"YES!! See, boy? I told you your old man would come through!" crowed Genma as he looked upon his handiwork.
It had taken most of the scrolls that he had amassed, the work of several years of looting temples and swindling priests. One would think that, with hundreds of different spells applied more or less haphazardly, Genma had not a snowball's chance in hell of succeeding in reversing what the genie had done, but Ranma's restored manhood was proof enough that no fouled-up wish was going to derail the great Saotome Genma's plan for easy retirement joining the Anything Goes schools. Genma engaged in half a minute's worth of patting himself on the back in success.
"Heed these words well, boy!" Genma said to his son, "When a Saotome puts his mind to it, he can accomplish anything! Even this Asim character's magicks are no match for a Saotome!" His son sat there with a dazed look on his face, as a little boy again. And surely no man would want to marry another boy!
Foolish Genma…
Lyman Frank Baum, the author of the famous Oz series of books, wrote about a girl, the daughter of the former king of Oz, who had been transformed into a boy by the witch Mombi. This girl, Ozma, had lived by the name of Tippetarius (or "Tip" for short) and never knew "he" was a girl until Mombi revealed her true identity.
Although the deep truth was that Ranma was a boy, Asim had changed the nature of the boy into a girl as part of a trio of wishes given to him by his previous mistress (Asim was a genie that granted onto the current master the wishes of the previous master). Although Genma thought he had succeeded flawlessly to return Ranma to maleness (and to cancel out the wish that Ranma would marry a rich, handsome man devoted totally to her), in reality the fat fool's clumsy attempts at magic had resulted in a total mess of an enchantment that merely covered up that new truth.
Although normal humans, such as Genma himself, couldn't sense anything amiss with the boy, sensitives in magic —even latent sensitives— could easily sense that something about the boy was wrong. The stronger sensitives, especially the secret mages, could not specifically sense the so-called "boy" was a girl under an assumed sex due to the particularly twisted enchantment, but they could sense instinctively that the "boy" was not one of them…
"I'm sorry, Saotome-san, but I cannot allow your son to attend our school," the principal of Joshin Boys' Academy said gravely.
"BUT WHY?!" shouted Genma, for once in a nice three-piece suit (rented).
*bween!*
Folding his hands like Ikari Gendou, the sunlight glinted off his glasses and bald head, blinding Genma. "I'm afraid your son does not meet the academic standards of this school."
A lie. Actually, Ranma scored absolutely brilliantly on his entrance exams. That his scores were so high despite having barely a chance to learn the required material spoke volumes of his intelligence. He would become the next Einstein if properly nurtured.
Genma grit his teeth in anger. "Don't try to fool me! I know your standards! They are ridiculously low and your school is priced to match!"
"And yet," continued the principal, "he failed to achieve even that."
"Impossible! He's a genius!"
"Genius, hmmm? Could've fooled me," said the principal, handing a report to Genma showing all of Ranma's scores in the single digits.
Ranma, seeing the poor results almost burst out into tears. He looked pale and lifeless as he stared at the low results that didn't go away no matter how hard he tried to disbelieve them.
That seemed to take the wind from Genma's sails. Dejectedly, he turned around and lead the boy out. "C'mon, boy," he said glumly, "We'll have to go elsewhere."
The principal watched them go, waited ten minutes, then roared in frustration. "WHY?! Why did I do it?!" he railed in dispair. "He was perfect! He would have brought prestige to the school, and I let him slip through my fingers!"
The principal of Joshin's Boys' Academy could blame his low-level magical talent for his decision. Ouija boards were not just a form of entertainment — for him, they were a source of information, of forewarnings of difficulties ahead. It wasn't much of a magic power, but it counted. And it was enough of a talent that it labeled the boy as something else, and didn't belong in the academy. The failure of the boy was merely a pretense for rejecting him… for his subconscious knew…
Genma went to twelve other boys' schools after that, but at each place there was a magic sensitive somewhere in the admissions loop, who in their gut knew that Ranma didn't belong in a boys' school. Thus, Ranma was turned down at at some point at those schools. Genma was not a great believer in education, and would've preferred that Ranma simply stay out of school until later. However, the second wish was in effect, and Genma felt compelled to enroll him somewhere. The boy was reading more, and it didn't seem to affect his training, so Genma thought a little formal education wouldn't hurt.
If only some institution would take him.
Another side effect became apparent when the young Ranma was forced by the circumstances to enter a co-ed school.
"WHOOPS!"
Several girls froze, then turned at the sound of a male voice in their private sanctuary at school, ready to bite the foolish interloper's head off with a mix of screams, verbal abuse, and actual projectiles. No boy shall violate the sanctity of this holy place without paying the price.
Except in this case. Instead of shocked, fearful, and outraged looks scoring themselves across those feminine faces as they laid eyes upon the foolish male presence, there was sighs of exasperation, giggles of mirth and polite indifference as they laid eyes on Saotome Ranma. Miyazawa Yukino approached Ranma, her almost shoulder-length hair swaying as she shook her head. "You know you're not supposed to be in here, Ranma," she chastised the young man, not angry at all.
"I know. I came in here by mistake," explained Ranma.
Yukino nodded sagely. "Fine. Fine. Now, if you'll please give my fellow womenfolk some privacy…" she said, calmly scooting Ranma out of the girls' bathroom. Flashing a smile, she disappeared into the bathroom.
Ranma waved goodbye. He was friends with every girl in his class. For some reason, whenever he talked with a girl, he and she would just click. He had male friends, but they took more work.
A bespectacled boy ran up to him. "Saotome-kun, I bow at your feet!" he said, bowing at Ranma's feet. "I commend you at being able to fast talk girls out of beating you within an inch of your life! Please teach me your secret!"
"What secret?! I didn't do nuthin'! I just went into the wrong bathroom, and they were very cool about it!"
Tasuke Yasuda gasped, "Sa-Sa-Saotome! You mean…" Sunrays flew off him as realization struck, as the pervert-in-training gained a wide, perverted smile. "…the girls in the girls' bathroom will let a man in! Happy!" He pranced into the bathroom to see the (lolicon) glory…
"Uh, Yasuda, you shouldn't—"
"KYAAAHHH!!!"
"LETCHER!"
"ETCHIII!!"
"*SUKEBE*!!!"
"URusENAIIiiI!!!" (That last one sounded a little… animalistic.)
*WHACK!* *BANG!* *CRUNCH!* *HURT-A-LOT!*
"Told ya!" sighed Ranma as he waited for the carnage to end and the girls to deposit the pulped pervert outside the bathroom door.
*bween!*
"Saotome!" growled another bespecticled boy with a bowl-cut and wearing the school uniform.
Ranma turned to the newcomer. "What is it now, Poops?"
Miratai Hiroshi twitched at the nickname given to him by the irritating Saotome Ranma. Just because the characters of his name, if read an alternate way, meant big bathroom, it was no reason to slap him with that kind of nickname. "I completely and utterly…" Dramatic pause. "…LOATHE YOU!!"
"I know," Ranma said with a tired sigh. He didn't bother making friends with rich bitches like Miratai Hiroshi, for they were loud and obnoxious. For some reason, they all seemed to want to be close to him. "You keep telling me that every thirty minutes. I got it already."
"I will one day eventually prove my superiority over you, Saotome!" boasted the big bathroom rich boy. He pulled out a marked sheet of paper. "And today is that day! BEHOLD! The latest insuperable score in Literature class: 98!"
"108. I finished all the extra-credit questions," replied Ranma, pulling out a matching paper.
A few seconds passed, as Miratai was currently stone.
"RAAHH!" barked Miratai, running off down the hall. "Mark my words, Saotome! One day I shall destroy you!" His voice faded out.
"Yeah, yeah, Poops. Another time, maybe," Ranma said, completely bored.
*bween!*
Ranma looked around. He thought he heard light reflecting off someone's glasses somewhere around here…
Outside, Genma put down his binoculars, the sun glinting dramatically off his loop glasses. He frowned gravely, for the boy had many female friends, and he was not getting into fights like he should, like any competitive young man.
Perhaps it was time to fix the situation.
Genma certainly found it strange that an eight-year-old would be friends with many girls. He knew the Saotome Charm was potent, but that couldn't account for the fact that those girls simply wanted to be friends with him, and not get cuddly with him, even going as far as to forgive transgressions that would cause girls to go into a male-bashing frenzy no matter how potent the Saotome Charm was. (The Saotome Charm had a property of awakening the romantic feelings of girls even in their preteens, though those feelings wouldn't become sexual until maturity.) The boy also seemed to get a lot of attention from rich young men for some reason unknown to him.
Actually, if Genma considered the effects of the three wishes, a rather obvious solution presented itself. He had only covered up Ranma's now-female nature with those enchantments, not changed it. Apparently, his true nature couldn't be hidden from the female of the species, for it seemed that 'feminine intuition' covered "girls under sloppy enchantment to be boys". In other words, although intellectually they knew Ranma wasn't female, girls instinctually knew that Ranma was one of their own, and therefore not a threat.
Not only that, Genma would be horrified to learn that the third wish (the one that Ranma would "marry a rich, handsome man who would be completely devoted to her and only her") was still very much in effect. Thus, Ranma seemingly inexplicable gravitation of rich, handsome boys that would be completely devoted to their mates. Well, Miratai wasn't a handsome boy, but he fit the other requirements.
But the worst of all were the magical girls. Very sensitive to magic as they were, Ranma's messed-up enchantment attracted them from miles away, and because they were girls, they manage to deduce the truth: that Ranma was a girl under an twisted enchantment. Fortunately, most of them were only unconsiously aware of why they were attracted to Ranma.
Genma growled as he watched his son play with the weak girl in his class. What was her name? Ah, yes: Kinomoto Sakura! An unremarkable family, without even decent training in martial arts. She was totally unsuitable as a wife for Ranma. Daidouji Tomoyo, on the other hand, came from a filthy-rich family and had a surprisingly high tolerance for weirdness. He considered
He had been observing Ranma for a few days now, and finally came to the conclusion that the scholastic life was making the boy too soft. He would have to move quickly and make a rather severe correction in order to bring the boy back to the right path.
Leaving, Genma planned…
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(Posted Thu, 01 Sep 2005 18:05)
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らんま1/2 © Rumiko Takahashi
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