Let it be known that Nerima Cho is a nexus point for chaos and insanity. Strangely, though bathed in chaos and insanity, the residents remain … well … sane, happy in fact. Was it desensitization? Or was it simply Zen? A state of mind of pure acceptance of ones self and ones surroundings. A sate of mind that knows that going against the chaos that permeates the area would simply drive them to anger, depression and insanity. A state of mind that refuses to be negatively affected by the chaos and insanity that pervades their surroundings. Choosing instead to use the chaos and insanity to escape the dreariness of mundane life. Instead of being burdened by it they use it to enrich their lives. No! Their lives are an adventure! It is not everyday that one can say that one saw a ghost cat without being labeled as insane. After all 20 other people saw it as well. It is not every day that one can relive ones self of stress due to the unfairness of life, horny bosses, baka husbands, and so on and so forth by pounding a perverted old letch into the pavement along with other OL’s, house wives, and high school girls . The added bonus is that the old goat just pops up after the beatings. No murder charges, no battery charges, just clean fun. Violent fun but fun nonetheless. And the camaraderie it generates! Strangers become acquaintances, acquaintances become friends and neighbors become blood sisters (pounding perverted martial art masters is a tiring job, the women of Nerima Cho must stick together to protect themselves from such a vile and perverted old goat).
Ahh, but I digress. The story I am writing is not about the residents of Nerima Cho and how they use the chaotic and inane events to enrich their lives. The story I am writing is about… something else.
“Hey grandfather look! It’s one of those martial artists again …well two of the same guy actually.” “Ah the old evil twin brother/evil clones shtick again. Don’t they ever get tired of that? Though, it is a classic. Hmmm” mutters the grandfather as he and his grandson enjoy another entertaining diversion from the mundanity of everyday life.
Their breaths were ragged; their bodies battered, bruised, scraped, cut, scorched and painted on (paintballs were weapons of pure evil which should have been banned by some sort of weapons convention a long time ago. But no! Those poor mortal fools refused to see the evil in such innocent looking objects. Soon, soon they would rue the day they overlooked such evil, dastardly, dark and did I mention evil? weapons of evil.).
Various props and weapons were lying about the area. Any thing and everything was used as a weapon in the fight. Heck there were even 2 giant teddy bears, 4 tankui, and 6 kitchen sinks involved in the fight as well (yes, kitchen sinks too were some of the evil weapons that were overlooked. With their dirt and grime they spread fear to all who are victims of such evil weapons, if used properly of course. The fact is these evil weapons of evil are actually distant cousins of 3 of the most evil weapons of evil created by both good and evil created since creation. The first, the earliest created, and the most evil of these evil weapons of evil created to spread fear and evil is the “Kabonger tm.” See El Kabong from Hanna Barbarra. A weapon so evil that it cannot be blocked or countered! It can only be dodged. The only way to defend oneself against this evil weapon is to use the Saotome Final Attack (run away and hide, hope that your enemy won’t find your while you wrack your brains for ideas on how to defeat your opponent). The second most evil of these weapons of evil created to spread fear and evil is the Mallet of Doom + 5 tm [I think]. I suspect that this evil looking evil weapon of evil originated from the mind of Takahashi sama though I have never confirmed this. The last and most recent of the triumvirate of evil weapons of evil created to spread fear and evil is the Big Ass Spatula or BASS for short. The author does not have much information on this evil weapon save that it is evil. But I digress, so onwards to the story).
Their breaths were ragged; their bodies battered, bruised, scraped, cut, scorched and painted on. Their clothes fared worse that their owners (no wonder there were a lot of girls, women and [gasp!!!] even married women and old grannies drooling … I mean observing the match from a safe distance of course!).
Both fighters had fought for nearly 3 hours. Their fight had taken them all throughout the city. Their bodies were trembling from exhaustion but neither would ask for nor would they give quarter. To ask would only make an opening that the other would exploit. Both were on their last legs but neither would give up until the other was no more. “You would dare to copy my good looks to get at my lovely Shampoo. This, I cannot forgive!” declared Mousse towards his opponent. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. My beloved Shampoo loves me! She may not know it yet, but she loves me. For the crime of trying to take her away from me, you must … DIE!” And both warriors launched their final attacks.
“H how could t this be?” stuttered one Mousse as he slowly disintegrated. “Feh! I wanted to save my newest attack for Saotome but it couldn’t be helped. This just proves that my flying V is invincible! Beware Saotome your time is near. Finally my sweet Shampoo would be free from your evil clutches!” but before he could take another step he collapses from fatigue. “Hmmm, there might be some potential in you after all” muttered Cologne as she picked up mousse fallen body. She had bee drooling … ehem I mean observing the battle, interested in the barely clad, glistening and bruised bodies of both warriors… I mean techniques used and the skill needed to pull them off. After all, even if she was an old prune of a mummy (WHAK! Oww! Hey stop that!), she was still a woman. A 300 year old troll of a woman (WHAK! Oww! Hey quit it!), still she could dream couldn’t she?
‘Whew! That was close! I was almost seen! And by that old … hmm … let’s not tempt fate, by her of all people! I must be more careful. Still, the experiment was a success. The data I gathered was useful. The homunculus was stronger now and it lasted longer as well. Which means my recipe is going in the right direction. But new techniques though, would be a problem. A demon summoning perhaps? This needs much thinking over.’ Slowly the shadowy figure hidden in the shadows lurked away (though how there can be shadows on top of a flat roof in broad daylight at 12 noon I have not a single idea).
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(Posted Sun, 13 Jun 2004 10:18)
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らんま1/2 © Rumiko Takahashi
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