He needed to get one night off from the dreaded master! The evilest pervert the world has ever seen. The unspeakable Happosai!
And as far as Genma was concerned, this trip to American had been the best thing that could have given the glasses-wearing martial arts student just that! That old bastard seemed to know Japan like the back of his hand... “But America, the master needs to scout things out first, to circumvent the locations of all routes from one place to another.” It had been the very reason they hadn’t gone on any panty-raids yet.
Smirking, Genma was actually making some good distance. The old bastard and Soun must have REALLY been sleeping now. And he couldn’t blame them really. The trip to mid-western American had been a tough on, since people weren’t as giving to drifters, nor were the police forces as incompetent as numerous Japanese police forces that the group had to outrun back home, all for the sake of training. So it was no surprise they had to work hard to stay living comfortably. Taking larger risks and traveling further and further to cover more ground.
Finally, making his way out of the forest, Genma smiled as he found the road. The black asphalt which lead to the nearest town down towards the valley. And what luck, a city limits sign! That would make a good marker for when Genma would try to find his way back to camp.
Stepping up to the sign, Genma squinted his eyes and read the lettering carefully. “Quagmire...”
(------)
The Sakura Inn was a usually crowded spot, and tonight was no different. Spring Break had just started and the college students were living it up and partying like it was 1999 all over again...
...All except one.
Sulking as he sat on a stool at the bar, a sand-haired teenager laid his scraggly-bearded chin atop his crossed arms, and a half-empty bottle of beer not too far from him. He was already feeling more than a little woozy. After all, the poor kid had an alcohol-tolerance worth shit, and for him one beer was one too many. And here he was, his fourth mug in front of him.
Not that one could blame, mind you. The boy had lost everything near and dear to him. The woman he loved had been taken away from him, because they had both been reckless with their passion and he knocked her up. In one fell swoop he lost the woman his heart had finally decided upon, as well as a child he would never get to know.
Walking over to the scraggly-bearded lad, the bar-tender looked down. He, or rather SHE shook her head sadly. “You’re moping again, huh Jeremy?” The girl that was dressed as a boy asked.
Looking up at one of the few friends that still tolerated him since he became a mess, Jeremy sighed. “I never stopped moping, period, Sammi...”
Sammi nodded her head. “You never stopped loving her?”
“And never will,” Jeremy told her firmly. He then lifted his body up so he could take the slightly warm bottle and finish off his beer. Placing the empty bottle down, he firmly told Sammi, “Another Sapporo Beef.”
Frowning a little, Sammi told Jeremy, “That was your fourth on, Feeple. I think you may have had a little too much already.”
“It’s okay...” Jeremy grumbled. “I’m not driving home anyway. So gimme another...”
Shaking her head, all Sammi could really do was reach under the bar and pull out another of the imported beers from the cooler. She flipped off the top and moved the bottle towards him hesitantly. “Drinking isn’t going to get rid of your problems, Jeremy.”
“No, but it’ll help me forget it for awhile,” Jeremy returned as he gratefully took the bottle and chugged down a few gulps quickly.
“Jeremy...” Samii spoke softly before moving away. That boy was a mess, and it seemed like nothing could reach him.
“SAMMI!” Came a call from the back room. “I NEED SOME HELP BACK HERE!”
“AND I NEED SOME HELP UP HERE!” Sammi shouted back. “Honestly, uncle Yamasan! You really should hire some help!”
“LAZY BOY!” Yamasan’s booming voice could be heard. “GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE NOW, BEFORE I GO OUT THERE AND KICK THE CRAP OUT OF IT!”
Rolling her eyes, Sammi snorted in disgust. Turning to her disgruntled friend, she told Jeremy, “I’ll be back with you as soon as I can. You just stay right here, all right?”
Jeremy’s response was to lift the bottle to his lips.
Shaking her head, Sammi went through the set of double doors behind the back and went into the kitchen.
Seeing his friend go, Jeremy took yet another swig. He knew she was trying to help him, and he appreciated it greatly. But no one would help him in the ways he wanted. No one wanted to go raring on an adventure, to go into space and fight unbeatable odds, if only to find a fair princess being held captive by her own family.
Taking yet another swig, and finishing his beer, Jeremy frowned. He held the bottle upside down. Not even a single drop left, and Sammi wasn’t around to give him a refill. “My life sucks...”
“Actuarry, I think mine sucks mole...” Came a male voice that was heavy with a Japanese accent.
Turning his head, Jeremy turned his head to face the source of said broken English. He saw a slightly stout man that could be no more than in his mid-twenties at most. The Japanese man wore a white gi, with glasses and a bandana that barely covered his wild bangs of black hair “Who the hell’re you?” Was Jeremy’s diplomatically conveyed inquiry.
“Genma...” Was the simple response. Looking around, the student of Happosai frowned. “Whele is the bal tendel?”
“In the back...” Jeremy responded. Normally, he wasn’t so talkative, but something about this man got to Jeremy. Maybe it was the comment he made about his life being worse... Maybe it was the fact he was tanked up on too much Japanese beer. Whatever it was, Jeremy was irked, and wouldn’t let it slide. “And what do you mean, Genma?”
Turning to look at the gaijin that had spoken to him, Genma asked, “About what?”
“You know,” Jeremy said. “Your life being worse than mine.”
Genma’s face took on a stoic, serious expression. “I cannot begin to terr you about the hollols I have faced under the tuterage of my mastel, Happosai...”
Tilting his head, Jeremy frowned. “In other words, you’re blowing smoke out your ass.”
Frowning, Genma spoke seriously. “The herrs I have had to wark thlough wourd make you piss youl pants in totar feal.”
Nodding his head, Jeremy said, “Try me. There’s no way your life can be worse than mine.”
Genma’s eyes narrowed. This impudent whelp thought to outdo him in a tail of woes. “I think I wirr...”
Jeremy narrowed his eyes back. “Yeah... I think you will too...”
The doors to the kitchen opening, Sammi was covered in a bit of soot. Stupid father setting fire to the tempura. “Okay, I’m back sorry for… The... Wait...” Sammi trailed off as she saw Jeremy and some Japanese man glaring at each other. “Did I miss something?”
“Sammi!” Jeremy spoke up.
“Uh, yeah?” Sammi asked hesitantly.
“Get us some beers!” Jeremy said, his gaze one with the ‘eye of the tiger’.
Sammi just let out a defeated groan. “Great...”
(------)
Bawling like a pair of babies, (and a mountain of empty bottles a testament to their inebriated state of being) both Jeremy and Genma hugged onto each other. “Oh, man, that’s awful!” Jeremy sobbed. “To be tortured day in and day out by an ungrateful Oompa Loompa!”
“No, is worse for you!” Genma sobbed, his slurred speech actually making him talk decent English. “To be taken away from the woman you love because of her parents.”
“But... But you were taken away from your wife!” Jeremy countered.
“Yes, but you never even got to see your child!” Genma wailed, hugging onto Jeremy tightly.
“Yeah, and at this rate you won’t even get to have a child!” Jeremy cried as he continued to pat Genma on the back while hugging him.
“I know...” Genma sobbed out. “And you’ll die old and alone!”
Both men stopped and looked at each other. “WAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!! OUR LIVES SUCK!” Both men wailed as they sobbed louder. [Man the Life-Boats!]
“Oh yeah,” Sammi thought as she started to take empty bottles off the counter top. “I really need to call a cab for these two,” She thought irritably, while completely ignoring the little mouse sailing a raft in the stream of tears that went across the floor.
Starting to calm down a bit, Genma wiped his nose. “Jeremy, if I knew you could get your woman and child back, I’d suggest a pact.”
Sniffling, Jeremy told Genma, I’m depressed but not enough to do a suicide pact.”
Shaking his head, Genma firmly told Jeremy, “No, no... Not that!” He hiccupped. “Though out suffering is different, we have both seen the truest depths of hell!”
“Amen, Genma...” Jeremy sniffled. [Preach to the choir, brother Genma!]
Rubbing his eyes for a moment, Genma swore he must have been seeing things. There was no way he just saw a mouse in priest robes. “Still Jeremy...” Genma sighed, removing his glasses to wipe the tears from his eyes. “If I knew things were gonna be okay, I’d suggest an arranged marriage.”
“Woah, woah!” Jeremy shouted as he raised his hands defensively. “I don’t swing that way!”
“Not for us!” Genma shouted, before having to grab onto the bar table-top to keep his balance. “I mean for our children. Truly, though we are of different race, we are brothers in soul...”
Jeremy went silent with that.
“...Feeple-san?” Genma asked hesitantly.
“...Why not?” Jeremy chuckled. “I mean, hey, if somehow we both manage to get out lives in order, I’d love to have you as an in-law.”
“You mean that?” Genma asked.
“Of course,” Jeremy said as he held out his hand. “So what you say? We both somehow beat the odds and get out families back, we arrange out kids to get hitched? What do you say?”
Smiling brightly, Genma took Jeremy’s hand firmly into his own. “I’d say we got ourselves a deal!”
And so, the two drunken men shook hands firmly...
(---16 Years Later---)
Jeremy Feeple smiled as he sat back on the couch. He loosened his tie and unbuttoned the top button on his shirt. “What a day...” He groused as he tried to settle back into the couch of the living room. It had been one heck of a day at the rat races. Quite literally too.
Kicking off his shoes, Jeremy visibly relaxed. Those things were too small on him, but they were the only pair of nice shoes he had that fit. “Glad this day’s over,” He said as he had every intention of enjoying what was left of the day.
Reaching for the TV remote, Jeremy caught sight of the pile of mail his mother must have brought in already. “Hmm... Anything good come in?” He asked himself as he took the stack of mail first and began to look through it.
“Let’s see... Bill... Bill... Legal document for Asrial... Junk... Bill...” Jeremy’s eyes lit up, “Ah! Salusia Swimsuit Summer Sale Blowlout!” He said with glee as he removed the magazine from the pile of envelopes. Sexy Salusian hotties, er, swimwear! Sexy Salusian swimwear was always a must. “Bill... Bill... Junk... More junk... Even more junk...” Jeremy stopped at the last piece. He held up a picture of a panda eating bamboo. “A postcard?” He asked out-loud. Yep. A postcard, marked in China.
Flipping the postcard over, Jeremy saw it was... Well, it COULD have been Japanese. Poorly written, but still Japanese. And basic Japanese Kanji too. Something he could read. Squinting his eyes, Jeremy carefully read, “Jeremy. I’m bringing Ranma home. See you soon. Saotome Genma.”
Blinking his eyes once, twice, thrice, Jeremy mentally asked himself. “Genma? Where do I remember that name from? Genma... Genma... Genma...”
When recognition came to him, Jeremy’s eyes widened to the size of dinner plates. Looking at the postcard fearfully, Jeremy could only think one thing.
“Asrial’s gonna kill me!”
“Speaking of your father, there’s something we need to discuss...”
“T’weren’t there yesterday...”
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(Posted Sun, 29 Aug 2004 01:50)
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