Ranma Saotome, despite popular belief, was neither unfamiliar with thinking nor a stranger to epiphanies. True, most of his epiphanies happened in combat and were related to saving his own hide, but he still had them. None of them, however, had ever been as clear as the one that Mihoshi had thrust into his skull via his misworded wish. It was all so clear to him now; Cologne considered herself the best chess-master (or would that be chess-mistress?) in Nerima when she bothered to interfere, now didn't she? And she wanted Ranma married off to her great-granddaughter...
Now, there really wasn't anything Ranma could do about either Ukyo or Akane in terms of honor; thanks to his fool of a parent, marrying either would damage the honor of both himself and the girl he didn't choose. The cleanest, least painful option in that direction would be to marry Shampoo; breaking off both of his father's arranged engagements would stain his honor somewhat, but not as badly as marrying one of them would. Plus, if he moved to China (and he had no doubts that was what would happen), the stain wouldn't matter at all- after all, why would the Chinese Amazons care about what his father had done?
The image of Cologne having to put up with the headache of having to actually figure a way to get him back to the village without Genma, the Tendos, Ryoga, the Kunos and Mousse screwing things up wasn't pleasant in the least. Well, alright, maybe a little.
Of course, his wish had just granted him an epiphany, it hadn't altered his mind in any way other than to make him seriously consider the possibility. He was still far too leery to consider waltzing into the Nekohanten and announcing he loved Shampoo so when should they start packing, but the thought of going there and actually talking about his concerns with Cologne was welling up within him. Finally, he nodded in agreement with that thought and set off purposely in the direction of Nerima's most famous Chinese restaurant.
"Yo, Granny- you here?"
"Son-in-law's in a good mood." Cologne mused to herself as the voice of her Shampoo's reluctant betrothed filled the currently closed Nekohanten, to the delight of the blue-haired girl and the rage of said girl's obsessive stalker. She knew perfectly well that Ranma Saotome only referred to her as "granny" when he was in a relatively pleasant state, otherwise addressing her as "old ghoul". Such random thoughts were cut off as Ranma entered the restaurant proper, making sure to keep at least two tables between himself and the Chinese teenagers.
"There you are, Granny; I've been looking for you." He said.
"Oh, really? That's unusual- you normally drop by only when there's some sort of trouble. So what's the problem, son-in-law?" Cologne replied, hopping out of the kitchen.
"No problems, not this time. But I need to talk to you about something. In private." He added the last part after a few seconds delay.
Mousse, naturally, bristled at Ranma's words. "What do you have to talk about that you can't say in front of us, Saotome?"
Ranma ignored him, as he usually did. "This is no trick on my part, Granny, but I need to speak with you alone. This is your first, last and only chance to hear what I have to say- so can we talk without these two, or do I walk out of here now?"
Cologne scrutinized him intensely, clearly thinking deeply on his words. Finally, she nodded and directed a torrent of Chinese towards the other teens in the room. Shampoo, who was apparently only mildly curious, nodded after a moment's hesitation, but Mousse's anger was written all over his face. Another burst of diatribe, this one plainly threatening even to Ranma, and he wilted like a poisoned flower. Cologne then began bouncing across the tables to the staircase to the residential area above the restaurant, Ranma following her. Once they were in the living room, and after Ranma made sure that neither Shampoo nor Mousse had followed them, the two sat down at the table.
"Alright, son-in-law, what's all this about?"
"I don't really go in for longwinded speeches, so I'll cut to the chase. You want me to marry Shampoo? Okay then, sell me on it." Ranma answered easily.
"Bwah?" Was Cologne's bug-eyed response.
Ranma sighed with exaggerated exasperation. "Convince me that Shampoo is the girl that I want to marry." He said, slowly and in a tone so patronizing that any kid would have been mad as hell to hear him. That Cologne didn't promptly whack him for it made Ranma realise just how badly he had startled her.
"...What brought this about?" She finally asked, wonder actually evident in her words.
"Does it matter? I'm giving you a golden opportunity here- you really want to waste it?" Ranma asked. He had no intention of revealing that he'd gotten himself a wish from a ditzy-looking genie, even if she had shuffled off to Buffalo the moment she'd given him his wish.
Cologne was quick to agree with his question internally, even if she wouldn't dignify it with a verbal response. "Very well, son-in-law. What's on your mind?"
Ranma inhaled deeply and then exhaled slowly as he tried to sort out his questions in his head. The last thing he needed was to bungle this up, or worse, tick Cologne off- he'd made Happosai mad before, and the last thing he needed was for someone with that level of power who could concentrate on something to be angry with him. Finally, he figured he had what he wanted to say figured out.
"There's a lot of reasons why I ain't been exactly willing to go back to China with you people-"
"Actually, we've been insisting you marry Shampoo. None of us ever said anything about coming back to China as being part of the bargain." Cologne interjected.
Ranma continued as though she hadn't interrupted. "-But they all boil down to pretty much a few things. One; just what do you expect me to do there? I ain't no farmer, and I'm sure as hell not going to settle down and be a homekeeper an' baby making machine- in either sense of the word!" He snapped viciously.
Cologne felt the urge to snort disdainfully, but refrained; she knew Ranma would take it in a way other than was intended. "As if we would waste talent like you in such a manner. Just because the women of our tribe are trained in martial arts, that doesn't mean that we shun its practition by men. Why would we make it our law to marry strong male martial artists if we intended to stifle their talent afterwards? In fact, martial arts prowess is one of the standards by which our people grade attractiveness for both sexes. A serious warrior like yourself is, to use a Western phrase, grade-A beefcake. If you and your father had come to use in circumstances other than how you did, I assure you that you would have been beating the attracted girls off with a stick, so to speak."
"You ain't just saying that?" Ranma asked suspiciously. "This ain't just something that applies to me because of the fact I can turn into a girl? Cause if I go to China, I'm going back to Jusenkyo to get that swim in Nanniichuan."
"Your curse has no positive effect on your standing." Cologne reassured him. "To be honest, it would have the opposite effect, and we would naturally take you and Shampoo both to Jusenkyo before returning the village. We do use the springs as a means of punishment, after all; you having a curse would lower your standing in the eyes of the other Joketsuzoku."
"I suppose that Shampoo's own curse was another of your reasons to be hesitant?" Cologne ventured before Ranma could speak up. When he nodded, she continued. "Of course we would cure her once she was married to you. The curse was punishment for not winning you in the first place, and so it has no place once she is your wife. Besides which, as you are well aware, the curse has undeniable negative connotations with your Nekoken training, to say nothing of the hinderance it poses to your having children."
"And I ain't exactly ready to be a dad yet, either, but that's something else to talk about." Ranma muttered. "Now, here's the biggest problem; how can you really expect me to marry a girl who don't feel nothing towards me but obligation to follow her laws? Me and Ukyo were friends before the engagement, and still are, and even Akane and I have something." At Cologne's skeptical look, he hastened to add, "Oh, I know it ain't exactly wine and roses, but it's still something. Shampoo, though; as far as I know, she don't feel nothing towards me- yeah, she acts friendly enough, but she's just following her laws."
"Son-in-law, believe me when I tell you this; while I admit that Shampoo was probably being merely a dutiful Amazon when she first gave you the Kiss of Marriage, she truly loves you now." She held up a hand to forestall any queries from Ranma. "But that is a matter you should discuss with her. Now, are there any other problems which you wish to discuss?"
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(Posted Wed, 04 Mar 2009 06:59)
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