Spliced Senshi: Screams and Ice-Creams [Episode 125326]

by Red Priest of the 17th Order

Ami continued to run after her nine-tailed friend. She honestly didn’t know what the heck was going on now, but she trusted Rei’s judgment. That girl had been a Shinto priestess for some time now, and Ami knew that when Rei had a vision, it was best to listen.

But they’d been walking for some time now. “Rei!” Ami shouted, trying to keep up her friend.

Still in a sprint, Rei didn’t bother to look over her shoulder. “What?” She asked as she jumped high, and walked atop the roof of a noodle cart, before literally leaping a good distance over some people that were in the streets.

Ami would’ve commented on Rei’s showing of athleticism if it didn’t mean she’d be left behind. “Rei!” Ami shouted as she pushed her way between a small crowd that was still looking at the way the Kitsune Fur was running. “Where are we going!?”

“Just follow!” Rei shouted as she just kept on running, running as if the fate of the whole world depended on getting to someplace as quickly as possible.

Though she was taken aback by the harshness of her friend’s words, Ami still kept running. Damn it! This was not the way to be building up stamina. If she was going to do that, then she’d rather be paddled. She could build up endurance that way too... Mmm... Paddling...

Shaking her head quickly, Ami realized she was falling behind the Kitsune in distance. “HEY! WAIT UP!” She shouted at the top of her lungs. “REI!!!”

“JUST RUN!” Rei answered quickly as she kept on running.

Off to the side, a Calico whom was on the side of a street selling mini-skirts for profit was saying, “Run, girl! Pump those sexy crazy Kitsune legs!”

Rei’s eye twitched, but she kept running. The only reason she didn’t stop to slug him was that she appreciated the compliment.

Ami panted as Rei continued to seemingly gain speed. She needed to keep up with or else she’d lose her! She needed to ignore these crowds of gawking people, ignore the burning pain in her legs and lungs, ignore the leather store with the fifty-percent off sale, ignore the fact that...

...

...Back up a second...

Gawking people...

No, not that...

Burning pain in her legs and lungs...

No... A little farther.

Leather store with the fifty-percent off sale!

Coming to a screeching halt in front of the store-front filled with items of any leather fetishist’s dreams, (and nightmares) Ami was torn. She looked back and forth between the display window and her friend running off into the distance.

What to do, what to do!?

Leather?

Or help Rei?

Leather?

Or help Rei?

...

“Screw it!” The Blue Raccoon mumbled. Rei would get into trouble soon enough. A leather sale doesn’t happen all that often. “I’LL CATCH UP WITH YOU, REI!” Ami shouted as she ran inside the store, giggling like a giddy schoolgirl.

(------)

Mamoru Chiba, now the Rabbit Protector of Earth, sat on the couch of his apartment; a glazed look in his eyes, and a half-drunk bottle of Wild Turkey Whiskey in the other. He looked rather haggard, and obviously depressed.

Hey, wouldn’t you too, if of your group of peers, you were at the lowest bottom of the food-chain?

Lifting the bottle to his lips, Mamoru knocked his head back and started to chug it down with an audible ‘glug’.

Taking the bottle away from his lips, the Rabbit let off an audible belch. Wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, Mamoru then inspected the source of his drinking habit to make sure he drank it all, before throwing the empty bottle behind the couch, where it landed atop a pile of other empty bottles of ‘Wild Turkey’.

Sitting up from the couch, Mamoru cracked his back. “Better get another,” He mumbled as he walked over to a wooden cabinet in the farthest right corner of the room. A wooden cabinet stood there, a key sticking right out of the keyhole beneath the little doorknob.

Opening the liquor cabinet, Mamoru frowned as he moved his head a little further to get a better look. “Damn. All out of whiskey.” Mamoru reached his hand into the cabinet and pulled out a bottle of sake. “Looks like I’ll have to go into the good stuff.”

Lifting the bottle to his moth and popping the cork with his buck-teeth, Mamoru spit the cork to the side of the room. He was about to take a long gulp of the sake concentrate when the doorbell rang.

*DING-DONG*!

Mamoru’s eye twitched. He held down the bottle. “In a minute.” He spoke up before he slowly lifted the bottle back to his lips.

*DING-DONG*!

“I said in a minute!” Mamoru shouted. God! Couldn’t people leave him to get plastered in peace!? Drinking got him into this mess in the first place, and damn it, it was going to be his sweet, sweet release for some time to come!

*DING-DONG*!

*DING-DONG*! *DING-DONG*!

*DING-DONG*! *DING-DONG*! *DING-DONG*!

“Grr...” Mamoru growled as he placed the bottle of sake down on top of the liquor cabinet. “Hold your horses! I’m coming!” He shouted as he stomped over to the door. Whoever it was, was going to get a piece of his mind!

However, any plans of shouting, cursing, and otherwise making an ass of himself was cut-off as a blonde-haired, black-winged, whiny form literally lunged into the room. “MAMO-CHAAAAAN!”

*THUD*!

Mamoru groaned as his head was spinning from the sudden crashing, and he had to breath deeply to calm his equilibrium before he hurled.

However, upon seeing it was Usagi sitting on him, Mamoru froze up as his mind was filled with visions of his Mental Avatar screeching as it ran through a field of tall grass as an odango-haired kitty-hawk swooped down and captured it in its claw.

So, it was really no wonder the only thing Mamoru could say was “Eep!”

Usagi however, didn’t notice the state her boyfriend was in, just too caught up in what had transpired earlier. “It’s awful Mamo-chan!” The Kitty-hawk weeped. “Daddy left Momma for a Vixen, and now Momma hates all Spilcers, and threw me out!” The Kitty-hawk reared her head back as she sat atop the rabbit’s chest. “MAMO-CHAN! I’M HOMLEEESSSS! WAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!” The Splicer wailed.

And wailed...

And wailed still...

And kept on wailing...

“I’d say she should have run out of air by now, if I wasn’t sure she has two sets of lungs now,” Luna mumbled as she lowered her head. Yes, she felt absolutely awful that Usagi’s home had been torn asunder by the recent events of Splicing, but honestly... She could be taking this in a far more dignified manner.

Finally, for no apparent reason at all, Usagi stopped. Just stopped. She sniffed the air a few times before looking down at her boyfriend. “Mamo-chan.”

The Rabbit Splice just looked up at Usagi with wide, scared-shitless eyes. “...Yes?” He finally managed to squeak out.

“Have you been drinking AGAIN?” She growled out irritably. Darn it! Her life at home had fallen apart while she wasn’t around, she wasn’t about to let the same happen to her boyfriend. “Oooh! You’re in such big trouble, Mister!”

At seeing Usagi flash those beautiful pearly white... Fangs... Mamoru reacted appropriately for someone abusing alcohol AND an animal far lower on the food-chain that knew they were about to become the lunch special.

*Tinkle-tinkle-tinkle...*

He wet himself.

Blinking her eyes once, twice, thrice, Usagi wondered what that warm feeling was. Looking down, she saw the moist spot that was growing on the front of Mamoru’s boxers. “Eww!” She shouted as she lunged off of him. “Eww, eww, eww, EWWWW! MAMO-CHAA~AAN!” She whined as she bounced back and forth on her feet. “It’s icky and stinky!”

His vision going blurry, Mamoru just chuckled pathetically, before passing out rather quickly, his head making a dull ‘thud’ against the wooden floor.

Luna’s eye twitched as she saw Usagi making a fuss about Mamoru wetting himself, and the fact Mamoru had passed out right away AFTER pissing himself. “I need to make myself a new circle of friends,” She muttered irritably.

(------)

Following her instincts, Rei finally homed in on her target. Slamming the door open, Rei looked back and forth inside the establishment, recognizing it right off the bat as the Anthro Diner.

However, there was a spectacle to behold as she made it there. Though admittedly, if she hadn’t felt the situation had been so serious, she’d would have been laughing her nine tails off.

At one end of the diner was a large Bear Splicer dressed in black biker leather, screeching like a little girl as he was corned by...

...A little girl with short purple hair...

...That seemed to be having trouble trying to lift a mace that was it least half her size.

Filia Ul Copt the Second huffed and puffed as she pulled at the handle of the mace that was her grandmother and namesake’s keepsake. Damn it. However did grammy manage to lift this thing? She so wanted to use it on the jerks that couldn’t tell she was a woman; it seemed like such a good weapon of mass destruction divine retribution. She looked at the Bear Splice that had dared call her a boy. “YOU!”

“SQUEE!” The Bear Splice responded.

“Yes, you!” Filia panted. “Don’t you go anywhere!” She tugged on the handle of her mace. “I’ve... Almost...” She gritted her teeth as she continued to pull on the mace, only managing to drag it across the floor; ruining the linoleum as she did so.

A sweat-drop forming on the side of her head, Rei walked up to the purple-tressed fox-like girl. “Excuse me?”

Filia blinked her eyes at hearing someone speak up. Looking up, she saw the larger, (and though she wouldn’t admit it, PRETTIER) Kitsune. “What?”

“How about putting that away from now?” Rei asked. “I’d like to ask you something.”

Filia raised an eyebrow. “It depends...” She said slowly. “Do you mean you want to ask me one thing, or a few questions? Because I can tell you, it isn’t going to be cheap.” She then looked back at the larger Bear Splice. “And you! Don’t you go anywhere!”

“Squee!”

Rei chuckled nervously and asked, “What if we talk over ice-cream?”

“Well...” Filia eyed Rei. “Are you paying?”

Unsure if this was going to be the smart thing to do or not, Rei nodded her head slowly. “Sure.”

“SWEET!” Filia shouted. “Ask anything you want to know!” She turned to the Beagle waitress. “Hey! I want another triple ‘Dairy Delight’ Sundae and some more of those ‘Chocoholic Gutbusters’! The golden Kitsune here’s paying!”

Rei’s eye twitched irritably. Good thing she had her wallet on her. Although she had to admit, maybe she would have been better off not messing with fate, and saving herself a few thousand Yen.

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(Posted Fri, 19 Nov 2004 00:41)


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