“So, why are ya goin’ ta America again?”
Nabiki Tendo sighed. Ranma could be irritatingly dense at times. “It’s simple. Colleges nowadays tend to look very favorably on having experience with another culture, especially if you plan to study international business.”
“Uh huh. An’ you’ll learn about that in this ‘New Jersey’ place?”
“Given that I’ll be going to a public school, probably not. But it’s the experience that really matters to employers and college administrators, not whether you actually learn anything.”
“Oh.” Ranma continued watching the middle Tendo daughter pack. “So, uh, while yer gone, there’s gonna be someone from there stayin’ here, right?”
Nabiki rolled her eyes. “Yes.” She was certain that she’d gone over this when she first announce that she’d been accepted into the exchange program.
“Well, is this guy gonna be able ta speak Japanese?”
“Ranma, considering that I had to take an year-long course in conversational English in order to qualify, I think it’s safe to say that the student who’ll be staying her will at least be able to speak Japanese as well as you do.”
The oblique insult went right over Ranma’s head. “Oh. That’s good, I guess.”
“Could I see your brain for a minute, Meatwad?”
“Huh? Oh, sure.” Meatwad reached into his head and pulled out the appropriate organ. “What do you want it for?” he asked as he handed it to Frylock.
“Well, Shake said that you were fluent in Japanese, but obviously, you only know English.”
“Wha?”
“I did not say that! I said I was fluent in Japanese, because it’s true, which is why I should be the one surrounded by horny schoolgirls!”
“You do not speak Japanese, Shake.”
“Well, I know all the important words.”
“Really?”
“Oh sure. Listen. A-hem. ‘Oh, me so horny, me love you long time.’ Huh? Howzabout that?”
“Shake, the woman in that movie was speaking English, and besides, she was Vietnamese, not Japanese.”
“Well, what’s the difference? All those short, slanty-eyed people who end in ‘ese’ are all pretty much the same.”
“SHAKE!”
“What?”
“Do you have any idea how racist that is?”
“Oh, great, now you’re gonna get all ‘liberal’ on me, and try and make me feel guilty for something that isn’t even remotely my fault.”
“It’s not a matter of liberalism, Shake, it’s a matter of human decency.”
“Oh, so what, just because I make judgments about people based on their race, that makes me a bad person?”
“Yes!”
“Oh yeah, well what about my people?”
“Your people?”
“Yeah. People like me… get discriminated against all the time.”
“Give me one example.”
“Well, there was this one time, when I signed up to go to Japan, but those racist jerks rejected me, just because I was a Milkshake!”
Frylock groaned. Why did he ever allow himself to get in the habit of talking to Shake? He ignored the continued ranting of his nominal “leader” as he hooked electrodes up to Meatwad’s brain. “Alright, Meatwad, I’m going to hook your brain up to this electronic Japanese-English dictionary and download the contents into your cerebral cortex, which, if my theory is correct, should allow you to speak with and understand the folks in Nerima.
Meatwad’s response to this was particularly insightful: “The what now?”
Master Shake managed to stop his ranting long enough to make a comment: “*cough* plot device *cough*” He then continued railing about the injustices perpetrated against Milkshake-Americans throughout the years (and he was an expert on the subject, being the only Milkshake-American in the history of existence).
“Well, time to see if this works.” Frylock stretched out a fry toward a particularly juicy-looking red button.
Naturally, Shake couldn’t have any of that. “Why do you get to push the button? Why not me?”
“Uh, because I invented it?”
“It’s because I’m a Milkshake, isn’t it?”
“What?!”
“You, my so-called-friend, are a double reverse racist!”
“Shake, that is the dumbest thing I ever heard.”
“See, no respect for my people, or my opinions! I’m… I’m gonna call Aklew… and they will sue your ass, and give me all of your stuff!”
“You mean the A.C.L.U.?”
“I can spell! Or can your pinheaded racist mind not get around that concept?”
“Shake, they usually support the rights of people to be racist assholes.”
“A-ha! So you admit to being prejudiced against Milkshakes!”
“What the—?! No I don’t!”
“You just said that Aklew would support you, didn’t you?”
“No, I didn’t…”
“So they will help me sue you!”
“Fine, you want to push the button? Go ahead.”
“What?! And disgrace myself and my heritage with such menial tasks? I think not!”
“Fine. Hey, Meatwad.”
“Wha?”
“Look at this big red button.”
“Uh-huh…”
“You wanna push it?”
“Hell yeah!” Meatwad did so, much to Shake’s chagrin.
“What the— Why did you let him do it?!”
“Because button pushing is an insult to your people.”
“But you weren’t supposed to let him push it!”
“Why not?”
“Because…” Shake paused as he tried to think of a reason. “Don’t try and turn my words against me! I’m the oppressed one here!”
“Whatever.” A loud *ding* emitted from Frylock’s computer. “Well, looks like she’s done. Time to see if this works.” He stuck the brain back inside his companion. Time for a test. “Konnichiwa, Meatwad.”
“[Hi, Frylock. So, how are you gonna teach me Japanese?]”
“It works!”
“You don’t know that. For all you know, he’s just saying gibberish.”
Frylock paused, and then shuddered as he realized that Shake, defying all precedent, had actually made a valid point in the course of his sulking. “You’re right. But I have a plan.”
“Alright, by now, Meatwad should have finished watching the unsubbed and undubbed version of Neon Genesis Evangelion, so I can quiz him to see what he knows—if it’s accurate, we’ll have definitive proof that he knows Japanese.”
Meatwad rolled back into Frylock’s room after his marathon anime session. “Alright Meatwad, what’s Evangelion about?”
“How the hell am I supposed to know that?”
“I knew it would work!”
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(Posted Tue, 21 Feb 2006 07:00)
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