Once upon a time, in a galaxy far, far away...
No, this is NOT Star Wars, okay? Just let me continue the story.
Well then... In a hidden corner of the galaxy, there was a small planet called Takoyaki...
What? Hey, why are you all laughing? Yes, of course it's a strange name for a planet. This is going to be a FUNNY story, strange planet names won't be the only weird thing you're going to hear. Now, sit down and let me continue!
Honestly... people these days...
Um, where was I? Oh yes, the planet Takoyaki... Well, the whole planet was being populated mainly by penguins and octopi... There were much more penguins, but as the octopi were much more intelligent than their dimwitted, flipper-sporting neighbors, they were the prominent species of the planet.
The planet's ruler was the rich and powerful Lady Octo. Of course, she was an octopus, and a really big one for that matter. She was famous for her beauty (well, from an octopus' point of view) and her temper. She loved domineering people, and her favorite hobby was torturing the penguins with unaccomplishable tasks.
But Lady Octo was also getting bored pretty quickly, so she found herself another hobby: Taking over unknown planets. As octopi and penguins were able to fly, breathe in outer space and survive even under the greatest pressure...
Helloooo! Don't look at me like that! I'm the storyteller here! I know what I'm talking about. Seriously... if they wouldn't have such abilities, I would be the first one to know, right?
Okay, now that that's settled...
Because octopi and penguins had all of those abilities, it was no wonder that Lady Octo had one of the biggest space armadas the galaxy had ever seen. She also liked to fight with... unusual weapons. Weapons which reflect her slight... insanity...
Well, and our story begins one beautiful evening, when Lady Octo was sitting on her favorite chaise longue, inside the big dance hall within the capital of Takoyaki. Don't ask me for the capital's name, because I forgot it...
Lady Octo yawned as she watched the spectacular dance show of the penguins. Two female penguins (recognizable by their pink color) were fanning her.
"Boooring," the queen murmured. "I just can't say how BORING this is."
"But your sliminess," a small male penguin (in blue) shouted. "Just wait until you see the second part of our act! I promise you, you will be thrilled."
Lady Octo just huffed. Raising one of her tentacles, she pressed a hidden switch.
A trap door opened under the dancing penguins, and they fell down into the darkness.
"I hereby state that I am officially bored," Lady Octo shouted. "If you all value your miserable little lives, you better think of something that amuses me!"
The small girl penguins that were fanning their queen shuddered.
Suddenly, a slightly bigger penguin fluttered into the room. He was dressed like a pirate and was waving around a big sheet of paper.
"Your sliminess! Your sliminess!" he shouted excited.
"What's the matter, Captain Penguinovsky?" the queen murmured. "Do we have to raise taxes again?"
The captain of her majesty's flagship shook his head. "No, that's not it... You know, we just detected an unknown planet!"
THAT instantly sparked the queen's interest. "Great news, Captain! Tell me more!"
The big penguin nervously took off his hat. "Well, we know it's being populated by strange, ape-like beings that are calling themselves 'humans'... and they call their planet 'Earth'!"
"Silly creatures," Lady Octo snickered. "Why didn't they just call it 'Sky' or 'Ocean'... but, please continue."
"Well, they do seem to possess an astounding degree of technology... and they've even invented fast food. There are also several so-called 'heroes' on earth that are desperately trying to defeat every evil that is threatening their planet."
Lady Octo chuckled. "That will be most amusing. Prepare the fleet, Penguinovsky! Go to Earth and make sure to conquer it for me! But... don't forget the cameras... I want to watch every single part of it. And fighting those 'heroes' will certainly be fun, I'm sure."
"Yes, your sliminess!" The captain saluted. "Shall we take along the Non-Sense Ray?"
"Yes, do so. But only use it when I tell you to do it. Oh, and by the way... install it on the S.S. Kittycat, you hear me? I simply LOVE that ship."
"As you wish!" The captain bowed and waddled out of the room.
----
And only several months later, the penguin armada was approaching Earth's solar system.
Captain Penguinovsky ordered all ships to hide behind Earth's moon for now... Lady Octo's orders were to observe the humans first, so they could find a suitable place where they could use the Non-Sense Ray first.
It didn't take the captain long to find something interesting...
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(Posted Mon, 11 Sep 2006 10:12)
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