“I heard that, cockbite!” Came out said soothsayer telepathically
Ranma blinked his eyes. “How does she do that?”
“Because I can see all and know all, cockbite!” Came the haughty reply inside of Ranma’s head.
“Whatever...” Ranma grumbled irritably. “Leave me along already so I can enjoy my share of the sweetass loot my group got from beating that bandit gang.”
“Whatevah! I have news for you, monk of the Anything Goes,” The Soothsayer of Kansas said cryptically.
“And that is?” Ranma asked.
“There’s an ancient, ancient crypt that contains magical weapons....” A sigh is heard when she realizes he isn’t listening and still counting his latest bounty. “And booty! Sex, cash, and LOTS AND LOTS OF GOOD STUFF!”
Placing his gems back down on the floor, Ranma nodded his head. “I’m listening, Twister-Rider.”
“I will tell you the location only if you swear to bring me one thing...” The female voice said slowly. “An Orb with an emerald and ruby gemstone inside it... Promise to bring that, and you will be told of the treasure crypt’s location.”
After a moment of consideration, Ranma nodded his head slowly. “You got yourself a deal, old lady!” He then looked thoughtful. “I can just bring it to your axe-wielding iron golem? That thing is closer to reach than you are since it’s been roaming the countryside.” Damn, the ‘Tin Woodsman’ was such a militaristic SOB.
“Yes you can take it to him.” Came the reply as suddenly, a map appeared in a poof of smoke. “There’s your map. Be wary of the guards they still live as they are enchanted creatures and their... Tests are... Unorthodox..”
Ranma grinned and held the map in his hands. “Nice!” Taking a moment to look over the map, Ranma said, “Thanks, Dorothy. You ain’t such a bad ‘Kansas-Girl’ after all.”
“Heh not so bad yourself monk...” It was a reason the witch liked Ranma. He may have been dumber than a Munchkin, but he could be every bit as sweet as her old dog, Toto.
Folding up the map, Ranma grinned to himself. “Later then, Kansas-girl.”
“Not going to ask me what I meant by unorthodox guards?” Dorothy asked quizzically.
Ranma shrugged. “I figured I’d figure out myself. But if you want to tell me, sure. What is it?”
“They often offer the combat cliché but mostly they tend to be... Sexual tests in nature...” The Wicked Witch Prophet explained hesitantly, with a hint of teasing. “Get some stamina regen potions and birth control potions... And STD wards... bring plenty... We’re talking a LAAAAAAAAAARGE crypt almost like an underground city...”
Ranma rolled his eyes. “Great... Just great...” Damn it! Just last week had taken all of them to get that Dragon sated just so they could steal some treasure. He didn’t know if he could handle another major fuck-fest right away.
“Sorry boy but your loot-filled thoughts and greedy eyes were so big you accepted my offer without asking anything...” Dorothy chided him over their telepathic link.
Slowly, Ranma nodded. He hated it when she was right. “Yeah, yeah... We’ll head out as soon as we can...”
“Good! Ta ta for now!” And the link was severed.
Ranma nodded his head. Another day, another quest.
And then without warning, the door to Ranma’s room opened. Raising an eyebrow, Ranma turned to look at who walked into his inn room. Seeing it was the resident thief...
See other episodes by Red Priest of the 17th Order
(Posted Thu, 24 Mar 2005 01:53)
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