Eyes flaming, Kagome held up the little clay bowl she had been keeping on her head. She turned the bowl over, and only the smallest drops dripped out. "Look at this! You made me spill my oden!" she bellowed angrily. "You… cockbiting FUCKTARD!"
Inuyasha's eyes went wide. He had no idea Kagome had such a filthy mouth! And what about that scary look she had in her eyes?
*STRENGTH RAMP-UP: 200% - RIDICULOUS POWER*
Power surged into her contractile bundles — her muscles. They burned, but not as hot as her maiden circuit. Her eyes glowed green, and she was surrounded by a glowing-green aura. "Prepare yourself for the New Pain, Yura of the Hair!" growled the girl from the future.
"Foolish girl! You're no match for an oni!" Yura chuckled smugly as she stroked the hairs of her web. Obediently, the net formed three trunks of hair which lunged toward the uppity human girl approaching her. Kagome continued to glare at Yura, seemingly oblivious of the death from behind. Yura was prepared to savor the sight of a sassy human girl getting gutted before her eyes, with luscious gore.
Only there was no delectable sight of sliced-n'-diced Kagome.
Kagome didn't even glance at the approaching bundles of hair. But she did reach over her shoulder to grasp a handle of the Snip-O'-Matic™.
*FLASH!!*
The bundles of hair that had been rushing to seize Kagome were frozen, as if in shock at Kagome's sudden movement. And it was sudden, for all Yura caught was a flash of light. Then, the bundles of hair instantly dissolved in a shower of inch-long clippings, useless for Yura's purposes.
Yura swallowed. This was bad. Her hair was the only real weapon she had apart from her oni-sword… D'oh! she thought, though Homer Simpson (who popularized the expression) wouldn't first be drawn for five hundred years yet. Grasping at it with her own impression of Thing (given that Charles 'Chill' Addams wouldn't be born until 1912), Yura sent it speeding toward Kagome.
*FLASH!!*
Except the Snip-O'-Matic™ blurred again, and the hand and sword dropped to the valley floor. Kagome closed the shears with a harsh *snickt*.
Yura, now getting desperate, started stroking strands of hair vigorously. At her command, tens of hairy trunks came thundering out of the mass of hair to seek this girl's vital organs.
*FLASH!!* *FLASH!!* *FLASH!!* *FLASH!!*
This group of hair trunks didn't fare any better as the last one. Yura now saw the problem in her attack strategy this time. All her attacks consisted of hair, and she was now facing the Barber from HELL! She was almost upon her, and hoping against hope, Yura drew back to throw her flaming strands at Kagome.
*KRACK!*
The demon comb came apart in her hand as it met Kagome's jab with the Snip-O'-Matic™. Combs were made out of bone back then, and although the oni-comb would be made out of oni-bone, it was also damn old bone. The juggernaut known as Kagome continued her approach. "Your hair… is not strong!" she said gravely.
"We'll meet again, girl!" Yura growled as she raised her hand to fly away—
*KER-SNIP!*
With a flamboyant twirl, the garden sheers were set back in its holder on Kagome's back. Meanwhile, Yura hit the ground in front of Kagome, the hairs tying her fingers severed. "No. We won't," stated Kagome coldly.
NOW Yura was scared. "HIIIIII!!!" she screamed, turning to flee. Kagome pounced!
(The actual struggle has been blanked for your protection.)
*BIFF!* "Gyueehhh! Gods, you're heavy!" *WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!* "AUGH, MY FOREHEAD!" *WHANG!* *CRASH!* *BLANG!* "OOH! ARGH! OH! AIEEE!!"
Inuyasha's eyes grew wider and wider as he watched the carnage unfold on the hapless Yura…
*WHACK-EM!* "OOO! That's gonna leave a mark!" *SMACK-EM!* "HIII! That'll leave a bigger mark! No! NOT THE FACE! NOT THE FACE!" *POW!* "KIIII!! I TOLD YOU, NOT THE FACE, you BRUTE!!"
By now, Inuyasha's eyes took off half his face, and the other half of his face looked sort of green. He averted his eyes, shutting them tightly.
*BAKI-BAKI-BAKI* "Arrgh! My spine!" *BRAK!* "MY LEGS!" *CRACK!* "MY RIBS!" *KER-POW!* "MY SPEEN!" *greee…* "*gyeep!* He-Hey, now! That is not supposed to bend that way!!" *CRACK!* "GYAAHHAA!!" *greeee…* "AAHHH!! That's not supposed to bend at all!!!" *SNAP!!* "GYE-HEEEEE!!!" *TWIST!!* "GYAHH!" *GRINCH!* "Uuuuhh!" *SNAP-CRACKLE-POP!* "mommy…"
Inuyasha cracked open an eye, and immediately regretted it with a surge of bile from his gut. Kagome was now carefully folding Yura into a pretzel. In fact, she was working on the twist in the middle, using Yura's legs. Her arms were twisted and useless, and her remaining hand looked like Kagome had been playing 'One Potato, Two Potato', draconian-style.
Yura opened her teary eyes, and drew her face into the most pitiful frown she could manage. "inuyasha?" she asked weakly, tears waterfalling from her eyes. "will you do me a bi-i-ig favor… and crush the comb you'll find inside that red skull? it has my soul…"
"And breaking that will end your suffering," finished Inuyasha, gaining a big of strength back. "'Cept I don't think Kagome wants your suffering to end…"
"pleeeeeze! i-i'll be your best fwend!" pleaded Yura.
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(Posted Fri, 31 Dec 2004 09:00)
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らんま1/2 © Rumiko Takahashi
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