[Episode 161682] [Episode 161682]After the martial artists had completely disrobed (with the exception of Ryoga’s bandanna), Ranma and Ryoga entered the hot spring. Not to do the yaoi scene, of course—no, that was still quite a ways away. No, this was just to loosen up to get ready, as well as doing a little brainstorming, because (let’s face it) choreographing an interesting homosexual encounter can be quite a daunting task for two straight guys—especially when most of the action is going to be improvised. So, after a few minutes of relaxation (and several swigs from a flask of sake that had been graciously retconned into Ryoga’s backpack), the two started planning.
“Alright, since this thread’s pretty much been established as a ‘gratuitous lemon’ thread, that probably means we got ‘enhanced’ features right now.”
“How ‘enhanced’?”
“Well, I just came from a bunch of lemon scenes with Asuka—”
“Is she the loud one, or the quiet one? I forget.” Ryoga interrupted.
“The loud one. Anyway, I’d say we’ve been enhanced to about 20 cm, give or take. Stamina’s way more than it should be, like usual, and let me tell ya, these things have so much pre-cum in ’em that we probably won’t need ta worry about lubin’ up.”
“Self-lubricating, huh? What about recoil?”
“Seemed pretty decent, by lemon standards, but I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s been increased for this yaoi scene. Maybe even a few multiple orgasms—ya know, stayin’ hard after ya come, that sorta thing. Means less time havin’ ta coax ’em back up. Ya know, so we can come a lot more times than a guy should be able ta do.”
“Ugh. I see your point. Um… do you know anything about our, um, entryways?”
“No, but I’m bettin’ that we’ll be able ta take each other in the whole way. An’ it probably won’t hurt as much as it normally would.”
“Right. And, um, oral?”
“Well, I figure it’s gotta happen at least once. Maybe 69, something like that?”
“Look, we can talk about what we’re going to do later. What I want to know is if I’ll have to worry about the taste.”
“Eh, I wouldn’t worry about it. In these kinda lemons, semen always seems ta taste better. At least, it’s usually tolerable.”
“That wasn’t quite what I meant. I mean, I don’t have any sort of protection with me—”
“It’s not like ya need ta worry about STDs.”
“I’m not talking about that, I’m just worried about… um… transfers.”
“Transfers?” Ryoga’s euphemism confused his rival for a few seconds until he though of a possible meaning. “Ya mean, like I fuck you in the ass for a while, take my cock out, and then ya give me a blowjob? That kinda thing?”
“Ugh… yeah. Though I don’t see why you had to be so vulgar.”
“We might as well start talkin’ dirty, Ryoga. The euphemisms have lost most of their comedic value.”
“I guess. But yeah that. I’m not too worried bacteria and stuff like that—after all, this is gratuitous sex we’re talking about, so it’s not like there’s going to be any health consequences—I just don’t want the taste of ass in my mouth.”
“Well, I don’t know what’s gonna happen then. Maybe the author will just forget that detail.”
Ryoga let out a grunt of frustration. “How’s that going to happen? You just reminded him/her/it/whatever!”
“Well, the author might just pretend ta forget if it grosses them out as much as it does you. Besides, ya don’t know if we’ll hafta worry about that—we don’t even know what we’re gonna do yet.”
Ryoga sighed. He’d hoped to drag this part of conversation out long enough that the episode would end before the two of them started talking about actually having sex. “All right, we may as well move on to that. So how extensive are these plans going to be?”
“I don’t think we gotta put too much thought inta it—I’m just thinkin’ it might be good ta have some ideas in mind so we ain’t just wingin’ it. Startin’ and endin’ is pretty obvious, though. We start with a really long kiss that takes forever ta describe, and we end when we both manage ta come at the same time.”
“Seems like a pretty arbitrary way to decide when to end a sex scene.”
“Look, it’s… tradition, I guess. For some reason, people think that simultaneous orgasms got more emotional weight to ’em than normal ones. I’ve lost count of the number of lemon writers I’ve worked with that think that two people cummin’ together somehow gives some sorta meanin’ ta what would normally be considered mindless fuckin’. The only other option is ta actually tie the sex inta our character development, an’ that’s usually too difficult for most authors.”
Ryoga shuddered. “Ugh… I never thought I’d be thankful for lazy fanfiction writers.”
“I hear ya.”
“So, what about the stuff in the middle? I mean, what exactly do we do?”
“Not sure. I suppose we try could some sorta foreplay in the beginnin’. I think we can wing most of it and let the author take care of settin’ the mood, ya know?”
“So we just kiss and caress and let the writer do all the work?”
“For the first part, yeah.”
Ryoga thought back to all the scripted shonen-ai romance scenes he’d done with Ranma—the hugging and kissing hadn’t been that bad. Not that he’d ever do it by choice, but he was pretty sure he could trick himself into almost enjoying it without a script. Maybe. “That sounds good. What about after that?”
Ranma thought some more. “Well, then we go to the actual sex. Not sure how much we gotta do before we finish, though.”
There was silence for a while, and then Ryoga spoke up. “You know, now that I think about it, I’m not sure it really matters exactly how many times before we climax, as long as we show ourselves to have more stamina than is physically possible. We just need to come up with a variety of positions, right?”
“Right…”
“Well, that shouldn’t be too hard, right? I mean, I’m sure that real gay guys get bored with sex if it’s done the same way every time like everyone else, so I’m sure they’ve come up with interesting ways for two guys to have sex.” It might have been the alcohol, or it might have been the author ignoring characterization so he could wrap up the episode quicker, but Ryoga was starting to think that this might not be as bad as he originally thought it would. “Besides, you’re really creative when you’re under pressure.”
“Point…. But what about you?”
“Oh, I’ll just follow your lead, I guess.”
Ranma smirked. “And you wonder why ya always end up bein’ the uke.”
“Shut up, Ranma.”
“Hey, ya walked inta that one. Anyway, once we get all that done, we just need to use a little self-control and time things just right, and then we’re finished.”
“Right. And then we can get back to having sex with women.”
“That’s the idea.”
“Well, it’s as good a plan as any.” Ryoga reached out toward his backpack, and removed a pill container with a picture of a good-looking young man wearing a minister’s collar on the label.
“That what I think it is?”
“Yup, Dr. Maxwell’s Insta-Yaoi Herbal Supplement Pills™. I figure that foreplay won’t be enough to actually get us started, even if we get a half-decent author for the episode, so we may as well take some of these.”
“Ya want me ta take a drug?”
“They’re all-natural herbal supplements. Mostly kelp, in fact. Says so right here on the bottle,” replied Ryoga as he pointed to the words in question.
Ranma reconsidered. “Eh… I dunno…”
“Well, like you said, the only other option is to let the author hitch this scene to your character development.”
“Right. Gimme.”
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(Posted Sat, 29 Apr 2006 08:39)
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