“A fifteen-year-old with the body of someone in their early-twenties, who’s a total klutz, a complete ditz, and the looks of a Barbie doll with the brain to match,” M thought with a sigh. It was then the armrests broke off the chair, and Xane let off a sigh of relief. “And the strength of the Indescribable Bulk,” M added as an after-thought sadly. That was the fifth time this week, and it was only Tuesday.
M had thought it would have been a boon to have Xane as part of Agency Zero. They found her quite by accident, as she had stood victorious above the fallen forms of an Army of the United Soviet Socialist’s Republic. She had entered ‘Man’s World’ to see how far the ‘male-dominated’ civilization has come in turns of evolving in the arts, the sciences, and whatnot. She seemed a perfect candidate for Agency Zero, and who know what she could have added to the group to help out mankind.
What it turned out was that the place Xane was from, the Island of Feministsdontcarea, had not evolved much in the way of arts, sciences, technologies, or judicial system whatsoever! They were a female-oriented society that could kick-ass, use almost any weapon, had large breasts, and loved fluffy pink bunnies.
Well, at least she had strength, and she was a very nice piece of eye-candy to look at while he dictated letters...
...Too bad she didn’t pay attention all the time. What started out as an address to the country after to legalize the head bashing of flag burners turned into a legalization and organization for that... What did those Hippies call it? Woodstock?
Relaxing back into the chair, Xane sat a bit more comfortably. “So, what is it you wanted to talk to me about, Miracle?”
The former super-hero known as ‘Miracle’, but now-known-as ‘M’ raised his glasses to rub his eyes. He could feel a headache coming on. “It’s ‘M’, Xane. Just ‘M’.”
“Oh, right, right!” Xane said as she nodded her head, causing her breasts to bounce more than they should have. She didn’t notice how M’s eyes were glued to her chest for more than a few moments; until they stopped bouncing.
Coughing into his hand, M looked at Xane seriously. “Agent Xane, we have a serious problem.”
“Tell me about it,” Xane said, “The cafeteria still isn’t serving chocolate pudding, and all they have is that horrible green gelatin.”
His left eye twitching, M spoke a quiet mantra of, “Mustn’t kill, mustn’t kill, mustn’t cause international incident between America and island of bimbos, mustn’t kill...”
Noticing the vein on her boss’s forehead was popping out again, Xane said, “Oh my, is something wrong, Miracle?”
“It’s M! M! M! GET IT RIGHT!” M shouted.
“Oh, all right M&M,” Xane said as she saluted. She couldn’t help but wonder why her boss slammed his head onto his desk. “Uh, boss?”
“Xane...” M groaned. He lifted his head up, one of the lenses of his glasses broken. “You remember the smilodon we had here.”
“Oh, yes!” Xane said as she nodded her head. “He was big and muscular in all the right places! Oh, I’d love to have a pet kitty like him!”
Groaning, M slammed his head on his desk again, breaking the other lens. Perhaps this wasn’t the smartest idea after all. “Never mind, Xane. Never mind.”
“Wait, I know!” Xane started. She stood up in a remarkable sentai pose. “You want me to watch over the man right?”
“Well-”
“And that baby needs looking after too, right?”
“But-”
“And knowing he’s not from around here, he needs to learn customs-”
“That’s true, but-”
“And as a representative of Agency Zero, you want me to make sure all goes along nicely?”
“Xane-”
“Don’t worry, boss-man!” Xane said, changing her pose to one that could be expected form Sailor Moon, (if this were twenty years later) “I, Xane, Warrior Princess of the Island of Feministsdontcarea, shall make sure that hunky werecat-thingy and his little cub get along in America just fine!”
Standing up, Xane saluted her employer. “Don’t worry! I won’t let you down!” Xane said and ran to leave the office.
*THUD*! *Crack*!
“Oww... Stinkin’ low door-jams!” Xane grumbled as she ducked under lower and walked out of sight.
M, for the most part, just placed his hands over his face and wept.
"Grooaaaan..."
"Now, now! Quit your pouting!"
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(Posted Fri, 16 Jan 2004 17:11)
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