Ranma looked at her pityingly, repeating, “I said, ‘sorry, rules are rules and all that.’”
Nabiki arched an eyebrow. “Since when did you ever care about rules?” she asked the pigtailed jock.
“Eh, usually I don’t,” Ranma said, reaching into his pocket in order to pull out a heavily creased piece of paper. “But, this time I gotta make an exception, ya know?” The family and Genma crowded around the ratty piece of parchment.
A heavy silence fell about the room as they read, then looked up at the unconcerned martial artist, staring at him in the same way that eighteenth century German mercenaries stared at General Washington, who they found occupying their fortress one cold morning. Finally, Nabiki broke the silence. “You bought your martial arts abilities… from Hell?”
“Yeah, pretty much,” Ranma said as the demon lawyer nodded. “Only cost me my common sense, too!” he exclaimed, as though he had brokered a good deal.
“Ooo…” Kasumi struggled for a moment, then decided. “… Shucks!”
“Gasp!” everyone … gasped. She blushed for a moment at using such a harsh word, then continued on.
“I just knew I could have sold something less than my soul!” the poor woman fretted.
“Sorry ‘bout that, but a deal’s a deal,” the demonic lawyer intoned, now bored with the drama. He opened his mouth to try to get this business over with…
Only to be interrupted by a furious Genma. “Boy! How could you sell your soul-”
“Common sense!” Ranma interrupted.
“… Common sense… without my approval?!” the portly man shouted, then yelped as he was shoved off to the side by Ranma’s fiancée.
“Heck, why can’t you stop him? Isn’t that your ‘duty as a martial artist’?” Akane taunted snidely. Ranma frowned.
“Fine, I’ll tell ya. Ya see, it all started…” Ranma trailed off, then glanced over at Darius. The evil lawyer (wow, that’s a redundancy) sighed, and snapped his fingers again, causing the violin playing imp to reappear in brimstone and fire.
Satisfied, Ranma turned back to the impatiently waiting crowd. “Well, it all started when I was eleven. Pops over there was drivin’ me to be the greatest martial artist in the world. Of course, that’s a pretty tall order for a kid, not to mention that the shit the crackpot over there did to train me was insane. So, I needed some help. Fortunately, I found a contract in Pop’s bag that let me summon one of those demon guys, and signed over my common sense.”
Akane frowned even more deeply. “And why did you do that?”
Ranma shrugged. “Well, it seemed like a good idea at the time.
“Anyways, so, as a little side note, I had to promise that I wouldn’t interfere with the powers of down below, like right now.” Ranma shrugged apologetically to the eldest Tendo girl. “Sorry, I like your cookin’ an’ all, but ya know how it goes.”
Nabiki hmmed as Darius blew up the newly reformed violinist, causing Kasumi to start fretting about the growing mess. “Well, looks like Kuno was right about you being helped by the powers of Hell,” she reasoned, before looking at the red eyed lawyer. “So what does it take to get an infinite cash flow?”
Darius grinned wickedly while Akane reprimanded her older sister. “Not much at all, really. If you’ll just meet me in your room in,” he paused to peruse his watch, “oh, say, half an hour, then I can even get you an Italian car.” The devilish grin on his face explained just what the “meeting” would entail.
That was enough for Soun, who powered up his Demon Head Technique. “NOW YOU WAIT A MOMENT, YOUUUuuuu…” he trailed off at the demon’s arched brow, and let go of the technique. “Oh, right, never mind. I forgot about that.”
“Forgot about what, Soun?” Genma asked his deflated friend.
“Why, the fact that when you signed that contract that, and I quote, ‘in exchange for your sense of worth, you would be able to conjure up a visage of a demon so foul and fearsome, it would make Mr. T himself crap his pants’, you also signed that it shall be ineffective against evil beings,” the lawyer replied.
“So that’s why it never worked against the Master,” Genma mused.
“Yeah, yeah,” the Ice Queen muttered, “so, where’s that contract?” Akane looked askance at her.
“Nabiki! You must be joking! You can’t sign your soul over to the devil for money!”
Her sister ignored her as she pulled out a pen. “It’s not my soul, it’s just a fling.”
“Yeah, we already have her soul in the bag, anyways,” Damien mentioned, handing over a contract. “This is just so that I can enjoy today even more.” Nabiki arched an eyebrow, and the lawyer shrugged. “You really shouldn’t be surprised. Hell, out of this household, only you don’t have anything promised to the forces of Hell!” he shouted dramatically, pointing at who he was talking to.
“Gasp!” everyone gasped, as they saw that he was pointing to…
“… Huh? What’s going on here?” Ryouga asked, scratching his head. He had meant to shout out his usual battle cry, but the red eyed man in the black suit was weirding him out, what with his pointing at innocent bystanders.
Damien growled and shook his head furiously. “Not you! Step to the side!” Blinking, the fanged boy sidestepped out of the way. “Gasp!” everyone gasped again, as they say that he was pointing to…
“… What? Why are you so surprised?” Akane asked, fists balled up on her hips.
“Er… well… you see, we expected that you were the most likely to succumb to the wiles of demons…” her father started off hesitantly.
“Not countin’ my old man, of course,” Ranma piped in.
“Though, it does make sense, once you consider that you really don’t have anything Hell worthy other than that mallet of yours,” Nabiki mused, wondering if she should go ahead and sign the contract anyways.
“And you really could use some cooking skills, once your sister, what’s her face, leaves,” Genma added, before being ganged up on by the others.
“He has a point, though; someone WILL need to take care of the family,” Kasumi added, sadly serene, as the fat porker was being skewered by righteous fury.
Damien clapped his hands together. “So! What do you say? Take up your sister’s spot? Gain some well needed cooking ability?”
Akane, adamant at first, wavered slightly, then fortified herself. “No! I refuse!”
“C’mooooon… all the cool people are doing it! Don’t you want to be cool?” the lawyer needled, causing her resolve to buckle.
“Well…”
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(Posted Fri, 11 Aug 2006 17:53)
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