Jedi Knight 1/2: A bad day to be Velvet Jones [Episode 145528]

by Sgt. Chibi De`Ohki

Whistling to himself after he'd made the drop -- and he'd hidden in a nearby alley to make sure he could see the elder Kuno acquire his new woman -- Jones made his way back to his International House of Steak and Pancakes. It was only a handful of minutes away, and he got there, just ahead of a squad of police cars skidding to a halt outside.

Hmm.

This was unexpected. He surveyed his options, and quickly came to the conclusion that there was no evidence of any wrongdoing on the premises ... outside of possibly the locked vault. And Nabiki as a witness. Eyes narrowing, he hurried inside, grabbing the girl by the same shoulder he'd used before. She yelped, startled from where she'd been brutalizing a pancake with a fork but not eating it, but her family elected not to notice.

Convenient, Jones thought to himself. Well, Nabiki might not permanently be his for a while, but he wasn't about to give her a clean opportunity to tell the police what he'd done. He tossed her into a broom closet, and said, "Make a noise, let anyone know ... and you die." Smiling pleasantly, he enjoyed the way her body moved when she shuddered in revulsion for a moment before slamming the steel door shut.

Not really a broom closet as much as a holding cell. It was conveniently soundproofed, too, as this wasn't the first time Jones had to deal with the authorities coming after him for some reason or another. As he returned to the diner proper, sparing a glance for a kendoka ... oh, wait. That was Kuno's son. Well, he wasn't a worry, undoubtedly. Jones had just paid the man off, after all. Likely Tatewaki was just there as insurance.

But what about the police?

Jones stood behind the register, and waited to see what would unfold. He was quite surprised.

Police detective Tatsuki Hiko was a large, angry man, with a lot of muscle, and twice as much rage. Jones firmly believed that some day the man would die of a burst blood vessel. He also firmly believed that it would burst with enough force that anyone near Hiko would be destroyed by the ticking time-bomb of rage that the man was.

He was also the man, apparently, who was going to be in charge of the operation, whatever it was, as carloads of policemen began pouring into the restaurant, and ... ran past Jones. He allowed himself a faint smile, glad, for once, that, this problem didn't involve him.

While the crowd of law enforcement officials surged into the diner, Hiko marched to Tatewaki, and said, "Good work, Son. Now, if you're still willing, we might be able to use a hand--"

And then the corner where the police were rushing suddenly exploded, a table plowing through a rank of officers and slamming them to the ground. Hiko growled and drew his sidearm, but couldn't get a clear shot, so instead charged the conflict. Jones was, at this point, quite put out.

He'd gone out of his way and given up a true gem for his boss, and in repayment, his boss's son overthrows his entire operation with a boat-load of cops? He wasn't certain why they weren't looking at him, but he knew one thing: he was going to give as good as he was going to get.

Without warning, he slipped into the primary attack stance of Martial Pimping, and slapped Tatewaki. The young kendoka was so stunned that Jones was able to get a trio of additional slaps in before he found himself getting pimp-slapped back. Jones realized that the Kuno lad might be on to something, as he crashed through the bar, splinters, drinking glasses, and plates flying overhead and soaring through into the kitchen.

Pimp-slapping with a bokken was pretty effective. Jones looked up, and saw the towering form of Tatewaki glaring down at him, looming ominously overhead. "What, pray tell, do you think you are doing?"

***

Genma had been enjoying his meal. It was a good meal, because not only did he not have to pay for it, he didn't even have to earn it. Well, he supposed he'd walked to the restaurant. That thought in mind, he tried to flag down the waitress; thinking about how hard it was to get free food was thirsty work, and they'd been given a bottomless tab, as far as he was concerned. Aside from which, nine-AM was plenty late to start getting drunk.

His plan fell short when he looked up and found, not a waitress, but a but a surging tide of law-enforcement officials. And contrary to Japanese law, almost all of them had pistols drawn, and were bearing down. At him specifically.

Well, fine. If he couldn't enjoy his meal in peace, no one could. An expert kick sent the table flying into the nearest officer, and everything on the table across the others. He belatedly turned to offer Kasumi and Nabiki a warning to duck, but then saw they were already gone. Cowards, he thought to himself, as he ducked behind the bench Soun was sitting on.

***

Once in the kitchen, Jones had managed to retrieve his cane, and was currently dueling Tatewaki with all of his might. Unfortunately, while Jones had a lot of ... um ... well ... let's call it 'flair'. He had a lot of that. It didn't really help much against Kuno, who held actual skill in higher regard.

Really, it wasn't much of a duel, as much as a mad dash to get heavy pieces of equipment between himself and the furious kendoka. If only Tatewaki were a girl, he thought sadly. His art worked so well on them!

In short order, there was nothing left but the deep fat fryer, and Jones dashed behind it. It stood on a small island, the two fighters circling one-another, and then Tatewaki grinned, and lunged forward. Jones ducked back, as Kuno had aimed low, driving a bokken into the contraption. The wooden blade drove clear through the fryer, and as Kuno wrenched it out, a stream of super-heated grease shot straight into Jones's crotch.

Howling in pain, he fled the kitchen at full speed, both hands clapped to his wound.

***

Genma's makeshift barricade included the neighbor's table, and the neighbors, and he'd currently managed to arrange a standoff between himself, and ... a detective who he imagined he would look like himself, if he cared about his appearance. A big, burly, angry looking man.

Soun and Akane were somewhat stunned, just sitting there, Akane still holding a fork with a bite of pancake on it. Genma eyed it speculatively for a moment, but it was juuuuuuust a hair out of his reach. Oh well.

The police mostly seemed concerned with Genma, but since he'd taken the small family who had been sitting at the table he was currently hiding behind, they weren't approaching. Until a sudden shriek of deep pain sounded, and then a man-shaped hole in the barrier appeared, just a heartbeat before Genma recognized his old friend, Velvet Jones, master of Martial Arts Pimping.

After the man smashed him down, ran across him, and created an exit, Genma dazedly wondered if he should ask for a discount on his next visit. And then he decided to just cover his exit with ... an explosion sounded good. The police closing in on him, he unleashed the mad dance of the Yamasen-ken. With civilians for them to try and protect, Genma had no trouble running away from the police.

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(Posted Fri, 22 Jul 2005 06:46)


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