Shinji's New Deity: It’s a diety’s job, but somebody’s got to do it. [Episode 169657]

They settled into a routine of sorts.  As the days faded into one another, hope of returning to their former state faded into obscurity.

Pen-Pen began looking sleeker and more majestic than the pampered pet had ever had.  He complained less and less about the workout they put him trough, and needed less supervision each day.  Only occasionally would he poop on a building as an expression of rebellion, more out of principle than any true chaffing of the collar.

He missed the beer and pizza though, and a nice comfortable ice box.  Lots of tiny fish and the occasional live animal to eat, and only the Creature Pen to rest in, just wasn’t the same at all.

Shinji had taken up gardening in a way.  He flattened the ground into meadows and roads, and transplanted trees around the new buildings.  The city grew in leaps and bounds as Shinji, Pen-Pen, and the disciples set to work.

New buildings seemed to spring up over night and new designs became available as the disciple builders grew in skill and productivity.  A new grainnery’s wind mill soon towered over the spreading fields of gold, a lumber mill grew up on the retreating edge of the forest, and a smelter was erected beside the mine to refine the last of the diminishing ore supplies.

As the city grew in size and impressiveness, the influence ring spread further allowing Shinji to take a more direct hand in managing the island’s resources.  With more crops growing, he was able to set Pen-Pen to the task of gathering ore from distant mines; though teaching the bird to do that took some doing.

The People were happy and productive but not everyone was.  Unable to contribute anything but advice, Asuka grew sullen and began to nag Shinji at every opportunity.  Which is to say that Shinji didn’t really notice a change in her at all.  Rei, on the other hand, was a source of serene dignity and calm observation.  Again, Shinji failed to take note of a change.

Godhood wasn’t all landscaping and civic planning.  On occasion Shinji had to interact with the People more closely when they felt that had a particularly important problem to bring to his attention.  What they considered important was oft times trivial, sometimes not.

“I know there is a god out there,” a villager prayed one day, as a random example, “so, if you are one, please help me!  A giant boulder has fallen onto my garden and blocked my view.  I tried to move it, but it is far too heavy.  I’m desperate; if ever there was a man who needs a god, I’m it.”

“Urgh!” Asuka moaned as Shinji zoomed in to investigate the prayer.  “Who does he think he is?  Giving orders to us!  Go on, ‘Boss’, punish him for his impudence!”

“But if we help him, it will increase our tribute,” Rei counter argued, “and it will hardly take any effort at all, Leader Ikari.”

“You and your ‘winning the hearts and minds of this land’s people’,” Asuka sneered.  “Is this how it’s going to be, ‘Boss’? – Boring!”

Shinji moved the boulder.

“Well done, Leader Ikari,” Rei praised.

“Boring!” Asuka asserted.

“Listen, Leader Ikari,” Rei instructed one day on hearing something that wasn’t quite a prayer, “that man appears to be taking your name in vain.”

“Alright!” Asuka crowed as Shinji zoomed in to see what the fuss was all about.  “At last, a heretic to crush!”

“You, there!” the man yelled as the glow shone down upon his farmstead.  His gestures were expansive and he shook his fist, rather aggressively, a lot.  “Yes, you, oh ‘Divine Being’.  My daughter has fallen pregnant.  She says no man has touched her and it’s an immaculate conception.  So… I’m holding you responsible.  Pay me a dowry of one thousand gold pieces!”

“Way to go, Shinji,” Asuka ribbed, delighted at having a new distraction.  “I didn’t know you had it in you, you dirty god, you.”

“Of course he didn’t do it!” Rei snapped primly.  Rei didn’t get humor at all.  “If he wished to copulate, Leader Ikari would have to do so with one of us.”  She paused to consider the idea.  “Though from watching the disciple breeders at work, it does seem rather pleasant.”

“We must do something to protect my reputation,” Shinji stated decisively to steer the conversation in another direction.  “Look, something’s up behind the farmhouse.  Let’s follow that girl –but… inconspicuously– and see where she’s going.”

It turned out to be as simple as that.  Maneuvering carefully to hover out of sight, and concentrating on keeping his glow down, Shinji trailed the farmer’s daughter to her rendezvous.  Then it was a simple matter of snatching up the farmer to bring him to the tryst, where the courting couple were caught coupling.

“Oh, forgive me for having ever doubted you, Divine One,” the farmer begged.  “I will see to it that this child is brought up properly in accordance with your beliefs.”

“You have ‘beliefs’?” Asuka asked archly as they zoomed back into the heavens.

“Perhaps we should investigate what they’re teaching in the new temple,” Rei suggested, “and see what kind of god they think you are: good or evil.”

“Get rid of it!” Asuka demanded sulkily on observing a new statue erected outside the temple.

“What is wrong with it, Demon Soryu-Langely?” Rei wondered.  “It is a very nice statue.”

“What?  Just look at it.  Look at those hips!  That swollen belly!  Those horrid bloated breasts!  It’s obscene!”

“It is merely a fertility symbol,” Rei observed calmly.  “It will encourage the People to reproduce, so I hardly see why you are making such a fuss over it.”

“Because it’s… it’s… it’s me!” Asuka wailed.  “Why the hell are the People portraying me as some puffed-up preggy sow!?”

“It is a typical prehistoric representation of sexuality,” Rei remarked off handedly.  “I suppose the People must see you as a sex symbol.”

“Well, of course they do,” Asuka replied, only slightly mollified.  “But that still doesn’t explain why they see me as some kind of breeder slut goddess.”

“Well, Dear, that’s because you are the breeder’s goddess after all,” Rei deadpanned.

“What, what, what!?”

“I’ve been observing the disciple breeders at work,” Rei continued placidly.  “They’ve noticed your appearance and have taken to dressing like you in order to entice men to copulate with them more often.  They even act aggressively and boldly as you do.  It appears that you are their idol.”

Asuka vowed vengeance.  “I’ll get you for this, Shinji, just see if I don’t.”

“What did I do?”

“Thank you for coming, Mighty One,” the head worshiper interrupted as she emerged from the temple.  “Strangers have arrived on the edge of the town.  They want to join us, but it is up to you to accept or decline them.”

“Excellent, more people to worship us!” Asuka gloated.  “Normally I’d say let ’em starve, but I just can’t say no to some adoring fans.  But, first, get rid of that statue before they get the wrong idea about worshiping me!”

“You mean worshiping Leader Ikari,” Rei corrected as Shinji zoomed them to greet the arrivals.  “Don’t let it go to your head, Demon Soryu-Langely.  But … from where did these new people come?”

On investigation, it turned out that something like Viking raiders had established a colony on the far side of the island while nobody was looking.  They’d erected crude villages, with thatched roofed long-houses, on the shores.

“What is this?” their leader exclaimed over a report while the trio looked on; all but invisible to the disbelievers.  He sneered, “Greek fools on an island claimed by Norsemen!?  Some of our people have already flocked to their city?  How can honest Norsemen be taken in by their city building and ‘civilisation’?  It is but a trick to tempt us!  But– I thought the Greeks were all destroyed by the Aztec Armies.  How did they survive the onslaught?  Bah!  No matter; they shall not survive for long!  Form a platoon to crush them, and send out our Creature.”

“This is a bad thing, Leader Ikari,” Rei observed redundantly as Shinji rapidly zoomed them back to their defenseless town.

“This would never have happened if you had listened to me in the first place!” Asuka asserted fiercely.  “Now listen up, ‘Boss,’ we need Pen-Pen to get aggressive; and we need armies!  It’s time to build barracks with some god building.”

“No, Leader Ikari,” Rei contradicted, “there is no time!  These people will not wait for us to build up our forces before they attack.  First, we have to build walls to protect our People before these Norsemen overrun the town.  We have no defenses but Pen-Pen and… they have a Creature too.”