[Episode 118179] [Episode 118179]After all, ‘Violence is the last resort of the sexually inadequate’. And since the male soldiers can’t pose to save their pathetic lives...
“MINION FRENZY!!!”
(------)
Middle East...
“General Ahkbar!” One of the troops said. “Our forces are falling back. We can’t stop these VIMPs!”
“What!?” The General asked. “But we have one of the greatest militias in all the Fertile Crescent! How can we be losing to a bunch of mice!?”
“I can’t explain it, General,” The Soldier tried. “We keep shooting, yet more keep coming. They are legion!”
“By Allah’s grace...” The General spoke in an unbelieving tone as he shook his head. “Well, keep fighting! We shall protect our lands!”
“Yes, General Ahkbar!” The Soldier saluted...
...Right before a missile hit the tent, blowing them to smithereens.
And this all could have been avoided if the men just allowed more of their women to walk around showing a little more skin than their hands and the space between their eyes...
(------)
Middle of Nowhere, South Dakota….
With grins on their faces as they stormed down the center of the street, numerous VIMP Troopers stormed by, carrying ungodly amounts of women’s undergarments with them.
“Sho shilky...” One Vole said.
“Ya... Und lacy...” Another agreed.
“I luv ze frills!” Another one practically giggled out before being slapped across the bac of the head by one of his compatriots. “Owwies...”
Meanwhile, two men sitting on rocking chairs on the porch of the General Store watched on in interest. “Hey, Billy-Bob-Joe,” The one on the left started. “Doesn’t this remind you of our frat days?”
“Yep,” Billy-Bob-Joe agreed.
“Panty raids, rioting...” The first hillbilly went on.
“Yep.”
“Ah those were the days, eh Billy-Bob-Joe?”
“Yeppin’ they were, John-Boy.”
“Say,” John-Boy started on a different tone of voice. “Doesn’t that thar Varmit have your little Daisy-Sue’s slip?”
“Yep.”
“Well aren’t you going to do anything about it?” John-Boy asked.
“Nnnope…”
“Eh?” John-Boy asked. “Why not?”
Billy-Bob-Joe just smiled. “Cause my little Daisy gots her papa’s boomstick...”
“Oh... Well in that case... We should jess reminisce…”
“Yep.”
“HEY!” Came the ever-gentle voice of Daisy-Sue. “Ye varmints get right back here this instant with me girlie covers, ya heah!?” She screamed out as she raised a rather large musket.
*BOOM*!
“SQUEE!”
“Ach! The she-beast shot Hans!” One VIMP cried.
*BOOM*!
“SQUEE!”
“Und now Fritz!”
“Run for your lives!” One VIMP screamed, which caused a TRUE Minion Frenzy.
“Out off mein way!”
“Move it or loose it!”
“Mummy!”
“Circle of life, circle of life!”
“SQUEE!”
(------)
Florida...
Fauntleroy stretched a bit as he looked over his map of the Eastern Coast of the United Sates of America. “Remind me why we just didn’t hijack a plane?”
“Because airport security is too tight,” Six told her husband
The Questing Dragon looked at Six. “Then why didn’t you change and I could’ve just ridden you down to Florida.”
“Don’t pick on her,” Jane told her husband. “It’s because of those things, remember?” She said as she pointed, causing her breasts to sway a bit. She then blinked as several rat people that had looked at her up-and-died. “What the hell?” She muttered.
“Enough, Thirty-Eight,” Fauntleroy said irritably. “We have to head to Florida now!”
The Dragon’s eye twitched. “My name is JANE, Fauntleroy. I’m a Dragon. Respect me!”
“I’ll give respect once you’ve earned it,” Fauntleroy told her as he kicked an errant little mouse-like soldier. By Bahamut, these things were everywhere, like real rats.
(------)
Playboy Mansion...
It was a scene that seemed to have come straight from ‘Saving Private Ryan’. Dead VIMP soldiers, hundreds of them, lined all about the property. Not a one could break through the defenses of this impregnable fortress.
After all, who could stand up to a ‘bunny suit’!?
Sitting on the veranda of the back of his mansion, Hugh Hefner looked out over the backyard and frowned. He picked up his cell phone and dialed a few numbers.
“Hello,” Hef spoke into the phone. “Some one mind getting the gardeners down here? I want those carcasses cleaned out before they start to stink.”
(------)
Georgia...
At the Atlanta Mall, things were more or less normal. Brianna Diggers was out shopping for some of the latest fashions in lingerie. She smiled as she looked at herself in the mirror, the black satin corset-nightie combination with see-through silk-abdomen looked great on her. “Oh yeah, I look good.”
It was then that Brianna heard the sound of gunfire going on right outside. “Wait a minute. Gunfire? In a MALL!?” Brianna mentally asked herself.
Rushing out of the changing-room, Brianna saw as numerous mouse-like beings dressed in World War II-era styled Kamikaze pilot outfits were running about, rifles and women’s panties in hand.
Her eye twitching, Brianna shouted, “WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!?”
Their attention now taken from their frenzied fun, the VIMP soldiers turned to the source of the voice...
And started dropping like flies!
“OH GOOD LORDIES!”
“Mumsie!”
“LOOK AT ZE SHIZE OF ZEM!”
“I’m sho happy!”
“SQUEEE!”
Brianna’s eye twitched as several Voles dropped dead all around her in the dressing room. "Darned rats."
(------)
New York...
“Come! We haff zem on ze run!” One VIMP Captain called out into a megaphone to his soldiers as he rode in the passenger’s seat of a jeep. “Ze forces of zis city are crumbling! Fight in the name of God Emperor Ubersqueakenfurher!”
“Long Live God Emperor Ubersqueakenfurher of Snuffi-Heim Six!” The VIMP Soldiers called out as they marched down the streets of New York City, walking over parked cars and shooting here, there and everywhere as they came upon a barricade of plastic cones and parked police cars and vans.
“Get the tear gas!” A Police Chief in Riot Gear called out as he was behind the barricade. “We’ll send these momma-boys crying back home!”
“Yes, SIR!” Came the call from the gathered troops.
And then a large can was thrown over the barricade.
*Thwop*! *Thunk-thunk-tinkle-tinkle*! *FSST*!
“AHHHHH!” The Police Chief shouted in fear. “THEY GASSED US FIRST! EVERYONE! MASKS!! MASKS!!!”
“Cough, COUGH!” One police officer choked. “Sir... It’s not working... Cough! HACK! WHEEZE!”
“Damn... COUGH! HACK!” The Police Chief chocked as he reached for the CB radio. “Call Dispatch... COUGH! HACK! Get those Meter Maids down here ASAP!”
(------)
Masaki Shrine...
At a certain shrine in the mountains, Ayeka sneezed, just before putting up her shields to block a blast from Ryoko. “Devil woman! You’ll pay!”
“You have to hit me first, you hag!” Was the Space Pirate’s reply.
“ARRRGH!!!” Ayeka roared as she started setting her little floating logs upon Ryoko.
Sitting on the porch Washu sighed and shook her head. “Same thing day in, day out.. Would it be too much to ask if they did something different for once…”
“Um…Miss Washu.,” Tenchi, crowned Prince of Jurai, Bearer of the Lighthawk Wings, Chosen of Tsunami, he who is living a life fantasized by many with six beautiful young woman in his house, which he has done nothing with mind you, and one of the biggest weenies in the universe, gulped as a large energy weapon was leveled at his head. “I mean Little Washu…”
“Yes Lord Tenchi?” As Washu lowered her Ionic Particle Disintegrator... Version 3.0. “What is can I do for you?”
“What are we going to do about these invading Voles?” The second-most whiniest character in all anime asked.
Patting the space next to her as she motioned for Tenchi to sit beside her, the petite red-haired greatest scientific genius in the universe smiled.
Though he was hesitant, Tenchi did as asked. “Little Washu?”
“Well, Lord Tenchi,” Washu started, “The VIMPs are wimps... All we need to do to defeat them is tease with a little skin, show a little leg...” She smirked. “Or outright flash them and we’ll be fine... Really they’re not that terrible a race as they make themselves out to be...” Washu noted the somewhat incredulous look of Tenchi as she looked over at him. “...Well that will help us, I don’t know about you though. You could just fight them but it would be a waste of effort and energy.”
Tenchi whimpered a little. “But if fighting them will be a waste on my part, then WHAT can I do?”
Washu scratched her chin for a moment. “Well, I’d suggest that you get one of the girls to be your bodyguard.”
“Bodyguard?” Tenchi asked.
“Yes, Tenchi?” Washu asked.
“But I don’t want a bodyguard,” The crowned prince of Jurai, (what else?) whined.
Frowning a bit, Washu told him, “Tough toenails. You’re getting one.”
Before Tenchi could try to reason his way out of this one, Ayeka spoke up. “WE END THIS NOW, RYOKO!”
Smirking as she floated in midair, Ryoko turned her back to Ayeka, patting herself on the ass. “Let’s see what you got Ayeka! After all, not much of a worry, since you can’t even hit the broadside of a barn!”
Steam coming out her ears, Ayeka gathered all her little logs and sent off one huge blast of energy. “YOU DIE NOW!!”
And then Ryoko teleported, causing the blast to continue upwards into the sky before coming back down to earth, and blow up a good portion of the yard...
... Which, incidentally, sent a few voles that were hiding in the bushes to land near Washu and Tenchi.
Now quite alarmed, Tenchi stood up. “The Voles are here!?”
“Apparently so,” Washu said seriously. She then smiled cutely as she said, “A perfect opportunity to demonstrate what I was telling you about earlier. MIHOSHI!”
“Yes, Little Washu?” Came the voice of the dumb blonde from inside, who was over at the Shrine since Kiyone was really, REALLY upset with her this time.
“Could you PLEASE come out here for a minute?” Washu asked nicely.
“Okay!” Came the bubbly response. And then out of the door to the backyard came Mihoshi, who was wearing her usual loose top and too tight shorts.
Seeing the two VIMP soldiers stiffen, Washu smirked a little. “Look, at your feet. There’s a 100 Yen coin on the floor!”
“Really?” Mihoshi asked. She looked down saw the coin. “Lucky!” She said as she bent over to pick it up...
...Which, incidentally, gave the two Voles a very fine view down her top.
“Ach tung!” One of the Voles cried out as BOTH of them went to grab their bleeding noses.
Seeing the two VIMP soldiers stiffen, Washu smirked a little. “Look, behind you. There’s ANOTHER 100 Yen coin on the floor!”
“Really?” Mihoshi asked. She turned about and indeed saw the coin, so bent over to pick it up, showing off just how tightly that pair of shorts was riding up her butt-crack.
“SQUEEE!”
Ignoring the two exploding Voles, Washu frowned at Tenchi, whom had almost passed out. “Tenchi, wipe your nose already. It’s embarrassing.”
Having stopped her fighting for the moment, Ayeka seethed as she saw what was going on. Why that blonde was just as bad as Ryoko. “I cannot tolerate this!”
“Tolerate what, Princess?” Ryoko asked as she floated near the irate Juraiian royal. “That everyone else has a better ass than you?”
Slowly turning to face Ryoko, the seething Ayeka asked, “What did you saaaaaay!?”
However, before Ryoko could make one of her usual retorts, it happened. Trees started to collapse forwards as a whole regiment of VIMPs came marching into the backyard, carrying guns and numerous ones riding in armed and armored hover-jeeps.
Tenchi gawked at the sight of the oncoming armada. “WE’RE DOOMED!”
“Not necessarily...” Washu said with a smile. “AYEKA! POSE!”
Staring at Washu, Ayeka demanded, “WHAT!?”
“You know! Strike a pose! Look sexy! Do something!” Washu told the purple-tressed princess.
“Hey, I could pose too, you know!” Ryoko shouted, not one that liked being ignored.
Washu shook her head in disagreement. “You’re sagging.”
“WHAT!?” Ryoko growled dangerously.
Hearing that was quite the bit of boost to Ayeka’s ego. “Very well. I shall be the one to pose then.” She then shouted to the troops. “OVER HERE!” She cried as she shot a pose, getting onto her knees and clasping her hands as she held them to her left cheek, just appearing serene and innocent.
The VIMP soldiers turned to look at the woman in robes. “Ya. Sho?” The VIMP Captain asked.
“Ist she posing?” One Trooper asked another.
“Nein... Ist not shexy,” Another VIMP Trooper told the first.
“Maybe she ist praying?” One Vole suggested.
“She must be,” The VIMP Captain said. “Sho SHOOT!”
Raising their guns, the VIMPs started firing at the Juraiian Princess, who turned tail and ran. “WASHU!” She screamed. “YOU SAID POSING WOULD WORK!”
“I said to be SEXY!” Washu told her from the veranda of the house.
“I was sexy!” Ayeka shouted as she had to jump to avoid being hit by a shotgun blast that had been aimed at her feet.
“No, you were BLAND!” Washu shouted. “A BORE! A SNOOZE!”
“A TOTAL PRUDE!” Ryoko added.
Nodding her head, Washu said, “Very correct, Ryoko.”
Once again, the Princess of Jurai was steaming mad as she tried to avoid being blasted to smithereens. However, she probably wouldn’t have been as worried if she knew the VIMP Troops suffered from the ‘Stormtrooper Effect’ when they shot at women. “DAMN IT! I WILL NOT LOWER MYSELF TO ACT LIKE SOME COMMON SLUT!”
“You don’t have to act like a slut!” Washu shouted. “Observe!” Smiling, she turned back to the ditzy blonde. “Mihoshi?”
“Oh, yes, Little Washu?” Mihoshi asked, taking her eyes away from Ayeka, who was running around like a crazy person.
Smiling, Washu told her, “Those VIMP’s need more exercise besides target practice. I suggest some aerobics. Care to be their instructor?”
Clapping her hands together, Mihoshi said, “I’d love to!” She then started bouncing over towards the VIMP soldiers that were busy trying to pick off Ayeka. Boy, that princess was lucky they were a worse shot than her.
His eye twitching, Tenchi told Washu, “You can’t be serious...”
Smiling, Washu said, “Very serious.”
Walking over to the soldiers, Mihoshi waved her hand and called out, “Excuse me! Mouse-soldier-guys!”
The soldiers stopped their firing and turned to Mihoshi. Many went bug-eyed when they saw how skimpily dressed she was.
Smiling, Mihoshi said, “You guys need healthy bodies to have healthy attitudes, so it’s time for some aerobics!”
The Captain squealed in fear. “QUICK! DON’T LOOK!” He shouted, although he himself was pretty much staring at her like everyone else.
Holding her arms out and spreading her legs as she stood there, Mihoshi smiled. “It’s time for JUMPING-JACKS!” The blonde then bounced up, clapping her hands and then going back to the first position. “And one *bounce* and two *bounce* and three *bounce* and four *bounce* and five *bounce* and six...” *bounce*
From that came the numerous cries of “SQUEEE!” As numerous VIMP soldiers literally fell down dead.
A small drip of blood running from his nose, Tenchi just gawked. “This can’t be happening...”
“It is,” Washu told the Half-Juraiian royal. “Mihoshi has great destructive capacity…. Raw ‘bimbotonnage’, if you will...” She explained as a smile came to her face as a thought came to her. It would cause of the mischief, but it would also keep her from her lab! “OH, MIHOSHI!” Washu called out.
Stopping her jumping-jacks, Mihoshi turned about to Washu, ignoring the dead masses of Vole. “Yes, Washu?”
Smirking, Washu asked her, “How would you like to be Tenchi’s bodyguard?
(------)
The Fourth Wall...
Firen Prissy, of the 101st Heavy Tank Crushing Battalion, glared as she stared down a Calico Cat Fur. “WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS!?”
The Calico shivered a little. “W-what do you mean?”
“What do I mean? WHAT DO I MEAN!?” Firen asked. “This is the FIFTH Tank Vixen Thread Episode, and so far, THE SQUAD haven’t been in it!” She growled. “HELL! THOSE DAMN HILLBILLIES GOT MORE SPOTS THAN US!”
The Calico held his hands up to placate the irate blonde-haired, tanned-furred Vixen woman. “I-I assure you, Private Prissy, this is for the good of background story, really!”
Frowning, Firen said, “No more! We Tank Vixens need our turn in the spotlight, damn it! And we will have it... Or there’ll be new cat-gut strings on dear Sonya’s wooden guitar!” She held the Calico Fur by the collar of his shirt and brought him face-to-face with her. “CLEAR!?”
Nodding his head rapidly, the Claico answered, “Crystal.”
“Jolly good!” Firen said as she dropped the author, suddenly becoming her delightful old self again. “I’ll see you next episode then! Now, I’ve got to find Sonya.” And with a smile of her face, she skipped off, a happy tune in her heart and soul.
Sitting on the ground, the Calico shivered a little. “Jesus H. Christ! And she’s supposed to be the ‘sweet’ one!”
Standing up slowly, the Calico Cat dusted off his shirt a little and then notices something. “Damn it! Who kicked a hall through the Fourth Wall?”
“Wasn’t me!” Came a slightly German-sounding voice from out of view.
The Calico let out a groan. “Damn it, Gedda! That’ll take an hour to patch up!”
“Ah, quit bitching, ya crybaby!” Came Gedda’s reply.
Shaking his head, the author leaned forward and held up a piece of cardboard to patch over the Fourth Wall for now.
“Better!”
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(Posted Tue, 14 Sep 2004 00:55)
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