The Elder God of mischief set his burden down in a safe place to consider his options. Planting a paw on the weakly wriggling thing, he pondered, wrestling with the important decision of who to grant this responsibility to. It was only rarely acknowledged (even by himself), but he was a responsible figure – it was simply that his area of responsibility included irresponsibility.
Now, he could grant the power to someone who would rise to the challenge of the conflict inherent in the present drow society. Unfortunately, in the long run, such a person would probably end up encouraging continuing conflict with the drow, even if they didn’t mean to or actively tried to suppress it. If they managed to tone down the conflict among the drow, they would probably do it by unleashing conflict between the drow and other peoples; and while hardly anyone was too concerned about the drow trying to annihilate the other races of the Underdark, letting them rampage on the surface of Faerun would be a bloody mess, no cursing needed.
Letting the dark elves loose on any other world would be even worse.
Then there were all the other dark-aligned deities, all soon to be circling the carcass Lolth left behind hoping to snatch up portions of her influence. The human god he had cheated out of the major portion of her portfolio was only the start of the problem, the remainder of the drow pantheon the second step, and there were any number of other gods, goddesses and whole pantheons out there ready to fall on such a juicy morsel, not to mention a few not-quite-deities who would be interested in advancing themselves.
Finally, he didn’t just have to worry about evil gods. He supposed he could just drop the whole thing on Elistraee, but on the other hand, that rather took away his own fun with the situation. Not to mention that, as a known enemy of her mother, the drow would be unlikely to actually turn to her. As the drow needed the powers of their patron deity to survive more than most races of Faerun, that would be bad for them.
He’d have the same situation if he gave them to Lathander, although he would at least get a good laugh out of the God of Dawn’s face when he found out.
It was times like this that he really felt for those gods who had to be responsible all the time. At least being an official mischief-maker, he didn’t have to find excuses to go off and enjoy himself. Perhaps when he’d made this decision he’d go spike the mists at the Gate of Time with cannabis smoke or something.
The real problem with all the other deities after Lolth’s power was that they had supporters, both worshippers and other deities in their respective pantheons, and experience. Unless he gave the power to someone with similar support and experience, they would quickly be rolled over by their new rivals – many of whom would never consider not killing them to make sure.
The fence shuddered under him, and he startled out of his cogitations. Glancing down at the slavering German Shepard, he picked up the spider that represented Lolth’s dominion over the drow and sauntered away… passing the pens of a bulldog, two terriers, a doberman, and a rottweiler before he reached the outer fence and left the pound. The dogs would continue to create for hours.
Hmm. Maybe he could really wind everybody up by giving the power to a…
No! Bad Toltirr! Bad!
Across the street, another pair of cats watched with interest as the black feline repeatedly smacked itself in the face with a paw, letting a nasty-looking thing loose to scuttle away slowly and brokenly.
“Artemis! Do you feel the evil coming off that thing?”
“Uh-huh,” replied the white cat. “I imagine it tasted foul. OW!”
“Be serious for once! We need to:
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