Tank Vixens Earth Tour: Know Your Vixens! [Episode 119730]

by Red Priest of the 17th Order

General Rufus Alufus, an elderly member of the PVC military sat in the plush leather chair of his desk as he looked at the vid-screen. He was going over the Data available to him on this crew.

The first picture to pop up was a brown-eyed brown-furred sandy-blonde-haired Vixen with black-furred ears, hands, feet, and tail wearing a traditional Major’s uniform. The person whom General Rufus had gone to in the first place, the head of this mission. “Major Elsa Carrington-Whiplash.”

Looking over the information, the General KNEW she was the most logical choice to go to. She took her job quite seriously, and while she has held her position for your years already, she was the youngest soldier to ever receive the rank of ‘Major’ in the PVC military’s history; when she only twenty!

Of course, she had earned it. Major Elsa had been in military training form a young age, her father, General Whiplash was a valued member to the Pan Vulpine Coalition in his time as well, and he intended to raise his daughter to follow in his footsteps. And in her years of service, she had been awarded with the ‘Indigo Pancreas’ for being injured in the line of duty, the ‘PVC Distinguished Service’ medal to recognize her service when she was a pilot in the Mile-High Club Paratroopers, a ‘Eighteen-gauge Iron Cross’ for going under trial of enemy fire to deliver important documents, the ‘Vulpinial Medal of Honor’ for valued services rendered in duty to the coalition, and the highly coveted ‘Order of the A-String’ for going above and beyond the call of Duty and Posing.

Again, General Rufus nodded his head. He knew he had made the right choice with her. And he was sure with Major Elsa actually going, the Vole Imperium Forces attacking Earth would be stopped in their tracks...

...But now he wasn’t so sure, once he had gotten word of the hand-picked individuals that Major Carrington-Whiplash was taking with her. The rowdiest group of soldiers of the 101st Heavy Tank Crushing Battalion. “Company A. Otherwise known as the ‘Tank Vixens’.”

Sighing, the General pressed a remote control and the vid-screen went from showing information on the Major to the head of Company A; another brown-furred Vixen with long raven-black hair and dark violet-blue eyes wearing a red PVC outfit. Very tight one too, with high-heeled thigh-high boots. “Captain Zeera Gekkados.”

The General rubbed the right side of his head. He somehow expected this. It was known that Zeera was the Major’s right-hand woman, (and when cases called for her, her left-hand woman too) whom had been ‘Sex Vixen of the Month’, Jan. ’98 of the magazine ‘Sex Vixens Monthly’.

Still, while Captain Gekkados had earned her rank, a holder of the ‘Order of the G-String’ Medal, (How one could make posing with a tuba sexy was beyond him) he was VERY wary of her, considering her rather unorthodox methods and uses of rather TIGHT. Uniforms. The woman was known to act just as depraved as a Vole when the situation called for it! (Who the hell finds sexual pleasure abusing a walrus with leather, peanut butter, and a toilet scrub-brush was beyond him!)

Sighing, he knew bringing Zeera was going to be trouble. At least they had Sergeant Karin O’hoo-ha with them.

Clicking a remote as well, the image a gray-furred, blonde-haired, green-eyed Vixen with white on her belly. The current picture of the woman had her wearing a tank top and camouflage pants with standard-issue PVC army boots.

A senior member of the PVC army, Karin O’hoo-ha wasn’t one to take things lying down. She was good at keeping peace amongst troops in the ranks as well as serving as an army psychologist at times. No, she wasn’t licensed, but she just knew how to read into a situation.

The only real downside to the Sergeant, that far as the General was concerned was that she was a known nicotine addict, never far from her pipe, and that she was ‘Sex Vixen of the Month‘, in Dec. ’99 issue of the ‘Sex Vixens Monthly’ magazine.

“Still not as bad as taking out a whole infantry of Voles by torturing a walrus,” General Alufus shivered. He clicked on his remote control and the vid-screen showed the profile of the next soldier. A blonde-haired, blue-eyed Vixen with red fur all about with the exception black-fur on the tips of her ears. The Vixen in question was wearing An outfit similar to the Captain’s, only it covered more and was ‘bubblegum pink’ in color.

“Anastasia Sloane-Blythe, aka, ‘Anni’,” He read off from her profile. He groaned. She was ANOTHER ‘Sex Vixen of the Month’. March ’98 to be precise.

Reading more, the General continued to groan. This girl seemed to have no noticeably noteworthy skills outside of her ‘pose-ability’, except that she was the heir to the Sloane-Blythe fortune. Great. If anything happened to her, it would be the military’s ass for sure!

Sighing, the General knew he was going to need some Tylenol for sure. He clicked away with his remote, just getting to the next profile...

...And he felt like crying when he cause sight of the Vixen with dark green eyes and bright red fur and hair that was wearing an outfit like Karin’s, only with a green-tank top instead of gray. “Private Gedda Spartz!” The General wailed.

Oh God, this mission was going to be a disaster for sure. The woman had been court-martialed at least twice, yet had yet to receive a discharge from service, even though the PVC psychiatrists had stated she had some serious ‘anger management issues’. And while it may seem incredible that she had received ‘The Order of the Fries’ medal three times, one got THAT award from excessive use of napalm, fuel air explosives, and flamethrowers! “And she has a temper shorter than a male Vole’s dick!”

The General took off his hat and sighed. He could possibly, MAYBE see why the Major would take Gedda with her. She was an excellent mechanic and weapons expert, “But she’s too high a risk factor.”

Shaking his head, the General knew it was out of his hands now. Might as well continue to check the damage this would cause.

The next profile had a picture of a tan-furred Vixen with vibrant light-blue eyes and blonde hair in a ponytail wearing canvas pants, black leather army boots, and a camouflage tank-top. “Private Firen Prissy.”

As he read over the soldier’s profile, the General was starting to feel a little more relaxed. The girl came from a family of good standing, she graduated from the Academy first in her class, she was a Weapons Intelligence Systems Operator, and in only two years of service, she had already received the ‘Order of the Garter’ medal. “A very stand-up girl.”

Feeling a little better, the General decided that maybe he had the strength to continue with this farce and went to the next profile. The picture was of a brown-furred brunette Vixen with dark blue eyes and glasses, wearing a black tank-top, canvas pants, an open canvas jacket, and the traditional PVC-issued army boots. “Private Sonya Guildenkratz.”

Looking over the profile, the General frowned at her family background. A group of anti-war protestors, and a group that funded those love-in Woodstockings concerts. “Great... They’re a bunch of hippies.” And the fact she was March 2000 ‘Sex Vixen on the Month’ did nothing to help the General’s attitude of her either.

The General however, was surprised to learn she had received thirteen ‘Indigo Pancreas’ medals. “How the hell? They usually let people go after they receive three.”

Looking over the data behind that, the General gawked. “Being crushed under a tank? Hit by a bolt of lightning? Tail caught on fire after trying to open a wrapper on a cheese-stick!? Rolled over by an errant economy-sized can of cheese-whiz!?!?”

All this finally made sense when he saw that Sonya WASN’T just a member of the 101st Heavy Tank Battalion. Instead of the ‘Armored Vehicle Crew’ Devision, her insignia was that of the ‘Jinx’. “And she’s still around after thirteen close-calls huh? Maybe this trip will be the last.”

The General shook his head, but continued. He was almost done anyway. The picture was of a red-furred, blue-eyed Vixen with brown hair in a long ponytail near the top of her head, and the LARGEST rack he’d ever seen. The girl was wearing brown camouflage pants, a tight white tank-top, and the traditional PVC-issued army boots. “Private Sheena.”

The General frowned. Not much was known about this girl. An orphan by accounts who became a waitress when old enough, and joined the PVC to put herself through school. The girl had been a member for three years now, and showed great potential in the way of Posing. “Perhaps the Major thought to get the girl more experience...”

Shaking his head, the General went to the last profile. A young, YOUNG girl. A bright red-furred Vixen with short brunette hair and brown eyes wearing a Japanese schoolgirl outfit and a purple bandana around her head. “Private Kiko Nyoko.” The General grumbled. Not even a year of experience under her belt, fresh out of the Academy. And worse, no one could understand a single word she said.

Slamming his head onto the desk, the General moved his hand to press a button on his intercom. “Miss Briggs?”

“Yes, General?” Came a voice from the other end of the line.

“Get me a bottle of Arthritis-strength Tylenol and vodka on the rocks. Lots of it,” The General said.

“Very well, General,” Came the voice of Ms. Briggs before the line went out.

Keeping his face down on the desk, General Rufus sighed in defeat. “Paul Kidd help us...”

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(Posted Mon, 27 Sep 2004 20:47)


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