Tank Vixens Earth Tour: “Of Mice und Men” (LIME) [Episode 118104]

by Red Priest of the 17th Order

“Hey ma!! Get me my durn scattergun! We gots us some varmints in the fields!” The redheaded redneck said as he pulled up his overalls.

“AHHH! Git it yerself, Cletus!” Came a call from the house.

“Dang nabbit!” Cletus grumbled as he walked over to the wall, and pulled off his scattergun. “We be havin’ varmint rump roast for dinner kids! YEE HAW!” The redneck grinned and ran outside, without his boots on, and started chasing the Voles through the cornfields. “Come and git some!” He yelled, only to stop and blink as many of the Voles were already dead. “Why, keeled over already. What in tarnation happened?”

“Oh, hey, Cletus!” A female voice spoke up. The male looked up, and blinked as he saw his blonde female cousin, in only a pair of tight jean shorts that were cut way to short, making them to look nearly like panties, and a white tank-top that was too tight for a girl with her bust on it. “I was out here, jess mindin’ my own business, when these darn varmints came out of nowhere and saw me, then dropped dead.” She said, before putting her hands on her hips. “Now isn’t that the weirdest thing you ever did seen?”

Cletus nodded. “A-yup, Betsy! I rekon it is.” He looked at the dead Voles and grinned. “We eats like kings tonight! YEE HAW!”

“CLETUS!!” An old woman’s voice broke through the air. “DIG A HOLE! WE NEED A NEW PLACE FOR THE OUTHOUSE!”

“YES MA!” Cletus yelled back as he and Betsy each carried several hundred pounds of dead Voles over their shoulders and back to the house.

(------)

Keiichi blinked. He was alone, with Belldandy, on Mount Fuji... No Skuld... No Urd... No sister... And no Demons nearby. He then grinned. It was about time that he and Belldandy actually tried to do something with their relationship. “Okay, just calm down, Keiichi... Let’s just ask Bell about this first. THEN we can do what she wants to do next.” The college student nodded. That sounded like a good plan to him.

Meanwhile, Belldandy was expertly setting together a little bit of wood to make a fire. After all, she needed to make tea for Keiichi. It would go well with the cookies.

Stepping up to Belldandy, Keiichi had to wonder why someone as perfect as the middle Norn wanted him as a boyfriend. Shaking off those thoughts, he cleared his throat. “Um, Belldandy?” He asked, his voice cracking slightly. Coughing slightly, he tried again. “Belldandy? You busy?”

Turning to Keiichi, the goddess bestowed him with one of her ever-so-serene smiles. “Not too busy,” She said as she made a nice little pile of sticks. She started to place rocks around the pile in a circle. “I’m going to make a fire.”

“Oh,” Keiichi said, trying to fight down a small blush. He didn’t know how someone could turn a simple smile like that into something so beautiful. “Um, Bell... I was thinking...” He started, moving over to sit down next to the Goddess.

“About what, Keiichi,” Belldandy asked as she finished the string of circles. She then started to feel the pockets of her apron for some matches.

“Well...” Keiichi started, before reaching into his own pocket and pulling out a lighter. “This help?” He asked.

Smiling, Belldandy nodded her head. “A lot. Thank you, Keiichi.”

He smiled back, a warm feeling enveloping him. He shook his head. If he didn’t talk to her now, he’d never get this out. “Bell... You know that we’re alone out here. No Skuld, Urd, Megumi, or even Mara... And... I was just thinking about our relationship.”

Belldandy nodded her head. “What about it, Keiichi?”

Keiichi scratched the top of his head. “Well... We’ve been together for some time now... But every time we start to actually do something with our relationship, your father calls, or Mara attacks, or your sisters, or my sister, decides it would be a wonderful time to show up. And well...” He said, scratching the back of his head. “I was thinking that we could actually do something with our relationship now that we’re alone.”

Nodding her head, Belldandy said, “Very well...” Still smiling, she asked Keiichi, “Would you like to kiss?”

Keiichi blushed, but nodded. “Um, yeah...” Actually, he wanted to do more, but he definitely didn’t want to rush this. He moved closer to Belldandy, smiling nervously.

Belldandy just smiled as serenely and beautifully as ever before as she leaned towards Keiichi. Her lips almost touching his.

Keiichi gulped slightly, before leaning forward. No backing out now. A pleasurable shiver went up his spine when his lips met hers. It wasn't a kiss of extreme passion, or one of heated desire. It was just a simple kiss. But for two individuals, it signified something much more.

Then came the repeated cry of, “SQUEEE!” as Numerous Voles fell out of the trees and rolled out of the bushes, grasping at their chests.

“So innocent!”

“Sho heart-varming!”

“It is enough to give one cavities!”

“SQUEEE!”

Keiichi sweat-dropped at hearing all of that, and lightly broke the kiss. “Um, that’s distracting, isn’t it?”

Still, he REALLY enjoyed that kiss.

Belldandy still smiled. “Yes, it was.” Her smiling never ceased as she asked, “Shall we kiss again?”

Keiichi blinked, and nodded. “Sure!” He never felt so confident in his life. Heck, he could die a happy man right now. Leaning forward, he smiled, before pressing his lips onto Belldandy’s once more, that same electric sensation enveloping him as he kissed her simply.

“SQUEEE!” Was the cry of a Vole that stumbled into the camp before he went rolling down the mountainside.

Keiichi rolled his eyes, before wrapping his arms around Belldandy. He didn’t care if those stupid aliens caught him kissing Belldandy. He was just enjoying kissing her.

A small hover-tank than crashed down right behind Keiichi and Belldandy, the VIMP crew inside it passed out.

Keiichi mentally frowned, all those Voles were REALLY getting annoying.

(------)

“Hey! I always knew that them varmints was good eatin’!” Cletus said.

A moment later he got whacked on the head with a flying wooden spoon. “Hey! I cooked them all.” Came ma’s cranky voice.

“Sorry, ma.” Cletus said, mollified.

(------)

Hilda was working diligently as she cleaned the computer-station to the captain’s quarters. After all, Hilda was the sort of assistant that kept to her duties, no matter what the circumstances around her.

Suddenly, the main screen turned on and the face of an irate blonde-haired, blue-eyed girl with two sets of ears appeared on the screen. “Hello! Is this the commander?”

Hilda turned to the screen and raised an eyebrow, her eyes still calmly closed. She started to write on her laptop with her electric pen and turned the screen to Asrial. [And you are?]

“Asrial Salusia, Princess of the Salusian Empire, and I demand to see your commander immediately!” The blonde Salusian in human form said in a huff. Honestly, making her talk to someone who was below the commanding officer was stupid.

The right-hand-woman to General Schetppenslammer turned her laptop to herself and wrote once more. She then turned the laptop screen to Asrial. [I’ve seen pictures of the royal family of Salusia. If anything, you look like a human with ears on her head.]

Asrial’s left eye twitched. “I used a Transmogrifing Chamber to look more human and fit in while I was on Earth, okay? And why don’t you talk at all?”

Once again, Hilda turned her laptop to herself and wrote again. She then turned the laptop screen to Asrial. [I live by the saying, “better to keep quiet and let people think you’re a fool, then speak and prove them right”.]

Asrial blinked. She hadn’t heard that before. “Well, whatever, do you think you can get me the commander then?” At least one of these rat-people seemed not to be extremely war-like. Though probably not by much.

The black-haired Vole shook her head. She then started to write onto her laptop again. She turned it to the Salusian Princess. [I am most sorry, and give my sincerest apologies, crowned-princess of Salusia. But she is busy in a private meeting considering matters of war.]

The door leading to the General’s bedchambers opened. “HILDA!” Udda shouted. “More penguins! Zese ones haff all gone flaccid!” She said as she shook the dead amphibious bird in her hand for emphasis.

Sighing, Hilda slapped herself on the face.

Asrial smirked. “Matters of War, huh?”

It was then that Asrial realized that the General stood there in a matching leather bra and crotch-less panties set.

The Salusian blinked, her eyes wide, yet she still managed to raise an eyebrow at what she saw. “I see you have some weird taste in underwear,” Asrial muttered to herself.

“Vat?” Udda spoke, her attention to the new voice. Turning her head to see the blonde-haired girl on the screen, Udda asked, “Hilda, who ze fuck ist zat bimbo?”

Asrial’s eye twitched. “EX-CUSE ME!? Who are you to talk to me like that!?” Honestly, some people could be so rude to royalty it wasn’t funny.

(------)

Meanwhile, Ryoko and Ayeka started another fight, which lowered their home’s property value another 100,000 yen in ten minutes.

(------)

Placing her hands on her hips, Udda frowned. “I am General Udda Von Schteppenslammer of ze Vole Imperium! I haff conquered dozens of galaxies, in ze name of Shnuffi-Heim Shix!” She raised an eyebrow. “Und vho do you zink you are, blondie?”

“Princess Asrial Salusia, crowned princess of the Salusian Empire!” Asrial snapped irritably. “So speak respectfully in the face of Royalty!”

Udda stood at attention. “Ah! Shalusian Royalty.” She bowed a little respectfully. “I am, for v’once, shorry for ze inconsideration.” Standing at attention, the General said, “Your peoples haff been great allies to the Vole Imperium. Ve both belieff in centralized governments vith one ruling power und governmental body.”

Asrial nodded slowly. “Yes, that is true. But why are you invading Earth? I’m living here for now.” Darn it, she SOOO wanted that Vole and her minions off the Earth and away from it quickly.

The General started to become tense. “You mean zat ze Shalusian Conglomerate has already claimed Urth was part of zeir territories?” Damn it! If she didn’t get this planet, it would be her head!

Asrial winced. Darn it, the General just HAD to bring that up, didn’t she? “Well, you see... The thing is...” Dang it, how was she supposed to explain that she had been sent to Earth to marry someone and hadn’t been able to do so yet. Honestly, how many alien princesses came to Earth and didn’t get the guy they wanted?

(------)

In Tomobiki, a certain bikini-wearing, green haired Oni stopped in her pursuit of her beloved, only to sneeze, and wonder what was going on. She shrugged, before flying off to find her beloved again.

(------)

At a certain shrine in the mountains, Ayeka sneezed, just before putting up her shields to block a blast from Ryoko. “Devil woman! You’ll pay!”

“You have to hit me first, you hag!” Was the Space Pirate’s reply.

“ARRRGH!!!”

(------)

“Yeah, I’m probably the only alien princess on the planet that hasn’t gotten her man yet,” Asrial thought to herself irritably.

“Sho, you’re shaying you DON’T haff claim on zis planet, ya?” The General asked, starting to smile a little evilly.

Asrial frowned, but didn't say anything for a moment. “I will soon enough, General! So just BACK OFF!” She didn't need another lunatic trying to mess up her life.

Placing her hands on her hips, the General laughed maniacally, with lightning Special FX going on behind her, (courtesy of Hilda). “Sho, ZAT ist ze deal, isn’t it!?” She cackled. “You Shalusians found Urth first, und have failed time und again to claim it.” She stood proud. “Vell, know zis. Urth shall be conquered by ze Vole Imperium first!” She smirked. “Und if ve feel gracious, ve shall allow the Shalusian Empire to purchase goods und shuch from Urth.”

“Now just wait a minute!” Asrial exclaimed, practically glowing with righteous indignation. “We were here first! And I WILL succeed in what I was sent here to do!” She wasn’t going to lose, especially to a stinking Vole.

Smirking as an idea formed in her diseased mine, General Udda asked her, “Sho, you’re on Urth, right now, right?”

Asrial frowned. Something was up. “Yes, what of it?”

Her smirk took a decidedly evil turn. “You DO realize if you try to shtand up against us, you put your Government at great danger vith mein own, ya?” Laughing she ask, “You vouldn’t put our governments at var, would you? After all, ve haff been GREAT allies...”

At those words, Asrial’s eye twitched. “You DO realize, General, that if you oppose me in my endeavor that you could seriously strain relations between our peoples. Besides, the Zardons don’t like your people that much.”

“Ya, sho? Und ze don’t like yours much either,” General Udda stated.

Asrial shrugged. “True, but if you cause too many problems for me... I won’t send for help when the Zardons decide to try and ‘take care’ of you.” She didn’t need to mention that Leeana was supposedly coming back to Earth in a few days, but she SOO wanted to get that stinking Vole and her people off the planet.

Udda spat. “Very vell... Vy don’t you just call up your ‘papa’ and shee vat he t’inks, litle child.”

Asrial smirked. “Well, why not?” After all, her father could get those stupid Voles off of Earth.

“Yes, vy not?” Udda waved off the princess. “Now go. I haff other t’ings to get to... Like penguins! Hilda!!”

The black-haired, gray-furred Vole, on one of those rare moments, opened her eyes before rolling them.

Asrial frowned at being dismissed, but nodded and cut communications off.

(------)

King Jerka of the Salusian Conglomerate was currently dressed in his royal hear-patterned boxers. He was about to do something he hadn’t done in eighteen years...

Get laid!

“Here I come, my sweet sugar-plum...” The King of Salusia chuckled as he walked closer to the bed, where his queen lay in her underwear... Rather kinky lingerie too.

The queen of Salusia smiled sultry at her husband. “It’s been a long time, dear. I need you right now.” She said in a breathless voice.

Smiling, the King started to climb onto the bed, causing it to cave-in slightly at his weight. “Hail to the king, baby...”

Churring, Shiva smirked and pushed on her husband, so that she was on top of him. “Nuh-uh... Hail to the QUEEN, baby.” She smirked at him, before leaning down and kissing him. “And I’ll make you cry out to your Queen all night long.”

Chuckling, Jerka’s hands went to his wife's ass. Damn, her butt was as furry, firm, and supple as ever.

Shiva churred louder as her husband squeezed and massaged her ass. “You haven’t lost your touch,” She said huskily.

Churring, the King nuzzled his wife’s neck. Nothing could ruin his moment. You hear that, fate! Nothing!

*BRRIIIIING*!

The King’s eyes opened and twitched lightly. Well, maybe that...

Shiva blinked. Who could be calling them at this moment? “Should we ignore that?”

“Ignore it!” The King commanded.

*BRRIIIIING*!

Shiva frowned lightly. “But it could be an emergency.” Not that she wanted to quit either, but if something happened to her family, she’d never be able to forgive herself.

Groaning, The King lightly moved his wife aside. “All right, all right,’ He said as he moved his legs over the side of the bed, before standing up. Reaching over for a bathrobe with the Royal Crest of Salusian on the left breast, the King told his wife, “Keep the bed warm for me.”

*BRRIIIIING*!

“You know it, dear,” Shiva said, smiling.

Walking across the room, the King placed his hand on an Communications Vid-Screen console. “This had BETTER be important,” He grumbled as he turned it on.

And King Jerka blinked as he saw the face of Asrial on the screen. “Dad! I need some help here. The Voles are invading Earth!” She said in a panicked tone of voice.

The King blinked his eyes once, twice, “Asrial, this really isn’t the time for-”

“The VOLES are invading Earth! The VOLES!” Asrial exclaimed. She really hoped her father would do something about it, since he had the political leverage to get the Voles off of the planet.

Blinking his eyes once, twice, thrice, the King of Salusia asked his daughter, “So? As long as you take your true form and bear the royal crest of Salusia, you will not be harmed.”

“But what about Jeremy and the others?” Asrial asked, really worried for her chosen.

Raising his hand to his chin, the King stroked his beard. “Let me get this straight... The Vole Imperium is invading Earth, right?”

Asrial nodded. “Yes. And I was hoping you could pull some strings and get them out of here.”

Standing there, the King had a smile plaster his face. “Asrial, sweetie, as a matter of fact, the leader of the Vole Imperium, Emperor Ubersqueakenfurher the Third, is coming to Salusia for a peace talk.”

“Really?” Asrial asked, blinking her eyes in surprise. “So you can get the Voles off of Earth, right?”

“Actually,” The King started in a business-like tone, “We were about to have land negotiations about an unknown planet they discovered... If it is earth...” The King’s smile widened. “A good portion of the planet will be as good as ours anyway!”

Asrial blinked, her face starting to show horror. “You mean you aren’t going to try and get them off of this planet? But, but what about bringing the planet into the conglomerate?” She asked, tears starting to well up in her eyes, before she forced them down.

King Jerka shrugged. “Face it Asrial. You’ve tried, and tried, and tried... Continuous failure on all fronts.” He shook his head in defeat. “And we cannot just take over. It would be bad for our image, make us look like tyrant invaders...” He then smiled. “But if the Voles are invading, it’s a win-win situation for everybody!”

Asrial shook her head. “You, you don’t mean that! I know you don’t!” Now the tears were threatening to break out.

The King frowned. He may have been all business first, but he wasn’t heartless to his daughter’s needs... Usually. “Asrial... Are you going to cry?” He asked in a tone of voice that seemed almost fearful.

Asrial shook her head, trying to dispel the tears. “N-no...” She said in a choked-up tone of voice. “I’m just surprised that you aren’t going to stop the Voles.”

The King nodded his head. “All right then...” He then smiled as a thought came to him. “Tell you what, sweetie... How about you tell me which land-mass of earth you’re on, and I’ll make sure to buy that one.” He smiled. “That way, you won’t have to move around much in these times of coming war.”

Asrial didn’t say anything, a crest-fallen look on her face, before she smiled, though it was heavily strained. “I’ll... Just talk to you later, dad,” She said, before cutting communications off.

On her end of the line, Asrial slumped in her chair, crossed her arms in front of her, leaned on the desk and started sobbing. She knew her father was inconsiderate and rather greedy at times, but this took the cake. “Jeremy, I’m so, so sorry,” She whispered to herself, before sobbing even harder.

“Sorry?” Came a male voice. “For what?”

Turning her head, Asrial saw that the doorway was the Feeple lad himself. The skunk-eared girl sniffled, her eyes red and puffy. “For... For not being able to stop the Voles,” She said, sniffling again.

Jeremy blinked his eyes. “Those big mice?” He sighed. “Personally, I don’t know WHAT to make of this...”

Asrial nodded, before sniffling and looking down again. She didn’t care anymore, she couldn’t convince her father to stop the Voles. All she could do was sob quietly and let the tears flow.

Seeing his friend so down, Jeremy went over to Asrial’s side and hugged her gently. “Asrial... It... It’ll be all right...” He sighed and used his hand to stroke her back gently. "Please, don't cry...”

“Darn it. Why didn’t dad help out? He’s just going to stand back and watch as the Earth gets taken over by the Voles,” Asrial muttered, sobbing even louder than before, her tears falling down her face freely.

Jeremy sighed as he heard that. “I don’t know why...” He told the Salusian Princess. “I don’t know why.”

Asrial shuddered, before turning to Jeremy and hugging him tightly. “Oh, dang it!” She said, before sobbing hard into his shoulder.

Jeremy sighed and just hugged onto Asrial. Darn, she was REALLY upset.

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(Posted Sun, 12 Sep 2004 03:12)


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