The World of Crimson: Metagamed [Episode 127345]

“Oh come on, it’s just one skelleton,” boldly observed Crimson as Firefly backed away.   He knew she was afraid of spooky spooks but wondered why Azure was also backing towards the exit.   “Here, let me handle it!   It will be a walk in the park.   Like taking candy from a baby.   A piece of cake.   Nothing can go wrong now.   How hard can it be?”

Crimson charged forward at the Lich King with inevitable results.   At least this time he had his blades equipped, though it did not make any difference.   Not even one hit point of damage did his character do, unable to land a single blow before the Lich King blasted him into pixels.

“Wuh?… Hey, I’m okay!   That didn’t hurt at all,” came Crimson’s disembodied text.   “I fight on… Un… where the hell am I now?”

“You lucky doofus, a Lich King is like level 40!” yelled Azure.   “Even I wouldn’t try to take one down alone, and you’re just level 1!”

“What’s a Lich King doing in this dungeon anyway, Pappa?” demanded Firefly as she pulled out some bane wards.   “The setting should be on ridiculously-easy encounters for the newbies, even with you in the party!”

“Must be a glitch in the system,” grumbled Azure as he swung into action.   His heavy blade clove sparks off of the Lich King’s defensive aura.   … “Uh oh!   That’s can’t be good,” was the last he said before being dropped by a fire spell.

“Not good at all,” agreed Firefly as she did the only sensible thing in that situation.   She got the heck outa there.   She barreled down the corridor as fast as her character could move.   The shock controller vibrated as she slammed into another character.   “Eeeks!”

“It’s me,” groaned Crimson as he pried himself out of her flailing limbs.   “What the heck’s going on?”

“Oh, you must have just been hit by a dispel spell,” remarked Firefly as she regained her composure.   “You know, something to teleport an attacking character a fair distance while it deals with the rest of the party.   It’s very annoying and…”

“Hissah!” a voice down the corridor reminded her of something.   “Your taint shall be cleansed!”

“…oh yeah!   Less talk now, more running!”

“Hey, Ranma Saotome don’t run from nothin!”

“Who?   Nuh, whatevah!   Run away, it’ll kill you!”

“Oh, yeah!   I’m just Crimson here,” he remembered and agreed that, “mehbeh I should ahhhm… Crimson special technique!”   So, against his instincts, he turned tail and poured on the speed and soon fell behind Firefly.  …  Way behind.   “Wait, how are you moving so fast?” he demanded.   Twin Blades were supposed to be the fastest class, that’s was one reason why he picked it.

“It’s a speed charm!” Firefly yelled back and waved a cylinder.   “You know, an item to improve your speed statistics.   Don’t you know nuthin?   You’ll never get anywhere if you don’t even…”

“Watch where you’re going!” warned Crimson.

“No!” insisted Firefly.   “Read the manuaeelllllllllllppp!!”

“Frezzzh brainzzzz!” groaned a zombie happily as it grappled Firefly.   “Num num num.”

“Eat this instead!” countered Crimson as he sliced and diced and the zombie splattered into bones and gore.   “Yah!   Taste twin blade death!”

“Ohhhh, gross!” complained Firefly.   “Zombie cooties!”

“You know, I’ve been thinking,” observed Crimson.   “This is a just game right?   So there’s got to be some way to win.”

“That’s metagaming….but of course there should,” Firefly observed, “it wouldn’t be fair otherwise.   Only I don’t think the Lich King is supposed to be here at all.”

“Nah, there’s got to be a way.   Hmmph… it is taking it’s time to catch up, so it’s pretty slow right.   What are it’s other weaknesses?”

“It’s a bleeping Lich King!” yelped Firefly.   “It’s way too strong for us.   Maybe we should just log off.”

“No way!   Rah…Crimson doesn’t give up!   Anyway, maybe it’s not a real Lychee Thing.”

“Lich King,” corrected Firefly and she considered.   “Wait, you mean the moderators are just trying to scare us off with a fake?”

“Well, it is a haunted dungeon setting right?   Scaring players is the name of the game.”

“…I never heard of that happening, but maybe.   Nah, it took Papa out with one blast and he’s pretty high level.”

“No, listen, I have a brilliant plan!”