“Welcome to Yggdrasil Online. Please supply your truename and password:”
Feeling the well-built Nordic woman draped across his shoulder stir to life, Ranma set her down on a park bench. Seeing as she wasn’t about to pound him for some imagined slight, Ranma’s thoughts turned to concern. “Hey, are you sure yer alright?” he asked and bent to check her out. After all, if a reputed finacée wasn’t upset at him then something had to be wrong.
“Beep! Access denied. Your account has been deactivated. If your account has been accidentally deactivated, please contact Sysadmin to have your account reactivated.”
‘Frag! I am Sysadmin!’ Urd cursed and aloud she snarled, “no, I am not alright,”, which immediately reassured Ranma as any woman with such a temper was normal. “Damnit, she really did it to me! I’m stuck down here without... and like this and ... you... oh... oooohhh.” He was touching her there and there and ... ooh... a little lower ... arhe ... didn’t it feel nice?
Ranma didn’t mean to do more than put a arm across her shoulder, but his fingers seemed to have a life of their own and they brushed shiatsu points he never knew existed. So when she started to convulse, moan and shudder, he had no idea what to do. However, his hands did, especially when she leaned into him. His body stiffened in panic, but his arms moved to embrace and caress her vital points.
“Oh, yeah, baby!” Urd moaned as he leg started to kick. She purred and mewled and turned fuzzy all over as her lycanthropy kicked in. “That’s heavenly! That’s... that’s.... oh! Ooooooh arhe!” ‘Oh, frag, that’s the Touch Of Seven Heavens, isn’t it? I’ve got to resist! I.. I...’ “Iyiyiyi! I can’t resist you, Ran-baby! You’re so fine, I want to make you mine. Oh, honey, you’re so firm and hard like a big ... log!?”
Urd pulled back and stared at the log dressed in Ranmaeque-clothes. “What the... a dummy log technique? That’s not fair! Getting a girl all worked up and dumping me like that. Just you wait, Ranma, Mistress Urd is going to make you pay! Oh yeah, baby... bwahahahah... no, wait!”
Urd started pounding her head with the log to exorcise the thoughts of herself in dom gear standing over a bound and naked were-cheetah. “Bad thoughts, bad thoughts. No, no, no. Damnit, I’m a matchmaker, not a matchmakee!”
“Huh?” Urd blinked as she stared at the shattered remains of the log. “I must be dreaming, that didn’t hurt at all! What the...? Oh, yeah... The werecat deal. That’s right, and I bet they made this body react to Ranma’s pheromones, too, on top of Freya’s love spell. No wonder I couldn’t resist the Touch of Seven Heavens! I’ve got the morals of an alley cat in this bodacious package. Those sneaky, backstabbing bitches really did a number on me! Waai! I’m so proud of them!”
“Okay, I can deal with this. I just got to stay away from the boy and get him hooked up with one of his fiancées so I can go home and not be stuck making out with his hot, hunk bod for the rest of .... Ahem! No problem! I’ll show them who’s the Goddess...er werecat of Love!”
“Right... but first I’ve got to find somewhere to stay...”
Urd found a cute Chinese restaurant called the neko-hatten — the name ‘cat house’ appealed to her humour on several levels. It had proven surprisingly easy to wrangle a job as a cook-slash-waitress. It was just so quaint, and the kitchen came stocked with special herbs and spices.
“Aiya!” a green-eyed Amazon demanded. “Why Grandmother hire big blond bimbo?”
(Whack!) “Show some respect child. She has some really impressive … references.”
“Is too, too true,” the girl muttered darkly. “Shampoo see her big ‘references’!”
“Good go- … ahem – Goodness me, child, how could anyone miss it? Now run along an make your deliveries while I fix the hole in the roof.” Cologne wondered if it would be blasphemous to patch up the floor while she was at it, although the glowing golden Greek runes had since faded
“Is good idea. You put up lightning new rod too, no?” She adjusted her blouse as she flounced out of the room. “Shampoo go see how Ranma like her “references”.”
“Shampoo! Come on a date with … when did you get so big and firm and bouncy and warm and squishy and …eep?”
“Hands off the merchandise, buddy! Men have been struck blind just by looking at a perfection like mine! Divine retribution strike, knee to the groin! Yeowww! Owww! Ouch! What the frag do you keep in there?”
“Ah, well,” Cologne sighed, “It’s business as ussual.”
Ranma’s life was getting complicated since he’d given up ultimate power to become an heroic lycanthrope. This was partly because of the gifts other’s had given him, without his consent or knowledge. Well, mostly because of them, really.
In an attempt to ensure the werecheetah race was revived, the goddess Bastet had gifted him with supernatural sex appeal. On the course of his new adventures as Tokyo’s newest crime fighter, an oblivious Ranma started rescuing or defeating quite a lot of women, unwittingly impressing them with his manly physique. Fortunately Wildcat’s secret identity was secret, so they hadn’t tracked him down to his lair —yet.
Fortunately, too, his great-great-great-great-grand-mother, the luck goddess Kishijoten, had chosen to bless her seventh generation descendant with karmic luck. As long as he was being a suitably heroic, unselfish, and all-round-good boy, probability would bend over backwards to do nice things for him.
Bastet’s sister wife, the goddess Sekmet had modified Ranma’s lycanthropic bite. He wouldn’t infect foes in anger, but would afflict his gift on anyone he bit on other occassions. The bite would heal fast, and transform the subject into one of a variety of werecat ‘species’. Any women he bit would also go into heat on the spot, compounding Bastet’s gift.
That hadn’t happened yet, but Ranma was afraid that it had. He had no other explanation for why a woman would turn into a mewling werecat sexkitten in his arms, and was a bit worried that he’d freaked out and left her like that. He was searching far and wide for her. Unfortunately she was near and narrow, and alternatively plotting how to hook him up with a nice girl and daydreaming about loosing herself in his muscular arms.
The sun goddess Amaterasu had, in defiance of her traditional shy-girl image, gifted him with knowledge of the Touch of Seven Heavens. This was a shiatsu technique that would ascend a woman up the seven tiers of orgasmic delight. Unfortunately she neglected to tell him he knew any such technique, but muscle memory let his fingers do the walking. That was causing problems every time he dashed in to sweep a woman off her feet and out of danger. The longer he held them, the more likely it was someone would get bitten in a moment of passion (or in a panicked attempt to escape said moment of passion). As luck would have it, he was fast at his rescues.
But Ranma’s real troubles were from the goddess second class (access currently denied), Urd, who had tried to match him up with her idea of an ideal suitor. Freja had stepped in and placed an injunction on all supernatural attempts to influence Ranma’s romance. The gathered goddesses had then turned the tables and dumped Urd into Ranma’s lap, after hitting her with an Erotic Force 10 Love Spell, and a few additional curses and compulsions.
Unfortunately the karmic pendulum swung both ways and, with a single cowardly action, his luck would suddenly run out, turn around, and hit him in the face. Running away and leaving Urd in the alley had been particularly unheroic. The first complication to hit him was …
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(Posted Sat, 24 Apr 2004 14:25)
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らんま1/2 © Rumiko Takahashi
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