New Days/Love & Duty: New Days/Special Delivery to Lower Slobbovia [Episode 9587]

by Ijuin-kun

Note: Lower Slobbovia, for those of you who are unfamiliar with it, was first described in Al Capp's comic strip "Li'l Abner", and is essentially a caricature of all the worst aspects of former-then-current Soviet Bloc countries (much like Elbonia in the Dilbert comic strip). In other words, it is a miserable, frozen wasteland. Feel free to exaggerate or lampoon Lower Slobbovia as much as you wish.

The tiny mountain nation of Lower Slobbovia had very little to boast about. Lacking in both mineral resources and fertile agricultural land, its main industry was tourism.

Last year, four people visited Lower Slobbovia. They spent a total of six dollars American, nearly doubling the nation's gross domestic product.

The reason that so few people came to Lower Slobbovia was not, as one would tend to expect, the nation's balmy forty-below-zero summer weather nor its much colder winters. Rather, it was because Slobbovia's women were, quite simply, the most unattractive in the entire known world. Men visiting Lower Slobbovia had been known to literally stab their own eyes out after taking in the horrifying visions that were the females of the country.

The only reason that the men of Lower Slobbovia had not fled the country in order to seek mates who didn't make Medusa look like a contestant for the Miss Universe pageant was that the men of Lower Slobbovia were very nearly as horrid-looking as the women. A foreign male might be able to look upon a Lower Slobbovian man and feel nothing more than moderate to severe nausea, but a foreign woman would almost immediately be driven mad by the sight.

Naturally, the men and women of Lower Slobbovia were just as repulsive to each other as they were to foreigners. As a result, the birth rate in Lower Slobbovia was quite low. The only way that they oculd maintain their population at all was by hoping that foreign visitors would remain sane long enough to "donate" some genetic material.

As such, when a package from a certain Dojo in Tokyo was airdropped into the country, the locals gathered round to see what had arrived. It was much to their surprise when a certain ancient martial arts master crawled out of the broken crate and onto the permafrost.

"Pretty...ladies..." Happousai gasped, his confinement in the crate with no women to touch having taken their toll on him despite the rapidity of his transit via Akane Airways.

"Look!" cried one hideous female. "Eet eez a foreigner!"

"Wotta hunk!" shouted another.

To make sense of this, one must recall that, by Lower Slobbovian standards, Happousai was, in fact, a prime specimin of manhood.

"Uh-oh," Happousai gulped as the natives converged on him.

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(Posted Sun, 03 Nov 2002 15:01)


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