left me a note saying that I am to be your loyal love slave, and cook and clean for you the rest of my life. Oh, hello Shampoo, Akari, Ukyo. But Ranma, I was wondering if you'd also let me become a doctor. I promise to choose a field that won't interrupt my ability to stay available to you for when you want to screw my brains out, and I also promise not to be late for meals."
"Uh, sure. Whatever you want, Kasumi." Ranma's brain had shorted out and he was just tossing about random agreements with anything anyone wanted.
"Why, thank you, Ranma! I'll go shopping for lingerie now." Kasumi returned him a divine smile and left the room.
"Uhhh, Shampoo?" The pigtailed martial artist discovered that he was naked and lying on his back, only lightly covered by a blanket on his futon while Shampoo kissed his neck and Ukyo massaged his feet. Akari was pouring massage oil on her own hands and disposing of unnecessary clothes with a speculative gleam in her eyes.
"So there you are, Saotome." The door slid open again upon this happy scene. Nabiki stood there, one hand on the door frame, the other holding an opened envelope and a letter. She scowled, then turned up her nose at this scene and took two steps in. "Daddy just left me a note that I have no allowance at all anymore, nor place to stay, and if I wanted to resolve this I had to come to you and discuss things. So, if you could take your mind off of your mindless sex orgy so obviously brewing here, what's going on, and how did you come to be in control of my home and the family fortune? Also, why is Kasumi on her way out the door, saying she's out shopping for sexy underwear?"
"What do you want, Nabiki?" Ukyo asked in acid tones, feeling she could afford the rival now that she could legally beat the snot out of her.
Nabiki raised an eyebrow at those tones. "Simply? I want my home and money back, and I challenge Ranma to a gambling contest for them." She raised a deck of cards in one hand.
"Ranma Accept!" Shampoo cried out. "But hands too too busy pleasuring second and third wives to hold cards. So Shampoo draw for him! One hand. Winner take all. You win, get house and father's money. We win, Ranma get you. Screw brains out, make babies. You no object and do what he and first wife say forever!"
Nabiki sat down, dealing out the hands from the stacked deck of cards. "Poker. One hand, winner takes it all, as you say. I expect to be getting up a rich girl again." Then she looked at her cards and her eyes bugged out, seeing the single worst hand in poker. The cards fell out of her fingers to lie face up on the floor.
"Royal Straight Flush!" Shampoo slapped her own cards down. "Ranma win. Nabiki be sex toy for remainder of life. Please to take off clothes so husband see what he get from winning!"
Shrugging, Nabiki gave in to the inevitability of it all and began to shuck off her outer clothing when the door slid open.
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(Posted Tue, 06 Sep 2005 07:40)
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