“Good morning,” a disembodied voice rang out, “Today, we will be learning how to create fanfiction. Fanfiction is basically unauthorized pieces of fiction based on certain copyrighted materials, such as novels, anime, movies, and the mating habits of squirrels, created by fans. Thus, ‘fan’ ‘fiction’.
“Most people have a hard time creating this ‘fanfiction’, but today, we shall see just how simple it really is.
“Here, in this seemingly devoid meadow, we have Naoko Takeuchi, creator of the magical girl series ‘Sailor Moon’. Ms. Takeuchi, will you stand up please?” At the narrator’s request, a slender Japanese woman, dressed in designer clothing, stood up from behind a small berm in the meadow. Ms. Takeuchi waved, only to gasp in shock as a young pigtailed man dressed in a red Chinese shirt was flung at her, flattening her.
The view changed to a different part of the same meadow, where a cardboard cutout of the same young man who was flung at the mangaka previously, Ranma Saotome, stood. “In this part of the field is Mr. Gregg Sharpe, creator of the ‘PokeGirls’ phenomenon. Mr. Sharpe, will you stand up, please?” No one stood up like the Japanese woman did earlier, though the cardboard martial artist wavered a little bit.
“Now, Mr. Sharpe has presented us with a conundrum: his series already HAS Ranma Saotome in it. Fortunately, there is an easy way to resolve this,” the narrator remarked. With a yelp, a red headed, female version of Ranma was flung into the standout, crunching the cardboard and crushing the man hiding behind it. Then, inexplicably, the tangle of limbs blew up in a towering inferno of flames.
Again, the view switched to yet another part of the same field (though there WAS a plume of smoke rising in the background), where a bush, a wooden house, and a statue of a black man with a golden snake on his forehead, which seemed to be constructed of wires, bricks, duct tape, and an ’87 Buick.
“Now we have Richard Dean Anderson, television star of the hit shows ‘MacGuyver’ and ‘Stargate: SG-1’. Of course, he seeks to confuse by presenting us with multiple pieces of cover, which is also known as a ‘teaser’. Unfortunately for Mr. Anderson, we have extensive knowledge of him, including the facts that he has a habit of creating strange devices out of obscure materials and that he also has a habit of ducking behind well armed Jaffa. So, this eliminates the other pieces of cover to just one.” With that said, Ranma was flung...
… At the house, which promptly exploded. “Do not worry; we already knew that Richard Dean Anderson wasn’t hiding in the house. We merely wanted to give him a false sense of hope.” And, again, Ranma was flung at the makeshift statue, which blew up with a scream.
The view shifted, not to another part of the grassy meadow, but to a heavily wooded area, complete with a log cabin. “We had tried to contact Fred Perry, comic book writer, and creator of the series ‘Gold Digger’, but it has appeared that he had went on vacation. Fortunately, we were able to get information of his whereabouts from a fan.” Fourteen Ranmas and Ranma-chans were chucked at the log cabin, which exploded spectacularly.
The view shifted to a non-descript man standing outside of a house, wearing a red shirt with the words “17th Order” printed on it. “And this is the informant…” a catgirl version of Ranma is launched, and they both explode on impact.
The view, again, shifted, this time to a hospital. “And this is where the informant was born.” The hospital then crumpled to pieces, with the narrator’s maniacal giggling echoing amidst the destruction.
There was now a desk sitting in the grassy meadow, with Kasumi Tendo, dressed in a nice looking suit, sitting behind it. She smiled as she calmly intoned, “And now, for something completely different.” She blinked, then gasped as another Ranma was launched at her, knocking her backwards out of view, before the entire field exploded.
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(Posted Thu, 24 Aug 2006 19:21)
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らんま1/2 © Rumiko Takahashi
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