The vine twisted in his grasp, Ranma looked up. "Snake?!"
The snake looked down on him. "Watch out for that-"
WHAM!
"-tree," finished the snake with a wince. Well, at least her tail was free now. Had to be a novice adventurer.
"Grosh grambble grummle grunt," said one of the orcs. (Had to be a newbie adventurer.)
"Griffle grammle makkvan, vargra!" said another orc. (Get back in line, you maggots!)
"Gobble vrika, gomda!" declared a skinny orc in the back. (I didn't want to be a soldier, I wanted to be a lumberjack!)
"Grak Erk," said the commanding orc. (Somebody smack Erk.)
The skinny orc in the back was slapped around by one of his neighbors a few times.
"K'kor Bossu dangen ratzin fratz," said the commanding orc. "Roga, nogu kragkor raken." (The boss wants this village destroyed by competent troops. Unfortunately, all I've got is you lot.)
"Rarg, Sarge," said Erk. (Thanks, Sarge.)
Sarge made a gesture. Erk got slapped around some more.
"Gorgno gravitz chop-chop gond," said the Sarge, indicating six of his troops. (Squad A - you're on looting detail.)
"GRAAAAA!" said the Squad A, shaking swords and cudgels. (YAYYYYY!)
"Gorgno gravitz rivv-ka gond," said the Sarge, indicating the next six. (Squad B - you're on pillaging detail.)
"GRAAAAA!" said the Squad B, shaking axes and making sure they had their big sacks.
"Gorgno gravitz wikki-wikki gond," said the Sarge, indicating the next six. (Squad C - you're on rape detail.)
"phooey," said the Squad C, looking very displeased with this assignment. (Aw man, not again.)
"Grivna gro garra greeema," said the Sarge, glaring at Squad C. (At least go through the motions idiots.)
"Ginna gore gumble," complained one of Squad C, "gonno grum ga." (Last time I did that, the bull got really mad.)
"Ginna gore gumble," complained another Squad C member, "gonsho korva damn keeva duul." (Last time I did that, I caught something from that damn chicken.)
"Frakken forgas geevil grivna gruntgor," threatened Sarge. (Do it or I'll make you go after human women.)
"EWWWWWWWWWWW," said Squad C, making signs of aversion. (Ewwwwwwwwww.)
"Gossa vizzen, Sarge," said the Corporal. (That's harsh, Sarge.)
"AH HA! There you are," said the newbie adventurer, now with leaves sticking up in his hair and assorted scratches and contusions.
"Vendna dof, rosha grivna yak," said Sarge. (You two kill the hero, the rest of you follow me.)
"I thought he was a novice adventurer," said one of the villagers.
"Obviously a clever ploy designed to get the orcs to underestimate him," said the village elder.
"He did good, he sure had ME fooled," said another villager.
"Look out, incoming," said the elder, stepping to the side.
WHAM! went an orc, arcing down and smashing into a barricade.
"ERK!" said one of the villagers.
"Oh, hello, Widow Brown. Nice weather we has," managed Erk.
"How come you're with those rabble?" asked Widow Brown.
"Orc press gang," explained the supine Erk. "Mind if I lay here, they might think I'm dead?"
"No, go right ahead," said the Elder. "What's going on?"
"The Twisty Tower Of Terror has a new owner, mad overlord, demonic pact, that sort of thing," explained Erk.
"I told you we needed to tear that place down," said Widow Brown. "We could use the bricks to make a road or something."
"Now now, we're a poor village and the funding had to go to entitlement programs in the big city, you know that," said the elder. "Besides, the king designated the Tower a scenic landmark to get some tourist money in."
"Oh man, the way he's going through that crowd of orcs remind you of anything," said Geezer A to Geezer B.
"Yup," replied Geezer B. "Just like what happened when the king tried those bull races through the city streets back in '06. Or was it '07?"
"What a mess that was," said Geezer A.
"Maybe we need a new king," said Widow Brown.
"Where would we get one?" asked Geezer A. "The royal line has withered away to some idiot who's bankrupting the kingdom with 'get rich quick' schemes. The only really acceptable candidates if you go with traditional choices would be... ?!"
"A hero," mused Widow Brown, the elder, both Geezers, and a few of the villagers.
Ranma got a sudden chill as he ducked under a axeswing and elbow slammed a halberd-wielder.
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(Posted Wed, 04 May 2005 19:05)
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らんま1/2 © Rumiko Takahashi
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