*BIINNNGG…BONNNGG!…BIINNNGG…BONNNGG!*
“…mmmph…stpd lm clck…” A slender arm freed itself from a bundle of blankets, stretched out, then dropped clumsily back down with a solid *WHAP!*
“ARGH!”
*…BIINNNGG…BONNNGG!*
The lone arm rose again, but on its descent it was blocked, grabbed, and thrown back towards the body it was connected to. Said body shifted, the blankets around it opening like a cocoon, releasing the tired, unwashed, slightly hung-over butterfly within. The ‘butterfly’ was none other than one Ritsuko Akagi, who was now sleepily trying to remember when her alarm clock had developed the ability to defend itself. Looking around, her bleary eyes met the glaring crimson orbs of the Third Child.
“Are you through punching me in the face? ‘Cause I’d really like to go back to sleep now.”
*…BIINNNGG…BONNNGG!*
“…I’llstphitnyuwhnyoug’ansrth’door.”
“…what?”
Ritsuko frowned, trying to sort her thoughts and words into a coherent form. “I’ll stop hitting you when you go answer the door.”
Shinji snorted and rolled over, turning his back on the faux-blonde genius. “No deal.”
*…BIINNNGG…BONNNGG!*
Figuring out a ‘Plan B’ took far more effort than it should have, but Ritsuko wasn’t NERV’s Head Technician for nothing. She managed to crawl/drag herself across the small space that separated her futon from her roommates, and then proceeded to snuggle up against the white-haired teen’s back. She nuzzled the side of his neck affectionately. “I’ll keep the bed warm while you’re away…”
“…nope.”
Ritsuko frowned, then smirked. She had been Misato’s roommate through the first years of college, so she was well versed in the art of forcing uncooperative slugs into action. Leaning further across the weary pilot, now lying half on top of him, she opened her mouth…poked out her tongue…then dragged it from Shinji’s chin, up the side of his face, past his eye to his hairline.
“UUGH!” Shinji flinched and tried to squirm away, but there was no escaping the determined scientist’s wicked tongue. “Damnit, fine! Just get off me!” The triumphant blonde allowed herself to be shoved away. Shinji kicked the blankets away and stood, his stiff joints cracking and popping in protest.
*…BIINNNGG…BONNNGG!*
“I’m coming, I’m coming!” Shinji walked out of the bedroom, sliding the door closed behind him, and made his way to the front door. As he got closer he slowed down, a horribly familiar feeling passing through his mind. '…no, anything but that…' Reluctantly opening the front door, Shinji was greeted by the horrific sight of two cute, blue-eyed, blonde eight-year-olds, a boy and a girl, dressed in neat black uniforms.
“Hello there, good sir! Have you heard the word of God?”
Shinji scowled. “God has spoken many words; all of them, if I’m not mistaken. Maybe you should be a little more specific?”
The duo blinked, consulted a clipboard they were carrying, then smiled broadly up at the Dragon. “We’ve finally found you Mr Ikari!”
“Why were you looking for me in the first place? Do you have a message for me?” ‘Please, PLEASE have a message for me!’
The girl shook her head and giggled. “Oh, my goodness no! We’re just here to talk to you about this little test that humanity is undergoing.”
The boy picked up where his fellow had left off. “We feel that you, being both extremely powerful, resourceful, and non-human, have no place on this world while the test is taking place. In the interest of fairness, we’ve come to ask you to leave until such a time as the test is completed.”
One of Shinji’s eyebrows rose. “Really? Well, as long as we’re being honest…” ‘As if you little twerps could be anything else.’ “…I feel that humanity shouldn’t have to be punished for the actions of a few megalomaniacal assholes with far too much time on their hands.”
After flinching at his language the girl continued. “But this is a test for humans, and you’re a Dragon! Can’t you see the problem there?”
“…who sent you here?”
The two sickeningly pure children smiled proudly. “Nobody! We’re acting under our own initiative, and we’re not leaving until you leave, so there!”
Shinji smirked. “How very Angelic of you. Lucky for me, I just so happen to have something that can convince you to leave…”
Misato was a World-Class Sloth once she hit the futon, both Ritsuko and Kaji could tell you that. They would also tell you that nothing but an Angel attack or having someone lick her face could wake her before she ‘chooses’ to awaken, and even then she’s all but useless until she chugs down her morning beer. She’s a lazy party animal.
They’re partly right.
Misato is also an extremely skilled, if unorthodox, tactician, and one of the finest soldiers the Japanese military produced in the years after the Second Impact. This goes some way towards explaining how a 29-year-old woman became NERV’s Operations Director. Being a soldier, she was trained to be on her feet and clear-headed in an instant when the situation demanded it, and to able to sleep through anything when not on call.
So, she could sleep through a rock concert being performed in the apartment below her bedroom, but an Angel Siren wailing in the distance would wake her in an instant. The doorbell could ring incessantly and fail to draw even the slightest reaction from the snoozing purple-haired babe…
*BA-BA-BOOM! BA-BA-BOOM!*
…but two three-round bursts from a combat shotgun firing at her front door would have her on her feet, gun in hand, in a heartbeat. Which is pretty much what just happened. Tearing open her bedroom door, the Captain sprinted across the room, weaving easily through the debris left behind by the unpacking and the impromptu house-warming party. Pausing around the corner from the front door, Misato checked her pistol one last time before chancing a quick glance, then retreating back behind cover to process what she just saw. ‘Wait, that can’t be right…’ Leaning around the corner cautiously, she confirmed her sighting; Shinji, in his usual shorts-and-singlet sleepwear, wielding a sizable combat shotgun and a victorious smirk. She took a deep breath before speaking. “Shinji, what the fuck are you doing?”
“Hmm? Oh, just…taking care of a few…um, salesmen. Yeah, they were pretty determined, so I had to convince them to leave.”
Misato glanced past him to the hallway beyond. “And the glittery, golden-orange goo sprayed through the hall?”
“…that’s their blood.”
“…okay, just what were they trying to sell you?”
Shinji yawned, covering his mouth with his free hand. “A load of bullshit. Can this wait a couple of hours? It’s a little early to be up and about on a Sunday.”
The scantily-clad Officer checked the clock in the hallway. “5:30!? What the hell kind of salesmen go around ringing doorbells at this ungodly hour!?”
“The worst kind, Misato. The worst kind…”
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(Posted Mon, 16 May 2005 18:39)
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