But at least Ranma could always depend on the old letch to remain nasty. "I'm going to talk to gramps," he said absently, as Hotaru let go of him. She nodded, and he bounced out into the yard, and onto the roof.
To his surprise, the ancient pervert was already on the peak of the roof, sitting there contemplatively while puffing away on his pipe. "Oh, there you are, Ranma," he said, glancing up when he saw the boy.
"So, now we're going to have a long and painful talk about--"
"No, no," Happosai interrupted with a sigh. "There's some things I can't stand against, Ranma. Oh, sure, you think I'm nothing more than a pervert and a lecher ... which to be fair, I can be."
Ranma sighed, and sat down, waiting to hear the old man out.
Happosai chuckled, and drew on his pipe, puffing out a stream of smoke. "I like children -- I really do! You remember when I pretended to be santa?"
Ranma rolled his eyes, but nodded.
"Anyway. Your daughter's a bit young for my tastes. Or a bit old, depending on how you view it. She's just a child, if older than an innocent, and I didn't mean for her to get in danger. What kind of responsible master would I be if I put her in danger?"
"Responsible?" Ranma asked indignantly. "Look here, you--"
"Responsible," Happosai returned flatly. "Did it ever occur to you, Ranma, slayer of Saffron, that maybe I had the martial skill to do more, and choose to merely limit myself to mischief? Is it really that perverted if all I do is snatch some undies, and every other day, let all the healthy young women in the district chase me with mops and brooms?"
Ranma considered this for a long minute. "You're still stealing," he finally said.
"Yes, but how often do you and I fight, and I lose everything back to the public?"
"Uh ... Tuesday and Friday nights, like clockwork, mostly, unless you hit the gym during the day."
"Precisely, Ranma. This is only a part of your training."
"Oh, please--"
"Like the weakness moxibustion."
Ranma rolled his eyes again. "Don't even try and pretend that you were helping me with--"
"But I was!" Happosai said mildly, grinning. "I knew about the Hiryuu Shouten Ha before you learned it. I knew that Cologne was in town. I knew that if you were weak, she would teach you. And then, I knew that if I didn't let you use it the way it was meant to be used, you'd find another way to make it work. And you did! A lust-powered Hiryuu Shouten Ha! And then you beat Herb by revising the technique, again, and Saffron the same way!"
"You can claim that it was a plan," Ranma said doubtfully. "But come on, that episode didn't 'help' me at all."
"Sure it did!" Happosai countered. "It gave you new strength, you learned new techniques, and you got closer to both Akane and Ukyou! Speaking of which, I really think you should start deciding who to marry, and who to take as a mistress--"
"Shut up!" Ranma growled. "Look, I'm a parent now, okay? I've adopted Hotaru. My first priority is making sure she's okay. You can try and argue that you just brought Tarou here to help me train -- and I'm pretty sure that's where you're trying to take it -- but the truth of the matter is that I don't want my daughter to be involved in any of your schemes."
Happosai stared, flustered, and nearly fumbled his pipe. Catching it, he said, "Well.... Okay. I'll see to it that--"
"No," Ranma growled quietly. "Look. I overreacted. Maybe. A little. Tokyo Tower was destroyed. I want you to go to Tofu's clinic and talk to Tarou. And then, if you're really sorry, I'd like you to go and change his name, so I know that Tarou's never going to be a risk to my daughter."
"And if I don't?" Happosai asked quietly.
"Then the next time Tarou and me fight, we learn if he can grow pieces of himself back after I cut them off," Ranma said in a very flat tone. "And then I get to you. I'll be honest, old man. You might have some trick I don't know. You might be able to kill me. But I'm sure as hell going to make it hurt if I've got to. Wouldn't it be better if we could just go back to the old student and master nonsense, as long as you keep Hotaru clear of it?"
Happosai shook his head and chuckled softly. "I think your willingness to forgive people what they do to you, and not to others is a flaw, Ranma," the old man finally said. "But fine. I'll go talk to Tarou. We'll see if he's learned enough to earn that name-change...." At Ranma's sharp look, he sighed, and added, "And I suppose if he hasn't, you have."
"Good," Ranma replied. Happosai nodded, and bounded off towards Tofu's clinic. Returning to the yard, Ranma quickly bounced to his seat at the table, landing just as his mother, at the same time as all three girls ... pursuing him? He wasn't sure what they were up to, and while it did make him happy, and he was glad to only be facing attacks from a single direction....
He couldn't help but think he'd somehow set himself up for a fall. Akane, Ukyou, and Shampoo were all wearing very nice (identical) soft blue kimono. Each had their name embroidered over their heart, and again on the hems of the garment; a much larger character on the back bore the clan-name, though Shampoo's merely said 'of Joketsuzoku'. Shampoo's hair had been braided intricately with tiny silver bonbori charms. Ukyou's hair had been braided with a tiny chain of silver combat-spatulas twined through the length. Akane's hair had been carefully brushed back and then she'd gotten two naginata-shaped clips to keep it from falling into her eyes.
While he was gone, Hotaru had redressed to match, though the silver charms in her hair were a combination of the three that her 'older-sisters' wore.
Ranma couldn't help but admit that all three looked good -- in fact, the way they set one-another off, they looked fantastic. Hotaru shone from their midst like the center of a happy family, and he had to grin at the sight. "Those look awesome," he said without thinking. "Where the heck did you get those charms, though? You couldn't have been gone more than an hour!"
"Joketsuzoku warrior always know where specialty shops are," Shampoo said with complete seriousness.
Ranma decided to let it pass. He'd probably be happier not knowing. "Well, all of you look great," he said, shaking his head. "'Specially you, Hotaru-chan." He smiled at her, resisting the urge to ruffle her charm-laden hair.
"Now it's time for you to get dressed," Ukyou said, holding up a bag.
"Uh!" Ranma protested, as Hotaru latched onto him again, cutting off his escape path.
"And we've simply got to do something with your hair," Akane added, holding up a length of blue cloth.
"Wait!" Ranma complained, both hands rising to grab his pigtail protectively.
"No more dragon's whisker to worry about," Shampoo purred, as all three glided within embracing distance. Hotaru's coordination was perfect, and she released him with enough time for him to actually start hoping he could get away before his former fiancees got a hold of him and hauled him bodily into the changing room.
"So manly!" Nodoka gushed in approval.
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(Posted Sat, 30 Jul 2005 18:51)
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