"Where has that foul gaijin witch sent me? No doubt it was a plot to keep my true loves from me! She and Saotome must be in league!"
Guided by the sounds of someone falling into the pools, and the victims ranting, the Jusenkyo guide walked toward the latest ‘Honorable Customer.' The sight that greeted him was a bit unusual, even for a place that had people turning into animals - a completely naked girl, pacing back and forth, continuing to rant about his true loves, foul witches and sorcerers. Only shocked for a moment, he walked up to his new customer.
"Honorable customer, you fall in spring, yes?"
Tatewaki blinked. He was used to having his rants interrupted - just not by a polite question. "In answer to your question, of course I fell in a spring, fool! Why else would I, the great Blue Thunder of Furinken High, be standing here soaked? Speaking of which - Satsuke, to me! I require your assistance."
"You very strange, miss. You fall in "spring of drowned girl." Anyone who fall in spring take body of young girl, and ..."
"Preposterous! How can I, the paragon of manliness, Tatewaki Kuno, be a girl?"
The guide frowned. Usually, by this time, the victims of the springs had realized what had happened. This one was either very stubborn or very stupid. "Honorable customer, you come to house, I show. I also get some clothes."
"Very well. This unclothed state is . . . undignified. But no more of this nonsense about me being a girl."
A few minutes later, as they arrived at the guide's house, he was wondering just how long it would take this Tatewaki to notice that she had a completely new body. Tatewaki was wondering were Satsuke was.
"Ah, we here, honorable customer. Now I show you." Motioning Tatewaki inside, he pointed to the full length mirror.
As Tatewaki gazed into the mirror, his brain went into overdrive. (Of course, for him this was only about 20 tph*, but what can you do?) Staring back at him was a girl. A very attractive young girl with blue hair. One who moved at the same time he did. After that realization set in, it was followed by several others very quickly. Saotome claimed he turned into a girl. Was the foul sorcerer in fact telling the truth? Was the pigtailed girl one and the same as his hated enemy? And if she was, was it also true that his other love, the fierce tigress Akane, wanted nothing to do with him?
At that very moment, down in hell, a minor demon wearing overalls was pacing back and forth. According to the name embroidered on his overalls, this demon went by the name of Ed. The main furnace was not looking good. It was smoking, and the pressure gauges were well into the red. "If that thing blows, this here place will ice up in nothing flat," grumbled Ed. "Damn mortals, always making my job harder."
Back up on the surface, Tatewaki's brain slowly lurched towards the inevitable conclusions. Of course, Ed's furnace wasn't the only thing that was overheating. Just as it was about to take the final, irrevocable step to the logical conclusion, Tatewaki's brain overheated, and he fainted.
Back in hell, Ed breathed a sigh of relief. Whatever had nearly caused hell to freeze over had stopped just in time.
"Ah, Honorable Customer is finally awake. Is good. Now can explain about curse."
"I know about my curse, good sir. I am forever cursed to miss my beloved Tatechan! Do you know which way he went?"
The guide frowned. "You very strange customer, miss. What you name?"
"Why, my name is Tamami, and if you don't know which way my Tatechan went, can you at least tell me how to get back to Japan? I am sure that my beloved will go there."
Shaking his head, the guide pointed east. "Japan that way. Long journy." Before he had a chance to continue, Tanami had thanked him profusely, and rushed out proclaming her love for her Tatechan. The guide shrugged. Maybe she had been a girl to start with?
*Thoughts per hour.
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(Posted Tue, 23 Dec 2003 16:48)
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らんま1/2 © Rumiko Takahashi
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