The planet Htrae (approximately 720 parsecs from Earth in the constellation of Monocerotis)…
"Thank you, Professor! My, that would have been a very long trip!"
The balding human male with the wavy silver hair, moustache and goatee — who, to most people familiar with Earth culture, would make someone think of the famous Scottish actor Sean Connery in films such as The Rock or The Hunt for Red October — smiled as he waved towards the dark and shambling mega-city in the near distance, located at the western end of an approximation of Indian River Bay on the Atlantic coast of Delaware, where America's second largest city stood. "You are lucky I was able to sense your desire to deliver that wedding invitation to my friend's friend when you came to Earth," Grigori Szczepan Wyszynski stated as he helped the Galactic Mail Service deliveryman travel with a handy telekinetic lift towards one of the tall towers in the western part of what was the Metropolitan borough of New Troy on Earth. "Even with your venerable organization's capabilities, a trip from Yumesei to Htrae would have taken some standard years. Kara would be more than upset if that wasn't delivered to her in time."
The bird-like creature that was delivering the invitation to Kara Zor-El of Htrae to attend the wedding of Moroboshi Ataru and Her Majesty the Queen Elle LXIV of the Rose Kingdom felt his eyes widen as he noted the warning look on his travelling companion's face. "I recognize the name. She's one of the survivors of the late planet Krypton; currently possessing the style name 'Supergirl' as she performs meritorious deeds for the Terrans," he noted. "Did she…?"
"A different person than Kara," the man known to all Yizibajohei as Doctor Destructo stated with an amused grin. "A synthetic replica of her created some years ago by a Terran scientist that became deformed because the device was trying to replicate Kryptonian DNA, which is as temperamental in its own way as Yizibajohei DNA when manipulated against the natural order of things. Such as energy-to-matter replication out of simple compounds." As the courier nodded in understanding — sentients of the Mail Service were quite thick-skinned; several had dealt with the current Academician in the last half-decade, so they didn't react on hearing that particular demonym — the Doctor added, "Be warned: Gnilhtrae — even Kryptonian-form ones — are quite peculiar in manners. Understanding how they talk alone is quite noxious even for ME to understand. Fortunately, you'll find Kara to be far more…'civilized', shall we say … "
"DESTRUCTO!"
The courier gasped as a dark shadow appeared around him, just as the Doctor spun around, an energy burst explosion from his hand to destroy the large car the muscular twenty-something in the ragged blue-red-and-gold spandex bodysuit with red cape was about to smash down on them. As the vehicle flew apart to sprinkle debris over the crowds of grey-skinned beings below, the attacker assumed a threatening stance. "Where kiss thief bad friend of yours?!" the first Bizarro — as the rock medallion chained around his neck proudly declared — bellowed. "He no be stealing kisses from my cousin or my friends anymore! He do terrible crime to bizarros by stealing kisses from bizarro women! He no make bizarro women into Yizibajohei!"
The Doctor looked amused. "My! My! My! That's an odd attitude to possess — even for you — when it came to Ataru's rescue of your cousin from blue kryptonite poisoning!"
"She no stop!" Bizarro snarled, a look of panic crossing his chalk-like face. "Ataru steal kiss from her! It am make Bizarrogirl act un-bizarro! She never talk now about making babies with kiss thief bad friend of yours! She now act like bizarro Lex Luthor not sexy anymore! She even talk about committing capital crime on bizarro world by…by…by…!"
An arched eyebrow from the transformed Polish-Canadian scientist whispered of among his adopted people as the "Chaos Bringer". "About becoming Gifted?" he gently teased.
Bizarro wailed in mortal terror. "YOU NO SAY WONDERFUL THING!"
A blast of pure flame erupted from the ersatz Kryptonian's mouth…before it petered out. "Cousin, you be too loud!" a woman's voice then snarled while the poor courier watched as Bizarro became a rock statue, one now falling to the ground metres below. "Professor Wyszynski may be old enough to be my grandfather, but he still very sexy! Bald people like Professor Wyszynski and bizarro Lex am ALWAYS sexy to me! You no give him heat-bite with flame-breath!"
"Hello, Kara," the Doctor mused as Bizarrogirl floated down to join them…
"Your letter, Lady Zor-El."
The bizarro replica of Supergirl blinked before she nodded her thanks as she took the white envelope embossed with a pink rose insignia from the courier. "We alone?" she asked.
"Of course," the Doctor said with a smile.
That made Kara Lee — as Bizarrogirl was written up as in the Book of Pretty Girls at a certain wonderful man's hillside cabin on the northern ice continent of Yiziba — breathe out in relief as she immediately opened the envelope to look inside. One look alone caused her blood-red eyes to flare in outrage. "Is this a joke, Professor?" she hissed in a deceptively calm, normal voice that was still quite full of outrage as she glared at her intimate friend's mentor/saviour. "If so, me no think it unfunny!" she then spat out in normal Klathtrae.
"Me no think it unfunny as well, Kara," the Doctor returned, which made the pale girl's skin turn a very interesting shade of grey in embarrassment. "I don't watch over Ataru. He doesn't deserve that, especially given all the work he's poured into getting people on Earth Gifted this last decade. But when I visited his cabin just before I brought the courier here, I noted his last entry in the Book dates from seven storylines ago Yiziba-time. Something's happened to him. Given that all the people he's helped get Gifts are either at work or school now…"
"You need my help," she finished.
"And those of your friends willing to help."
That made the Htrae version of the Maid of Might hum as she crossed her arms. She was quite unique as the synthezoid natives of this world came. After being found dying on an asteroid after getting a fatal dose of blue kryptonite poisoning by the Doctor, it had been discovered that she originally hailed from an alternate timeline/dimension where she had been created by accident thanks to that reality's version of her cousin's newborn son; she had nearly died because of her desire to kidnap her newborn cousin to raise by herself. Spiritually entrenched in this dimension and timeline with the help of Suzumiya Haruhi and Kasuga Ayumu, Bizarrogirl was merged into her cousin's body when he attempted to create more metahuman bizarros to aid in the defence of Htrae from the Godship. Because of that unique set of circumstances, the nesting instinct struck Bizarrogirl very early. Shortly after she teamed with her counterpart to save Htrae, Kara was flying around her new home when she was attacked by the native Lex Luthor for some oddball reason and exposed to blue kryptonite. That happened just as a wandering, non-Gifted adopted Yizibajohei named Moroboshi Ataru accidentally teleported onto the cube-shared planet. Horrified that a "very pretty girl" was then being exposed to lethal radiation poisoning, Ataru called in friends from Azuma Senior High School in Metro Tōkyō's Itabashi Ward and Sweet Valley Senior High School in California's Santa Barbara County to teach the ersatz version of Superman's greatest foe how to "properly treat" a beautiful girl like her. Even if Bizarrogirl found being called "very pretty" revolting — Ataru quickly got the hint, then proclaimed her the "ugliest girl on Htrae"; that earned him a slap to the face from the blushing Kryptonian-form Gnilhtrae, which got her socked into orbit by Molly Hecht and Takino Tomo — she definitely appreciated his saving her life. When she went to Yiziba to get to know him more…!
He be the one! He give me baby! We be family and raise baby together! Then we be happy!
And no alien queen was going to steal Kara Lee's "kiss thief" from her!
"I'll do this," she warned before holding out her hand. "Have a PAA?"
The courier felt sweat in his feathers as the Doctor handed the small device over…
The Great Church of Baran, planet Elle (third world of Phi Sagittarii Beta), one week later…
Moroboshi Ataru jerked as he felt those soft fingers touch his cheek…
KA-BOOM!
Everyone in the hall screamed out as the Great Church shook violently, knocking everyone off their feet. "What's that?!" Redet Ten — then chained to Ataru's foot — gasped as Elle de Rosenbach was unceremoniously dropped onto her backside by the tremors.
A singsong voice then yodelled, "BIZARROGIRL AM HERE TO RUIN THE DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY…!"
That made Ataru jolt. "'Bizarrogirl'…?"
A flash of blue and greyish-white came down to shatter the chain holding Ten in place. Fingers then pulled apart the leg irons that both boys had been bound to. Ten then turned…before his eyes turned into hearts on seeing the VERY pretty girl in the blue-and-red costume with cape standing there. "Supergirl…!" he gushed in awe on noting that one of the Last Children of lost Krypton had just come to save him from witnessing a certain aho from being married to the creepy queen of this awful planet…before he blinked. "Hey! You're not Supergirl!"
"Me not Supergirl!" the ersatz Girl of Steel snapped. "Me uglier than her!"
She then stopped as her cheeks greyed significantly on seeing the cute pre-teen boy in the tiger-striped jumper floating there. "How ugly!" she moaned as she swamped Ten with a hug.
"HEY!" Ten yelped. "HELP! Ataru, save me! Help!"
"Kara…?"
Bizarrogirl turned before she smiled…
…then she lunged over to swamp Ataru with a tongue-filled kiss!
"DARLING!"
That made Ataru's kisser blink before she turned to stare wrathfully at the wide-eyed teenage Oni girl floating about twenty metres away, her body no longer inundated by a bio-electric aura of power as she stared in disbelief at this creature kissing her husband…and doing so willingly! "Who you, pretty girl?" Bizarrogirl snarled as her blood-red eyes glowed. "Tell me now or me make you statue!"
"Kara, stop! She's Number Two!"
That made the Kryptonian-form Gnilhtrae blink. "Ugly Oni Number Two?!" she hoarsely exclaimed.
"Yeah!" a pale-faced Ataru hissed out as he felt his forehead. "You read the Book, remember?"
Bizarrogirl blinked as her mind — which, since the first time her body had got an injection of mesonium thanks to Ataru's tongue-filled kiss, had been slowly restructuring itself into something that would be seen as normal for a natural-born sentient being — reflected back on when Ataru had placed her in Entry #949 in the Book of Pretty Girls, his master list of all those people he had helped over the previous decade. He had explained to her how some of the people on that list had not accepted his offer to be taken to the Cave of the Future on Yiziba near Habitation One to be given a Gift and become a true metahuman in the Yizibajohei sense. Redet Lum of the planet Uru, the second girl listed in the Book, was the first of the "un-Gifted" girls in that tome. She then blinked before she pointed at Lum. "You unlucky!"
"Kara!" Ataru groaned. "You can talk normal, you know!"
"My cousin's nearby!" she hissed back.
"'Cousin?'" Ten eeped. There was MORE of them?!
"KISS THIEF ATARU, BIZARRO COME TO SAVE THE DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY…!"
Hearing that, Ataru moaned. "Kara…"
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(Posted Wed, 12 Aug 2015 07:25)
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らんま1/2 © Rumiko Takahashi
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